Unhealthy physical comparison?

[JarodA]

Wow this is going back a good decade now but my first most intense workmate crush was 6'3" and really good looking (reminded me of a much thinner Hemsworth brother honestly), I'm 5'7" and not hideous but it honestly sent me particularly down a dysphoria rabbit hole just for that one feature for a little while. A lot of other crushes I've had have been shorter men so it made no sense logically, but I couldn't help it for some reason. I even vented about it to some online acquaintances and OMG, so embarrassing to look back on To this day I still wish I was taller sometimes when I see a tall hunky man out and about. Don't need advice anymore . I'm just curious if someone anyone here crushed on or just admired physically kind of triggered an insecurity in themselves that may not have even been there before.

 

[Thomas80]

Some years ago social media started showing me more & more "fitness bunnies", I started feeling insecure about myself more & more. After I blocked many many acounts I saw less & less of those guys & I immediately felt better.

 

[TX-Beau]

There's a lot of reasearch on the cultural bias towards height in men. The reverse is also apparent. Not every person is going to internalize that, but it is present.

 

[JarodA]

There's a lot of reasearch on the cultural bias towards height in men. The reverse is also apparent. Not every person is going to internalize that, but it is present.

Excuse my reply lateness lol. It's also kind of the last physical insecurity it's uncool to even talk about.

When I see a guy who's tall but happens to be out of shape and generally not good looking, I don't care. But sometimes still when I see a guy who's really put together, but also happens to be tall, I just passively kind of think 'oh damn I'll never be as hot as that' .

 

[JarodA]

OK, it's starting to bother me a little lately. I'm honestly pretty hang-up free outside this one area. I don't even care that my face is just OK, or that I don't have a huge dick, and there's lots of stuff about myself internally that I do like as well, but defying all logic I just can't get past desperately wanting this one physical attribute I'll never be able to have. So stupid ugh. I'm glad that this time now that I have an 'attack' of this, I know I have online to vent and don't let it affect my real life.

I know I should probably unfollow some of these dudes on Instagram all about this kind of content, that would probably the sensible thing to do. It's not like the content is ever unmissable... but I also wonder if I just keep looking at them, that eventually I'll just get bored/burned out on it. But that's also a cop-out 'cause a huge part of me still loves looking at these dudes even if it's kind of 'torture' as well

 

[KaraBulut]

What you're describing is compulsion- a behavior that a person does that is the result of obsessive thoughts but doesn't bring pleasurable feelings.

Continuing to repeat the behavior will only reinforce the pattern of behavior.

If you're unable to stop the looking at Instagram pictures that trigger the feelings of comparison and inadequacy, you may have to find a diversionary behavior to replace it with.

Out of curiosity, are there other patterns of behavior that you have that follow the pattern of a connected thought and an associated behavior?

 

[JarodA]

What you're describing is compulsion- a behavior that a person does that is the result of obsessive thoughts but doesn't pleasurable feelings.

Continuing to repeat the behavior will only reinforce the pattern of behavior.

If you're unable to stop the looking at Instagram pictures that trigger the feelings of comparison and inadequacy, you may have to find a diversionary behavior to replace it with.

Out of curiosity, are there other patterns of behavior that you have that follow the pattern of a connected thought and an associated behavior?

Thanks for the reply.

TBH no, this is my only 'weakness' in this regard I think. I'm even balding a little, but don't compare myself with fuller heads of hair .

 

[JarodA]

Update: I'm still feeling rather anxious just generally at this whole 'problem,' but it's not affecting my overall life or routine, it's just a feeling I'm carrying around that eventually will pass, I'm certain.

I think I've discovered there's something deeper. I think I've had a sexual awakening here, actually much more powerful than I ever remember being gay in itself, 'cause I just always was gay I think. This type of anxiety, I imagine it's maybe what the sudden realization that one might not be heterosexual feels somewhat like (can't relate!).

At first when I discovered the niche of height-flexing men (which isn't even meant to be overtly sexual TBH) it's not that I didn't know I was both physically envious and sexually aroused, that much was obvious to me, but I couldn't see past the intensity of the overall combined feeling and sort out the relationship between those two different reactions I suppose...

So, I've never been more consistently aroused than I have been lately. I used to think I was just a somewhat kink-free guy who happened to have a pretty mild sex drive. I think I have to accept that there's a very mild form of masochism at play here, a definite relationship between the arousal and a slight inferiority complex. That said I still have standards and pride. I think for me to say yes to anyone, he'd also have to show genuine interest in me. I'm not here just to give anybody narcissistic one-sided attention. But as long as it was all in good fun and respectful etc. the thought of one of these giant (to me that's more or less just 6'2" and above) men towering me, like in a mirror or something, and playing up his physical superiority a little in that way, I think I could be extremely turned on .

Where I think this came from is the same as some other different 'issues' with me. I was mocked a fair bit during my upbringing by close family and community so didn't have a lot of confidence instilled in me growing up. I've never really felt like an insider, and I've never had many friends or much of a social life.

Good news though, I'm pretty sure this is just a very superficial thing. I think I'd be able to compartmentalize this as just a sexual thing. There are so many different ways men can be cute, personality, long-term compatibility, all that stuff, also very important. I can feel internal romantic chemistry towards many types of men, even if the (at least initial) lust may not be as powerful as some other types. And at the end of the day, I think more gay men than not find tall Chads impressive. I don't think I'm all that special or even far from the norm in this way.

So, TLDR: Very mild macrophilia, very mild masochistic streak regarding this one physical trait. And I'm actually lower end of average rather than actively short, so don't ask me to find the logic in this, but I hope (and think) it'll turn out OK.

 

[KaraBulut]

What you're describing is compulsion- a behavior that a person does that is the result of obsessive thoughts but doesn't bring pleasurable feelings.

...At first when I discovered the niche of height-flexing men (which isn't even meant to be overtly sexual TBH) it's not that I didn't know I was both physically envious and sexually aroused, that much was obvious to me, but I couldn't see past the intensity of the overall combined feeling and sort out the relationship between those two different reactions I suppose...

So, TLDR: Very mild macrophilia, very mild masochistic streak regarding this one physical trait. And I'm actually lower end of average rather than actively short, so don't ask me to find the logic in this, but I hope (and think) it'll turn out OK.

Reading through the evolution of the posts, at first it did sound like there might have been some fetish elements but then the posts turned more toward emphasizing envy and feelings of inadequacy. Not having pleasure with the thoughts and behavior is one of the distinguishing characteristics of compulsive thoughts. This new-found discovery about there being a mix of pleasurable and not pleasurable sensations does change things.

There is a somewhat popular fetish about differences in stature- whether it's the "fun-sized boys" or "twink top" variation. Both are harmless fetishes, and like with any fetish, as long as it remains in perspective, it's just another kink.

 

[JarodA]

I intend (keyword) for this to be my last post in this thread, except further replies. But although this is very interesting to me, I don't expect others will find it so much . But I have to let out some more thoughts anyway.

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I consider myself a pretty rational guy. Last time I went through something like this was 10-odd years ago like I said in the OP. Even then, much as I admired my workmate back then for being so tall and handsome, it's not like I couldn't be around him, talk to him, treat him like everyone else etc. just because he had something physically that I'd have liked and didn't even really think about until I met him.

This has been such a weird time for me. Just really anxious, at times super-horny (also been my horniest time, although not always in the most enjoyable way) and yeah, weird. Some nights haven't been great sleep. I haven't really recovered, but I feel like logic is slowly returning and I'm maybe starting to untangle some of these thoughts and feelings I've been having. I know even after this state of 'logic returning,' it will take my dumb hormones a little while to catch up too.

Man, this is my probably first ever really weird period with social media - it really can be tricky and I think if I were some different types of people, I could've possibly gone to some pretty dark places mentally.

Anyway:

One singular trait closely associated with male beauty, whatever it happens to be, has never actually made me wish I could body swap with another person. When I look at myself in the mirror, putting aside all other stuff I'm fine with what I see. Compared to a lot of people, I'm fucking blessed actually. I feel like I'm the definition of somewhere in the middle, with potential for a little better with more effort (like once I've lost some unwanted pounds, and I could also dress better than I do TBH). That's cool, obviously that's not the 'luckiest,' but it's still luckier than a lot of people.

I happen to think, talking just the very tippity tops of male attractiveness here, is a fit body, handsome face and towering height. And really, my huge main focus has been on just three or so different guys' accounts. A lot of guys with similar measurements and fitness haven't kept my attention, so even those three traits combined actually isn't a guarantee for me.

So just because I happen to think a few men appear perfect physically to my taste (also combined with their overall attitude/aura I guess) I've way too much been projecting the idea that because I don't look like 2 or 3 men or so, that these men are physically superior to me. Like, maybe in my subjective brain TBH (and like another poster said, society objectively loves height in men), but that doesn't mean that all individual men (including these ones that are my favourite) ticking these boxes are everyone's type.

It's also not as if I'm competing with these same dudes for women or other partners, even outside the fact they all live in different parts of the world. I'm gay. I can actually possibly physically enjoy these types of men in future (one can dream!) and that would mean as sexy as I'd find them, they'd also like something in me to be having sex with me. In other words, it'd be 'just' me they'd have chosen to be messing with, even if only once, not another one of these other types of guys I idolize as being so 'perfect.'

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All this said, I don't think it should be so taboo for men to have thoughts about their height they need to get off their chest. It's perfectly fine, at least online, to express dick size dissatisfaction. It's the exact same principle, stuff you can't really do much about, but even online I still feel like there's this undue judgment sometimes when in my opinion it's a pretty normal thing to go through.

Thanks for attending my Ted Talk .