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Unlucky Guy Needs Advice

JayCee20

JayCee20

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I really just have bad luck when it comes to relationships. I've been single so long and it sucks and I know what my problem is. I'm not that good at flirting. I never got far with it and so I stopped and my flirting ability is WAY rusty. And my "gaydar" is usually good with like celebs, but when I comes to real guys, it just fizzles big time. And I never know when a guy in interested in me or flirting with me because I don't flirt much so I don't know what to look for. I just wonder if, even with my luck, if I'll ever find anyone? Because I'm tired of being alone and all my friends are in relationships and I feel so left out, but when you don't know how to get a guy or know the signs, then you have terrible luck. What should I do?
 
If you're not good at tennis, and you're not comfortable playing...stop playing. And take up archery.

If you're not good at flirting and guessing which guys are gay, and you're not enjoying the process...stop playing. Being flirty with guys you think might be gay isn't the only way to find a guy.

Take out an ad on a "looking for friends, possible relationship" website.
Volunteer at a gay-oriented volunteer site.
Take a part-time job at a gay hotspot.

Don't dwell on your weaknesses. Go with your strengths. :)

Lex
 
I'm not a flirt by nature, either, and most people I know aren't. Flirting can be a social-grease in some situations, but it really isn't a prerequisite for finding a partner.

The best thing you can do is just go out and be visible and act interested in other people. Activities Lex suggests are a good start. If you get in the habit of hanging around gay men (or places they're likely to be), then it takes much of the guesswork out the gaydar thing.

Good luck! Let us know how you're doing.
 
Find some single friends? When you're around coupled people, there's more of a social expectation to also be coupled. Nobody should be getting into a relationship because they're lonely and jealous of their friends.
 
Well, all my friends WERE single. They just all fell in love....with one another. All my close friends are now like coupled with one another lol. And I don't want to be in a relationship just because of that. I just want to be loved and share my love but I never know what signals to look for to know if a guy likes me and so I always miss out.
 
Lex is right, as usual.

Make moves to meet gay guys, so you don't have to guess.

And just get to know them and engage with them and see what their relationship and life situation is. Eventually you'll get a sense if you click or not and if there might be possibilities. Then you should start testing those possibilities in whatever way you and they feel comfortable with.

If you want flirting advice, flirting is pushing the boundaries with people in small ways that won't freak them out. That needn't be sexual, and it can be a lot of fun. But what you can allow yourself will depend on the person and the situation. Hence I do not recommend flirting with total strangers, and less is generally more.
 
G-Lexington said:
If you're not good at tennis, and you're not comfortable playing...stop playing. And take up archery.

If you're not good at flirting and guessing which guys are gay, and you're not enjoying the process...stop playing. Being flirty with guys you think might be gay isn't the only way to find a guy.

Take out an ad on a "looking for friends, possible relationship" website.
Volunteer at a gay-oriented volunteer site.
Take a part-time job at a gay hotspot.

Don't dwell on your weaknesses. Go with your strengths. :)

Lex
Click to expand...

You usually say such wise things, but an online dating site? Please! [-X
 
I was 22 when I had my first serious relationship. Up until that point it was just playtime.

That is what I think you're missing. A sense of play. Instead of flirting, just try having a good time doing something. You'll be surprised at how attractive you are as a lover or friend for a lot of guys.

And the only way to get there is to get out of the house and participate in activities that allow you to meet others without having to feel that you have to flirt.

On the other side of the equation, you can go to a bathhouse for fucking if you're just wanting to get laid, because there's really no flirting required there.
 
rareboy said:
On the other side of the equation, you can go to a bathhouse for fucking if you're just wanting to get laid, because there's really no flirting required there.
Click to expand...

Well, that is the thing. I have no problem having sex. But finding a guy who wants something more is harder for me.
 
Okay, here is an update. There are two single gay guys who live close by and I like. Both are on friendly terms with me. How do I let them know I am interested without coming on too strong? What do I do and say?
 
What do I do and say?
Click to expand...

Ask them if they'd like to hang out, grab a bite, see a movie...in short, something that appeals to their interests.

Then talk to them. Including telling them that you find them attractive and would like to bang them silly.

Make sure you do it in this order and maybe only one of them at a time.
 
I'd push back the "I'd like to bang you silly" until you feel a bit more comfortable around them. But otherwise, the advice is bang on. See if one of them wants to go do something this weekend. Pick a specific activity and frame the invite in the form of THAT. "I haven't been bowling forever, and I was thinknig about going out and giving it a go. I'd love if you could come with me." If he declines, don't consider that proof that he has absolutely no interest in you - people DO get busy. Take it in stride. "That's cool. Maybe we can hook up sometime next week...?"

Lex
 
Thanks guys. I have only been out since I was nineteen and I've only had one real relationship since then and it ended because I wasn't comfortable being out yet. Now, almost 3 years later, I've reached that point. So, I'm new to this. Thanks for all the help.
 
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