Unmotivated BF

[Tomruyssss]

I love my boyfriend, we've been dating since November, I'm 23 and He's 30. For the most part we have a lot in common. Recently he's had his dad and Grandma die, and plus it's winter time, so the poor guy just has been so depressed. I'm young and in college full time, work a shit ton of hours. Own my own car, and for the most part got my shit together. He's unemployed and living with his mom. On paper it looks bad, but He's the sweetest guy, and funny and mad sexy. I just don't know how to help him out of his funk.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

Is he open to therapy?

 

[KaraBulut]

Send him to his doctor. He needs a physical, some lab work and if there's no physical problem, a therapist.

 

[jft245]

Losing two loved ones coupled with the possibility that he has Seasonal Affective Disorder(SAD) can explain his depression. I have been diagnosed as having SAD and I get very depressed during the winter months. It helps to have light bulbs that produce a shade of light close to natural sunlight. My doctor also says that getting out in the fresh air and just going for a walk can help. With the loss of his family member, going to a therapist may also help. Hope everything works out, you seem like a loving and caring young man.

 

[Seasoned]

The best advice is above. A physical, therapy and I'd add an employment counselor.

 

[mcbrion]

Don't "help" him out of his funk. Let it run its course, as sadness at a loss can take months (many) to recover from. The fact that it's happened at a time of year when life can be forbidding (i.e., cold, leaving one confined) doesn't make it easy for him to go out and look at nature all blooming and beautiful.
The therapist could be helpful if he's inclined towards it.
I don't see his being unemployed as a strike against him, but it does sound a little as though, due to circumstances, you're seeing him as being "downtrodden." Is this his normal state, being down? Have you known him long enough to have seen him when circumstances were a bit better (before his father and grandmother died)?
And the final thing: it is extremely challenging to lose a parent after you're just starting/started a new relationship. It's hard to focus on the loss of a parent and yet be loving to a new dating scenario at the same time. He needs friendship and sympathy now, not so much romance. So be aware of that.

 

[LutheranGuy]

Grief can take years to overcome, and actually stay for a lifetime. What you and the world define as success may not be his. What he needs most is people like you in his life who accept him right where he is.

 

[Markheally]

I think best thing is to offer support, it obviously has had an impact. For him to move on he needs to accept everything and deal with it in his own way. Invite him to try counselling/therapy but don't push cause that could cause tension. One thing not to forget is yourself!