Unwanted Same-Sex Attraction

[Fireballs]

Why haven't you deleted in all this time? Why put yourself in a place of temptation for all this time? And why "probably"?

I don't know, I probably should.

I don't know, again. Because I'm an idiot more than likely.

Because I know I'll wake up in the morning regreting making this post, and plus I don't really come here that much at all.

 

[Fireballs]

OK, you really want a discussion of "people [who say] they've conquered homosexuality?"

Who are they? Specifically, besides your Mormon. Unless we all know what they have to say for themselves speculation is pointless. No one in here lives in their heads, and we really can't tell you why they do anything at all.

We can certainly have a discussion about repression and internalized homophobia but I suspect you're not very interested in those topics.

I'm not Mormon. It's ridiculous to think that somebody randomly found golden plates in Nevada or whatever from Jesus. I won't even get into it.

And right, I'd rather discuss the changed people. Don't think the other topics are relevant.

 

[TX-Beau]

And right, I'd rather discuss the changed people. Don't think the other topics are relevant.

Which is where you get your short answer which is this, they don't want to be who they are so badly that they'll put themselves through anything, tell themselves anything, do anything, so they don't have to be who they are.

Why? Repression, and internalized homophobia.

 

[SilverWolf]

I don't know, I probably should.

Again with this "probably". There is no probably here. You seem to agree that it wasn't the best decision, thus you correct it. A smoker doesn't say he should "probably" stop hanging around his smoking buddies when they smoke after years of trying to quit.

I don't know, again. Because I'm an idiot more than likely.

I don't think you are an idiot.

Because I know I'll wake up in the morning regreting making this post, and plus I don't really come here that much at all.

It's not about coming here all that much, its about removing temptation from your life that get in the way of your goals. Its like how a someone goes on a diet, removes the cake from their fridge. Or someone who has to study for an exam and is serious, turns off the T.V. Someone who is addicted to facebook and wants to change, DELETES their account. Someone who is addicted to World of Warcraft and wants to change, DELETES their account.

I could go on, but you get the idea. But in all honesty, I think you know the reason you use the word "probably"....

 

[Fireballs]

Again with this "probably". There is no probably here. You seem to agree that it wasn't the best decision, thus you correct it. A smoker doesn't say he should "probably" stop hanging around his smoking buddies when they smoke after years of trying to quit.



I don't think you are an idiot.



It's not about coming here all that much, its about removing temptation from your life that get in the way of your goals. Its like how a someone goes on a diet, removes the cake from their fridge. Or someone who has to study for an exam and is serious, turns off the T.V. Someone who is addicted to facebook and wants to change, DELETES their account. Someone who is addicted to World of Warcraft and wants to change, DELETES their account.

I could go on, but you get the idea. But in all honesty, I think you know the reason you use the word "probably"....

Well, you're right, it is counter-productive. I can't deny that. But I guess that dieter sometimes makes flubs and cheats. Or person studying just takes that sneak peek to see what's going on on the television. So yeah, the temptation should be removed and I will work on it.

 

[justsimon]

People who claim to be ex/recovered gays are either lying or in denial. You cannot cure homosexuality; you can only repress it. In doing so you may hurt others, namely your future wife/beard and children.

But if you insist on trying to become straight, this is the wrong place to ask for advice.

 

[Fireballs]

Which is where you get your short answer which is this, they don't want to be who they are so badly that they'll put themselves through anything, tell themselves anything, do anything, so they don't have to be who they are.

Why? Repression, and internalized homophobia.

Repression and internalized homophobia are only valid reasons if you believe people are born gay and can't change...

 

[SilverWolf]

Well, you're right, it is counter-productive. I can't deny that. But I guess that dieter sometimes makes flubs and cheats. Or person studying just takes that sneak peek to see what's going on on the television. So yeah, the temptation should be removed and I will work on it.

The dieter makes flubs and the smoker can relapse. But those things can change. Sexual orientation cannot. Yes you do hear success stories, but I personally don't believe them.

 

[TX-Beau]

Repression and internalized homophobia are only valid reasons if you believe people are born gay and can't change...

Which brings us right back to these people you insist have changed. Who are they? You have a browser, point us to them.

Because usually with the ex-gay crowd the honest among them will tell you that their same sex attraction never did go away, they just repressed it and called that straight.

Perhaps you might consider asking yourself why you want to be straight so badly. What's wrong with being gay or bi that you have to change it?

 

[Fireballs]

Which brings us right back to these people you insist have changed. Who are they? You have a browser, point us to them.

Well, the one I saw that had valid points was a guy named Stephen Bennett.

Because usually with the ex-gay crowd the honest among them will tell you that their same sex attraction never did go away, they just repressed it and called that straight.

Well, may some actually did find attraction towards the opposite gender. Not quite sure if I think that repression would be considered changed. I guess it's changing their mentality at the very least.

Perhaps you might consider asking yourself why you want to be straight so badly. What's wrong with being gay or bi that you have to change it?

Irrelevant. Don't care about the why's. Just want the how's.

 

[alan1029smith]

Well, I know you guys get posts constantly with people bitching about their problems so I apologize in advance and will keep it as short as possible. I've been struggling with same-sex attraction since I was 15 and I'm starting to get frustrated because I'm now almost 23.​

I've recently been aware of many people that have been "gay" but have managed to rid themselves of their same-sex attractions. I know someone from high school who use to be so proud of being gay that he would go out of his way to make sure that everyone knew that it was cool and that he was proud. Now fast forward to now and he's been engaged to a woman and claims to be completely straight. It makes me furious! How has he accomplished what I've been striving for for so long? I just don't understand. I know he's always been Mormon (which is a problem in itself besides homosexuality) but I don't see why that "religion" would have done something to him now of all times. I also saw a video of some guy on the Joy Behar show on HLN use to be gay but is now straight, happy, and married. Again, I was pissed because I'm sure there's definitely more than just these people that have accomplished this, yet we're not hearing ANYTHING about it because it's "wrong" to not want to be gay. Because we were "born this way" even though there is NO concrete evidence explaining that homosexuality is something that you're born with.​

Which also brings me to another question. Why is it considered wrong to not want be gay, yet it's perfectly okay to mutilate your body to change yourself into a gender you were clearly NOT born as? It's ridiculous and such a double standard that it's not even funny. I would have posted this in a forum where they consider it okay to want to change, but I have no idea of any so perhaps you guys can redirect me to something. I probably shouldn't be writing this but I'm kind of drunk, so figure it's as good a time as any. Again, my apologies.​

I will try my best to honestly address your question in the best way that I can. While I can only speak from personal experience, it was always clear to me that I was born gay. There were very clear signs, even as a toddler, that I was gay. I won't go into detail, but there were some obvious indicators. I struggled to accept my homosexuality for many years, even considering undergoing reparative therapy. I never had a problem with homosexuality on moral grounds, but I did recognize that it did not make for a particularly easy life. I ultimately arrived at the conclusion that, while a homosexual life may be more difficult than a heterosexual life, it is infinitely more satisfying, honest, and moral than living a lie, which is exactly what I suspect most ex-gays are doing. If the account of your high school friend is correct, it is more logical to assume that he is merely living a lie than to accept that he miraculously prayed away his homosexuality. If you understood Mormonism like I do (I live next to a Mormon Church, my neighbor is the bishop), you would understand exactly what is going on. Within the Mormon community, there is an overt emphasis on marriage and child-rearing. As he got older, he likely faced pressure to marry a Mormon girl or be ostracized by his family and be ex-communicated by the church. The fact that he "changed" his sexuality during prime marital years for mormons (20-24) suggests that he did so because he faced pressure to marry. There is no evidence that one can willingly change their sexuality, and as of right now, there is no "cure" for homosexuality. Reparative therapy does not have a good track record, and is often religiously-driven and based on pseudo-science. When someone claims to have been "cured" of his or her homosexuality, you have to take what they are saying with a grain of salt. There is no way to determine whether they are truly heterosexual or, as I suspect, merely repressing their innate urges. If you want to live a life of repression, sorrow, and self-denial, go ahead. That cure already exists. If you want to make the right, but not necessarily easy, choice, and accept yourself as you are, that option is always available to you as well.

 

[onetwothreefour]

Well, the one I saw that had valid points was a guy named Stephen Bennett.




Well, may some actually did find attraction towards the opposite gender. Not quite sure if I think that repression would be considered changed. I guess it's changing their mentality at the very least.



Irrelevant. Don't care about the why's. Just want the how's.

Change the definition of straight, and live your life by following your instincts. There is no organization out to define you by your thoughts or actions. IMO, straight/gay are illusions. If you have same sex desire, follow them and continue to call yourself straight, who cares, it's just a word.

The bottom line (I would guess) is that you want to feel as good as straight people, to be on the same level as them, not in a class below.

That's why I think people should blow up the class system rather than fight for separate but equal. Separation of humans has always been an illusion.

 

[KaraBulut]

You're confusing "married" and "straight". When pressed, most of these "ex-gay" guys admit that while they are able to consummate their relationship with their wives but still have attractions to men that they don't act upon.

It's a lot of work and most of these gay men are motivated by narrow religious beliefs.

 

[Seasoned]

There are no documented cases of anyone changing sexual orientation. There are people who have controlled, and at what mental toll we don't know, sexual behaviors. There is also something called sex addiction, so it is theoretically possible for a straight man to act out in a homosexual fashion with gay men and through treatment and a 12-step program, refrain from addictive behavior.

 

[rareboy]

Well, the one I saw that had valid points was a guy named Stephen Bennett.




Well, may some actually did find attraction towards the opposite gender. Not quite sure if I think that repression would be considered changed. I guess it's changing their mentality at the very least.



Irrelevant. Don't care about the why's. Just want the how's.

I will join those who would suggest that you first speak with a gay positive therapist to see whether you can come to terms with your same-sex attraction and help you learn enough about yourself to understand where you might land on the very broad spectrum between exclusively heterosexual to exclusively homosexual.

But given the above post, you'll want to look up NARTH and get yourself into a homonomo clinic program in one of their clinics. I understand that Marcus Bachmann runs one. And Jayqueer posted the web address of a charlatan his parents wanted him to go to.

It is not the responsibility of anyone posting on this forum or in this topic to be the water carriers for the ex-gay movement. We are all too busy trying to reassure the guys that come here that they are perfectly normal and have the right and the potential to live happy, healthy and productive lives as out homos.

We are here to offer a variety of opinions on how to come out and how to deal with relationship problems in a healthy and mature way, based on our own experience and perspectives.

You've received some advice here. You can take it or leave it. It is useless for any of us to get into an argument over your desire to become straight when you have effectively and conclusively shut down the need for any more discussion with the statement I've put in bold.

So please don't argue with people here about the possibilities and merits of becoming straight. We don't buy it, don't believe it and you aren't going to change anyone's mind on this.

But at the same time, I would strongly suggest that you won't want to be the salesman for reparative therapy on this board. Seriously.

And please try not to post drunk.

 

[tipmyscales86]

You again?

You can repress the attractions, and they might go away temporarily, but it's not something to be "conquered." There's nothing wrong with accepting you have these attractions, and the sooner you do that, the sooner you can move on with your life.

But the real question here is, how strong is your attraction to women? None? Some? A lot? You can still be with a woman even if you have attractions to men. You don't have to stick to rigid labels like straight or gay.

 

[Greenherbz]

I know you didnt bring up reparative therapy, but a lot of the words you use make me think that you've at least read up on a little bit of it or have maybe been to it.

Listen, I used to go to reparative therapy for 4 years. Google Joseph Nicolosi, founder of NARTH ... he was my therapist. I understand where you're coming from because I used to say/think pretty similar to you. I didnt identify as "gay" and we (me, therapist, parents) always used to say "unwanted same sex attractions." EVEN my therapist himself, Nicolosi, told me I would always have attractions to guys. That over time I may* be able to develop attractions for girls and that my attractions to guys would weaken. He told me that I would probably never completly stop liking guys. Eventually I realized this guy was just after the money (bc beleive me its expensive as hell to talk with this guy). Dont waste your time or your money.
Can you beleive one time on the phone when he was talking to my mother he said something about 'going to his mountain cabin for vacation... thank god for people like you!" aka thanks for beleiving my crap so i can have a nice corner office in Los Angeles and a cabin in the mountains. what an ass
I can see that you still whole heartedly beleive this shit, and maybe you'll have to go through it to realize that is it false hope. So if you must, waste all your (or your parents) money .. and time. Soon you'll realize that theyre all full of shit
They will continue to sell you the lie as long as you keep buying it. Reparative therapy can go on for ten years without having results.... it is clearly robbing desperate people of their money.
I spent my 4 years going, (for a long time because I wanted too, then I realized this guy was full of shit and I started doing it for my parents sake bc at the time i couldnt tell them I was going "down that lifestyle'....

one day you'll see

 

[Sigma-taylor-E]

Well, you're right, it is counter-productive. I can't deny that. But I guess that dieter sometimes makes flubs and cheats. Or person studying just takes that sneak peek to see what's going on on the television. So yeah, the temptation should be removed and I will work on it.

Ok, You admit things as to just turn around and deny while justifying- It's sad.Here is my quid. You are in serious denial. Many have posted, perhaps, reasons as to why you are in denial and yet you shot them down one by one with your personal feelings. They say Ex-gay doesn't work (and yes I have to admit, I've seen many videos, not b/c I want to but b/c I wanted to see how people convince them self of such a thing. where they all admit they have internally repressed the feeling. Repression=/ Changed) These people are good actors at best as to have you saying "they truly are attracted to the opposite sex" In which case they are perhaps closeted bi's(Which I doubt). In all you seem to be running through a tunnel-heading for the light at the end...But we all know how that ends, no?

 

[rareboy]

Hey.

Fireballs.

By the way.

I've gone back and read all of your posts.

At least you have made some headway in admitting that you have desires for guys.

Stick around long enough and you may make great strides.

But along the way, just make sure that you don't post insulting comments about homosexuality or describe it as an abnormality or as homosexuals somehow being inferior to heterosexuals.

And we'll get along just fine.

 

[Mariatenebre]

Uhhh, I don't agree with this. They're born normal boys or girls. If anything, they're just messed up in the head.



Haven't heard of such a species. Care to elaborate or even provide info? And the only prove scientists state is that other species of animals have homosexual tendancies. Besides that, nothing else really.



Eh, I really don't care. It's all irrelevant to me.



lol, no. How pointless.

They are not messed up in the head. They were born in the body of one gender with the mind of another due to defects in the womb.

Next most scientists think that homosexuality is a polygenic trait found in all species and meant to prevent overpopulation. Also all major psychiatric organizations state that homosexuality is innate and unchangable and to try to change it only causes problems.

The person who has problems is you because you do not accept your own orintation. You like guys and you need to learn to accept it. Maybe you could even see a counselor but over all you are always going to like guys and you either accept it and live your life or die. It is as easy as that.

Also why do you want to change your sexuality and I am guessing it is for religious reasons.