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update: comming out to my father

JASON0980

JASON0980

here i am
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ok first i want to say thanks to the ones who sent pm's through out all this. the support is great. (*8*) for the ones who have no idea what the hell i'm talking about, here is a link to the thread:
http://justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=154497

its been a really exhausting weekend.

my dad and i are getting along great right now. we went to breakfast and he has come over and hung out a couple of times. i haven't told him yet. i just want to enjoy having a dad for a little while. i've never had one before, and i know once i tell him, he's gone. so i have decided to wait a week and then i will tell him. i know i have to tell him. i don't really have a choice now. he is moving back to Williamsburg. every one here knows i'm gay. its only a matter of time before some one tells him. and its just not right for him to hear it from some one else.

my mom is not okay with this. she is really pissed because i am talking to him. she expects me to hide, to be affraid of him. and i have realized he is just a man. just like everyone else. i cannot treat him like a god. i can't spend the rest of my life afraid of him. so my mom is not talking to me anymore. i asked her if i could come over the other day so we could talk, and try to understand each other's point of veiw. she told me not to come. she said she had nothing to say to me. my mom and i have always been really close, but mostly because i bend over backwards for her. she dosen't know that i am going to tell him. she has made it clear that she dosen't want me to. she loves me but she is also ashamed of me. (i know the two dont go well together)

as far as the blind date, its not going to happen. dad showed me a picture of her and i told him she was goofy looking, because she is. so thats taken care of.
 
JASON0980 said:
i know i have to tell him. i don't really have a choice now. he is moving back to Williamsburg. every one here knows i'm gay. its only a matter of time before some one tells him. and its just not right for him to hear it from some one else..
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You should tell him dude. It's better that he hear it from you. Don't make it too difficult for yourself. Just sit down and break down the news to him. Good luck!

JASON0980 said:
my mom is not talking to me anymore. she is really pissed because i am talking to him. she said she had nothing to say to me. my mom and i have always been really close, but mostly because i bend over backwards for her.
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Give your mom some time. You two will be fine again, but you should make her clear that you make your own disicions, cuz it is your own life. She should understand.
 
Your mom will start talking again. Like you said: she loves you (the ashamed part doesn't change that one bit). She just needs some time to realise that you are living life on your terms, but she will accept that in the end.

As far as the coming-out goes: go through with your plans of telling him next week, take care of yourself, good luck, and check in when you did it.

Thinking of you, mate. (*8*)
 
I don't know if this will be any help but I would be tempted to tell him how good your week has been and how you hate what his reaction is going to be but that you owe it to yourself and to him to tell him. The idea being to make him feel bad if he reacts badly as you expect him to. Sometimes if you let people know you expect the worst of them they will go out of their way to disprove you.

Just a thought and good luck. (*8*)
 
Odds are he already knows or suspects you're gay. Why else would he set you up with some random bar slut? Why are you still listening to your mother when you are 26? You have your own place and presumably don't depend on them financially so it really doesn't matter what they think.
 
CousinTiger said:
Ron, don''t be a cunt: I am 44 and listen to people I respect, value and love regardless of my (or their) financial status.

Cheers, JASON0980; you have my very best wishes: Peace and Love.
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Hey Killer, clue yourself to the fact that this is a no flame zone.

He can't let his parents dictate his emotions. He can still love and respect them but he has to be his own man and live his life on his own terms and not worry about what they think...unless you think he should cower in the closet for the rest of his life (I'm not saying he's doing that).
 
CousinTiger said:
Ron, don''t be a cunt: I am 44 and listen to people I respect, value and love regardless of my (or their) financial status.

Cheers, JASON0980; you have my very best wishes: Peace and Love.
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Have you read about the manner in which his father has treated him over the years?

I can think of a few things he deserves but respect is not one of them.

Good luck, Jason.
 
Jason, you're going to be all right!

Once you tell your dad then it's up to him to take the news as he will, your mother just needs time to sort out some of the issues that seem to still linger. But I think she will come around as she's still in your life and knows who and what you are.

Either way, you're the one who comes out the winner. You will have finally gotten that last chunk of rock off your back and you can go on being your own man.
 
JASON0980 said:
....she loves me but she is also ashamed of me. (i know the two dont go well together)...
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Even that my parents told me (after a while) that if a guy is what i want it's ok i know it's not all ok to them, they try to hide from me their akwardness related to the subject of having a son who is gay. So i think it is something that they should come to terms by their own, soner or later.

I don't know your father but I suggest you to go slow when you tell him, don't drop a plain "i'm gay" right after you two sit down. Don't forget that he may have a initial reaction, give him some time.
 
Jason,

Good luck talking to your father. I would probably start the conversation with something like, "It sure has been nice spending some time with you and getting to know you better. I wish we had done more of it in the past, but the past is the past and we need to move on. There is something I want to tell you and I hope it won't change our relationship. I'm gay."

I also think that it's good that you are not letting your mother dictate your relationship with your father. Obviously you respect and value your mother's opinion, but you need to make your choices and your mother needs to learn to respect that. I'm sure she loves you very much and thinks she is doing what's best, but this time she's wrong. Don't give into her emotional blackmail.

Good luck with both your mom and dad.
 
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