Update on the Straight Guy Drama

[SayWhat]

A while back I posted something about a straight guy I had a thing for (Shocking, right?)

The original post can be found via my profile.


Someone asked me for an update, and I was hoping for a little more feedback. So here it goes!!


I decided to put all the cards on the table with this guy. Neither of us do really well with verbal conversations when it's a serious matter, so I decided to e-mail him. It basically said:
"I think we need to set up some boundaries if we want this friendship to last. The suggestive touching, etc. sends confusing signals since you know that I'm gay and physically attracted to you. The fact that I've developed an emotional attachment to you makes it even more difficult to put up that wall. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it. But it's frustrating when you've been laying on top of me, pinching and/or biting my nipples, and slapping my ass, then you go spend the night at some woman's house. If any other guy were doing that to me, I'd think it was a pretty obvious sexual advance. I'm not saying you need to stop. I'm just asking you to be more aware of the signals you're sending and make some adjustments so there aren't any miscommunications."

He didn't reply, but he immediately stopped with the behavior listed above. He still found ways to touch me non-stop, but it was in less suggestive, more friend-like ways. That lasted for a few weeks, but then Wednesday came along and all hell broke loose. The same old behavior resurfaced. Pinching, biting, hair pulling, tickling, laying on top of me, etc. To be honest I kinda missed it, so I didn't shut him down right away, even though I know this is counterproductive to me moving on.

Question is this: I've expressly stated that I interpret that behavior as a sexual advance and asked him to stop if that's not the intent. So is it okay to assume this is now a sexual advance? Should I make a move?!? And if so, how?!?!?

 

[genthree]

Yes, go for it, that will answer any questions. A read of this comment tells me his advances are sexual.
Good luck, keep us posted.

 

[kcboi]

I agree totally sexual advance!!!! He wants it!!! Next time he does that to you just give it back to him... and grab his cock and suck him dry!
PLEASE keep us posted...

 

[Stardreamer]

I sort of agree, there is no way he can claim he didn't know at this point and if he has returned to the behavior then he has probably made a decision and is at least curious BUT that is all you know for sure. I say start returning the attention give back what he is giving and see what happens but start slowly, don't jump straight to his cock. Unless he comes out and says 'suck me dude!' LOL.

If he curious going in to fast might scare him off. If he has decided to go further, he will probably let you know pretty quick if when you start hitting back on him.

 

[bankside]

"You like driving me crazy, don't you.......I like it too..." then bite his nipple..bear hug him, bump and grind a bit, kiss him on the neck... and either he'll be be screaming "Dude what the fuck" or you'll be making out. I read that old thread. You've told him what he's getting into, you've told him what can of worms he's opening, and he keeps coming back for more.

He wants it. He is enjoying messing around with you. He likes what is happening between you. I don't know if he's gay or bi or confused or what, but he's enjoying you.

Still, I have no idea if he will be able to handle it if you actually give him back what he's giving you. I have no idea if he will be able to handle it if he realizes you know.

My theory is that he's got the potential to be gay or bi. But I make no guarantees that he is not also fucked up.

But you've given him every boundary in your relationship and what it means for him to cross them. Now it is your turn to test his boundaries, and see where it leads.

He needs to be as fair and as up-front with you as you have been with him. If he can handle that, it's going to be fun

 

[SayWhat]

"Dear _______,
Let me suck your dick now or else get the hell out of my life.
Sincerely,
_______"


Seriously. He's a man, you're a man. Men prefer simple, direct communication. Be a man about it and send him that.

Hahaha. Saying "get the hell out of my life" isn't so easy when you live together!

 

[SayWhat]

Still, I have no idea if he will be able to handle it if you actually give him back what he's giving you. I have no idea if he will be able to handle it if he realizes you know.

I've actually started returning the nipple pinches. He laughs and starts talking dirty ("Ooh you're making my nipples hard!" or dramatic sensual moaning). But I've just assumed he was kidding. It turns me on like hell, but I don't know how to go from "Haha, I'm pinching your nipple back!" to "Hehe, I'm blowing you!". ]

 

[andyspete]

I wouldn't go for his cock without a clear green light but like others have already mentioned, I would definitely do back to him what he's doing to you. How could that anger him? He knows what he's doing and he's clearly inviting you to respond in my opinion. I'd push the limits next time and not stop until he said so. But to reiterate, don't go grabbing his cock until you are 100% sure he's cool with that.

 

[SayWhat]

I wouldn't go for his cock without a clear green light but like others have already mentioned, I would definitely do back to him what he's doing to you. How could that anger him? He knows what he's doing and he's clearly inviting you to respond in my opinion. I'd push the limits next time and not stop until he said so. But to reiterate, don't go grabbing his cock until you are 100% sure he's cool with that.

I agree. I don't want him to be uncomfortable to the point that it affects our friendship... Or gets me punched in the face, for that matter.

 

[HunterM]

The next time he said, "Ooh you're making my nipples hard!" You grab his cock; while squeezing it say, "I can also make this hard! Wanna give it a try?"

 

[Seasoned]

What if the next time he starts playing you say, I'm not in the mood to be teased this time. I'm getting naked."

 

[CGHJ]

OMG this guy couldn't be any clearer if he took out a full page ad in the NYT.

Anything he does playfully, respond in kind but just a little bit more playfully. Don't take it any further than that, let him amp it up to the next level, then respond in kind, amping it up a bit. You've been perfectly clear and what's happening is he wants to play but cant come to terms with it, he's hoping something will 'just happen'. If you move too far too fast he'll shut down, bu as longs he's playing around he's comfortable and all y ou have to do is keep moving the line forward slowly, deliberately, and PATIENTLY. That's the hard part, being patient about it. At some point he may stop you and say you've gone too far. Dont get upset about it, say your sorry and wait for him to start up again...he will, for sure. Have fun

 

[Mstrshake]

Why don't you start laying on top of him, pinching his nipples and slapping his ass?

It's been suggested already, but I just felt like saying it.

 

[SayWhat]

OMG this guy couldn't be any clearer if he took out a full page ad in the NYT.

Haha! It probably seems this way at first glance. But I've made myself more than available to him and he hasn't initiated anything. Before we were really friends, he actually accepted my drunken blowjob offer, but then our friend came back from the store and he was "too tired" and went to bed. We've never talked about that night. But I think it's kind of funny that three days after that, we started talking non-stop. And now, four months later, we live together. It kinda seems like the start of our friendship was a sexual advance I made. Hahaha.

I just mentioned a few days ago to him that I've never had to initiate a first-time encounter with a guy. I kinda throw the idea out there and they take the wheel, so to speak, if they're interested. I told him I'm horrible at taking hints, so if a guy wants something from me, he has to basically put it in my hand and say "Go!"

Anything he does playfully, respond in kind but just a little bit more playfully. Don't take it any further than that, let him amp it up to the next level, then respond in kind, amping it up a bit. You've been perfectly clear and what's happening is he wants to play but cant come to terms with it, he's hoping something will 'just happen'. If you move too far too fast he'll shut down, bu as longs he's playing around he's comfortable and all y ou have to do is keep moving the line forward slowly, deliberately, and PATIENTLY. That's the hard part, being patient about it. At some point he may stop you and say you've gone too far. Dont get upset about it, say your sorry and wait for him to start up again...he will, for sure. Have fun

This seems like the most realistic, logical advice I've ever read. Now that I think back to it, when I was first coming to terms about being attracted to guys, I'd freak out if a guy moved to fast. Even if I initiated it in the first place, I'd say something like "I was just kidding, put that back in your pants!"

This just opened my eyes to where he might be in his life, IF he's gay/bi/curious/etc. Very interesting.

You live with him? Then why are you communicating with him by e-mail?

We've discussed other "serious topics" face to face and we both typically freeze up and things get a little awkward. Or we don't say everything we mean to. I figured this way it would relieve the pressure of providing an immediate response and spare some of the awkwardness.

 

[SayWhat]

Frankly I think he's just playing games with you. I'd recommend you get a boyfriend and let your roommate play his games with someone else.

The thought has definitely crossed my mind. I don't need a boyfriend, though. I'm not one of those people that has to be in a relationship to be happy. Over the last decade, I've only had feelings for two guys.

The last guy was also straight at the time (noticing a pattern here, anyone?!) And about a year after I gave up on him, he came out of the closet.
I think that's why I have a hard time calling it quits with this one. But if it gets to the point that I feel like I'm not benefiting from the friendship or I'm being taken advantage of, I won't hesitate to walk away.

I agree with one thing, though. I should definitely start looking for relief elsewhere. Haha.

 

[CGHJ]

This seems like the most realistic, logical advice I've ever read. Now that I think back to it, when I was first coming to terms about being attracted to guys, I'd freak out if a guy moved to fast. Even if I initiated it in the first place, I'd say something like "I was just kidding, put that back in your pants!"

My advice is based entirely on lot of personal experience, and I get a lot of straight dick that way.

It's hard to have the patience sometimes, when you KNOW they want it, but it's the only way. Likewise I find it so frustrating when guys are like, "He does A B and C, but as soon as I ask him if he wants a blowjob he says no and runs to his room. I guess he's totally straight and has no interest and never will, so I'll never make a move again. But Now he does A B and C twice as much, I'm so confused!"

If I only had a dollar for every time when I was young when some hot motherfucker that I had a crush on and jerked off about daily got too close and I was like, "Oh no!" and withdrew, because I wasn't comfortable yet. If they'd just come at it slower, or tried it again, or _________...

Now I know better. And get to fool around with straight guys all the damn time. You will too, he's curious as fuck. If you pull back when he's in the mood to play he'll lose interest. If you react to strongly he'll get spooked. But if you play your cards right you'll have a great time. Enjoy! And then tell us all about it

 

[blackbeltninja]

Next time he's on top of you, grope him big time.

When he acts surprised (if he acts surprised) remind him you told him you took it as a sexual advance.

-d-