Upset and Confused

[Habbababba]

I need to get this off my chest.

I met this guy at work and was immediately attracted to him. The first time we worked together there was this instant connection. Then he told me he was straight. Okay then, I had to get over my crush.

I told him I was gay and he reaffirmed his straightness, but it was cool. There was a mutual understanding and we remained friends and I moved on.

As time went on eventually a sort of flirty, yet overtly sexual, sort of joking thing started to happen between us. Obviously I didn't take it seriously, it was all just harmless jokes between friends. Whatever.

So today was his last day at our job. The job he's going to do is taking him away for six months and brings the possibility that he may never come back. So for me it's probably the last time I'll ever see him again (but who knows...).

So he's telling me about his problems with the girl he's dating and how much he's tired of it, saying he just wants a fwb. Because of that I opened up and explained my feelings on the subject, that I felt uncomfortable with the idea of dating and having a boyfriend. That I had tried dating but it didn't really work out. I then spoke in hypothetical terms about wanting a "fwb" type of thing. Basically agreeing with him. I tell him because of my experiences I have a lot of trust issues and that I kind of get freaked out by people.

He suddenly rips me to shreds, telling me I'm wrong and that I'll end up getting a boyfriend. I explain that I've been through a lot and give examples. He says everyone has been through a lot and basically belittles my life and proceeds to call me damaged goods.

Suddenly he makes what I'm saying about him, asking if he freaks me out, which blew my mind. I say that it doesn't have anything to do with him because we're just friends (?). I did my best to explain myself, but I was too upset and confused by what he was saying, that I didn't get to say what I wanted to properly. After that I stayed away with him and then he left, saying that we'll hang out one more time before he leaves.

My thing is, I don't understand why something that is my personal life choice and has NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM would cause him to basically rip me to shreds. It doesn't effect him or his life at all.

I'm pissed off to be honest. If I don't want to be with anyone it's my fucking choice.

 

[medic1]

He may have thought you were dropping a subtle hint about you being said fwb. Especially when he has made it quite clear he is straight. Think on it.......

 

[KaraBulut]

The issue is one that pushed buttons with both of you.

At some point, you should talk about why this was an issue for him.

However, there are worse things than having your friend call you out for having a negative outlook on relationships and telling you that you'll eventually find someone. It's difficult to know what his motivation was- unless you're willing to hear him out at some point- but if you think about it, there's probably some truth to what he was saying.

 

[Habbababba]

Well, we're supposed to hang out today. He's leaving on Friday for Mammoth Mountain to be a ski instructor and will be gone for six months. He'll be able to come back to the job if he wants to, but we'll see.

If we end up hanging today then I'll ask him what was up.

 

[Habbababba]

Wish I could edit^...

We're not hanging out, he's too busy. So to me that's it really. Oh well

 

[Seasoned]

It's one thing to say or think "oh well" and another to process closure. Be ok to let feelings come up, but use your oh well attitude to acknowledge them and move on. Life deals plenty of these moments when we are best served by letting go and it's important to process them rather than minimize any hurt or sadness. Once we admit our feelings we can let go of them; if we stuff them they hang around waiting to bite us in the ass the next time something similar happens. Best wishes.

 

[Habbababba]

Well, yeah. I'm my private time I'm trying to understand what exactly happened. I give myself little moments, of course.

We text each other yesterday and he kept telling me to download this app so we can talk, which I finally did. Meh.

I don't know though, it all seems like a giant waste of time. I can't have a conversation with him without it going back to something gay sex related or how he's "going to switch sides" cause he's "tired of girls".

I'm tired though. I think that's why I kind of want to throw it away, cause I don't think it would be heading anywhere good.

 

[Habbababba]

The update no one wanted.

I sent a message saying I hope everything was okay. I heard nothing. He did update his app a couple days later, saying he was happy to be away from the 'cesspool called LA'. I waited a bit longer. Still nothing.

I've deleted all the apps and his number from my phone.

Oh well.

 

[TX-Beau]

C'est la vie.

 

[Habbababba]

Haha, what a nightmare.

So this new girl gets hired and after a week she turns to me and says "I'm best friends with John". So I tell her that's cool, but he makes me uncomfortable and give her a very watered down version of events. Which she dismisses as "just how he is" (and I think to myself, cool so if a dude hits you but smiles every once in a while, he still loves you. That's the kind of girl you are, right?) So she drops it and we carry on. Then the next week she's like "So have you talked to Mammoth?". My nickname for him. I'm creeped. I haven't really talked to her since.

Then yet another new person gets hired. This time it's his cousin.

I'm expecting his parents, sister, and all his "girlfriends" will be next. Then they'll all surround me and chant his name over and over again.

*Dramatic rant over*

 

[Telstra]

I want real hot action story ..

 

[Habbababba]

Just to come full circle, he's just been rehired this past weekend.

I'm cool with his cousin, but I can't stand his friend. She's such a condescending bitch.

I really don't know what to expect, but I'll mirror whatever he does I guess.

 

[innocentbychoice]

Now I'm interested in this. He sounds like a giant asshole though.

 

[mcbrion]

Amen. Exceptional advise, Seasoned, as always, especially reminding people that if you stuff emotions, they don't go away. They get get pressured down into the depths, and like a Jack-In-The-Box, the explode suddenly when you repress too much. So, DO what Seasoned suggests. I have come to believe Seasoned is a professional, though. Or was. His advice is always exactly what I'd write - if I was as articulate.

 

[Habbababba]

He still hasn't started yet. I did hear something, but won't mention it till (if) it's official after the fact.

Today I had a nice conversation with his cousin. I explained what happened, in a nutshell, and he said that he understood. He said he's had plenty of run in's with him where it got pretty ugly. So that was cool.

I guess John told his cousin that we were really good friends still. Hmm... Alternate reality?

 

[Habbababba]

He's working now. I saw him today. He verbally assaulted me the minute he saw me.

I'm so happy.

 

[ZeoStar]

It's time like these where a bluetooth headset and your phone with music goes a long way.

 

[Habbababba]

It's been a while.

It seems we're being kept away from each other, other then occasional shift change overs. We have had one shift together, so far. I just quietly did my projects, till my day was over.

He is trying to do little things to try to bug me, but I'm trying to ignore it.

Probably the most significant thing to happen, and not even really toward me, was a group of women (a mom and her kids) came in. I didn't know they were there for him, so I asked if they needed any help, they acted super weird just staring at me. Then the little girl got this look on her face, like she was seeing Mickey Mouse or something. I turned back and there he was, face blood red. Once I realized what was happening, I left. I feel so sorry for that little girl, cause his mom is just a booty call. He has multiple 'girlfriends'/women he's seeing, so I'm sure he'll be done with them sooner or later. Sad.

 

[Habbababba]

No longer upset or confused. We did finally talk. I was, as always, quietly doing my job. He kept walking by, knocking stuff over. I finally asked if he was trying to fuck my work station up? He just laughed and picked everything up. Then we talked a bit about the last few months.

I still really distrust him and feel pretty uncomfortable, but I've stopped caring a long time ago. I guess I'll talk to him if he needs me to.

I will say though, he's such a piece of work. At one point I jokingly said "I fucking hate you..." and he was like "You sound like all my other ex-girlfriends. I fucking hate you, then they beg me to fuck them". I was just like, uh no thanks. Then he ran to grab some licorice and asked if I wanted any, but before I could answer said "Aww, you don't need any. You're sweet enough as it is."

I haven't talked to him, in like a full conversation, in like seven months! I mean, what the fuck?

 

[Seasoned]

He knows exactly the hold he has over certain people. Since he won't stop the dance you'll have to. You have to stop letting him know when and how he affects you. His cockiness feeds on reaction.