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Using a wedding guest to come out

Hmmm. Well, a wedding is not a dinner party or an evening out with friends. It is a big event in a woman's life and they pay a lot of money per person for the dinner and reception afterward. That is why you should never bring a guest to a wedding unless you have RSVP'd for 2 beforehand.

The general rule for gay couples is that if the invitation is extended to both of you, you both are invited. If the invitation is for you & "guest" and the couple does not know that you are gay, you should call and ask if there is a problem bring a same-sex date.

It makes for plots in really tense movies (e.g. Altman's The Wedding) and several works of theatre. Sorry, but a wedding is not the time nor place for outing yourself- especially to your family.
 
KaraBulut said:
Hmmm. Well, a wedding is not a dinner party or an evening out with friends. It is a big event in a woman's life and they pay a lot of money per person for the dinner and reception afterward. That is why you should never bring a guest to a wedding unless you have RSVP'd for 2 beforehand.

The general rule for gay couples is that if the invitation is extended to both of you, you both are invited. If the invitation is for you & "guest" and the couple does not know that you are gay, you should call and ask if there is a problem bring a same-sex date.

It makes for plots in really tense movies (e.g. Altman's The Wedding) and several works of theatre. Sorry, but a wedding is not the time nor place for outing yourself- especially to your family.
Click to expand...

That's exactly the kind of thinking that won't advance us. If we just go with it and treat everything the same, we'd be much, much better off. Trust me, ever since I applied that kind of thinking to myself, I've noticed how others around me didn't give a damn if something was that "different".
 
if you dont want to go with a girl, and dont feel like taking a guy cause of disrespect to the bride/groom,



go alone.
 
I'm always in weddings...and i Fing hate it. Most of my friends and family know I'm gay and are totally cool if i bring a date. However, I have sometimes gotten static not from the groom or bride of my friend/family member but the family of said person. Not all the time but sometimes. It can be very challenging, it seems most people forget that the wedding is not their day. That it belongs to the bride and groom and it should be about them and their happiness. I say you go talk to them. If they are cool with it, you're all set.

I do see some other people's points about feeling like a sell out when you bring a girl. i think in a few more years we might be to the point where people just need to accept it. but we aren't there yet, people still have "OMG HE"S GAY?" reactions. Once that passes and the drama around it subsides then we can bring our partners,husbands, sea urchins to functions uninhibited.

I do hate weddings, if i can go with a group of friends i try to do that. If im not in a serious relationship it feels odd bring some dude.
 
Nightcharm said:
KaraBulut said:
Hmmm. Well, a wedding is not a dinner party or an evening out with friends. It is a big event in a woman's life and they pay a lot of money per person for the dinner and reception afterward. That is why you should never bring a guest to a wedding unless you have RSVP'd for 2 beforehand.

The general rule for gay couples is that if the invitation is extended to both of you, you both are invited. If the invitation is for you & "guest" and the couple does not know that you are gay, you should call and ask if there is a problem bring a same-sex date.

It makes for plots in really tense movies (e.g. Altman's The Wedding) and several works of theatre. Sorry, but a wedding is not the time nor place for outing yourself- especially to your family.
Click to expand...
That's exactly the kind of thinking that won't advance us. If we just go with it and treat everything the same, we'd be much, much better off. Trust me, ever since I applied that kind of thinking to myself, I've noticed how others around me didn't give a damn if something was that "different".
Click to expand...

It's a general etiquette rule that if you are at a function where your host is paying, they have the right to control the guest list. If doesn't matter whether the couple is gay or straight. In the case of a wedding, if the bride won't agree to your partner attending, you're under no obligation to buy a present or attend the wedding.

If I'm paying for my own meal or it is a public function, I agree with you, Nightcharm. If my partner were not included in the invitation, I would turn down the invitation and I would make it clear that I was offended by the slight.

But I have never run into a situation where we were not both included in an invitation. We consider ourselves a couple and we expect to be treated in the same way as a straight couple.
 
I don't know which is the bigger problem here.

No, you shouldn't bring a guy with you. Not because I think we should be ashamed of our homosexuality. If you were dating a guy, and the relationship was a fair distance along, then sure - you're a couple. Go together.

But you didn't ask if you should bring YOUR guy with you. You asked if you should bring A guy with you. ANY guy. You know, just 'cause. In that case, you ARE making it all about you. And why bring the guy into this? If I had just met or started dating somebody, the last thing I'd want to do is go to a wedding of one of their relatives, especially one in which my presence would be his official "outing". Maybe you know of somebody who would love to do this, but I can't imagine anybody I know who would.

Lex
 
Assuming your family is allowing you to bring "a friend", it shouldn't matter if it is male or female. If you, or your family, feel uncomfortable about you bringing a guy, then you have rough times ahead with leading a closeted life with your family. Is that the way every family function is going to be?

Just don't do anything that you know would really offend people at the wedding. But just having a male friend there with you shouldn't, unless your family is extremely bigoted.
 
It all depends on the context.

I'd say don't use the wedding to come out.

I have been the guest at a wedding in which my best (straight) bud brought me cuz his wife couldn't go, so to me, it's OK to take a male friend just as long as you don't decide to use it as a coming-out-mechanism.
 
G-Lexington said:
I don't know which is the bigger problem here.

No, you shouldn't bring a guy with you. Not because I think we should be ashamed of our homosexuality. If you were dating a guy, and the relationship was a fair distance along, then sure - you're a couple. Go together.

But you didn't ask if you should bring YOUR guy with you. You asked if you should bring A guy with you. ANY guy. You know, just 'cause. In that case, you ARE making it all about you. And why bring the guy into this? If I had just met or started dating somebody, the last thing I'd want to do is go to a wedding of one of their relatives, especially one in which my presence would be his official "outing". Maybe you know of somebody who would love to do this, but I can't imagine anybody I know who would.

Lex
Click to expand...

this brings up a good point, what about the guy? i mean, this could possibly result in a very awkward situation for everyone involved. Is it really fair to put him through this just because u thought the wedding would be a great time to come out? Like i've mentioned before, unless you have the bride/groom's approval, i'd go stag, fag.
 
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