Vacation Boyfriend Fantasy

[tristiandar]

RANT WARNING.
Sorry.
I don't really know how to even present this or how to start but...
SETUP:
I want to say that I realize this is all probably in my head and that its just a massively en-flatted fantasy. So it is currently the night of day 5 of a 7 day vacation for my friends family reunion of 60+ people. (I am also sort of adopted by this family so its not as uncomfortable as it sounds.) This is my second reunion as they happen every two years and there are many more people this year that I had never met. One of these 'people' is a 23 year old guy who I have developed a massive school girl like crush on. Now this is VERY out of character for me. I have never had a relationship, nor have I had a desire for one outside of my regular no strings attached hookups. Another thing that's weird is that his features aren't what I normally look for in a guy I am attracted too. He is very boyish, 3 years my senior but looks younger than myself and on the shorter side but there i just something unbelievably cute about him. I DON'T even normally like guys I don't consider to be hot. Anyway:
Day 1.
So we get to this condo and pull up in the parking lot like at the same time as other people in our group are arriving. When I step off I notice this shuttle of people I have been told are from Pennsylvania. Well the kid steps off the bus and my fucking gaydar sounds off like crazy, but gaydar as I realize isn't fact and is very faulty but as time progressed I am like 75% sure hes gay. I don't even remember thinking I found him attractive initially. It was more like 'oh hey there will be another gay guy around here'. So I realize I am staring him down and he luckily hasn't seemed to take notice. We didn't get any introduction or anything and had no further contact for the rest of the day.
Day 2.
So we didn't really interact much at all but I learned that his name was Brad and that he was staying in the condo just above mine. By this time I've realized there something about him that I just cant get out of my head. We did officially meet when he heard me playing guitar on the deck and mentioned that he also played before we were cut short by an announcement that dinner was ready.
Day 3.
So pretty much every night all the cousins who are all around the late teens early twenties range wait for the older adults to go to bed to start partying and drinking heavily. So he's there in the 'party' room and I notice that his interaction with the other cousins is slightly withdrawn. Not shy but not outgoing either. Several times though out the night I could have sworn he was stealing glances at me but again just like the case of his sexuality, even though I'm leaning one way I'm still not sure enough. Also at this night of partying the people we had been sitting and talking with started to tell a story about a guy who came out recently they had been friends with. This did two things, the first being cousins didn't know I was gay. Then secondly the whole time this story is going on I notice that he has stopped speaking entirely and just like keeps his head down and tries to look small. So that lead to a closeted theory.
Day 4.
So another day goes by and I found that I cant stop staring at this stupid freaking kid and that I have been watching his condo all day to try to find out where he is at and what he is doing for the day. So this entire time we have had like such minimal contact I figure I'm just being really stupid and maybe its because I just haven't found a chance to get off the past couple of days. So that night party happens as usual and I get hammered but so Im not so awkward when I try to speak to him. I also notice that whenever I crack a joke he laughs and this stands out to me only when I realize that Ive said a really stupid one and hes the only person acknowledging it. Around 3am party breaks up with everyone complaining about being tired and having to get up early. Im not ready to call it a night so I decided to sit out on the party rooms porch to see if anyone wants to stick around and chill a little while longer. Low and behold its the stupid kid who sits down in the chair next to me and explains how he wants to stay up. So we sit there and talk for about 15-20 minutes about nothing much at all and I realize he is the one initiating a lot of the conversation which to me means maybe Im not being stupid and he likes me whether or not in a heterosexual or homosexual way. So we are interrupted by a couple of cousins who decided to come back for a little while and we all start talking. The conversation shifts to gay marriage and I think its the perfect time to casually out myself. I make a joke that Im probably the biggest homophobe I know and that I would never want to get married and the others were kind of taken aback for a second when I think they realized I was gay but we didn't outwardly discuss it and I didnt catch Brads reaction because he was sitting next to me. So Brad and I make this short walk back to our condo building and Im like pleading with god that this kid asks if we can chill a little longer on one of our decks. He doesn't. I still end up going to bed happy and hopeful when hes says we'll continue the conversation in the morning.
Day 5.
So I wake up hungover but excited to see him so I wait out on my deck and by the condos pool waiting for him to appear literally all day. He doesn't. Later on at dinner he comes up to me and a few other cousins and explains that he and his family went shopping. At this point I am really pissed at myself for acting so stupid this entire time. So after dinner I present several scenarios in front of him (but not directed at him) where I will be alone and that he could maybe offer to tag along (aka im going up the porch to sit for a little while or I start to head to the beach alone.) Nothing. So then I sit through another night of partying much longer than I would have stayed and I notice that our interaction is sorter again. I no longer think I see him steeling glances and he maybe acknowledged me a hand full of times. I don't feel like hes avoiding me but more that he's just distracted by the others. rSo I wait till the party breaks up again hoping for a repeat of the night before only to over hear his sister promise that their father had told them not to stay out late. (Probably because he and I had stayed up talking till 5am the night before.) So to my disappointment I watch him and his sister take off. So here I am.

I known how ridiculous this is and that even if the stars freaking aligned and he was gay and he was into me and we did express it within the next 2 nights, we wouldn't see each other for at least another two years but I just cant stop thinking about him and its making me really depressed tonight. My whole vacation has become centered on this guy I barely know, who I barely know likes me and I also feel like its fueled by the fact that Im pretty sure at this point hes gay.

Anyway tomorrow were both attending the males version of a baby shower so hopefully I can see if he makes any effort to interact with me then.
I just needed to mostly write this out for myself because I feel like I'm going crazy and I know its only going to end badly but if any one has any thing to say I appreciate it. Sorry about any errors its 5am and I need to sleep.
Thanks

 

[Ganoderma]

hi tristiandar,

No problem at all that you have posted this long message. I would like to advise you to try and be open about yourself. So make clear to him [and the others] that you are a gay guy, and make also clear that you like him. Why not start talking with him about his ideas about girls / his experiences with girls (apparently, you are aware that right now he has no girlfriend). Why not ask him if he had a girlfriend in the past? Why not simply tell him that he is a handsome guy, or that he has nice eyes (or whatever), so that he becomes aware that you have certain feelings for him. Likely, he will react. Be clear & open about yourself (= you are a gay guy, and there is nothing wrong with being gay) is always the best option. Being open about yourself will also sort out the homohophes / bigots, as such people don't want to talk with you / mingle with you.

Good luck and please tell him the truth about yourself.

Best wishes & take care & please keep us informed.

 

[tristiandar]

Thanks for the advice and for replying!
DAY 6:
So today went on again with little interaction. Then we went out to dinner and while I was standing around listening to the others in our group, the guys sister starts talking about his awkward and strange past few girlfriends. She goes on to explain to some other kids that he needs a girlfriend to which they ask what his type is? His sister kind of thought about if for a moment and replied that any type of girl because he doesn't express interest in any specific kinds. I bit my tongue pretty damn hard to keep from saying "Oh yeah that's because hes queer." So hearing about his past relationships just kind of pushes me more into believing hes gay. Then we go up to the party room later that night and everyone starts playing games. During next few hours I think that hes coping my body language. I cross my arms, then he crosses his arms ect. Then I think I see him stealing looks again but Im not sure if hes just wondering why I have been staring at him whenever hes not directly looking at me all night. So the games end and a couple of guys including him and myself. So we are walking and all talking about or drug use, what we've done or what we would never do. I decided to drop another gay confession by talking about how annoying it is to want to have sex with a guy who insists on doing G&T.Not much a relation form him. I believe so more than ever just by watching him that hes gay. We finished the rest of the night and when the group broke a part and it turned out it was just me and him left he went to bed so Ive come to a couple possible conclusions.

A. Hes a curve ball of a straight guy and Ive just been freaking him out.
B. Hes gay and doesnt know it or hasnt felt comfortable enough to come out or express i.
or
C. Hes gay and hes just not attracted to me. (With all awareness of my own ego I find hard to believe.)

Either way I feel my obsession with him slowly waning even just over the course of one day. Tomorrow is the final vacation day and we planned out that everyone would spend as much time as possible. Who knows maybe this could make a 180 on the last night.
Thanks for reading
Bed now

 

[cm98059]

Or D. He is gay, he is in the closet, and you have scared the hell out of him.

If you can, talk to him one on one. If he is in the closet, or afraid of the families reaction if he were to come out, he may be afraid to say anything in a group setting.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi tristiandar,

Thanks for your reply, and good to hear you liked my reply. I fully agree with #4 that you should not rule out your option B, meaning that he might feel very uncomfortable when he will be forced to talk about this kind of topics when together with his relatives. I even can imagine myself very well that this is the case, as you have told us that his sister was not too polite towards him when she was discussing his experiences with girls.

So maybe he is just a straight guy who is very shy towards girls and/or a straight guy who has no idea how to make contact with girls (quite a few straight guys are like that), or maybe he is a gay guy. I don't know, and he is the only one who is able to tell this to you.

I second the advice of #4 that you should try and create a one to one situation with him, and then start talking about private items. But please be aware that you must never force him to tell you things he does not -yet- want to tell you (e.g. that he is a gay guy). The only thing you can do is making clear that he is a nice and a friendly guy. Why not try and keep contact after this vacation will be finished (e.g. through Facebook, etc.).

I would like to wish you good luck. Good you have told in public that you are a gay guy, and that this also means that you have sex with other guys (although I have no idea what you mean by G&T).

Good luck & best wishes & please keep us informed.

 

[megustamyn]

You state this is your friend’s extended family and you attend because you have been adopted into the family. Are you certain that no one perceives you as your friend’s boyfriend? That would cause a problem if you became involved with someone else in the family. I’m just cautioning you about potential awkwardness should there be misunderstanding among family members.

My husband and I have been together for 15 years and we attend each other’s family events because we are family. However, whenever any of his cousins brings a guest to a family reunion, there is much anticipation and speculation about the relationship. It is expected that if you have a guest at a family reunion it is because this person is becoming part of the family.

On the other hand, I understand being adopted into a family. My son’s best friend goes everywhere with us and he will be attending the family reunion this summer. He sleeps at our house at least once a week and we think of him as another son, yet we are fairly certain that both boys are straight. (It would not make a difference to us either way.)

 

[tristiandar]

Day 7
So today was the final day. It started off like all the others all the cousins went down to the beach, all except Brad who would join about an hour in. We went back a minimal amount of interaction which lasted most of the day until he invited me to come up with some of the other guys a play an online computer game. Well we screwed around trying to get it set up but within 30 minutes we lost interest and called it off but during this time he and I talked a little and he laughed at a lot of the things I said. Later when the drinking began there were a couple of times that we made a joke about something. ANYWAY long story short Im really went off the deep end thinking there could have been something between us when we are just barely even friends. At about 3am I decided to head down to the beach and smoke a joint with one of the couples I had been close with this week and I also knew that they had spent a lot of time with Brad as well. I almost regret doing it but we were talking shit and I let slip that I was almost sure Brad was gay. I figured its the end of the trip, none of us will be seeing each other for 2 years. What harm can it do? I believe their exact response was "Wait really? I guess I could see it but I don't think he is...well now that I think about it I wouldn't really be surprised. Actually he does have certain 'mannerisms'." I was just glad to hear someone else say it and that it wasn't totally me. I also added him on facebook. I don't normally add people much anymore and I felt it was weird to ask him of all people on the trip to add me so I just made it a point to add everyone lol. I don't have much of a crush on him anymore. I think that might have been a combination of my nonstop alcohol buzz this week or the fact that Ive been so busy I havent even thought about getting off in the past 7 days. (Yes these gatherings are that good.) At the end of the day I realized I still have an obsession with him but I think now its just trying to figure out if I have been wrong or right all this time. As a final note to what will probably be the final post of this train wreck of a thread is that he was the last person I said goodbye to tonight and the hug we had was somewhat awkward. Weather it was him or myself who even cares at this point lol (It was probably because of me. The kid surely thinks Im a psycho at this point). So maybe in two years time Ill post here again and we'll see if he is either came out of the closet or has a wife.
Thank you for reading and helping me out. Any closing comments are very appreciated.

 

[silentalk]

I'm sorry I didn't read this earlier. I enjoyed being on the edge of my seat, reading, hoping for a good ending. But I'm sorry this didn't work out for you. I hope you had a good time during the trip though. And thanks for sharing