Valentines Day

[dragon08]

Hey I'm a young guy (18 in college) I was wondering what you guys have gotten or given for valentines day. I want to maybe get someone something but we aren't dating. I can make clay roses would that be a good gift or is that something only women would like.

Another question how do the mechanics work out on a date? I haven't had a boyfriend and i've unfortunately only dated girls before. I was raised to be a gentleman but I think the rules might change when its two guys. Like for example who pays for the meal? If it was a hetero date the guy would. Or the rules about holding doors open pulling their chair out etc.

Can someone point these things out and maybe say other subtleties I might have not stated or noticed?

Thanks!!!!!

 

[Seasoned]

Valentine's Day has special significance and therefore I'd be careful with gift giving. It's unclear how you know this guy, or if the two of you have any type of relationship. Proceed with caution if the gift is intended to show him how you feel unless you have some concrete evidence that he is interested. If not, I'd pick a different day and a different way to show him I was interested.

Same sex couples generally set their own rules of etiquette based upon the personalities involved. I'd forego the chair ritual and perhaps take turns with the door. I'd concentrate on politeness rather than ritual. Initially, the person doing the asking ought to be prepared to pay for the date. After that it's up to the couple how things are handled.

 

[hylas]

if a "dating rule" falls apart when the genders are removed, its a pretty good indication that the rule was bullshit to begin with.

on bills: since youre asking him out, youre probably gonna pay the bills on the first date, although he may decide to chip in (in which case its ok to accept that). after that, you split or take turns, unless one party is significantly better off than the other, in which case the more wealthy dude pays more often.

 

[sixthson]

I love your idea of the handmade gift and it adds something very tender and romantic to the gift giving. The clay rose idea is a great one or at least I would love it. I don't know about him. HOWEVER, it doesn't sound like you are familiar enough with each other for that. You might want to be more casual. Asking him out on a date and paying for it sounds more appropriate.
Tell us more about him, you and how you know each other.

 

[dragon08]

We are aqcuaintances/friends we've had conversations but we haven't hung out too much. I get the feeling that he is gay but I'm not sure. I plan on finding out for sure before I do anything. I've liked him for a while. He is a smart quiet guy and keeps to himself. I on the other hand am extroverted and a lot less shy. If he is gay then I want to try to take him out on valentines day. We are both Freshmen in college btw. That's how we are with each other.

 

[loveguys72]

All good advice above. Until you have some sort of defined relationship, the Valentine's gift is a bit premature. Ask him out, and see where things go. Since you're doing the asking out, you should be prepared to pay, but let him chip in if he offers. As for all the rest (doors, chairs, etc) they really don't apply under the circumstances. As said above, focus more on general politeness.

Good luck! Hope everything works out well!

 

[dragon08]

Thanks You guys for the advice Just out of curiosity though What kinds of gifts have you guys gotten or given for valentines? I'd personally be fine with chocolates and a rose or something cliche like that. If a guy were to do something creative I'd love that even more. What do you guys think?

 

[ParisZ]

In every relationship (it's not been that many) I've been in, the rule's always remain the same, he's been the Gentleman. That being said, does NOT mean I wasn't raised with good manners. Trust me, I have my "duties" too lol. Nah but it's just really a natural thing I mean, he LIKES to spoil me, and I happen to LOVE flowers (I really do), etc. haha, guess you could compare it with a hetero relationship, really! Contrasts makes it a whole lot easier, my dear

 

[dragon08]

Thanks for the advice everyone but unfortunately I have recently found out that the guy I was planning on asking out has a girlfriend. I have once again fallen for a straight guy and I will undoubtedly spend yet another valentines day alone. I don't know what's wrong with me and maybe eventually I'll get it right.

 

[KaraBulut]

Thanks for the advice everyone but unfortunately I have recently found out that the guy I was planning on asking out has a girlfriend. I have once again fallen for a straight guy and I will undoubtedly spend yet another valentines day alone. I don't know what's wrong with me and maybe eventually I'll get it right.

You're 18. Most guys you age, gay or straight, are still learning to read cues from other people.

And that's what happened here.

If you read back through this thread, most of the responses are from guys who are older than you. That age difference probably accounts for why they were urging you to slow down and be more cautious (i.e. find out if he's gay, pick a day other than Valentine's day to go out, find a gift that was less romantic, etc). The older guys who have been through this were picking up on the fact that you were crushing on a guy that you didn't know well and who (apparently because he was straight) didn't return your interest.

Cut yourself some slack. Make friends with other gay guys. Date. Enjoy your life. You have plenty of time for love and romance.