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Venting

M

mcdaddy

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Hey guys,
Sorry…I’m just frustrated right now. I began coming out December of 06 and came out to my parents in July 07 (the 30th, to be exact…). It has been almost a year since I came out.
Ugh…this doesn’t come out right. I guess what I’m saying is I really want a relationship. I guess while I was in the closet I couldn’t complain about being lonely because it was my own damn fault. But now I’m out and have been for a while. I just can’t seem to find a boyfriend.
This also isn’t going to come out right. I hate it when people say they are fairly “straight acting” because it implies that this is somehow better or whatever. I just don’t think I send out a very gay vibe and I think that has something to do with why I can’t find anyone. I mean, women flirt with me, so I can’t be terrible looking.
I blame my methodology. I must just not be going about this in the right way. Any suggestions about ways to increase my odds of getting a guy? Unfortunately, most of the hints I’ve seen won’t really work for me. I’m 20, so I can’t very well try the bar scene. I don’t think most people around my age use things like match.com.
Blah…I miss even my short flings now. Even though they didn’t really mean anything, I miss waking up with my head on some guy’s chest. I sleep better spooning. I feel better in a warm embrace.
Lately, I’ve been talking to people online hoping to fulfill two goals at once. One, of course, was purely the fact that I’m 20 and a horny bastard. The other was to fill that lonely void. Unfortunately, it has exacerbated it instead. Now I’m just really aware of it. Now I just really want something.
So guys, I’m a gay man in college. Any advice?
 
A lot of people (gay and straight) walk around with their arm around an imaginary person, along with a sign - "insert boyfriend here". But that's not how it works, really. Because boyfriends aren't found - they're built.

You get out there. You start meeting people - ALL people, male, female, gay, straight. Be social. Make friends. Don't reject people because they're "not your type" or "out of your league" or even "female". Most of these people will NOT be relationship-material, but they can be friends, and they'll have friends to bring into your circle as well. And eventually you'll find someone you click with, and who clicks with you. And then, and only then, do you start building a relationship.

Where do you go? Obviously, the best bet is where the gay guys are. Look online for gay social groups in your area - gay bowling leagues, gay hiking clubs, gay volunteer groups. If there's a "gay section of town" in your city, swing by the bookstores and coffee shops there. Strike up some conversations. Be friendly. You'll see what happens. :)

Lex
 
I think you'll do just fine.

Just keep meeting guys and being yourself.

At the age of 20, you don't have to be hooked up for life.
 
This is a great time to start working out. Buy some new clothes. Enjoy yourself and see what makes you happy. As soon as you turn 21 go to the gay clubs and start making friends. Safe sex is great sex!
 
I don't think people around our age should panic or feel hopeless because we're not in a relationship. We're very young. We have our whole lives ahead of us.

Don't think about it so much. Just take it easy and go out there. Meet people, take things slow and you'll eventually get what you want.
 
I'm single and about to be 20 in two weeks. I don't need to be in a relationship because there's other things in my life that are my focus. You keep focus on college and if you're able to handle it, start dating. Whether a sex buddy or relationship comes out of it, make sure it's what you want.
 
Thanks for the advice, guys. I'll try and keep you updated with whatever happens. I'm working on getting into a different headspace because, you're right...I'm a bit too eager right now. Ironically, that kind of means I shouldn't get in a relationship. I think I'll take up the gargoyle's advice, though, and try and find ways to meet other gay men. I didn't know there were groups specially for gay men to do stuff like hike, etc. I'll look into that. Do you guys know of anything in the Williamsburg, VA area?
 
I personally don't. But pick up a local gay magazine, and nose through it. Plus there's that whole Internet Google thing you kids seems to like using. "Williamsburg gay group" (or club). Give it a go. :)

Lex
 
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