I did tell him that I loved him in the same way and I couldn't wait for us to be roomies in college, and he agreed. I feel he may just be realizing how important my friendship is to him, and I don't want to risk that by making him feel awkward around me. I might just try to forget this, until he can come to terms with whatever he is. I am beginning to think it was all in my head, and that he may just be straight as they come. Is anything that I told you very similar to any of your previous friendships that turned out to be gay/bi? I am so confused still, lol. He has been short with me since this "incident" and I am afraid that just by him doing that our friendship is in shambles.
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Very confused with my "straight" friend...
- Thread starter Icecold
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Well, this is getting much more complicated. Have you given any thought to what it will be like to share an apartment with him?
If you're still in the closet, that puts a damper on having gay friends and boyfriends over.
If you come out too late to him and it's an uncomfortable situation, then he may not have time to find other roommate arrangements (and of course, you would have to find other accommodations).
If you're still in the closet, that puts a damper on having gay friends and boyfriends over.
If you come out too late to him and it's an uncomfortable situation, then he may not have time to find other roommate arrangements (and of course, you would have to find other accommodations).
Lube
Temeritous hirsuteness
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There's no reason for him to be defensive if he has no doubt about his sexuality.
Come out to him, as Kara says, and then show him you're the same person you used to be. The fine upstanding Christian (or whatever you are), moral person that he's best friends with--who just happens to be gay.
You need to be a role model for him. Don't expect him to jump out of the closet though. He's just beginning his journey of self-acceptance, whereas you're much further along. He needs time--and a role model.
Good luck.
Come out to him, as Kara says, and then show him you're the same person you used to be. The fine upstanding Christian (or whatever you are), moral person that he's best friends with--who just happens to be gay.
You need to be a role model for him. Don't expect him to jump out of the closet though. He's just beginning his journey of self-acceptance, whereas you're much further along. He needs time--and a role model.
Good luck.
First off you have got to tell him you are gay, tell him that you love him deeply as a friend, and tell him you need his support as you come to terms with your sexuality. Tell him you need him to be there for you, and tell him that you are there for him too. Tell him he can trust you, and you know you can trust him.
Do not make a move on him.
If he confiides in you, listen and talk. If he reacts negatively, take it calmly. If he is a friend, he will come round. If he opens up, then you two boys have a companion to take you through the next stage of your lives.
Do together only what you are comfortable with, and best of luck.
Do not make a move on him.
If he confiides in you, listen and talk. If he reacts negatively, take it calmly. If he is a friend, he will come round. If he opens up, then you two boys have a companion to take you through the next stage of your lives.
Do together only what you are comfortable with, and best of luck.
fetaby
dances atop the bellcurve
Yeah, I'm agreeing with this last post...
It is an unfortunate twist of circumstance, that as gay men we have to learn for ourselves that being and feeling the way we do is not a bad thing...
And then on top you have a serious attraction/crush/love for this guy too! That does suck...
Before you can make him your man, you got to keep him as a friend.. and in my infantile mind I think you two getting together and living happily ever after is the cutest thing in the world...
Please be prepared for this not to happen..
As much as we want our hearts desires, it becomes a mark of maturity to realize and move through our lives respecting the wishes of others...
Hopefully you two can get to that point together... so communicate, substantiate, validate, and grow.
It is an unfortunate twist of circumstance, that as gay men we have to learn for ourselves that being and feeling the way we do is not a bad thing...
And then on top you have a serious attraction/crush/love for this guy too! That does suck...
Before you can make him your man, you got to keep him as a friend.. and in my infantile mind I think you two getting together and living happily ever after is the cutest thing in the world...
Please be prepared for this not to happen..
As much as we want our hearts desires, it becomes a mark of maturity to realize and move through our lives respecting the wishes of others...
Hopefully you two can get to that point together... so communicate, substantiate, validate, and grow.
It does suck because I feel like I might be in love here, and he is sending very mixed signals. I am afraid to tell him I am gay, because if he really is straight, or if he is not ready to let it be known that he is gay, then our friendship would most likely be over. I feel like ever since that drunken night, he uses any chance he can get to talk about chicks. " I went to this party and got so drunk, and started fooling around with chicks" "bring girls so it's not a sausage fest" etc... Is this his way of defending his sexuality? I want to have closure, even if he is straight... There has to be a way to do that without telling him I am gay, right? Should I invite a cute girl over and see if they start making out or something? GAH I am so frusturated haha](/images/smilies/bang.gif "Brick wall ](*,)")
That is actually what I have been thinking since my first post... I even discussed this with another close friend that we both have, (He seems cool with gays too, but I have no attraction to him), and he said that it sounds like he is lieng to himself... I just want to know if this isn't just wishful thinking on my part. I wish there was a surefire way to find out, without devastating him. Maybe I should have another drunken 1 on 1 night and just talk out a bunch of stuff....
jaysizzles
burn baby burn
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It does suck because I feel like I might be in love here, and he is sending very mixed signals. I am afraid to tell him I am gay, because if he really is straight, or if he is not ready to let it be known that he is gay, then our friendship would most likely be over. I feel like ever since that drunken night, he uses any chance he can get to talk about chicks. " I went to this party and got so drunk, and started fooling around with chicks" "bring girls so it's not a sausage fest" etc... Is this his way of defending his sexuality? I want to have closure, even if he is straight... There has to be a way to do that without telling him I am gay, right? Should I invite a cute girl over and see if they start making out or something? GAH I am so frusturated haha
GAH is right!
Whether he is is straight or gay or bi or blue or a martian or a duck has nothing to do with you and your sexuality and your coming out...that his his business and he has to deal with whatever he is whenever he is ready and on his terms. His signals are pretty clear to me...he's not in a place to return your affection (and chances are he never will.)
You, on the other hand, seem to have already come to terms with who you are and seem ready to move forward and live your life...an open life. If he has a problem with that..then it's his problem and was never truly a friend as he claimed he was...nor would he be worthy of your love and affection.
Falling in love with someone that is not in a place to return those feelings is extremely unhealthy. Falling in love with someone that is causing you so much frustration and angst is extremely unhealthy.
fetaby
dances atop the bellcurve
To thine own self be true...
Do you really want to see him making out with some chick? Then why would you bring one over?
Come out to yourself... then come out to him...
It's not enough to know you're gay, you eventually will have to accept that it is something of which to not be ashamed...
You can not control if this guy wants to be your friend now, and he doesn't even know if your straight or gay.. he just knows you're his friend... you are friends with him for a reason and him to you the same way...
It could go one of three ways...
1. You don't tell him, and nothing changes. You and he continue on with this strained friendship because of the feelings you'se guys have.
2. You tell him and for what ever reason, he decides to not be your friend anymore... You cry and feel hurt, but you will live. Your life is not old, and there will be other friends and love interests.
3. You tell him and he digs it... if he's straight he'll say as much, and if he's not then you two talk about what he is and go from there...
You have a wall... do you put your feelings of desire before the friendship?
If you are truly his friend you care if he is at a place that is good for him... is he feeling all weirded out about being bi/gay?
I suggest getting your boat tarred and pitched before trying to help another fellow man come out on to the ocean... I may be wrong.
Do you really want to see him making out with some chick? Then why would you bring one over?
Come out to yourself... then come out to him...
It's not enough to know you're gay, you eventually will have to accept that it is something of which to not be ashamed...
You can not control if this guy wants to be your friend now, and he doesn't even know if your straight or gay.. he just knows you're his friend... you are friends with him for a reason and him to you the same way...
It could go one of three ways...
1. You don't tell him, and nothing changes. You and he continue on with this strained friendship because of the feelings you'se guys have.
2. You tell him and for what ever reason, he decides to not be your friend anymore... You cry and feel hurt, but you will live. Your life is not old, and there will be other friends and love interests.
3. You tell him and he digs it... if he's straight he'll say as much, and if he's not then you two talk about what he is and go from there...
You have a wall... do you put your feelings of desire before the friendship?
If you are truly his friend you care if he is at a place that is good for him... is he feeling all weirded out about being bi/gay?
I suggest getting your boat tarred and pitched before trying to help another fellow man come out on to the ocean... I may be wrong.
nautiboyjeff
Slut
I am struggling to see why you won't at least tell him you are bi or come out a little bit to him. If you guys have been friends forever, then I doubt it will effect anything, further, if it does have an effect, then you can move on with other friends. If he finds out when you live together, isn't that going to be even harder?
If you just give him a few hints and take your time, things will evolve, but you have to put yourself out there to get back.
Here's a thought that might be able to solve a couple of problems. You said he was religious and that he didn't think he was living the life god wanted him to, so bring that up again. Tell him that you don't believe everything in the Bible and especially the part about homosexuality etc. There are some great websites out there that put homosexuality with eating shrimp, killing adulterers, and wearing mixed fibers.....might be a way to ease into a conversation and tell him you find him attractive - you don't have to do anything weird, just tell him you think he's really hot (and you don't understand why chicks aren't all over him).
If he doesn't like you because your gay/bi/whatever, isn't it best to find out now and move on, rather than investing more years into someone who can't or won't accept you. He WILL eventually find out, trust me on this....question is, when and what will be your circumstances when he does.
If you just give him a few hints and take your time, things will evolve, but you have to put yourself out there to get back.
Here's a thought that might be able to solve a couple of problems. You said he was religious and that he didn't think he was living the life god wanted him to, so bring that up again. Tell him that you don't believe everything in the Bible and especially the part about homosexuality etc. There are some great websites out there that put homosexuality with eating shrimp, killing adulterers, and wearing mixed fibers.....might be a way to ease into a conversation and tell him you find him attractive - you don't have to do anything weird, just tell him you think he's really hot (and you don't understand why chicks aren't all over him).
If he doesn't like you because your gay/bi/whatever, isn't it best to find out now and move on, rather than investing more years into someone who can't or won't accept you. He WILL eventually find out, trust me on this....question is, when and what will be your circumstances when he does.
Chances are he already knows that I have some feelings towards him, when he was drunk his true thoughts surely came out. He let me know in a way that he loves me more than I know and although his parents may have some religious aspects ingrained in his mind, he is extremely worldy and open minded. I am not fully ready to come out yet, my highschool is extremely homophobe and I want to wait until I start in a fresh school for college to come out. I just dropped him off at his house, both sober, and told him "love you man", and he said "love you too", Is that what straight friends say? That is nothing, I know, but for someone who has such a hard time expressing his feelings that was alot for him to say. Any additional input would be GREATLY appreciated. Also, if anyone has similar stories they could share to give me some insight I would love that as well. Thank you all for being so supportive, seems like the gay community is very loving and determined to help people such as myself 
You don't have to come out to the entire high school.
Why can't you just tell him you are gay and ask that he keep it between you two? If he is a good friend surely he would do that.
And knowing you are gay will probably allow him to be more open about his feelings.
Why can't you just tell him you are gay and ask that he keep it between you two? If he is a good friend surely he would do that.
And knowing you are gay will probably allow him to be more open about his feelings.
nautiboyjeff
Slut
I know you are wanting HIM to tell you, but you need to reveal a little of yourself to get him to do the same. Be clear that your not sure about yourself. Perhaps you boys could learn together.
Tell him - I might be bi, not really sure. I think you are my best friend and I am don't want everyone to know about this, but I want to confide in you. If you are straight, I totally understand, but just want you to know that I think I might be bi because I am turned on by you.....have you ever jacked off with anyone?
See what he says. I know many here are not proponents of alcohol, but it does help people to loosen up a bit. Perhaps a drink or two, but don't get shit-faced, you aren't in your right mind and he isn't either...so just use sparingly, if you MUST.
Tell him - I might be bi, not really sure. I think you are my best friend and I am don't want everyone to know about this, but I want to confide in you. If you are straight, I totally understand, but just want you to know that I think I might be bi because I am turned on by you.....have you ever jacked off with anyone?
See what he says. I know many here are not proponents of alcohol, but it does help people to loosen up a bit. Perhaps a drink or two, but don't get shit-faced, you aren't in your right mind and he isn't either...so just use sparingly, if you MUST.
I would do that, nautiboyjeff, but I am afraid of the results, that they could potentially be terrible... I feel all my emotions and feelings for him that I have built up over the years were put on hold, because I figured he was straight and it would never happen. Now I feel it in my gut that he might be the same way I am, gay/bi/or whatever. I am not even sure how to label myself, no experience on this end. I feel strange if I don't see him every day now.. Ahh I need to find someone else and let it be lol.
Is there anything I can say to make him open up, without me having to open up as of now? when were drunk, should I do things like give lots of hugs or something? I feel like I need to do something to take the initiative..
Is there anything I can say to make him open up, without me having to open up as of now? when were drunk, should I do things like give lots of hugs or something? I feel like I need to do something to take the initiative..No, there is no guarantee of anything, as he probably has the same fear you do.
yo dude, i was in the same exact situation the summer after senior year. Me and my best friend use to chill like everyday just randomly doing absoultly nothing most the time. I never made any type of move or even talked about what was goin on. but in my opinon he did stuff that a regular guy wouldnt do say to his friend. I kinda let it go, he went away to college in the fall, i stayed home saw less and less of him. Now whenever hes back home he calls me, but not nearly as much as he we did. I still feel like to this day he is bi or gay. he works like all the time has a gf i feel like just to make his parents proud. It just seemed shifty to me how he decided to change his life after it became obvious.
I do think ur friend has some thoughts goin on in his head about guys, or you. My situation turned out alright, but i still wonder if i ever came out back then what would have happen. Maybe right now we still be like close as we use to be. or maybe our priorities changed. but it sounds to me ur in the same spot i was in 2 years ago....
I do think ur friend has some thoughts goin on in his head about guys, or you. My situation turned out alright, but i still wonder if i ever came out back then what would have happen. Maybe right now we still be like close as we use to be. or maybe our priorities changed. but it sounds to me ur in the same spot i was in 2 years ago....
Is there anything I can say to make him open up, without me having to open up as of now? when were drunk, should I do things like give lots of hugs or something? I feel like I need to do something to take the initiative..
Hey icecold,
Mate, you've got have faith in yourself first and foremost. Faith that your a good freind, a good person and someone this guys wants in his life. Whatever is going on here is something that each of you is struggling with and in a way the small openings you have given each other suggests that both of you beleive in each other. The next step, the most important step is for you to beleive in yourself.
With that in mind, ask yourself this? Why would he open up when you wont? Why should the burden be his to show his cards first? Its not fair of you to expect him to be the one to fess up if you find it impossible to do yourself...
But then also ask yourself another question... is he playing EXACTLY the same game as you? Is he hoping you'll open up? Is he giving you enough openings in the same way as you give him?
Forget being drunk. Sometimes Ice, being gay means hard and tough - often ufair too I suppose - decisions need to be made. This is you, a valuable loving caring freind. This is your life, its who you are and its something that you need not be scared off. Right at this moment you are deciding whats important to you and who means a lot to you.
Your freind maybe be gay... he may not be. But you are. Forget the rest of this emotionally charged situation and look at it like this. Best freinds, valuable important freinds trust each other. They dont lie to each other or hide. And already I suspect you too have a bond and beleive thats very rare.
Its time for you to be open and up front. Your freind has given you all he can so that you know you can trust him... its time for you to do just that. What happens then is in the hands of fate.
This isnt about him Icecold... its about you, who you are, who you can be and the sort of freind that everyone wishes they had. Trust in the fact that he values you exatcly the way you value him.
rain09
Slut
Hey I just read your posts. Here's what I got from it:
-you're really close to your best friend
-you both love each other (even if as friends)
-he feels guilty about his lifestyle?
-he's ok with you being hypothetically gay
-you guys have something intimate going on between you
-neither of you wants to be the first to say anything
Here's what I think you should do:
Step up and tell him how you feel. Honesty is the best.
-you're really close to your best friend
-you both love each other (even if as friends)
-he feels guilty about his lifestyle?
-he's ok with you being hypothetically gay
-you guys have something intimate going on between you
-neither of you wants to be the first to say anything
Here's what I think you should do:
Step up and tell him how you feel. Honesty is the best.