Very unsure about everything. and Hi!

[londonguy839]

Hey guys, 1st post. thought it was time.. Ive been lurking for a year now. lol

Heres my dilemma:
I'm out of the closet to some of my friends, and if people ask, I'll tell them. Some people at work know, but none of my family knows. I think they'll be fine with it, but they don't really have the right to know.

I know that I am gay, there's not question about it. I don't know what it is, but I really want someone to love me, but whenever someone tries, I push them away. I don't want to be seen in public with a guy, even if were not touching and stuff, I just feel really uncomfortable, with people watching and stuff. But I really want to hold hands with a guy in public, and do whatever I want, its not fair.

Anywhere I go, people give me dirty looks. And I don't even try to act "gay". Im pretty normal, as in "straight acting" But at times I might me more feminine. I'll be walking down the street with jeans and a white tshirt and stupid straight guys will drive by and yell "FAGGOT!!!" Seriously? What are people's problems. Its jeans and a tshirt.

Anyways, I really hate being gay. It has made my life so much harder, you know? Ive been trying to meet guys, but most of them just want a quick fuck, im looking for a relationship.. But I dont even know If I want that. Ive met some guys online (lol its the only way really) and some of them seem really nice and genuine. They always tell me im cute.. which really, I hate because i'd rather be called hot or sexy lol..

As you can tell, im pretty confused.. im not sure what to do. Ive been talking to this guy for a few days, and he seems really nice. He seems too good to be true, and really wants to meet me, and we were flirting and stuff. We didnt even talk about sex , which is good because thats not the first thing he wants, right? He wants a relationship. Sex later. I really like him too, but hes about 5 years older, and I creeped his facebook, to see if he was who he said he was, and he was lol. He has so many friends, though, so Im not sure if thats a good or bad thing. He's been out to everyone for a year now, and Im not out to everyone, so he might find it difficult to be with me,, I dunno. Hes really smart too, doing some fancy degree at university, and im probly only going to go to college.

Ive been playing it "cool" lol I havent been sounding needy or desperate, like I usually do. Apparently we are meeting on Sunday, but Im not sure, i dont want him to be dissapoited..

Ok thanks. im done

 

[Lube]

Well, hey, congrats for getting up the courage for your first post!

There are a few issues here:

1. You are totally not OK with your sexuality. You need to get over that. All these problems are linked to this core issue. It's OK to be gay! Really. You need to internalize that.

2. Yes, your parents do need to know you're gay. Now, they don't need to know what you do in bed (or, hey, out of bed! LOL), but there is no point in hiding it from them. It will be a huge load off your chest, especially since you think they will be OK with it. Relax.

3. If people drive by and yell "FAGGOT!" when you're wearing t-shirt and jeans, then you are giving off huge gay vibes. There is NOTHING wrong with that, but you do have to accept that. It might be the way you walk or the way you hold yourself. Don't change it; it's you. Just accept that you're not as straight-acting as you think. No problem. It also means that your parents probably already know (or, certainly, suspect). Be PROUD of being gay. It's who you are. (Next time they yell "FAGGOT", yell back "DAMN RIGHT!")

4. Meeting guys online is not the only way to meet guys; it's just the easiest way. And it's a great way to meet for a hookup; not so much for a relationship. Someone just recently asked here about how to meet guys and I left a detailed answer (and copied it into one of my blog posts here). Follow that advice to meet guys in person!

5. Don't try to be someone you're not. When you meet Mr. Smartypants, just be yourself. Maybe he's an intellectual snob who hates that in other people--maybe he'll think you're the greatest, most genuine person he's ever met. That counts for a lot, believe me. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. There are hundreds of millions of gay men on the planet; you'll find another one.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

 

[Lube]

Here's the link I was referring to:

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/view.php?blog=153515&id=18276&title=how-do-i-find-a-good-man

 

[londonguy839]

Thanks, Lube. To the point. i guess I needed to hear that. That makes no sense, saying "damn right" because isn't that reinforcing their stereotypes and assumptions about gay people?

good article, by the way. I met the guy through Grindr. lol.

 

[Lube]

Thanks, Lube. To the point. i guess I needed to hear that. That makes no sense, saying "damn right" because isn't that reinforcing their stereotypes and assumptions about gay people?

good article, by the way. I met the guy through Grindr. lol.

Ha ha! Yes, Grindr has become quite popular around here.

It doesn't matter if you are reinforcing stereotypes. Something some (especially "straight acting") gays don't like to accept is that we are, in fact, different from straight guys. Gay men are definitely not just straight guys that happen to like cock. We're not. We're different.

Some of us fit stereotypes more than others, but that doesn't change the fact that we all have some gay attributes. Revel in them! That's what makes us unique! Don't run away from them.

If you walk like a fag, so what? I might not, but then I love Duran Duran! How gay is that?!

We all have some things about us that are stereotypically gay. So what? If we didn't, we wouldn't be gay, would we? It's like saying, "So what if I have boobs--it doesn't mean I'm a woman!"; well, yes it does. And if you walk or talk or whatever like a gay man, you probably are one. Again, so what?

So go ahead and say "Damn right!". (Just don't say, "Damn straight!" )

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

Lube told you pretty much all you need to know. I should point out that "gay-acting" gays aren't acting. That's how they ARE. They're not forcing their voices higher and deliberately putting a spring in their step. They're just being themselves. And that kicks ass. Everybody should just be themselves, no matter how "queeny" it is, and no matter if it enforces stereotypes or not.

As you come out to more people, and get more used to being gay, you'll come to realize it isn't a curse - it's a blessing. Life kicks ass as a gay man. Yeah, there are obstacles, but that's true of people of every gender, every sexuality, every everything. You just deal with the crap and move ahead. Eventually, you'll care more about the guy next to you than what the other people in the restaurant might think of you being with the guy next to you. Consider that a goal.

>>>If you walk like a fag, so what? I might not, but then I love Duran Duran! How gay is that?!

Depends on if you were more into John or Simon. And if you actually bought Thank You.

Lex

 

[Blueboy369]

I am also a "relationship minded" kind of guy and don't believe in just "hooking up" but there is one thing that experience has taught me, life is not a fairytale and there is no "prince charming". You have to date a few people before you jump in and settle down. Give yourself time to be free until you find the right one.