virginity/ inexperience as a turn off?

[umimherekinda]

i've never been in a serious relationship. let alone had sex with a guy. this fact usually stimulates the response "well then how do you know you're gay?" in a lot of people. which pisses me off but that's beside the point. anyway, yeah. i'm 19 and having never even fooled around with a guy, i guess i'm afraid that my inexeperience will be a turn off to a lot of guys.

i'm not ready for a relationship or sex...i'm probably not even ready for intimacy. but i'm worried that is i wait any longer i'll stagnate and accidentally desexualize myself permanently.

(as a side note, it really annoys me when people respond to this fact about me with complete shock and suprise. homosexuals are so oversexualized in our society. i am not a sexual person, i guess a lot of gay people are. maybe i should get used to being stereotyped. not to mention if a straight person would say this, it would be fine. no one would say "if you've never had sex, how do you know you're STRAIGHT?" so annoying.)

 

[sixthson]

I'm sure it probably would be a turn off for some guys, but from what you have said about yourself, that sounds like the kind of guy you wouldn't interested in, anyway.

Find an equally inexperienced guy and learn together.
Better yet, find a guy to love and then learn to make love.

 

[versa39]

fresh out of the package...beautiful, get em fresh and prep them right. new perspectives...new views...new changes.. see if the old attituted can be changed all together.

 

[Pringle]

Hello - thought I'd add my bit for what its worth.

I am not particularly a sexual person either - can quite easily live without - a lovin' relationship is much more important to me.

Don't concern yourself that you will "Desexualize" yourself at only 19 you have a long way to go. You just sound like someone who needs/wants to take his time.

Would that be a turn off for someone who was interested in you - not a chance. Well it wouldn't turn me off anyway - in fact I would prefer that compared to someone who was only after my butt.

When its right, it will happen - don't force it cause that will make you feel worse - but don't stick your head in the sand either if the perfect opportunity does present itself.

Stay happy and the rest will follow

 

[umimherekinda]

thanks so much, i know i've heard all this before but it feels better coming from strangers for some reason. and plus i feel like everyone here's a lot more experienced from me so asking my straight friends their opinion on this is not nearly as valuable or relevant as yours.

 

[umimherekinda]

fresh out of the package...beautiful, get em fresh and prep them right. new perspectives...new views...new changes.. see if the old attituted can be changed all together.

i don't understand the "old attitude" you're talking about.

 

[ladygrey]

^ I wouldn't worry dearie.

Now to your questions...

there are LOTS of inexperinced gay men out there. Believe me, honey. And there are also lots of people who are not sexual people either.

You're young and you're learning. Don't rush, push, or pressure yourself into anything that you do not feel ready for.

What's the rush? Honey, fear is the wrong reason to experince sex.

So relax, wait for that speical someone, and masterbate furiously whenever you need to.

 

[timnmostud]

You don't really have to tell anyone that if you don't want to. It is no more important to tell anyone that you have had sex 0 times than it is to tell them that you have had sex 2 times or 1,786 times!

 

[iosif2]

Virginity is a real turn on for me. I would feel honored if I were allowed to be someone's first sex partner. Plus, I'm the type of guy who isn't demanding in sex, so I would give the other guy the freedom to go as far as he's comfortable without being pushy.

It IS clear to me how you can know you are gay without ever having been with a guy. You know your attractions better than anyone else. Hell, if having to have sex were a requirement for us to know our sexual orientation then most of us had better get it on with a woman, just to make sure we aren't really straight! Sounds crazy doesn't it?

You don't need to rush into sex to preserve your libido. It is what it is. However, you might find that you will be more sexually charged once you do find the appropriate person and time to have your first encounter. Having a pleasant first experience might allay your apprehensions, increase your confidence and make you feel more excited about future prospects for sex. This doesn't mean you will turn into an oversexed individual. By the way you sound in your post I think it's safe to assume that sex for you, if anything will compliment any relationships you are in, not dominate them. Peace

 

[luminum]

I hink any guy worht having would be fine with your inexperience and more than happy to guide yout hrough your first time.

BTW, if people ever ask you "then how do you know you're gay?" ask them how they knew they were straight when they never had sex with a girl or guy before. Heterosexuals forget that they have sexual inclinations when they're annoying 13 year-olds.

Also, heterosexuals also forget how sexualized they are, too. Every add on TV or in any other form is sexualized to get them to buy a product. Don't let themf orget that either. In reality, both are equal in their sexualization. The media just talks about us, but their advertisements give heterosexuals away.

 

[FunDude]

I get the same thing, and I'm only a year younger. Also virgin and inexperienced. Very annoying indeed, I have empathy right now.

 

[skaterboi]

nah mate, letting people know your a virgin will be a turn on to say the least, youll have every dirty old perve and their dog coming out of the woodwork to try and get some of you =/

best bet is find someone who you can trust, love and be happy with. sex will come when you're both ready and want it, you dont want it to be forced and you want to enjoy yourself! ill be 21 in like 4 days and still a total virgin when it comes to guys never even kissed one! but im glad i've held out hear of so many others just getting with someone because they wanted to try sex and not enjoyed it at all!

 

[Philia]

Yea, like skaterboi said. I think it's pretty admirable for someone to hold out so long and not feel the need to just give it away to just anyone. I'm not a virgin anymore and its not like I regret it but seriously, If I had to make the same choice again, I wouldn't have done it. Honestly, I just wanted to be able to [literally] sleep together. I actually loved being able to kiss him more than anything.

Don't feel like you have to do something you're not comfortable with. Find a good guy, someone you connect with, and sex will eventually follow when the time is right.

I actually think that there are a lot of people turned on by the idea of breaking in a virgin. But generally those type of people are interested in a quick hit and run.

 

[gaz1978]

Experience or not in a guy is an irrelevant factor for me. It wouldn't put me off someone.

However, I would want to know if the guy was a virgin when the time came, just so we could talk through things and make sure he was ok with everything.

 

[backpacker]

Some will find it a turn off and some a turn on. Those are the two groups of people you really don't want anyway, so who cares. Most people won't care. In other words, don't worry about it. We were all virgins once.

For those who say, how do you know if you are gay if you haven't had sex, I can think of two responses. How do you know you are not gay unless you have tried it? Did you know you were straight before you had sex? By the way, we are all sexual. I think you mean that you are not overly sexual and do not let sex drive your life.

 

[G-Lexington]

As long as you keep the old hand in, you're certainly not going to suddenly "desexualize". Hell, even if you don't, you won't.

Just don't lie and say you're really experienced in bed when the time comes. Let him know it's your first time, and it'll go fine.

Lex

 

[mabby7]

Is there a way to find out if a guy is a virgin?

 

[3nipples]

Is there a way to find out if a guy is a virgin?

No, there isn't. If a guy acts scared you can guess he's not experienced, but if he acts confident there's no way.

 

[drhladnjak]

The only way is to ask.

I was pretty confident my first time (albeit a bit nervous) and I still don't think the guy knows to this day.

 

[damahu]

I never even told the guy I was a virgin my first time. He didn't even seem to notice. I didn't love the guy. He didn't love me. It was hardly meaningful.
The important thing is confidence. Many people convey sex as this fine complex art that needs training. I don't believe so. While it is important to find rhythm, it differs with every person anyway. With every new guy it's like losing your virginity again because you have to find a new rhythm that suits you both. And it's not like you write it all down beforehand, you teach yourself quickly during the act of sex.
And yes for some guys virginity is a wonderful thing. People do feel honoured. But beware of those that see it as a trophy, or a few points on the bed-o-meter.
My boyfriend wishes I was his first time. I sort of wish the same thing but it doesn't mean I regret my first time... Anyway going a little off track here. So I'll just conclude with a smiley =]