wanting a relationship but having trouble meeting people

[bradformen]

I figured this would be the best place to post this but I am a lonely guy and really want to make some cool friends or have a boyfriend again but I just can't seem to meet people part of the problem is I don't currently have a car or a job and most guys seem to think I am a loser because of that but if people take time to get to know me as a person they will find I am a great guy with a lot of love to give who just really wants to hangout and have fun I am not after anyone for their money or anything they have I don't use people like that and most guys wont talk to me because I wont put out right away I just can't jump in bed with a guy I know little to nothing about I have in the past and it just feels wrong to me I just end up feeling used and bad about myself when it's all over. I also don't have a lot of sexual experience I have only bottomed about 5 times and most of those experiences where not fun just a lot of pain mostly I feel that I just don't know how to take it properly and guys just don't want to work with me I have lost a few boyfriends due to my lack of experience and so far I have never topped so still a virgin in the front I wanted to save myself for the right guy before trying that but I haven't met that person yet. I don't really understand why guys on the dating sites wont give me a chance or even talk to me at all for some of the above reasons I guess. I just wanted to share my story hope someone has some advice or something so that I can hopefully meet a great guy soon because I am a great guy with a little bit to learn but lots of love to give

 

[DBSKIsMine]

The fact that you have no job and no car doesn't necessarily mean you are a loser. But a lot of people perceive it as though you have no motivation in life, and even if that is not necessarily the truth, perception is indeed reality for many people.

I, personally, will not date anyone without a car because I do not feel I should have to always pick them up/cart them everywhere, and I will not date anyone who does not have a job because I have the expectation that the person I date will be entirely self-sufficient and not have to rely on me for anything.

Keep these things in mind in your search for love. Quality people tend to be attracted to other quality people. If you want to meet someone good, they're going to want you to match their achievements in life. Work on your own personal and professional development before trying to find a boyfriend. You should be one and whole already when looking for someone, not looking for someone to complete you.

 

[bradformen]

Just because I don't currently have things right now like a job doesn't mean I am not actively looking for one I try to explain my situation to people when I chat with them and some guys understand but others just don't but I basically just want friends because I don't have many and I know a boyfriend will come in time I don't need a man to complete me just want some company and good friends to spend time with sometimes and I don't know why it's so hard to make just friends in the gay community these days.

 

[Rolyo85]

The fact that you have no job and no car doesn't necessarily mean you are a loser. But a lot of people perceive it as though you have no motivation in life, and even if that is not necessarily the truth, perception is indeed reality for many people.

I, personally, will not date anyone without a car because I do not feel I should have to always pick them up/cart them everywhere, and I will not date anyone who does not have a job because I have the expectation that the person I date will be entirely self-sufficient and not have to rely on me for anything.

Keep these things in mind in your search for love. Quality people tend to be attracted to other quality people. If you want to meet someone good, they're going to want you to match their achievements in life. Work on your own personal and professional development before trying to find a boyfriend. You should be one and whole already when looking for someone, not looking for someone to complete you.

I am an international student, on a student visa. I am not allowed to work in the US unless it's directly related to my major (violin performance) and ONLY as long as I'm enrolled full time. Maintaining a car is completely out of the question for me, and even though I DO work, I have moments of hard times. Saying "I'd never this or that" is very limiting in my opinion. The point of being with someone you care about is to be able to do things for them because they don't EXPECT them from you and because you don't feel used. You should not assume that just because someone doesn't have something, he'll instantly start leeching off you...

 

[DBSKIsMine]

I am an international student, on a student visa. I am not allowed to work in the US unless it's directly related to my major (violin performance) and ONLY as long as I'm enrolled full time.

That's a completely different and unrelated set of circumstances, and what I stated was far from black and white.

Clearly, if you're blocked from getting a job due to the restrictions of your visa, that's a little different than just not having a job because you haven't been actively pursuing one that you're fully capable of acquiring. The same goes for having a car.

Your situation is not the normal situation that I was referencing having encountered in my statement, nor would I treat it as such should I ever meet someone in your situation.

 

[bradformen]

Just for the record here so people know I have been looking for a job the last 3 years and have been actively pursuing one the whole time but problem is the economy just because you have the means to get a job doesn't mean you'll get one I only got one interview last year and that was only because a friend put in a good word for me but in the end the company didn't hire me and without a job you can't have a car the two go hand in hand I just feel some people don't know how hard it really is to get a job these days and are to quick to judge people on things they don't really have any control over all you can do is your best and keep putting in for jobs when you see them and if your lucky you might actually get an interview and I am always thankful when I do manage to get one the point is I try my best but I can't make someone give me a job and people need to just understand that fact.

 

[Someguy5]

Just for the record here so people know I have been looking for a job the last 3 years and have been actively pursuing one the whole time but problem is the economy just because you have the means to get a job doesn't mean you'll get one I only got one interview last year and that was only because a friend put in a good word for me but in the end the company didn't hire me and without a job you can't have a car the two go hand in hand I just feel some people don't know how hard it really is to get a job these days and are to quick to judge people on things they don't really have any control over all you can do is your best and keep putting in for jobs when you see them and if your lucky you might actually get an interview and I am always thankful when I do manage to get one the point is I try my best but I can't make someone give me a job and people need to just understand that fact.

While I understand the economy issue as I have a couple of friends who have been unemployed for a year or more after losing their job, there are a couple of things I do not understand. My friends had unemployment and savings to fall back on so they still have a place to live and a car. They just lowered their expenses to push savings longer. The fact that you do not have a car, concerns me. I can understand it if you are living in an area where a car is not necessary, such as NY. Without a car and job, where are you living?

You need to understand that people are judgmental. People judge others based on car, job, appearance, and other factors. The fact that you do not have a job or a car is going to turn people off. That is reality. Just like people judge me for being a skinny redhead. Reality sucks.

You are just going to need to keep trying. You will eventually find someone who is willing to look beyond the surface.

 

[USEDCAR]

I agree having no job and/or car is annoying, i have 2 friends with out a car and its annoying picking them up going places and dropping them of and going home especially when they live out in the boondocks. I am happy that they pay for the meal or give me gas money to make up for the gas there but its just annoying.

And yes also not having a job is my turn off because you don't have any money to go out with friends that's going to be another issue.

 

[ladude2011]

I dont see anything wrong with not having a car, if its something you cant afford, then so be it. Thats what public transportation is for. As far as a job goes, yes that is something thats important to have. Ive always been annoyed with people who dont work or arent even trying. If you have been actively looking then thats good at least. I'm not sure how you are supporting yourself in this case. But anyhow, maybe you could make some friends online at least, or maybe join some activities in your area to make friends that way. Are you in school? What area do you live in?

 

[bradformen]

I just wanted to answer some of the questions you guys posted first off I don't have unemployment because I got fired from my last job for a misunderstanding and wasn't able to qualify for it which sucks. I am living at home with mom and dad and I did have a car until 2009 when someone hit it and totaled it and because I have no money I haven't been able to get another one so that will answer the question as to why I don't have a car as for school we can't afford it I would like to go to a community college but we couldn't get much financial aid when I tried back in 2010 and it just wasn't doable money is tight here also there are no bus lines where I live and most guys are willing to come here and get me they don't mind. most times I usually just spend a few days with them then come back home to make things easier for everyone.

 

[bradformen]

Just wanted to say I met someone recently so I can now officially close this topic. he understands my situation fully and is going to help me with it the best he can plus he loves me for who I am as a person not what I don't or do currently have which I think is what love should be having someone love you for you and your personality the kind of person you are who will always be there when you need someone to talk too or just need company when you've had a bad day someone who will just hold you and make you feel better someone who is willing to help in anyway they can and isn't just judging you on things that in the end aren't as important as who you are and whats in your heart. he will help me find a new job and also knows I am not the type of person to use people for money or anything like that I even told him not to spend money on me unless he wants too I'll never ask him for anything because I am not a user and don't take advantage of people.

 

[G-Lexington]

March 19th - started thread about not being able to meet people.
March 25th - still posting in thread about not being able to meet people.
March 26th - relationship status "partnered".

...way to go, I guess.

Lex

 

[ladude2011]

March 19th - started thread about not being able to meet people.
March 25th - still posting in thread about not being able to meet people.
March 26th - relationship status "partnered".

...way to go, I guess.

Lex

I agree. If you have met someone great, but in only a week's time, dont rush things just because youre lonely. Just my advice.

 

[chrisw87]

I should quit my job, sell my car, move back in with my parents and remove my current application for the defence force, I might actually get laid within 7 days compared to the current 2 years of nil sex (save for 2 occasions) that I have endured.

 

[bradformen]

No worries guys I am not rushing things and having a lot of fun hanging out with my boyfriend we actually have known each for a long time so he isn't really someone new I just met we are old friends and just decided to give a relationship together a try and see how things go so no guys I didn't meet someone in only a week it takes much longer than that to meet someone worth dating and I personally feel this relationship was in the making for awhile we just couldn't be together because we both where with other people in the past and where just friends but the real relationships often start out as good friendships before getting serious so we are both feeling really good about this and are very happy.