Wanting to break up, should I? How?

[Hot Hector]

Hmm, yes, already. It's been only about a month I'm with my boyfriend and I want to break up with him, but I wanted to know how to do it the best way...

I have met him on the internet, we then met personally and since then we talk daily and have quite a few encounters - on the cinema, bar, had a dinner in a restaurant, etc. We haven't had a full night of sex yet, just kissed/sucked, etc, and it was everything fine so far.

I feel ok around him but I'm not in love. There seems to be something holding me back, somehow I don't fully trust him, something is strange.

We talk every night on MSN, if we cannot personally meet. He scared me quite a lot other day asking if I'd do bareback and cum inside, cum in mouth, that stuff. I said no, maybe, maaaaaaaaaaaaaybe eventually but I cannot guarantee it, I never did it and it would take lots of trust before I pretty much trusted my life on someone's hand... It could happen someday, it could never happen.

He says he loves me, he sends SMS daily, calls, gives me minor gifts whenever we meet. He seems to like me but I have a bit of trouble believing it.

There's another something minor that takes away from my trust - his MSN picture is never there when I log in; it's always a stupid default MSN picture, which leads me to think he might be chatting with other guys (just hooking for sex) whenever I go bed... I know, I might be being paranoid, but I can't help thinking it.

Last saturday we would have sex, but I didn't feel like it and cancelled it. Now we have a date next friday, it would be the night we'd have sex but I am really not willing to go (again) specially with all this going on my head.

I'm also afraid that having sex with him will force me to stay with him for a while if I decide to break up - breaking up right after having sex would make him think I just used him, wouldn't?

Please give some advice. Break up or not? Am I paranoid? If I break up, I want to break up in a honest, friendly way but I can't find a way, suggestions would be welcome.

 

[G-Lexington]

You want to break up in an honest, friendly way? Print out your post and hand it to him.

I don't get a lot of red flags from him. His questions about your sexual limits didn't seem too farfetched, and I've got a freaking gargoyle picture on MY MSN. But for whatever reason, you're not feeling it. You're not pushing the relationship along actively. You're sort of passively letting it move along, and letting whatever happen happen. And if you're not feeling it, there's no reason to push it forward. I'd say call it off.

Lex

 

[Hot Hector]

Thanks again Lex.

I will consider telling him the things I wrote in the post, it is just a bit difficult saying it... but I'll try, possibly today.

Maybe giving it some time will help, I guess I'm feeling concerned about having sex with him so 'quickly', do you think delaying friday's date would help (I know, 1 month is a lot of time, but I feel I barely know him)? Sometimes I feel I want to know him better, I know very little of him and he speaks too much of sex, I speak of me, he barely speaks of his day-to-day life and hobbies and such.

As for the MSN pic, the problem is that I always ask him to put his f'king face there. He does, then after the session he seems to return it to the default, as if he were to annonymously chat/hookup. And next day the cycle repeats. Again I might be just being paranoid and unfair. Dunno.

 

[G-Lexington]

Do you think you have a right to tell him what his display picture is on MSN at all times? Because that's kinda what it's sounding like. If I were your b/f, I'd tell you "I like the gargoyle, so the gargoyle stays." At least he's nice enough to switch it to a photo when he talks to you direct.

I don't think delaying ANYTHING will help, other than the fact that you won't have to do it today. If you're not going to have sex with him, begging off one day at a time isn't going to help anything at all.

Lex

 

[backpacker]

If you want to break up with him, then that's probably what you should do. Just be sure that's what you really want to do. I'm guessing that you are a virgin and the real issue is that you don't feel ready for sex. I don't see any red flags in his behavior. The lack of a pic on MSN is probably just his preference. I certainly wouldn't read anything into that without some real evidence of cheating. This is really about your insecurities and not feeling comfortable in the relationship. I wouldn't tell him that you suspect he is cheating. You have no evidence and that will just add drama to the talk. Let him know that you don't know him well enough to have sex with him. You can tell him that you feel like he doesn't talk enough about himself. Having a talk may help you determine if you really want to break up or if you want to give the relationship more time. I wouldn't have sex until you are comfortable in the relationship.

 

[Hmmm84]

dont trust the msn display pics. they can just dissappear without no reason.

 

[UC3543]

He seems a little too needy and possessive from what you are telling us

 

[spencer]

if you don't have sex with him, you' won't need to break up with him, he'll break up with you

if he's man enough to want to have sex with you, then he's man enough to hear your concerns. communicate with him all your concerns and hang out with him and spend more time specifically to get to know him even better. tell him why you feel the way you do.

 

[Smitho]

The fact you have made this whole posting, makes me think you are better to break up. If you are getting cold feet already, I don't see it better later. Is there an age gap between you?

The reason I would break up is he wants bare back sex after knowing you a month, I persoanlly would refuse this request.

The MSN pic I am not sure about your concern, surly if he is surfing for sex and not bad looking, the pic being there would encourage others? Not help him find more sex? This is why I ask if there is a age gap? A sort of internet generation mix up between the two of you?

As for the how to, just tell it to him staright, you want to finish. Think of some excuses, like you are busy at work etc, and then just tell him, stick by your line don't let him talk you round. Straight and open is the easiest way, honetly.

 

[Hot Hector]

The fact you have made this whole posting, makes me think you are better to break up. If you are getting cold feet already, I don't see it better later. Is there an age gap between you?

The reason I would break up is he wants bare back sex after knowing you a month, I persoanlly would refuse this request.

Thanks guys. I ended up breaking up indeed.

It was quite difficult for me because I didn't want to upset him, but of course he was sad, as he seemed to be getting more involved than I did - I don't know what happened but I was too skeptical about the relationship, from the start.

The bareback request and overall lack of 'connection' over simple things did it for me, we couldn't seem to talk about common interests. I don't blame him, he's a pretty cool guy, I guess he just didn't fit my style.

Smitho, he is only one year older year than I am, but although there wasn't an age gap, there was definitely a maturity and interests gap. I won't hide it, I am more childish and he was kind of leading the relationship - not that I dislike it, it could work if we had a closer range of interests. I took the advice, if it's cold now for me, it wasn't going to get better.

We moved to a friendship.

Thanks guys.