Was I born gay?

[Twistedup]

I've been thinking about this a lot recently. You guys are probably gonna put me through the ringer for this, but I honestly don't think I was.

Do not mistake this question for, "Is being gay a choice?" Of course it isn't. I do remember a time when i was attracted only to girls, though. I didn't come out until I was 24, and up until I was about 18 or 19 I was perfectly content with straight relationships.

I even vividly remember the first time i jerked it...I was 12 or so, and was thinking about a girl I knew named Teela who had shown me her tits at recess.

I am trying to explore what catalyzed this transition. Was it something inevitable that I simply matured into? Could it have something to do with the sour relationships I had with women as a teenager?

Please do not mistake this for self-loathing. I love who I am and wouldn't change myself for anything, but I do wonder. I was never effeminate. I was never into broadway or Cher or Brittany. I've never felt an urge to take off my shirt and bounce around to hard trance music...although admittedly it is LOTS of fun...

My theory is that something somehow triggered this in me. What could it be?

 

[Twistedup]

Well I know many people who say they were gay forever, and who you could quite easily tell at a very young age...this was not the case at all for me, and I suspect there are many many others like me. The idea of being gay never even crossed my mind until I was a teenager.

 

[Seasoned]

Sexuality is a grey phenomenon, rather than a black or white one. We live in a heterosexist world. I was married to a woman and I have two children and yet I am gay and feel I was born so.

Our families and our cultures put enormous pressure on us. Depending on where we are on the sexuality spectrum and our personality type we subconsciously accept or reject same sex attraction.

Since we come to terms with out sexuality alone and sometimes through a long internal dialog, it may seem as if we weren't always attracted to the same sex when in actuality it's probably more like some of us weren't always aware that we were same sex attracted. Anyway, that's my theory, for what it's worth.

 

[evanrick]

its my feeling that some ppl are predisposed to be one way or another. as you grow up, you can sorta grow into those feelings that were always there. i think those feelings get more intense over time as i can remember having a "crush" on a girl when i was very young.

the thing is, you may have just thought you were straight because that is the "norm" and were only attracted to certain things. if you are physically attracted to men but not emotionally, it takes time to be comfortable with the emotional attraction.

 

[wastedtime]

I personally don't believe that there is only one "cause" of being gay. If it were that simple we would probably have found it by now.

While science has come a long way in understanding human brain development, both inutero and in early life, they are no where near understanding it completely. The human brain keeps developing in childhood, and into the early teens.

As a very simple example, speech development. I was talking in 3-4 word sentences by 1 year, one of my brothers did not really talk in more than one word sentences until he was over two. we both are considered within the range of normal development.

I think sexuality follows the same lines, it develops later in some people. The later it develops, the more complicated it becomes as personal experiences outside influence weigh in. or to try to exlpain that better, I knew at 5-6 that i liked boys, because at 5-6 i could not understand all the ramifications of this fact it was easy for me to accept. Where if the beginnings of a same sex attraction do not develop until you are older, then the knowledge of the fact that a great deal of our society feels it is wrong, is going to make it harder to accept.

I'm not sure if I'm really articulating this well, I hope you can make sense of it.

 

[foxylina]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4a8QtvOkBQ[/ame]

Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
You're on the right track baby
You were born this gay

 

[paatreides]

I am trying to explore what catalyzed this transition. Was it something inevitable that I simply matured into? Could it have something to do with the sour relationships I had with women as a teenager?


My theory is that something somehow triggered this in me. What could it be?

I seriously doubt anything "triggered" this in you. Our sexuality goes through many changes over the years - some very obvious, some very subtle. And I seriously doubt it had anything to do with sour relationships with girls in your teen years.

Yes, you were born with your sexual proclivities which developed and blossomed over time - it just so happens that your preference turns out to lean toward men, rather than women (when clearly you are capable of sexual conduct with both).

Have you taken the Flexuality Test one of our members put together? Not only could you learn more about your desires, they may be able to help you answer your question!

 

[TNniceguy]

This is a very interesting topic. I've always thought I was born this way until I read Wastedtime's post.

Looking back, I can remember a time when my family and their friends used to camp. The campground had bathhouses (not in our sense of the word lol) for the campers to shower, bathroom, etc. Me and a friend went in there one day and this naked guy had emerged from the shower area and was standing in the dressing area talking to a couple of clothed guys. I remember thinking how wonderful he looked. I was completely in awe of him. Me and my friend kept peeking around the corner looking at this marvel of a naked man. I was probably 8 years old at the time and this was back in the late 70's. I can remember just as if it happened yesterday.

It wasn't until high school that I really internalized that I was gay. I didn't act on it or admitted it to anyone including myself. I regret that now but I'm still in the same situation except I'm out to myself and only a few very close friends. Was I born this way or was it a trait that developed within me as I matured? I don't think there is an easy answer to that question.

 

[Comtemplation]

IMO, it's from a wide range of factors. There are probably genetic factors that makes you have a certain disposition towards a certain gender. There were probably certain environmental factors that affected you probably since before you were born. There were probably psychological things in your childhood that may have affected you one way or another. There are probably societal pressures that may have affected your choice in being "gay". Who knows?

 

[MindBlast]

I was never effeminate either (and still am not). Yet, I knew I was gay as soon as I hit puberty and started getting boners. I would only look at guys.

I'm a masculine and muscled guy with a deep voice. You wouldn't be able to tell by looking at or talking to me unless I started talking about which men I find hot or told you directly.

That has absolutely no bearing on whether or not you were born like that. I don't know why I'm gay, and I don't really care. It is what it is. Although being scientifically minded does make me curious as to why I am, but I've never been able to come up with a rational explanation.

 

[2untru]

since every person's journey is unique, any series of events could lead to a person being gay, or they can be born that way. i've grown up with people who didn't have gay feeling til they hit their teens while another was obviously going to be gay the day he said his first word with a lisp. then again, all gay guys aren't effeminate by any means, so it's a mystery.

i know i like guys now, so when people ask me how did i know so they can try and create a new stereotype or some type of logic, all i can say is i was born this way.
[thank you gaga ]

but really, i think it has something to do with the way your mind develops, socially and genetically.

 

[EwanSF]

First person I ever had sex with was a guy and that was when I was very young, and even as a wee boy, I was a bit of a lech, I always wanted to see other boys naked. So aye, I'd say I was born that way. I had sex with a few girls during adolesence, but it was utterly unfullfiling, and purely so I had someone to shoot my load in. In fact, that compounded it in my mind.

 

[WellAlright]

I remember I was strictly attracted to women until I was about 16. Then I started to find myself attracted to older men (40-50), then as I got older, so did my taste for men (50+, had to be hairy, etc). Then my taste started to broaden a bit. And now? Now I feel like I'm not attracted to anyone or anything

I guess as we grow in this lifetime, our sexuality evolves.

 

[texan_slant]

Here is my humble opinion -

You're born as "who you are" with however your sexuality develops and matures. i'm convinced that smetimes, even though we're capable of a lot of things, parts of your sexuality are tapped, some parts don't exist in everyone, and some will never come to surface - whether or not you're given that open door.

I try not to think of it too much, cuz it doesn't add too much value for me personally to wonder how I came to be.

 

[SteveyBoyLA]

Yes. Next question....

Scientists have debated this question endlessly, but the window of time is either before birth or during pre-adolescence. Add the complexity of hormone changes/triggers and the homosexist society as cited by soreknees, and there you have it. Have what? No one knows for sure when. The only thing certain is how you feel right now....

 

[truth87]

I remember I was strictly attracted to women until I was about 16. Then I started to find myself attracted to older men (40-50), then as I got older, so did my taste for men (50+, had to be hairy, etc). Then my taste started to broaden a bit. And now? Now I feel like I'm not attracted to anyone or anything

I guess as we grow in this lifetime, our sexuality evolves.

I hope when I grow older, my taste turns to be on girls but not guys... I have feeling with guys since i was 11 year-old till now so I think i was born to be gay.

 

[alexthegreat]

For me I remember "chasing" mainly girls as a young boy. That's not to say I didn't find other boys attractive though. I think the big game changer for me was 15 or 16 when my curiosity got so intense I downloaded some gay porn and remember getting really horny. REAL horny.

Till this day I've never felt that burning passion for any woman as I have for men. In essence that makes me gay, but at the same time I'm not totally opposed to being with a female. She would have to understand that I'm always going to be dealing with attractions to men though. However, I will never in my life cheat on someone. For me, it just makes sense to chase after dudes.

 

[bankside]

Dunno. Some times I think it is anatomical. Guys smell sexy to me. Probably something buried deep within the primitive brain.

Other times it seems social. I didn't like the way straight women chose to implement their sexuality. Or straight men. There seemed to be better possibilities in a same-sex relationship.

Other times, well I figure a lot of people are just more sexual than they are homosexual or heterosexual. Maybe all they need is the right opportunity.

 

[asu1117]

Other times it seems social. I didn't like the way straight women chose to implement their sexuality. Or straight men. There seemed to be better possibilities in a same-sex relationship.

What do you mean?

 

[Telstra]

since i was a kid,
i think hot men are hot.