Was it pedophelia?

[pauliesan89]

This is the story about my first relationship, i would go into the gory details but i told my cousin the other day and she thinks the guy i was with was a pedophile. Would like to know what you all think

So i was 14 at the time and i was on a community for teenage gays, lesbians and bisexuals to meet eachother and talk. I met a guy on there and we exchanged emails and started to talk on msn, he ended up being about 24 and asked if i was ok with it. I said yes and over the months i would do things for him on webcam as he watched and then he finally asked me to meet him.

We went into the city and had a coffee, he asked me on the way home to jerk him off as he drove and i did. I was smitten with him and i planned to run away and live with him, he promised me things like our own house, living at the beach and anything i wanted. We met up a second time and we saw a movie, halfway through the movie he asked me to come to the toilets with him and ofcourse i did. When the toilets were empty he pushed me into the stall and had sex with me, he did it unsafely and it was very one sided. We watched the rest of the movie and he left after that night i never saw him on msn again or face to face.

Was he a pedophile do you think? i just cant seem to get my head around it

 

[G-Lexington]

What makes you think he might not have been?

Lex

 

[Johnny Yen]

Yes, the man is a predator.

 

[pauliesan89]

I never thought he was, because i truly did love the guy.. or atleast i thought i did

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

No.

Pedophiles, by definition, go after children, not teenagers.

 

[saymyname]

It was consensual and you were not prepubescent = not a pedophile.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

It was consensual and you were not prepubescent = not a pedophile.

But mayhap a statutory rapist?

 

[Johnny Yen]

That's the problem, sheltered young men haven't much experience with dishonesty & deception - two things 24 year men are quite good at.

I never thought he was, because i truly did love the guy.. or atleast i thought i did

 

[G-Lexington]

Does the kid having feelings for the guy negate the predator aspect?

He went to an online (?) community for gay and questioning teens.
He struck up a conversation with one.
He asked the teen to perform sex acts for him on camera.
He lured the kid in with promises that never materialized.
He asked to meet the teen, then asked the kid to jerk him off while he drove him home.
He later took the teen to a movie, lured him into the bathroom, had forced sex (or at least less-than-willing sex) with him, then ditched him.

That's pretty much textbook predator stuff right there. "Pedophile" might not be the right word, but since you apparently were below the age of consent, he was on the wrong side of the law.

Lex

 

[Johnny Yen]

Teenagers are children.

No.

Pedophiles, by definition, go after children, not teenagers.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Teenagers are children.

So are adults. (People who lust after them are also not pedophiles).

 

[pauliesan89]

That's the problem, sheltered young men haven't much experience with dishonesty & deception - two things 24 year men are quite good at.

The sad thing was imo, the fact that i tried to track him down for a few months after that i kept saying to myself "he probably lost my email". I agree wholly with you here and i just hope that people are becoming smarter nowdays about this. I realy didnt want to be an attention grabber here but i wanted to know.. been bugging me alot latley

 

[saymyname]

It might be statutory rape but it's not pedophilia. You were not a prepubescent child and you can't call someone a pedophile just because he was a deceptive guy.

Morally questionable? Yes. Pedophile, no. At that age you can make decision and consent and to say otherwise is to deny sexuality to young people.

 

[Johnny Yen]

So are adults. (People who lust after them are also not pedophiles).

Lets put it this way then - teenagers are not adults, adults are. Society has boundaries for a reason, sexual predator / pedophile / semantics.

 

[wastingmymind]

Obligatory did you get tested question here.

And yes, he's scum. He's not psychologically a pedophile, but he's legally a pedophile. And just because you had feelings for him doesn't make him less of a rapist. The victim's feelings are actually most rapist's ammunition against you.

 

[saymyname]

teenagers are not adults, adults are.

That doesn't make any sense. The age of majority is a social construction and that it happens to be 18 doesn't mean that you can't make consensual and informed decisions at a younger age. Would this situation still be so demonized if they actually ended up dating or having a substantial relationship? Would it be so demonized if it was a 14 year old boy fucking a 24 year old woman, off of his own consent? No, I don't think so.

How can someone be "legally" a pedophile but not psychologically? Legally he's a statutory rapist. Learn what words actually mean, for fucks sake, people.

 

[wastingmymind]

Would it be so demonized if it was a 14 year old boy fucking a 24 year old woman, off of his own consent?

How can someone be "legally" a pedophile but not psychologically? Legally he's a statutory rapist. Learn what words actually mean, for fucks sake, people.

Yes. Kate Winslet might be having sex with Taylor Lautner or whatever. People aren't that stupid and they'll deconstruct anything, despite how "hot" the cougar scenario might be.

And sorry I couldn't remember "statutory rape" at 2 in the morning.

 

[CudDULL]

Yes he was a "pedophile". You are still a minor at 14 and you can not consent to sex until you are 16. Therefore that makes him a sexual predator.

Even though you did "love" him it doesn't change the nature of his behavior, which was pedophilia. Going after someone who is only 14 when there is a 10 year age gap is wrong and must have to do with some psychological disorder.

 

[TickTockMan]

Teenagers are children.

Only by societal standards. By biological standards we are adult when we start producing sperm or eggs.

He's not psychologically a pedophile, but he's legally a pedophile. And just because you had feelings for him doesn't make him less of a rapist. The victim's feelings are actually most rapist's ammunition against you.

Legally he would be a ephebophile. And yes at times "feelings" do play a role on whether people are seen as a predator or not.

 

[wastingmymind]

I've never heard of anyone being charged of ephebophilia.

And the reason why I said that feelings don't play a role is because it shouldn't. The fact that people may have feelings for their rapists make the situation complex, but the rapist is still a rapist.

What I'm trying to say is that these guys let themselves into their victims' lives before they do the act. Victims have more of a chance to be raped by their boyfriends moreso than someone from an alleyway.