Washing between the butt cheeks + mental craziness

[onetwothreefour]

I have seen a lot of threads on anal cleaning, but I wanted to ask about washing between the buttocks and on the outer surface of the anus. I have OCD, and I am terrified of contamination, and the thing that is my biggest focus is fecal contamination. It scares me. I never knew growing up that people washed between the buttocks. I always just used toilet paper and never washed there in the shower. I have a toilet with bidet functionality, but it doesn't always work great, and I unfortunately have had a leakage problem lately which makes me feel that everything in my world is contaminated and septic. I can't keep up with cleaning myself on the toilet constantly as the problem is constant. I have an appointment with a gastroenterologist, but not until late December. The problem with the toilet is that the water from the jets also hits my balls, so I then feel I have to shower afterward to wash that area, and before I shower I go through this long hand washing routine and it's all kind of driving me crazy. Plus I tend to get panicked as I hand wash--I think because I feel stuck at the sink with my long routine, and I also tend to get panicked in showers going through my routines.

Sometimes I think how satisfying it would be to just let myself wash my ass in the shower, meaning using soap between the buttocks. It would feel like a relief in one way. But I have never really let myself do that because I feel like my hand would be so contaminated I could never get it clean afterward. Which would be the downside.

I have tried googling to find out what "normal" people do and find various responses--most of them jokes. Do normal people wash between the ass cheeks? Would they feel their hands are clean afterward? I couldn't imagine washing my ass and then like say peeling and eating an orange. I would feel like everything I touched afterward would be permanently septic. Like if I touched my remote control afterward it would be ruined. I know that is my OCD. And I know I could wash my hands afterward--I am telling you this is how I would feel even assuming I washed my hands afterward. That's another thing--I assume people wash their hands after washing their asses?

The idea just seems so disgusting--it seems like wiping your ass with no toilet paper to protect your hand. And even wiping with toilet paper makes me feel dirty--hence the very long hand washing routine in which I also use hand sanitizer and two types of soap.

Yesterday I tried an experiment where I washed part of my body with plastic gloves on, thinking if it worked I could possibly do that with the ass, but the water leaked under the gloves, so it wasn't a great experiment.

I have seen some people use wash cloths and loofas--I have only ever used my hands in the shower, and if I ever used a washcloth on my ass I would want to throw it out, so I don't think that would help me.

Help! I can't stand feeling so dirty all the time. I spend a lot of my time in bed (which I know is another problem...but I am getting better), but for the time being a lot of my time is in bed, and this leaking makes me feel constantly filthy and makes me feel like the bed is constantly filthy--and I reach a limit on how often I can change the sheets and mattress pad. It's not that there is actually any visible leakage on them. But when I take off my underwear I've leaked an amount that is visible on it--but it's almost always a clear liquid--it's like a strange smelling watery liquid I leak. Don't know what it is. It comes particularly before bowel movements. But randomly too. Anyhow, the leaking makes me feel like I, the bed, and anything that comes into contact with the bed is then septic.

I know this message is all over the place. I guess I needed a place to rant...I have a lot of stress right now at the end of my school semester and with relatives I'm nervous to see at Thanksgiving too. Thanks for listening. I do know that I have a mental disorder, and I do see a therapist, and a psychiatrist. Have for a long time. I am just looking for feedback from every day people. I just wanted to throw that out there in case people were planning to advise meds or a therapist--already doing that.

 

[mbamike]

I use a wet wipe after cleaning myself with toilet paper. I use a wet wash cloth if I don't have any wet wipes. I then wash my hands after the cleaning.

I wash my anus, my hole, and my perineum with soap and water in the shower. I also shave my perineum too. I don't want any dingle berries hanging.

 

[onetwothreefour]

I use a wet wipe after cleaning myself with toilet paper. I use a wet wash cloth if I don't have any wet wipes. I then wash my hands after the cleaning.

I wash my anus, my hole, and my perineum with soap and water in the shower. I also shave my perineum too. I don't want any dingle berries hanging.

As for the part you do in the shower, do you do any special hand cleaning afterward? And do you "feel" your hands are clean afterward? Would you feel clean say eating a piece of fruit? Or touching some other object like a laptop and not feeling you've made it contaminated?

 

[sixthson]

Just relax, buddy. This is really not about your hygiene. It's about your compulsions, but you know that. Normal good hand washing techniques after touching your butt is all that is required...no extreme measures needed. I touch/wash my butt, I also touch my partner's butt...often, in fact. I have never felt the need to sterilize myself afterwards. Also, my partner is a physician, so he wouldn't let us do anything dangerous or unhygienic. We have a baby, too, and as you know, they are little poop factories. We don't wear gloves to take care of that, we just wash well after changing the diapers and never give it a second thought.

Don't let your fears rule you. Good luck.

 

[onetwothreefour]

Just relax, buddy. This is really not about your hygiene. It's about your compulsions, but you know that. Normal good hand washing techniques after touching your butt is all that is required...no extreme measures needed. I touch/wash my butt, I also touch my partner's butt...often, in fact. I have never felt the need to sterilize myself afterwards. Also, my partner is a physician, so he wouldn't let us do anything dangerous or unhygienic.

Don't let your fears rule you. Good luck.

Thank you. That's very reassuring. I do know it's about the OCD. I guess this is one of the last frontiers for me in terms of cleanliness because it's an area where I never really knew what other people do, so I get uncomfortable leaving my routine. With a lot of life, I have OCD routines about how I go about things, but when I want to break the habits—or try to—I can reference what "normal" people do. This was an area where I wasn't as sure what people do, and I guess psychologically it comes down to not trusting myself and feeling I have enough authority to make those decisions about something being clean enough, which is why I tend to go through long rituals.

There could be a sexual connection to for me. I mean just for me masturbating is very difficult because of the cleanliness stuff. When I read your post, I smiled to myself involuntarily which is rare for me, because I imagined suddenly the feeling of feeling good enough and and clean enough letting go and the idea of you and a physician boyfriend touching each other's butts--it was a very sexual happy moment in my head. But I don't want people to think I started this thread as if this were a question that gets me off. It's more hearing what you wrote let me imagine for a second the feeling of safety and sexuality hand in hand. I haven't had sex with another person besides myself, if that wasn't clear, and the fear of hygiene is probably one issue--there are many others, though.

Thanks

EDIT: I spaced halfway through reading your post—I think the image in my head of you and the doctor. Anyhow, didn't read the baby part. That is good to know that you only wash your hands after that as well. I have never taken care of a baby, but I can imagine.

 

[bankside]

In addition to seeing a gastroenterologist, are you seeing your doctor regarding OCD management? Effective treatment could allow you to enjoy the rational decisions you are capable of making without the negative emotions of apprehension or fear when you try to implement those decisions.

Regarding cleanliness, I shower daily and I work from top to bottom.

Hair first, then face, shoulders, arms, chest, back, groin, ass (including a soapy hand back there on the exterior surfaces (and although I'm typically clean after using the toilet, during this point in my shower routine, any water coming from this part of the cleaning is immediately rinsed down the drain anyway by the flow of the shower)). Also I make a point of not leaving the soap suds on the anal area for long because it is delicate (same with the penis for that matter).

By this time much of my upper body has been rinsed in passing by the effect of the shower head as I move around, but after my ass I make a point of just thoroughly rinsing the entire upper body to remove all the soap. Then with a bit of fresh soap, I do the legs and lastly the feet. Another spin under the shower head to rinse everything, and I'm done.

Ordinarily I feel clean with just one shower a day, and fortunately as I mentioned I haven't had a lot of issues with toilet functions. On a rare occasion if the toilet paper just doesn't seem to be doing a suitable job some evening, I've taken a 2 minute quick shower just to feel thoroughly clean again. In that case I'd leave my hair dry, rinse from the stomach down, and then wash with soap below the waist as mentioned.

So I suppose I too have a fairly specific routine, but it's one I'm comfortable with and it doesn't control my life. Whatever you find works for you in terms of hygiene, I hope you also look for a way to manage the OCD, because, as you imply in your question "mental craziness" about this kind of thing is no fun.

Oh! One last thing, in the last couple of months I've discovered bran buds. They are a great source of fibre and good for the diet. They can be added to stuff or just eaten as a snack in small quantities on their own.

At first I assumed this additional fibre would mean looser, less satisfactory trips to the bathroom, but in fact it has proven to be the opposite. With a well balanced diet, which in my case meant adding more fibre, I'm finding it easier and faster to use the toilet, and it has even made toilet paper seem somewhat redundant because of the "clean exit" so to speak. (Though I still use it of course.) This has been advantageous also for sex for me and my guy cause we're both eating the bran

Good luck with the doctor.

 

[KaraBulut]

Your post reminded me of a very funny clip about the difference between the way that women shower and how men shower.
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qehxjub5lyo[/ame]

While this video is intended to be funny, it does point out the wide variety between the way that different people shower. Some people spend a great deal of time exfoliating and performing hygeine rituals. Others just focus on areas they view as dirty or smelly.

Either is fine, really. The body isn't inherently dirty and most of what we do to "get clean" is a combination of basic grooming and things to remove odors that might offend other people.

Most of the cleaning that you need to do around your perineum is best performed after going to the toilet or after sex. Toilet paper and/or a moist towelette (the correct type come moistened with a mild detergent and water, not alcohol) is usually enough. If needed, a little soap, water and a washcloth can be used.

If you're properly cleaned after the toilet, then your ass is no more dirty than any other part of your body. A little soap and water should be enough to clean in the shower.

This isn't about toilets, showers or your ass. It's a manifestation of your OCD. And that's what you need to work on to address this issue.

 

[onetwothreefour]

Thanks for all of your replies.

OCD is not easy to treat. I have it for a reason, I believe. I believe the symptoms of OCD for me are not a disease in and of itself but rather are a barrier between me and something more real, something that makes me anxious. I am not sure exactly what. But yes, I do know the OCD is a problem. I have been on meds for a long time and have seen a therapist for a long time. In my case, it's fairly refractory. I also have Tourette's and they often go hand-in-hand. And I've had OCD symptoms that I can recall going back to 1st grade, so it's not like it's happened overnight, not something that will ever go away altogether most likely. It's not a huge thing though. Just because you have an impairment doesn't mean you don't keep on living. I just wanted to explain that it's not as simple as taking a pill or going to therapy and having these types of problems disappear. Although some people think Tourette's/OCD is a result of a childhood infection called PANDAS which can be treated with antibiotics, but I have no proof that it is in my case, and the treatments are very early. I am rambling a bit now---just pointing out the one caveat to my contention that there is not one pill that cures OCD--as some people do believe PANDAS is curable. Anyhow . . .

Thanks, again.

 

[thisisinteresting]

After I wash between my buttocks, yes, I feel like my hand is dirty. But then I wash my hands, and all is well.

Have you ever heard of bikram yoga (hot yoga)? I swear it has profound effects mentally it's not just about the physical. I used to have pretty powerful social anxiety and when I would be in practice with this yoga, I was much more centered in my thought and logical... I don't know I could just think clearer and function better without all the clouds of anxiety polluting my mind. Just a thought. I hope you can work through these issues one step at a time!

 

[mbamike]

As for the part you do in the shower, do you do any special hand cleaning afterward? And do you "feel" your hands are clean afterward? Would you feel clean say eating a piece of fruit? Or touching some other object like a laptop and not feeling you've made it contaminated?

No, I don't feel I need to do any special hand cleaning after washing my ass in the shower. I use an anti-bacterial soap and running water so I feel all is clean after I finish my shower.

I often eat after I shower, breakfast mostly. I don't feel like I am contaminating anything.

Good luck.

 

[FunFunk]

Onetwothreefour, This is primarily about your OCD, Not so much about cleanliness. Focus on treating your OCD first and foremost.

As for cleaning my ass, I don't really do anything elaborate. I just wipe it thoroughly with toilet paper, when needed. Then I thoroughly wash my hands with soap and hot water. When I shower, I clean between the cheeks and the hole with soap, hot water, a washcloth and my hands and fingers. And then I thoroughly wash my hands with soap and hot water, just like the rest of my body. (Damn, I love those showers.)

In reality, it's simply not that difficult to keep yourself clean. As you may have guessed from my new avatar, I love doing more with a nice pair of asscheeks (and a nice asshole) than just wiping it with tissue. And I don't get sick from playing with ass. Lots of guys play with butt and don't get sick.

Find a way to the less paranoid about it.