WATCHING BRAD
Part LII
I thought Justin was going to rip my shirt to shreds. It felt like he was trying to crawl right inside me. Before I had a chance to react, though, another pair of hands came from my right side, grabbing around my neck and yanking at me. I turned my head in time to see Jeremy viciously kicking his way out of Brad's arms and into mine. Sheer panic filled Brad's face as he fought desperately to keep Jeremy from tumbling to the floor.
"Ted!!" he screamed. There was a whole lot of fear in his voice.
I didn't answer. There would have been a whole lot of fear in my voice, too. I grabbed Jeremy with my right arm and held on. His horrifying screams of "Daddy!! Daddy!!" echoed in the small entryway, and they didn't stop. Icy spikes stabbed into my spine, travelling up to my shoulders as tears of absolute terror flowed down Jeremy's tiny face. Justin was crying as well and grasping at me. Something about Warren or Bill had triggered this and I had to get them out of there.
"Excuse me," I said as I headed for their bedroom. Brad was close on my heels. I sat on their bed and tried to set them down, but neither of them would let go of me. I held them tightly instead, protecting them from whatever it was which had frightened them. I called Jeremy's name over and over again. He was still screaming hysterically and not listening to me.
"Brad, take Justin," I said. Brad reached for him, but Justin clung to me still. He was crying, but not as hysterically as his brother. "Please, Justin," I said as calmly as I could. "Go to Brad." Justin reluctantly let me go and grabbed onto Brad.
My attention turned to Jeremy. Whatever was going on inside his mind, Brad couldn't help him this time. Only Daddy could protect him. He'd come to me. I hugged and stroked his back and tried to calm him down. I noticed Mom standing in the doorway, ready to move if I needed her. It took a long time to bring an end to Jeremy's screams, but his crying and sobbing continued against my shoulder. His arms still clung to my neck, his legs still wrapped in a vice grip around my waist. He shook within my arms. The terror was still there.
"Jeremy?" I said soothingly. "Can you tell me what's wrong?" He just grasped me tighter. I turned to Justin. "What's wrong, Justin? Why are you so scared?"
Justin replied in a whisper. "He hurt our Daddy."
"Who?" I said. "Who hurt your Daddy?"
"The big man," Justin replied.
Bill.
Damn! I should have looked at the photos Jacob had brought to me! Damn and fuck it to hell! He had them and I could have looked at them, but I didn't want to see them. I could have avoided all this. Bill looked like that murdering animal and he was here to hurt
me now, too. At least in Jeremy's eyes.
I grabbed Justin in my left arm again and Brad released him. "No!" I said as I hugged them desperately. "Oh, no, no, no! That man didn't hurt your father. He's my friend, your Uncle Bill. The man who hurt your Daddy is gone away and he's never coming back again. He'll never hurt you or me or anyone else ever again. I promise you that." I looked at Jeremy. "Jeremy? Did you hear me?" He nodded. "That's not the same man, Son. They just look alike. He won't hurt you."
"He scares me," Jeremy sobbed.
Justin was calm in my other arm. He seemed to understand better than his brother, or he realized it was just a resemblance. "Bill is a nice man and he's your uncle. If you talk to him, you'll see. If I hold you, would you like to talk to him? I promise, he won't touch you."
Jeremy looked at Justin. Silent words passed between them. They both looked at me and nodded.
"I promise, too," Brad said reassuringly.
I looked at him. I'd almost forgot about him. "Are you okay? Jeremy got in a few good kicks."
Brad smiled his chipped-tooth smile. "Maybe a bruise here and there, but nothing serious." Then he added, "And nothing important."
I smiled weakly. "Go tell Bill what happened and explain to him that he looks like ‘You Know Who'. Bring him back alone. He'll know what to do. He always does"
He kissed the boys' cheeks before he left. "I'll be right back," he said.
"Do you need me?" Mom asked softly. I shook my head ‘no'. She disappeared from view.
"Don't be afraid, okay?" I said as I hugged and kissed the boys again. "I've got you. I won't let anything happen to you."
The boys still held onto me, but their grip had relaxed somewhat. We waited for Brad and Bill to arrive. I knew I could trust Bill to do the right thing. He was a big bear of a man, but a kitten in temperament. Somehow, I knew he would make things right.
Brad came in and sat on the other side of me, furthest from the door, but close enough that Jeremy could feel him there.
Bill approached slowly toward the door. He'd taken off his winter clothing and came forward with a gentle, friendly smile on his face. His hands were at his side, his palms opened casually and unthreateningly. He stopped in the doorway. "Hello," he said as gently and as cheerfully as he could. "I'm your Uncle Bill."
The boys' fingers clutched at my shirt again, but not as drastically as they had earlier.
"Brad told me that I look like someone who hurt you one time."
The boys nodded against my shoulders.
Still, Bill smiled. "Did he smile like me?" They shook their heads ‘no'. "Did he sound like me?" Again, ‘no'. "He just looked like me." Their heads shook up and down this time. "May I come in?" he asked. "I'd like to meet you."
Justin nodded his head. "Okay," he said cautiously.
Bill came forward slowly. As he neared the bed, he asked, "May I sit down?" Justin nodded and Bill sat carefully on the bed - close, but far enough away to be a threat.
I wish you could meet Bill. He's an amazing man. He knows people, and he knows how to handle them. He already knew about the murder and how the boys had been treated terribly by that man. It's doubtful that George ever asked the boys' permission for anything and used only threats in order to bend them to his will. Bill was making himself as unlike George as he possibly could.
"Thank you," he said softly. He was quiet for a long time, sitting there and letting the boys get used to him. They finally began to relax in my arms. "Did your Daddy Ted ever tell you about the time we made a great big snowman with your Uncle Warren when we were in college together?"
Damn! I'd forgot all about that. The boys shook their heads ‘no'.
Bill sat back and laughed. "Oh, my, but he was a big snowman," he said. "He was way bigger than both of you. He was bigger even than your Dad, here. We worked all day to make that snowman, and we made the biggest snowballs you've ever seen. The snowman was so big that your Dad had to climb up him to put the hat on his head. We used a great big carrot for his nose and we used black stones for his eyes and mouth. Then we used hockey sticks to make his arms and we even put a long, red, scarf around his neck. And do you know what we used for buttons on his coat?"
The boys were absorbed in Bill's story. I could feel their anxieties flowing away with his words. They shook their heads ‘no'.
"Go ahead and try to guess," Bill said with a cheerful laugh. "I bet you'll never guess."
"Stones?" Justin asked.
"No." Bill looked at Jeremy. "Can you guess?"
"Hockey pucks?"
"Aw, you guessed!" Bill said as he sat back and laughed again. "How did you know?"
"You used hockey sticks for his arms. Pucks make big buttons."
"Well, how about that? You're pretty smart for a little boy." To Justin, he said, "And you're pretty smart, too. Did you know your Dad still has a picture of that snowman?"
The twins looked at me. "Can we see it?"
"Sure," I said. Bill had worked his magic. "But first, I'd like you to say ‘hello' to your Uncle Bill."
"Hi," Justin said to him shyly, his index finger hooked in his mouth.
"Hi," Bill said. "What's your name?"
"Justin."
Bill turned to the other twin. "So, you're Jeremy. Hi, Jeremy."
"Hi," Jeremy replied. "You smell different. You didn't hurt our other Daddy, did you?"
"No, I didn't, Jeremy," Bill said softly, smiling. "That was another man. That wasn't me."
Jeremy looked at him for a long while, studying his face intently. "You're not the bad man. You don't scare me anymore," he said finally.
"That makes me very happy, Jeremy" Bill said. "Now, let's go see that snowman, okay?" He stood up as the boys scrambled out of my lap to the floor.
Bill led the procession as Brad and I followed. Jeremy held Brad's hand now, and Justin held mine. Everyone was sitting in the livingroom and all were turned anxiously toward us. I saw Bill nod once and everyone relaxed noticeably. I couldn't see the expression on his face, but I knew it was telling everyone that all was well again.
I stopped near Warren, who was sitting on the sofa with Mom and Dad. Lindsay sat in his lap. "Boys? This is your Uncle Warren. Warren? This is Justin, and this is Jeremy."
"Oh, Teddy!" Warren exclaimed. "Quel petits bonhommes beaux! They're even more beautiful than the pictures you Emailed to me! And you have
two of them! Merde!"
"Warren!" Mom reprimanded. Even
she knew what that word meant.
"Sorry," Warren apologized, suitably humbled. "I got carried away."
"We're going to see that snowman we built, Warren," Bill said. "Care for a bit of nostalgia?"
"Oh, I was so fat back then. Do we have to?"
"Yes," I said. "We do."
I released Justin's hand. "Sit near the coffee table," I told him. He did, and was quickly joined by Jeremy.
I was just about to pull a few photo albums from the shelf when Warren screamed. "Ack!! Is that what I think it is!?" I looked around. Warren was staring at Brad's hand. "Come! Come!" he said, anxiously waving his hands forward and sliding out from under Lindsay. "Oh, it is!" Then he was on his feet and examining Brad's ring finger. "Teddy! Why didn't you tell me!?"
"Sorry, I forgot," I smiled.
"You forgot? Cochon! You forget to take out the trash! You don't forget becoming engaged!" Warren had a way of being a bit dramatic, especially when he was excited. Mom and Dad were used to it, but I'm quite certain he was surprising a few of our other guests.
He grabbed Brad in a bear hug and Brad had no other option than to return the hug. And then he was on me. He whispered in my ear, "You lucky son of a bitch!" I hugged him harder.
"Yes, Warren," I whispered back, "I am."
* * * * *
The boys were suitably impressed with the snowman. Bill was tallest of the three of us then, and the snowman stood a good metre taller than he was. The bottommost snowball was larger than a good-sized range. The only reason we had built the snowman where we did was because we couldn't push the snowball any further. I can't remember how we got the second ball on the first. I showed them other pictures of Bill and Warren and I together.
"Look, Daddy!" Justin laughed "Uncle Bill is showing his bum!" Bill was mooning the camera.
Bill chuckled and looked at Warren. "And you were worried about looking fat."
Brad promised to help the kids make their own snowman as soon as it warmed up enough for the snow to become packy. . . sticky. This was good weather for backyard ice rinks. Not so great for building snowmen.
By now, the twins were much more comfortable with Bill. They no-longer shied away from him. They wouldn't climb into his lap or anything like that yet, but at least they weren't afraid of him anymore, especially when they saw that Lindsay and I were so comfortable around him.
But, the kids were getting antsy for their second round of gifts, so we pressed ahead. Dad and John once again played Santa and handed out the gifts. Bill and Warren had gone crazy spending for the kids, of course.
Lindsay got a hand-crafted doll house complete with hand-made furniture and decorations from her uncles. It was incredibly realistic. The twins' gifts were for both of them. They got an electric train set and a race car track. I mention these gifts because it was something of a breakthrough moment. Lindsay, of course, gave both Warren and Bill a huge hug and kiss. A moment later, Justin and Jeremy took her place. They hugged and kissed both of their new uncles, and they went to Bill without hesitation. The ugly memories of George were pushed away forever. New memories of a gentle and loving Uncle Bill replaced them. The twins never mentioned George or their father again.
There were plenty of other little things for them to open, of course. Mostly toys. And the adults all had their share of gifts to unwrap. With Bill's help, I carried the final family gift up from the utility room where I had been hiding it. As soon as he saw the large, wrapped box, Brad knew what it was. I was so excited for my family as I watched all four of them unwrap the box. I was so excited when I saw Brad's eyes light up and that chipped-tooth grin appear. I was so excited when I watched him open the box and, with my help, lift the big-screen LCD television out of it. I wasn't so excited when he said, "Do you have any idea how good ‘Thwack Thwack' is going to look on this thing!?"
I had been thinking more along the lines of F-Zero.
I felt better when Brad grabbed me in his arms and crushed the breath out of me as he smothered me with kisses. I felt even better when six tiny arms wrapped themselves around my legs.
* * * * *
All the gifts were opened now, and Brad was nestled into me, my left arm over his shoulder and holding him. He took my left hand then and tapped at my ring. "This is when you would have got this," he said.
"In front of everyone?"
"Sure. Why not?"
"What if I had said no?"
Brad simply smiled at me. "That was never an option, was it?"
I stared into his startling green eyes for awhile, trying to remain serious. I couldn't. I began to smile. "No, it wasn't." I kissed him. Right there in front of everyone.
"C'est bon, ça," Warren said romantically. He heaved a heavy, dramatic sigh. "Toujours l'amour."
* * * * *
Somehow, we got the boys to lay down for a nap. They went to their bed with no problem, but I didn't think they would sleep. But, there had been a lot of emotions that day. A lot of excitement. A lot of energy burned. They fell asleep despite their resistance. Even Lindsay went to her room for a short nap.
I managed to convince Brad to entertain us with a few Christmas tunes, highlighted by a magnificent rendition of Silent Night.
"Is there anything that boy can't do?" Warren asked as Brad was playing Greensleeves.
"He can't knit," I joked.
Brad looked over his shoulder. "Only because you don't have any needles around here."
* * * * *
The oval dining room table had been extended to its full length and eleven chairs had been set around it. Food had been placed everywhere there was room, and what wouldn't fit on the table sat on the sideboard. Dad had carved the turkey. His right as patriarch.
There were two platters of turkey, with more waiting in the kitchen if necessary. Dishes of cranberry sauce, heated rolls and lots of butter, Mom's cranberry stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, vegetables of all sorts, squash, pickles and cheese, Jell-O salads, a sinfully sweet bowl of Waldorf salad, baked ham, and much more. There was wine for the adults and juice in wine glasses for the kids. There was plenty for everyone to enjoy exactly what they wanted.
Waiting in the kitchen were pumpkin pie, apple pie, cherry pie, and lemon pie (home-made by Mom and Bernice) with plenty of whipped cream or ice cream to top it. There were pecan tarts, lemon tarts, cherry tarts, and raspberry tarts. No-one would leave my table hungry.
I sat at the end nearest the doorway. Justin sat at the rounded corner of the table to my right. Jeremy sat to my left. Brad was beside him, then Warren and Bill. Dad sat at the other end with Mom on the corner next to him. Finally, there was John and Bernice and Lindsay.
We all held hands in a circle as Dad gave his traditional Afrikaans blessing before adding his own little bit in English: "And thank you especially for the two young lives you have blessed us with. Keep them safe always. Amen."
"Amen," ten other voices repeated.
* * * * *
It was not surprising that Mom used the dishwasher that afternoon. Warren and Bill insisted on helping to clean up after dinner, sending Brad and me into the livingroom to be with the kids and the two grandfathers. Brad was on the floor with the boys, setting up the race car track. He made a simple figure eight track, but it could be laid out in many other combinations. I watched as he worked. He was like a little boy himself, wrapped up in the excitement of it all.
When he was finished, he sat near the controls, cross-legged, with Jeremy settled into his ‘seat'. Of course, I had to sit with Justin. I was so full from dinner that I knew I'd need help getting up off the floor, but the screams of delight as the boys sent the cars around the track made the whole effort well worth while.
Lindsay sat quietly at the coffee table, rearranging the furniture in her doll house. Warren wouldn't tell me how much it had cost, but I had a good idea. Hand-crafted doll houses didn't come cheap.
Both Dad and John fell asleep on the settee. The others were working in the kitchen.
As I sat there beside Brad, holding Justin between my legs and watching the cars zipping around the black track, the magnitude of my new family finally sunk in. A few months earlier, I had moved into this house alone, and now I didn't even have enough room for everyone to sleep in it.
I clutched Justin just a little bit tighter and bent down to kiss his hair, and then I looked at Brad. I keep saying that he is the most beautiful person in the world. You must be getting sick of hearing it by now, but I never get sick of saying it. He truly is beautiful. Everyone should be as lucky as I am. . . to find someone like Brad who is so full of love for everything and everyone, who is so gentle and kind and full of life. There isn't anything he wouldn't do for those he cares about, and no-one could be in safer, more capable hands.
I watched his face as he held onto Jeremy and watched the cars going round and round. When Jeremy laughed, Brad laughed. When Jeremy bounced with excitement, so did Brad. He was so much into this family for someone as young as he is. Just a few days out of his teens and he was every bit the caring and responsible father.
He was much more comfortable with himself in front of the family than I was, but I was getting better. He would kiss me any time, anywhere. He would hold my hand, or hug me, or cuddle with me, but always with dignity and consideration for others around us. He was a free spirit, and he was enjoying his life. We were as different as night and day - at least in body. Brad was solid and toned and bulked. I wasn't. His hair was as light as mine was dark - as long as mine was short. His body was as smooth as mine was hairy.
I loved being naked with Brad, but I hated seeing us naked together. We had stood in front of the bathroom mirror a few weeks ago after our shower together. My arm was over Brad's shoulder. His was around my back. My other hand was drawing tiny circles on his stomach and chest.
"I should set up a gym downstairs and spend my nights down there."
"Why?" Brad asked.
"Look at us. You look incredible and I look like shit. You've got that body and I've got this one. I feel like I'm cheating you somehow."
Brad had spun around and pulled me into his arms, pressing that body against mine. "It wouldn't be real, Ted."
"What?" I asked.
"It wouldn't be real. It would be artificial. I didn't fall in love with artificial. I fell in love with this body and it's perfect the way it is."
"But wouldn't you like to look at something a little nicer? Something without love handles?"
"No, I wouldn't, Ted," he said smiling, "because I wouldn't be looking at
you. This is you. This is the ‘you' I want. Don't even try to change it for me. I won't like it."
And then he dropped to his knees and showed me how much he didn't want me to change.
Now, you might be thinking that this is a strange thing to be talking about on Christmas Day, but those were the thoughts going through my head at the time. I had given up trying to figure out why Brad loved me, or why he found me attractive. If I saw myself on the street, I wouldn't give myself a second glance. But Brad saw something in me that was right for him.
You may have noticed that I don't talk about Brad's ‘endowment' much anymore. It's not like it's not there. It's always there, and, quite often, blatantly obvious to everyone. But, like everything else, we take it for granted now. We don't pay any attention to it. It's a part of Brad that cannot be erased. It is as accepted as his chipped tooth is. To people who see him for the first time, it's a fascination. To us, it's Brad. We would notice it only if it wasn't there anymore.
A pair of lips pressing against mine brought me out of my reverie. Brad was kissing me. "Penny for your thoughts," he said.
"God, I love you, Brad," I replied.
He smiled. "You know? I was just thinking the same thing about you." He kissed me again.
I don't know why Bernice had to bring in that plate of cookies and treats after that big dinner. Lord knows, we didn't need to eat any more food, but we all had coffee and tea and hot chocolate and we, by law I believe, required the cookies and things in case we wanted something to dunk into our chosen drinks.
I tell you, I've enjoyed my share of shortbread, but nothing matched what Bernice made. Even the shortbread from Scotland paled in comparison. You didn't have to chew. All you had to do was bite off a piece and let it melt on your tongue. It was seriously delicious!
Later in the afternoon, Brad talked Bill into helping him set up the new television and hook everything up to it. And then, horror of horrors, he appeared with a DVD in his hand and the most evil, disturbing grin on his face. "Thwack Thwack," he said. I tried to leave, but Bill held me back. Then, with Brad sitting beside me with his arm around me and the kids sitting in our laps, I hung my head as Brad pushed the ‘play' button.
Oh, how I wished someone had bought me a hammer for Christmas!
* * * * *
I got the boys into the tub and sat with them so they would wash instead of play. It was a short bath that night. Within twenty minutes, they were both cleaned and dried and dressed in pyjamas, robes, and slippers. Back in the livingroom, with Teddy bears in arms, they took their places in Brad's and my laps again. Despite the early hour, though, they soon began to fall asleep against our chests. We took them for a final round of hugs and kisses and ‘thank yous'.
When they got to Mom and Dad, they gave them their hug and kiss, and then Justin said proudly, "Dankie, Ouma. Dankie, Oupa."
Jeremy added with a broad grin, "Daddy taught us that."
From that moment on, Mom and Dad were known to the twins as ‘Ouma and Oupa'.
It was one of the few moments I've ever seen my father cry.
* * * * *
Brad and I put the boys to bed. Both of us got the biggest hugs we'd ever got from them, and we gave them the biggest hugs and kisses back. "I love you so much," I told each of them as I clutched them in my arms. I couldn't remember what it had been like before they came to live with me. They were just as precious to me now as Lindsay was.
Brad went back to join the others, but I stayed with them, sitting on the side of the bed and watching them fall asleep. I sat there for a long time afterward, watching them sleep. I heard someone enter the room quietly, and then I felt someone sitting on the bed behind me. Arms came around my chest and held me, and then a chin came to rest on my shoulder.
"You have everything I've ever wanted, Teddy," Warren spoke softly. "Everything I've been afraid to chase after. I don't have your courage."
I turned around to face him. "Thanks, Warren."
Warren's hand came to my hair and brushed through it. "Do you have any idea how much everyone here loves you, Ted?"
"I think so," I said.
"No, my love, you don't." His hand came to rest on my shoulder. "I've been watching today. As much as you think they all love you, you have to multiply it many times over. Especially these boys. You gave them a lot today, but nothing means more to them than you. They're your sons, Ted. As much your sons as they would be had they sprouted from your own loins. You may not have created them, but they
are yours. And I can't think of a single person who they deserve more as a father.
"You're an incredible man, Ted. Look around you. See what you've done. I know you, Ted. I know you better than you know yourself. You're sitting here, thinking that you've done what anyone else would do. You're wrong. No-one I know could have conquered all the hurdles you've encountered lately. No-one else could have made a family out of what you were given. You took your daughter away from the mother who was hurting her. You took a lonely young man and made him yours. You took two little boys whose lives had been swept away from them and gave them the home and love they need. Then you took two sets of parents and made them realize that this is the way it's all supposed to be."
I was fighting against the tears, but they were winning. "Warren," I said in a ragged voice, "please stop."
He pulled me into his arms and held me as I cried into his shoulder. "You
are loved, Teddy," he whispered. "Don't ever doubt that."
* * * * *
The kids were asleep. John and Bernice had gone home and Warren and Bill had returned to Mississauga. Mom and Dad were downstairs in their guestroom. The lights were all turned out now and the house was locked up and safe for the night.
Brad sat between my legs, his back pressed against my chest as I held him tightly around his naked chest. The hot water in the bathtub eased away the exhaustion of that Christmas Day. We didn't say anything. Our bodies spoke for us. Every heartbeat. Every breath. Every touch of the fingers. Everything spoke for us.
And when we were finished speaking silently, we went to our bedroom, closing the door behind us. Brad made love to me that night. My final gift to him and his final gift to me that Christmas Day, and it was our first gift to each other with rings on our fingers.
Brad's lovemaking was specially gentle and tender and slow. Again, our bodies spoke to each other and our eyes locked onto each other. Many times, Brad would push into me and bend down to kiss me, and then he would begin again. It was all wonderful, but I had to end it. It had been a long time since Brad had fucked me and he was stretching me much longer than he usually did.
He pulled out of me with as much care as he had entered me. I removed the condom and tossed it to the floor and Brad moved around to face my feet. Together, we finished each other with eager and hungry mouths. Our orgasms were as intense as our love. Brad filled me that night. I can't remember the last time there had been so much. It was like two climaxes at the same time.
It took a long time for both of us to come down from that ecstasy. We lay there, side by side until our cocks softened inside our mouths, and then for a long time after that. At last, Brad pulled his head away from me and slipped his cock from between my lips. As he settled in beside me once again in preparation for sleep, I turned out the lamp and he pulled the blankets over us. We kissed then, mixing our flavours together.
The kiss was as slow and tender as Brad's lovemaking had been, although it didn't last as long. When it ended, I said softly, "I love you."
Brad replied just as softly, "I love you, too."
We fell asleep naked that night. For the first time in a long time, we left the door closed.
To Be Continued