Watching Brad

[Fiorino]

I knew we would start to see some light at the end of the tunnel, hope it's not the train !
Fiorino

 

[gmoney]

Neil, you are definately holding my attention here. These last few chapters I think have been your best work! I know the road to recovery still has some bumps in the road you haven't shown us yet, but I like the way you are showing us how Ted is handling it. I just pray no relapse is part of his recovery.

Gary

 

[botboy03]

I just want to say YAY!!!!!!! since tomorrow is Monday. How sad is that? I look forward to Mondays now to read more about Ted and Brad and the entire fam.

Zac

 

[gsdx]

WATCHING BRAD
Part 116​

I felt a gentle knocking on my ribs. "Dad," my son said, "wake up."

I heard him the first time, but he knocked again and said more loudly, "Dad! Wake up!"

I rolled my head on Brad's shoulder and opened my eyes. The bedside lamp came on by itself and Justin was sitting on the side of my bed, smiling down at me. He was wearing a tight, white T-shirt with "Here's The Beef" printed in big, red letters and a big, black arrow pointing down. His blue jeans could use some serious patching.

"Gee-sus, Murphy, Justin.You're twenty years old," I said angrily but quietly. "Do you still have to knock on me to wake me up?"

He smiled his smile which hadn't changed since he was four years old and all I could do was to smile back. I could never stay angry at Justin for very long. "Old habits and all that, Dad."

"What do you want?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Okay," I said as I rolled onto my back and away from Brad. "But keep it down. Brad's asleep."

"He won't wake up, Dad," Justin assured me. "He's dead to the world." Justin sat facing me. He reached down and picked up my hand, holding it and placing it in his lap. I could feel the strong muscles of his thighs, solid and powerful from many years of bike riding and rollerblading. He looked down at our hands. "I've met someone, Dad," he said softly.

"Derrick," I said. "I know. You already told me."

His lovely, blue eyes found mine, the pale lashes framing them with sparkles reflecting from the bedside lamp. "No, not Derrick. His name's Randy. I met him at college. I'm over Derrick."

"Why?" I asked. "I liked Derrick. He was a nice guy and he was so good to you. He took good care of you and I didn't have to worry."

"You were right, Dad. He was too old for me."

"No, Son, I was wrong. Age has nothing to do with it."

"Maybe not for you, Dad," he said candidly. "You're older. You don't know what it's like for a guy my age. We have more needs than a guy Derrick's age can fulfil. He gets off one or two times and he's done for the day and I'm stuck wanting to go for three or four more."

"Sex isn't everything, Justin."

"Dad, I love you, but you're ancient. You can't even remember what it was like to be my age. Our dicks never stop working. They can go all day and all night and still be ready to go again the next day. Derrick can't keep up with that. Randy can."

"Son, you're not being fair to Derrick."

"Is he being fair to me, Dad? Is it fair to me that my sex life should suffer just because Derrick can't keep up with me? Do you have any idea how many times I've had to jerk off because Derrick loses interest after an hour?"

Before I could respond, the telephone beside my bed buzzed. "That's Derrick," Justin said as he pushed the ‘star' key on the phone to unlock the door. I didn't know I could do that. "I asked him to come over."

A moment later, Derrick showed up at the bedroom doorway. "Come on in, Derrick," Justin said.

Derrick entered and stood before us. He was dressed in a pair of my casual slacks and my light blue pull-over shirt. They looked much better on him than they did on me. "You wanted to talk to me, Sport?"

"Yes," Justin replied. "It's over, Derrick. I don't want to see you anymore. I've met someone else."

Derrick staggered back a step. "Over? What do you mean ‘over'? We're supposed to get married next week."

"Sorry, Derrick. You're too old for me. I've met someone my own age and we're happy together."

"But we were so good together, Sport," Derrick objected. "You always enjoyed it when we made love together."

"Sure, I enjoyed it, Derrick, but I need more of it and you can't give it to me. Randy can."

"Please, Justin," Derrick pleaded. He looked devastated. And he suddenly looked just like me!

"I'm sorry, Pops," Brad said. I looked at my Son and found Brad sitting there instead, still holding my hand and talking to Derrick/me. "I really am sorry."

"Justin?" I shouted. "Where's Justin?"

"He's dead, Pops," Brad said as he glanced down at me. "Remember? You killed him." He pointed to the bed beside me.

I followed the direction of his pointing finger. My grown-up son, Justin, was lying in bed beside me. He looked so incredibly handsome - so ‘natural' - in his black suit and navy blue tie. His eyes were closed and his hands were folded comfortably over his stomach in a traditional burial pose. I propped myself up onto my elbow, looking down at him, fighting the urge to cry. I bent down, pressing my lips to his. They did not respond but I kissed him anyway. I lost the battle and began to cry.

I leaned back once more and looked down at him. "I'm so sorry, Justin." My tears fell onto his beautiful, young face and I wiped them away with soft caresses of my fingertips.

Justin's eyelids opened slowly. His beautiful blue eyes found mine. He spoke in a four-year-old voice. "I'm not Justin, Daddy," he said.

"Who are you?"

"I can't tell you, Daddy. I promised."

"Who?" I begged. "Who did you promise? I don't understand."

His voice changed. "Yes, you do, Dad," grown-up Justin said. "You just don't want to."

"Justin, please! Help me! How do I stop myself from killing you?"

"You already know how, Dad."

"No, I don't!" I yelled. "Tell me, Justin! Please! Tell me!"

"We already have, Dad," he said, and then he smiled. "We've been telling you all along. Goodbye, Dad. I have to go now. There's nothing more I can tell you. I can't come back anymore. I love you, Daddy. Goodbye."

Justin's eyes closed and mine opened. I was alone in my bedroom - alone in the dark - and alone in my bed. I turned on the bedside lamp, grabbed the pad and pen I had set there, and began writing.

* * * * *

I lay awake for a long time after recording the dream on paper, thinking, but the sleeping pills were still working on me and I fell asleep once more. I don't recall any more dreams, and I slept well until I was awakened by the sound of my bedside clock alarm.

Before I got out of bed, I reread the dream I had written down. Justin had told me that I had all the answers inside me, but I didn't even know where to begin looking for them. He had said I had been told everything that there was to be told. The answers were somewhere in my dreams. I decided that would be the best place to start looking, but first it was time to start being Daddy again.

I managed to get the kids breakfasts ready by myself as I had promised. Mom wasn't too happy about it, but I didn't give her much choice. The kids were happy to see me back in my ‘father' role again and I quite enjoyed playing the part that morning. Dad drove Mom to the new house after breakfast and before going to work at his new job. I got the twins dressed against the early morning chill and we walked Lindsay to school. It felt good to get out again.

"Remember," I told Lindsay when we reached the schoolyard, "you go to Grandma Hayes' for lunch."

"I'll remember," she said, then ran off to join her friends.

The twins and I stopped at the park on the way home. There was no-one there at that time of the morning. They played on the jungle gym and I played with them, climbing the ladders and ropes and trying to slide down slides which weren't made for grown-up butts. But we had fun and the boys had a lot of laughs at my expense. When they grew tired of jumping and climbing and sliding, they sat on adjacent swings and laughed hysterically as I pushed them higher and higher from behind. And, when I finally grew tired of that, I sat in one of the swings and the boys climbed into my lap, each straddling one of my legs, their backs against my chest, and we swung gently back and forth for a long time.

"We missed you, Daddy," Justin said.

"A lot," Jeremy added.

I kissed their hair and said, "And I missed you a whole lot more."

* * * * *

We had an early lunch and buckled the twins into their safety seats in the van. Terry drove me to my appointment with Dr. Davis. With the pills I was taking, I didn't trust myself behind the wheel, especially with my family in the vehicle. I gave Terry enough money to buy the twins new sneakers and to treat them to a doughnut and chocolate milk at Tim Horton's before she came back to get me at two o'clock. It's amazing how fast little boys can wear out a pair of sneakers without even wearing them on their feet!

I waited until Terry had pulled out of the parking lot, waving to my sons, before entering Dr. Davis' building. He was waiting for me in the reception room and he took me immediately into his office.

I handed him photocopies I'd made of my dreams. "Oh, good," he said as he accepted them and gave them a quick glance over.

"I phoned Warren on Saturday after I left here," I told the doctor. "I had to talk to him. I had to ask him myself what his real decision had been. I hope I didn't do anything wrong."

"Did you find the answer you were looking for?"

"Yes. It was the same as ours."

"Then you didn't do anything wrong, did you?"

I didn't mention the second question I had asked Warren. I was happy knowing that my friend didn't hate me. Instead, I mentioned the dream I'd had the night before.

"We'll talk about your dreams tomorrow," he said, "after I've read these. Right now, I want you to tell me about you and Brad," he said as he settled back in his chair. The tape recorder was already working. "Start from the day you met and tell me how you fell in love with each other. Tell me as much as you feel comfortable talking about."

I started talking and didn't stop for the remainder of the hour. I didn't go into details, but I told him how we had met, how it had affected me to watch Brad through his bedroom window as he had masturbated, how we had discovered they joys of gay sex together, how we'd fallen in love, and how and when I'd begun having ‘problems' around him.

Before I knew it, my hour was over. Dr. Davis made no comment other than to ask me if I was available for a two-hour session tomorrow. He had a cancellation at two o'clock and was willing to let me have the time. I jumped at the chance, especially if it meant finding out what my dreams meant. He told me to keep one o'clock on Wednesday and Friday open as well in case more discussion was necessary.

I was surprised by and disappointed with the blunt end to my session with him. I felt as though nothing had been accomplished. I didn't feel any different going out than I had coming in. I felt I had wasted my money that day.

Terry was waiting for me in the parking lot. The twins were wearing their new sneakers. Justin held a pressed cardboard coffee tray into which was stuck a large cup of Tim Horton's coffee. Jeremy carried a box of TimBits. "The sneakers were on sale," Terry said to me. "There was enough money left over to buy you a treat."

Back at home, I poured the boys each a glass of milk and we sat at the kitchen table munching TimBits and drinking our respective beverages. They sat on my lap and fed me TimBits whilst taking the time to have their share as well. After our snacks, I picked them up and carried them first to the bathroom, and then to my bedroom and we all lay down for an afternoon nap.

When Lindsay was a child, I often spent hours on my back in my bed with my daughter sleeping on my chest. She hasn't done that for quite some time now, although she does sleep in my lap on occasion. I missed those days, and now I was doubly pleased that I now had two beautiful young boys to take her place. Few things in life are more pleasurable than holding your children while they sleep.

Terry went home at her usual time that night, but only after I threatened - with a smile, of course - to fire her if she didn't. It was time to be a father again and I didn't need her help doing that. I helped cook dinner, helped with the clean-up, and got the kids into their baths and dressed for bed. Later, we curled up on the sofa to watch our usual game shows, and then I tucked them in for the night when it was time for them to go to bed. It was the best night I'd spent in weeks.

Mom and Dad didn't pressure me to tell them anything about my progress with Dr. Davis. They asked and I said I'd rather not talk about it. They left it at that. Instead, we talked about the progress at the house. Painting was going more quickly than they had expected and would probably be finished up by Wednesday evening. All the plumbing Dad had wanted to do was finished and an electrician, recommended by John Hayes, had been through the house checking all the wiring and outlets and such to see that everything was up to code. Apparently, the house had been rewired only a few years ago and very little had to be done.

The house would be ready for them to move into at the weekend.

After they went to bed, I locked up the house, turned out the lights, and went to bed myself. I didn't have any dreams that I felt the need to write down.

* * * * *

Tuesday morning was still chilly for June. The twins wore their jackets when Terry took me to my appointment to see Dr. Blair at ten. She waited in the waiting room with the twins this time. They wanted to come in with me, but Terry soon had them occupied with the toys and books.

"Well," said Dr. Blair when he saw me, "you're looking a lot more alive."

"I'm feeling more alive now."

"Things going well with Dr. Davis?"

"Really well, and a lot faster than I expected," I told him. "He had my problems nailed down the first day. I think we've already solved the biggest one."

"Excellent. Let's see what it's done for you," Dr. Blair said encouragingly. "Open your shirt and roll up your sleeve, please."

I did so and my blood pressure was taken and my heart was listened to, and then my blood pressure was taken again.

"Wow," he said as he looked at the numbers. "That shouldn't have happened so fast. How have you been lately? Any anxiety attacks? Nightmares? Waking dreams?"

"None," I replied. "Just one attack during dinner last Thursday night, and no more nightmares. Only dreams, and Dr. Davis and I are going to talk about them tomorrow."

"No problems sleeping?"

"No. These past few nights, I've been falling asleep before the sleeping pills put me to sleep."

"That explains these blood pressure readings," he said. "I think we should stop the BP meds. Your heart rate is back to normal as well and you're not losing any more weight. Try doing without your other meds as well. See how you do. If you think you need them, start taking them again. Set up another appointment for next Tuesday. . ."

"That's the parole hearing," I reminded him.

"Ah, yes. Okay, Monday, then. In the meantime, I see no reason at all why you can't go to Toronto on Thursday for your friend, but I'd like someone to go with you."

"I'll find someone," I told him. "What about going back to work?"

"Well, I'd like to see you taking at least the rest of the week, but I'd prefer you wait until after our next appointment. Can they manage without you?"

"They've been managing so far, but my boss wanted to know if I could be available on-call in case they run into some serious programming problems they can't handle. They can send the stuff to my home and I can do it from there. I don't even have to go to the office."

"That would be okay, as long as you're not working full days."

"I don't think it will come to that. They'll only send me the stuff they can't handle on their own. Most of the time, my job is just supervising and meting out the work. The temp can handle that. Besides, figuring out programming errors usually involves nothing more than a lot of reading. It isn't exactly nerve-wracking."

"I think that would be fine," Dr. Blair told me.

"Oh, one more thing. The twins are waiting for me. They wanted to come in with me. I think you know why. Could you give them quick look-over to make them happy?"

Dr. Blair smiled. "Sure. Bring them in."

I stepped into the hallway. The twins were sitting on chairs beside Terry, staring at the door and waiting for me to appear. Their jackets lay on another chair beside them. I smiled and motioned them forward. They slid off their chairs and came running. Terry followed. The boys latched onto my hands. "We'll just be a minute or two," I told Terry. She returned to her seat to wait.

I took the boys into the examination room. Dr. Blair was waiting for us near the examination table. He patted it with one hand. "Up here, gentlemen, if you please."

I lifted the twins onto the table as Dr. Blair placed his stethoscope around his neck, smiling at the boys. He stuck a temperature strip to their foreheads. "Shirts up, gentlemen," he ordered as he placed the earpieces of his stethoscope into his ears.

My sons grabbed the hems of their T-shirts and lifted them. The doctor listened to their hearts and lungs, saying, "Take a deep breath," as he moved from spot to spot and from chest to chest. He looked into their ears with his magnifier. "Have you been washing behind your ears?" The twins nodded. Finally, he pulled out two tongue depressors. "Open," he said. They did, and the doctor looked in each mouth with a penlight. "Say ‘Ahhh'." They did in turn. Finally, he peeled off the temperature strips from their foreheads and examined them carefully.

"Well," he said as he tossed the tongue depressors into the trash bin, "we have two very sick little boys here."

The twins' faces fell into looks of deep concern as they tugged their shirts back down.

"But I have the perfect medicine right here." He smiled as he reached into his pocket and pulled out two sugar-free lollipops - one orange and one red. He knew their favourite flavours. Justin took the red one. Jeremy took the orange. "Those will fix you right up before lunch time."

The boys were ‘fixed up' long before I got them into the van and we were on our way home. Lollipops are miracle drugs to children. They sat in their car seats licking and sucking them as Terry drove us to my work. She waited in the van as I went inside with the twins to tell JW that I had been given the go-ahead to do some work at home. He was more than pleased to hear that and immediately told me about two programs which refused to do as they were told to do. He called Jamie into the office and told him to get the programs and specs ready to go home with me ASAP.

He was delighted to see Justin and Jeremy again, who stood beside me, holding my hands and eying the drawer in JW's desk which held all the chocolate bars. JW noticed and glanced up at me with a questioning look in his eyes.

"Okay," I said to my sons, "but you know the rules. Only one, and that's your dessert."

Their hands slid from mine as the walked toward the other side of the desk. JW already had the drawer opened by the time they got there. They quickly selected their favourite candy bars before Justin asked, "Do you want a Coffee Crisp, Daddy?" He looked at JW and whispered loudly, "Daddy can't drink too much coffee no more an' he has to get fat. The doctor didn't say he couldn't eat it."

JW chuckled. "Well, you'd better give him two then."

The look which came over their faces was precious. They glanced first at JW, then at me. "Why can you have two?" Jeremy asked.

I should have held my ground and restricted them to just one, but I smiled and gave in. "Okay, you can have two as well, but one will be for dessert tomorrow, okay? And don't forget to pick out two for your sister."

Their happy smiles returned. "Okay, Daddy."

They picked out another bar, along with two Coffee Crisps and two of Lindsay's favourite bars, and brought them to me. JW opened another drawer and pulled out a small manilla envelope and held it out to me. I took it and dropped the bars into it. "Those kind melt in hour hand," he said with a smirk, "not in your mouth."

We took our leave as soon as Jamie returned with the programs and specs. I still had to get lunch for the kids and to get ready for my appointment with Dr. Davis. I managed to talk the kids into saving their chocolate bars for a snack later that evening whilst watching television. They reluctantly agreed.

We dropped Lindsay off at school before heading on to my appointment. I told Terry I would take a cab home since the boys would be having their naps when it was time for me to come home. Again, I waited until they were out of the parking lot before I entered the building.

"I've read your dreams," he said when we were seated in his office. "Very interesting indeed."

"Do you know what they mean?"

"It's not what I know that matters," he told me bluntly. "It's what you know that counts. Now, before we get started, I've invited someone to be here for your second hour. He understands a lot more about this than I do."

"How do you mean?"

"He's gay as well and can fill in a lot of empty spaces that I'm not able to fill in. Of course, the decision is ultimately yours, but I highly recommend that you allow him to sit in."

I shrugged my indifference. "If you feel it's best," I told him.

"I do."

I nodded.

"Okay, now let's talk about your dreams."

We did, and the time flew by quickly. Still, I was no closer to understanding them than when I had entered the room, and Dr. Davis was offering very little in the way of explanation. My frustration was building but, just before it peaked, the telephone rang.

"Excuse me," Dr. Davis said. "That will be our guest." He stood up to answer the telephone on his desk.

I glanced at my watch. It was already two o'clock. Where had the time gone?

"Yes?" Dr. Davis said into the telephone. "Fine. Could you show him in, please?" He hung up the telephone and returned to his chair.

A few moments later, a gentle knock sounded at the door. Dr. Davis' receptionist opened the door, swinging it wide and stepping aside to allow the guest to enter.

Brad walked into the room.

To Be Continued​

 

[Blktiger58]

Wow!!!! I can't wait for Wednesday. This is good Neil!!. I preparing myself for the next big cliffhanger. You heard this so many times before but I'll say it again.... Great Story. Thank you for taking us Jubbers through the ups and downs of the Devillers household.
Have a good day Neil!

 

[wyndhampaul]

This is an arabian story from Spain! Definately MOORISH

 

[Kyanimal]

Neil, Buddy!

It's no big secret that I've been captured, hook, line and sinker, since the very beginning of "Watching Brad"! But ... now I'm wondering just when it was I was reeled into the boat, comfortably tossed into the hold, and sailed, who knows how many miles, with your capable hands guiding the helm!

You've brought us through stormy seas, pleasant calms, all the time picking up more passengers on this Awesome Cruise!! I am hoping, inspite of practical, "Real", considerations, that we never reach a "Final Destination"!! I'm more than willing to follow wherever You decide to take "Us"!!

Did I mention that I'm LOVING This???

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[botboy03]

Thanks for that Neil. Somehow I knew who the guest would be before I got to the bottom. Thanks for this latest Chapter. Now I can't wait til Wednesday.

Zac

 

[Just4fun2]

Thanks again Neil for a wonderful chapter. Brad is back. I just knew it was going to be Brad that walked into that room. Thanks Neil!

Chris

 

[GrayFox]

I think I'm going to cry!

 

[dave_63]

I was thinking as I was reading this chapter that I miss Brad Then the last line of the chapter..."Brad walked into the room" made my day.

I can't wait til Wednesday to see how it plays out.

A great chapter...a GREAT story...you are truly a gifted writer and story teller. Thanks, Neil for all the hard work you put into it

Dave

 

[smile86]

oooh this next conversation could be very interesting indeed! argh i'm not used to the cliffhangers, i only started reading this no more than a month ago!

 

[Jeimuzu]

*gasp*

Now I'm gonna be all curious until the next update!

 

[Trent0n1]

I'm so pleased to see that Brad is now part of the healing process for Ted. I just hope for the both of them that that continues to be the case.

Thanks Neil for yet another enthralling chapter!

 

[chris0626]

Is it Wednesday yet?!

Great chapter Neil! (as always)

 

[Fiorino]

The answer to all of our dreams, Brad, hopefully for good.
Fiorino

 

[kcm17480]

At least there is a ray of light at the end of the tunnel called Brad.

 

[Golliwog]

Kind Sir! I am so pleased to join the regulars who affirm you in such an enthuiastic way. This story is indeed wonderful. The plotting, the sense of place, the honesty of the dialogues, the richness of your vocabulary, all combine to elevate your story to heights far above the usual. Yours is not so much a gay story as a universal affirmation of family, of enduring love and acceptance of people as they arel. I love it! Thank you for your generous sharing. Which leads me to say that you really ought to be getting some financial recompense for your many, many hours of work. Ever think about that?

I happened to catch "Watching Brad" at your very first posting, and can hardly realize you have completed one hundred sixteen chapters since then. Congratulations on a superb work.

I be Golliwog, by golly.

 

[gsdx]

Once again, I thank everyone for your comments. As much as you appreciate the story, I appreciate your enjoying it much, much more, which, in effect, answers the question posed below:

Thank you for your generous sharing. Which leads me to say that you really ought to be getting some financial recompense for your many, many hours of work. Ever think about that?

By golly, Golliwog, I have thought about "some financial recompense", and that question has been raised a few times throughout the posts. Thinking about it, however, is as far as it will go. To be paid for doing this would make it 'a job', and I don't think that I would enjoy writing this story as much.

 

[upyrkilt469]

Another great chapter. So glad to see that Brad is coming back, even if it is only for a short time. I hope otherwise. Keep it up. Can't wait for the next chapter. Vic