WATCHING BRAD
Part 135
Part 135
The silence thundered in my ears as I sat there. Only the feel of Lindsay in my arms kept my mind linked to reality. Nothing else around me existed except for her and my sons. Even Brad was little more than a ghostly thought floating around in the far corners of my mind. Behind me, in the kitchen, Mom and Bernice were making dinner, but I didn't hear them. My mind blocked out the sounds.
My eyes fell on the Leapster games sitting alone on the coffee table. They were still running, the game screens frozen in time and doing nothing more than staring back at me and waiting with eternal patience until the twins came back to play with them again.
John came in shortly after five o'clock and joined me in my silence. Dad arrived just before five- thirty and came into the livingroom to sit beside me, putting his arm around my back and resting his other hand on my arm. "John and I will search together," he said quietly. "They will be found, Theodore."
I couldn't look at him. I simply stared into the empty space in front of me.
"Dinner is ready." That was Mom's voice, sounding from behind me.
Dad said softly, "I will eat with my grandsons. John and I shall be leaving momentarily."
"I thought as much," Mom said. "I have made thermoses of tea and coffee for you and John."
"I thank you most sweetly," Dad replied.
Mom's voice was gentle yet forceful as she held out her hands to my daughter. "Come, Lindsay. We shall dine together." She took Lindsay's hands and I released my grip on her as she slid away from my lap. With a glance from Dad, John stood up as well. They walked away, leaving Dad and I alone.
"You, too, must eat, Theodore," Dad said.
"I can't, Dad," I replied, my voice squeaking with the effort it took to say the words. "My stomach's in knots. Even if I could swallow anything, I doubt if it would stay down." I turned to him, looking into his face for the first time since he had come in. His concern was clearly displayed in his face. I lost it, falling into his arms and crying on his shoulder. I needed my Dad as much as my children needed me. "Oh, God, Dad. I'm so scared."
Dad's hands rubbed my back as he held me. "As are we all, my Sonskyn."
* * * * *
The minutes passed with excruciating slowness. People came and went. Phone calls were made. None of them held any good news for me. The twins were nowhere to be found. Nathan had joined the search and even JW and the rest of the staff had arrived soon after closing the shop to join in the search as well. There were a lot of people out there looking, and no-one was finding anything.
So, why couldn't anyone find them? Why hadn't anyone seen them? Even children who are hiding can be found. Sure, my sons may be terrified and avoiding all contact with other people, but they aren't invisible. Someone had to see them.
Lindsay rejoined me after her meal, crawling once more into my lap and folding my arms around her with her hand. Mom and Bernice sat with me and Lindsay, helping us to pass the time simply by being there.
Barry and Nathan dropped by to fill me in on the police proceedings. All cars were on alert and three cars were dedicated to doing a mapped search. Four other officers were doing a backyard search of the surrounding area, moving through the neighbourhood on foot, backed up by Nathan in his car. They had begun in the immediate area, searching every nook and cranny in every backyard in my block and the surrounding blocks. To top it off, four of the officers who went off duty with Barry joined in the search. Two of the officers drove their own cars. The other two joined the backyard search.
Barry questioned me briefly once more on the possibility of kidnapping, perhaps by the boys' mother, but I nixed that idea. There was no way the boys could have been removed from my house without Terry and all of the neighbours knowing about it. No. They had left willingly, and they had left by themselves..
With that, Barry and Nathan left again to continue looking for my sons.
I was convinced the boys hadn't been kidnapped. Of course, they may have been picked up by someone afterward, but I tried desperately not to even think about something like that. My only consolation was knowing that I knew they would never talk to strangers. They rarely did so comfortably even when I was with them. They had learnt at an extremely early age to be very cautious of people they didn't know.
None of this made me feel any better or less helpless, though. My place was out there, searching for them. I was accomplishing nothing here, and every second that passed only fueled my anxiety and my need to be doing something more productive than sitting at home worrying and fretting.
The more I thought about it, the more those emotions I had swallowed earlier rose back into my throat. I don't know how long I'd been sitting there, staring into space and seeing nothing, but I suddenly became aware of that lump in my throat and looked up at Bernice where she was sitting on the loveseat. She stopped in mid-sentence as she looked at me. Recognition flashed across her face and she rose quickly to her feet, reaching out her hand to Lindsay.
"Come, Dear," she said sweetly, with a gentle, soft smile, "let's go pick out some cookies so your brothers can have a snack when they come home."
Lindsay went with her, thank goodness, and I sprang to my feet.
"Teddy?" Mom said with great concern in her voice, but I ignored her and went straight to the twins' bedroom, closing the door behind me and leaning my back against it. My eyes closed tightly and my head tilted back against the wood as I fought back the emotions and tears, doing the breathing exercises which Warren had taught me. Not that I was having an anxiety attack, but they helped to calm me - helped me to think rationally. Unfortunately, as I did, I became more aware of my surroundings. I could smell my sons. Their scent filled the room.
Ever-so-slowly, I opened my eyes and tilted my head forward, allowing myself to look around the bedroom. It was just as they had left it that morning. Toys and books lay scattered about the floor. One of the toy box lids was open. Here and there, clothes they had dropped.
I stood there for a long time, looking and smelling, and then I pushed myself away from the door and moved to their dressers. I pulled open the bottommost drawers. There were their Teddy bears, right where they had put them when they didn't need them anymore.
But I did.
I lifted the bears from their beds, hugging them to my chest and moving slowly to their bed. I sat down, clutching the precious animals to me. Suddenly, I was taken back, looking at the boys through a one-way mirror, watching as they played with their transformer toys and cars and trucks. I watched as I sat beside them in the room, calling them by name and talking to them and getting to know them. I watched as they looked up at me, seeing me through the mirror, smiling at me and waving their tiny little fingers.
I saw them when they moved in with us and I remembered how easily they had become my sons. I thought of all the bumps and bruises, all the happiness and tears, all the colds and temperatures and flu. The good and the bad. I thought of it all, and the more I thought about it, the more I feared that I would never have more thoughts like that to remember a few years from now.
I looked to my right. Their pillow lay there, waiting for their heads to come home and keep it company. There were two pillows on the bed, but the twins used only one of them. They needed only one. I reached out my hand and picked it up, bringing it to my face. Through the scent of the detergent and fabric softener, through the cotton pillowcase and the polyester filling, I could smell them.
I pulled the pillow against my chest, holding one Teddy bear in each hand, and I buried my face into it, holding onto the bears as if they were my children, and then I cried.
* * * * *
Beyond the bedroom door, beyond the hallway, beyond the front door of the house, there was an entire world. And somewhere out there in that world were my twin sons - lost, alone, frightened, and waiting for me to come and find them and bring them home.
Yet, here I was, imprisoned in my own house by duty and loyalty to another, prohibited from going to them. The longer I sat there, the more the fear began to turn into anger. Lindsay needed me, but she had people around her. My boys were all alone. They had no-one - no-one but themselves. They needed me, just as they had needed me so many months ago in the observation rooms at the Children's Aid Society. The anger slowly grew with each second that passed, and then I made a decision.
I had to get out there. I had to search. I had to find my sons.
I stood up, dropping the pillow and bears onto the bed, and headed for the door. I was reaching for the doorknob when I heard voices at the front door - voices that I recognized. I turned the knob and yanked. In a heartbeat, I was through the door and in the hallway. Brad was standing there with Barry and Terry.
"Where are they!?" I shouted as I marched up to Barry. I did nothing to disguise my fury.
"We're still looking, Ted," Barry replied calmly. "Someone had seen them a few blocks east, but that was hours ago. We're trying to. . ."
My anger peaked at that moment.
"Damn it, Barry!" I screamed at him as I leaned forward. Our noses were so close they were almost touching. "You're a cop! It's your job to find them! Why haven't you found them!?"
"We're trying, Ted."
"Like hell you're trying, Barry!! You keep talking and telling me that, but nothing's happening!"
Brad grabbed my arm, trying to pull me away from our friend, but I twisted my arm out of his grasp, surprised that I had done so with such ease. Brad was surprised as well and took a step backward, deciding wisely not to challenge my wrath.
"Stay the hell away from me, Brad! I'm doing this my way now!" I turned back to Barry, venting on him once more. "Why aren't you out there looking!? What are you doing here!?"
"I came with Brad to see if you were okay."
"How the hell can I be okay, Barry! Huh!? I'm not okay! My sons are out there somewhere and I'm stuck here when I should be out there looking for them!! And now you're here taking a bloody coffee break! You promised me you'd find them and you can't! Now it's my turn! I'll find them myself!"
I spun in my tracks, confronted by Brad who still stood there. I glared at him. He was ready to take me on, but I was ready to take him on, too.
"Let him go, Brad," Barry said quietly from behind me.
Brad glanced over my shoulder, then back at me. He stepped aside.
My anger flowed away in that instant. I had won! I was free to do what I knew I had to do and the anger simply disappeared and was quickly replaced by an enormous amount of energy and excitement. I lifted my head and pulled back my shoulders and strode past him into the livingroom. Lindsay was sitting on Mom's lap there, cowering away from me. I smiled at her and held out my arms to her. "Come here, Sweetheart." My voice was amazingly subdued although it sounded odd and strained. I had actually felt pain in my throat when I yelled at Barry.
Lindsay came hesitantly into my arms, but relaxed when I hugged her gently. She hugged me back. I looked into her face and used one hand to tenderly wipe away the tears from her cheeks. "I have to go out and find your brothers, Sweetheart. I want you to stay here with your Grandmas and Brad, okay?"
"Okay, Daddy," she replied.
"I'll bring them home," I whispered softly. "I promise."
I hugged her again, cradling the back of her head in the palm of my right hand and kissing her hair. "I'll be back soon," I whispered.
She went back to her grandmother and I grabbed the rest of the photos from the coffee table. With a final check that I had my cell phone, I turned toward the patio doors. I would begin my search where the entire nightmare all begun.
"Ted!" Brad called to me.
I stopped in my tracks and turned back to face him, ready to challenge him again if necessary. "I'm doing this, Brad," I told him, "and I'm doing it alone. It's your turn to stay here and wait."
"I only wanted to tell you ‘good luck' and to give you these." He held out the candy bars for the twins. I stared at the wrapped chocolate and felt suddenly foolish. I walked back to him and took the chocolate, then I grabbed him in a hug. His arms came around me as well, hugging me tightly. "Bring them home, Pops," he whispered softly into my ear.
"I'm not coming back without them, Tiger," I whispered back.
A quick kiss and I was gone.
* * * * *
It was early evening. Sunset was still a few hours away. I wasn't bothered. I'd search all night if I had to.
I stood in the back yard for a few minutes and looked around. The wooden gate to the hot tub was closed and locked, just as I had left it the day before. No-one could get over the privacy fence without a ladder. The security fence around the pool was also locked, and Barry had checked there. Still, I looked through the wire fence to see the pool. There were no little boys floating face-down there.
I stood in my backyard, trying to put myself into the twins' shoes (if they had been wearing them) when they disappeared. What would have lured them out of the house and leave the door open? What would cause then not to even take the time to put on their shoes? What would coax them out of the yard and, ultimately, to cross the streets and become lost?
An animal, perhaps? A dog or a cat? A racoon?
Very possibly and quite likely. So, where would they go? Then I recalled something Barry had said. They had been spotted east of here - beyond the limits of my backyard. I walked to the end and looked at the cedar hedge which divided my yard from my neighbour behind me. The boys could easily have run through there chasing an escaping animal.
There were stone walls edging my yard on either side. The boys easily could have climbed over them, but I don't think so. That would have put them in yards of people they knew. If they were chasing an animal, they would have been calling to it and laughing. My neighbours, who know the boys, would have stopped them and brought them home.
Through the back hedge was my most likely option, and that's the way I decided to go. I had to crawl on my hands and knees to get through. Wooden fences on either side of the yard would have prevented the boys from going left or right. I headed for the side of the house and the street beyond.
I paused at the street. If it were an animal they were chasing, I doubted that it would follow the sidewalks. I crossed the street and headed into the back yard of the house directly across. Short, neatly-pruned trees bordered this yard. I passed on through the yard into the next. My search would begin there.
I circled the house and walked to the front door and rang the doorbell. A man answered. "Hello," I said as I held out the photo. "I'm looking for these boys. Have you seen them today?"
"I was at work all day," the man replied. "Hold on." He turned his head and called out, "Honey? Could you come here, please?"
A young woman appeared carrying a little baby in her arms.
"This gentleman is looking for these kids," the man said as she approached us. He held out the picture for her to see.
"They were wearing those clothes," I told her.
"No," she replied, shaking her head. "I'd certainly remember twins if I saw them. Sorry."
"Thank you," I replied as I took back the picture. I returned to the sidewalk and turned to the right, going to the next house and repeating my request. And then to the next, and the next. At the intersection, I crossed the street to the left and walked back down the other side of the street, asking at every house as I went. I circled the block until I was back at the intersection I had crossed. I crossed to the left again and began knocking once more as I continued toward the east.
At the next intersection, I crossed the street directly ahead and started knocking once again. It was at the fifth house down that I got my first break.
The lady was small and old, almost as wide as she was tall. She looked at the picture, holding it up to the light behind her. "Yes," she said. "I saw them running past the house this afternoon."
"When was that?" I asked eagerly.
"Oh, my, let me think. I was watering my African Violets when I saw then running up the street. It was just before my soap opera came on. Two o'clock?" Then a look came over her face. "Oh, my! They've been missing since then?"
"Yes."
"Oh, my. The poor little dears. You know, I thought it was odd that they were alone. They were holding hands and I thought they were running to catch up with their mother."
"Which way were they running?"
She pointed east. "That way," she said.
"Thank you," I said, leaning in to give her a quick peck on the cheek.
She covered her smile with her fingers, tittering shyly. Then she handed the photo back to me and said, "God speed."
"By the way, did anyone else talk to you today about this?"
"No," she replied.
I nodded and gave her my thanks once more. As I left, she closed the door behind me. I didn't bother knocking on any other doors on the street. I knew I was on the right track. And I also knew that people hadn't been knocking on doors. In just over half an hour, I had found my first lead.
I crossed the intersection, still heading east, and began knocking on doors again, crossing from one side of the street to the other. I got another sighting on the left side of the street half-way up the block. This time, they had been running through the man's back yard, but they were still heading east.
My plan was working and I continued it. I had been at it for almost an hour and a half. The sun was nearing the horizon behind me. It would be getting dark soon. Already my shadow was stretched out in front of me. I cursed myself for not having the foresight to have brought a flashlight with me, but there was nothing for it now unless I found a convenience store along the way. Then I would buy one.
I hurried to the next intersection, crossed once more, and continued east. By this time, with time being my enemy, I forwent the pleasantries and rushed my way through. As soon as I received a ‘no', I turned and ran to the next house with a simple ‘thanks' shouted over my shoulder. There were no sightings in that block nor in the next.
I ran back to the intersection. Left or right? South or north? I chose south. Down one side of the street and back up the other. Nothing. I crossed the intersection, continuing north. A young boy and his mother, living near the end of the block, had seen them pass on the other side of the street. The young mother had called out to them. "They were holding hands with each other," she told me. "One of them was limping pretty badly and he was crying. When my son called out to them, they started running and went around the corner there," she said, pointing to the next intersection.
"When was this?" I asked. By this time, my voice was harsh and rugged. I was losing it, and it almost hurt to talk.
"A few hours ago," she replied.
"Why didn't you phone the police!?"
"I did!" she said hastily. "They said they'd send someone out to talk to me, but no-one came."
"I'm sorry," I apologized sincerely. "They've been missing for eight hours now and I'm a little frantic."
The mother, who was standing behind her son, slid her hands protectively over his chest and held him close. I could very easily be her. "I'd be a bit frantic, too. I hope you find them soon."
So do I," I said. "Thank you very much." I took off running again, down the street and around the corner.
Darkness quickly closed in around me. Lights were turned on in houses. That would make my search easier. I wouldn't have to waste time knocking on the doors of the dark homes. I got another sighting in the next block, but the biggest break came in the block following. I was talking to a man, standing in his open doorway and showing the photo to him and his wife, when a voice called out from across the street behind me.
"Hey, Joe!" I turned to see a man across the street setting a trash can on the curb. "Is that guy looking for two little kid?"
"Yes!" I shouted as I headed down the walk toward him. My throat hurt and my voice grated roughly when I shouted, but I swallowed the pain. I prayed that it would hold out a little while longer. Joe and his wife followed me to the street.
The man met us on the sidewalk, holding out his hand for the picture. I handed it to him and he looked at it under the streetlight. "Yup. That's them. Same shirts. They were wearing socks. No shoes. And they were both limping pretty badly."
"Oh, God," I said as I grabbed him by the arms. "When? Where did you see them?"
"About an hour ago," he replied. "On Keller. I thought it was strange that they were alone, so I pulled over, stepped out and called to them. They took off running away from me. By the time I got back in the car and got turned around, they were gone. I thought they might have run into the park. . ."
"Park!?" I shouted with a sudden burst of hope and excitement.
"It's more of a garden, really. I walked through it, but I couldn't see them."
"Is there a jungle gym there?" I asked excitedly.
"One of those things kids climb on?"
I nodded.
"A small one, and two swings," the man replied. "And a small gazebo back in the gardens."
"Where is it?" I begged. "How do I get there?"
He pointed in the direction I had come from. "Turn right at the stop sign. Next street is Keller. Turn left and the park is in the third block down. The other side of the street."
I took off running, shouting ‘thank you' as I went. Behind me, a voice shouted, "Hey! I can drive you there!" But I was running too fast to respond, and I doubt if he would have heard me if I did. There was very little left of my voice.
I turned right and then left on Keller. I can't remember the last time I ran so fast or for so long. My feet wouldn't stop moving. They carried me along the street as houses zipped by me. One block. Two. And then the third. I almost missed the park it was so small. I skidded to a halt and looked in. My heart was pounding and my lungs were burning with the effort of trying to get oxygen into me. I stood there for several long, agonizing minutes, looking and listening, willing my body to relax. As the seconds passed, my heart rate and breathing slowed. I gathered the energy I would need to see this through.
There were no lights in the park. Only the city lights and the moon overhead showed me where the jungle gym and gazebo were. The park appeared empty and was even a bit frightening and intimidating. I went in only because my sons might be in there, and it frightened me even more to think that they truly might be there.
"Justin?" I called gently as I walked quickly down the path toward the jungle gym. "Jeremy?" I called their names again, louder this time. Even then, my voice, what was left of it, was almost a whisper. There was no response.
I reached the jungle gym. It was small and I could look into it without even climbing the short ladder. I could see the walls, but I couldn't see any little boys. My original excitement flagged drastically, but I went to the gazebo next, still calling out their names. The gazebo was small as well and painted white. I climbed the three steps of the gazebo, the sound of my shoes on the wood splitting the silence. There was a small bench directly across from me and two others on either side.
But there was no sign of Justin and Jeremy. At that moment, all of my fear and loneliness and helplessness and despair and anguish came out in a single, agonizing scream which sent a chill through the night air. Do you remember Superman's scream when he discovered that Lois Lane was dead in her car? The scream when he took off and flew into space? That was my scream.
I had been so excited a few minutes earlier, so certain that they would be here. It was right. It was where they would go if they saw it. They should be here!
I called their names once more and received only silence as a response. Disheartened, exhausted, sore, and frightened more than I had ever been in my life, I slumped onto one of the benches and I cried.
It was quiet there, the sounds of the city far away. Only the occasional bark of a neighbourhood dog or a passing car shattered the deafening silence. It was so quiet that I could actually hear my heart beating within my chest, and that silence only served to make me feel more alone and helpless. My sons were all alone out here somewhere, and now I was, too.
I couldn't stop the tears. They came on their own, unbidden and unwanted, and I couldn't stop them. I didn't want them to stop. I wanted to cry. I wanted to die.
Through my tears, through the sobs and sniffles and the rough, husky voice, I said, "Where are you, my Sonskyns?"
And then I heard a tiny voice come to me from the darkness. "Daddy?"
To Be Continued
I'm so glad Ted seems to have found the twins. I hope they are okay. Great chapter Neil.
I can only imagine how frantic Ted was, and how scared the twins were when they realised the enormity of what they had done. A wee little adventure that turned into a full blown search.
!! 
