I'm glad....not because I'm a nasty bugger, but that it demonstrates...again...what a passion you have with this story. As do we all. Just be careful you don't electrocute yourself on that sodden keyboard Neil.
Trent
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Watching Brad
- Thread starter gsdx
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Trent
caddymac
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Neil, another fantastic chapter. I could not stop until I was to the end. I was on an emotional roller coster and like the rest I too had to have the tissues, had to go get them. I am grateful Warren & Bill started to focus Ted in the correct direction. It was too bad Ted had to stoop to using the kids against Brad but that is the way people use the loved ones. Just a fact of life that you brought out!. Being Jeremy was so distort I am surprised Justin didn't hug Brad also before going to Ted's arms.
Thank you for a job well done Neil. Look forward to the next one! I sure hope you decide to publish this!
Thank you for a job well done Neil. Look forward to the next one! I sure hope you decide to publish this!
shaff2525
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I just wantd to tell you that your story is beyond great. I found it last weekend and have been reading everyday. work, read very little sleep. I just could not stop eveny at work I would find myself wondering about ur story and wanting to get home to read.
one of the best stories I have every read. Thank you
one of the best stories I have every read. Thank you
I... you... *sniffle* You write too well... it's not safe, I tell you!
These chapters are up to your usual standard of incredible. I love it.
These chapters are up to your usual standard of incredible. I love it.
Neil - Thanks for the great writing. As far as the comments as to Ted waking up; I gota wonder. Seems as if there should have been some on-going therapy from the near burn-out from before. I mean, let's face it a "family" relationship between two same sex partners is different from a Male/Female one. If for no other reason that there are different demands/expectations society places on the two. I really think the bottom of the problem(s) has (have) yet to be found. Just don't turn it into too long a cliffhanger. Brad and the kids need to have things get "fixed". BTW it is Monday, where is my fix? 
Andy
Andy
(Are you guys psychic or something? Have you hacked my computer so you can read the chapter before I can post it? 
I'm a little late in posting, but it was a quiet, relaxing Easter weekend and I got a little behind. Here you go, though. Enjoy.)
I'm not proud of what happened. Indeed, I hate myself for having allowed it to happen. But it happened and nothing can be done about it now except to try to repair the damage done. I could very easily have omitted this event in our lives from the story. In hindsight, the entire episode embarrasses and disgusts me, but simply omitting it from this story might have served me better but it would have been an injustice to everyone else, and especially to Brad and Jeremy. Their suffering far outweighs my humiliation, and their devotion to each other and to me most certainly deserves recognition.
I should have been able to prevent it. Sometimes, though, the seed of an idea lands in a man's brain and takes root where, like an invasive weed, it grows and propagates with the fertiliser of events going on around him until it overwhelms and preoccupies the mind. It causes him to ignore much of what is occurring, and those things that he cannot ignore he simply rationalises as insignificant or, at least, less significant than they actually are. He also finds a way to transfer all fault from himself to someone else.
I did that. . . and much, much more. I had noticed the changes in Jeremy's behaviours - or, at least, the changes I had witnessed first-hand - but I put them down to the idea that Jeremy was simply missing Brad. I had convinced myself that he would ‘get over it'. Even now, I wonder what might have happened that night had Warren not raked me over the coals, as it were. I'm not at all certain Jeremy's behaviour would have affected me as it did. I do know that Warren's behaviour surprised me and even shocked me, but I wasn't convinced that he was entirely correct. It wasn't until I reached out for Jeremy and touched him, and his blood-curling scream speared its way into my brain and slammed head-on with my obsession and shoved it aside long enough for Warren's words to fall into place. It made me understand that I was, in fact, the cause of everything which was happening to my family. Were it not for my actions, Brad would not have left home and my son would not have screamed in such terrifying defiance when I tried to separate him from his comfort spot tucked amidst Brad's clothes and clinging to a pair of shoes.
I couldn't ignore Jeremy's behaviour anymore. Nor could I rationalise it. Not after that scream. The sound of it stayed with me for a long time after that night reminding me over and over again of the life he had before I met him, the life he had after I met him, and then the life I had taken away from him. He had come into my life with the most meagre of possessions and a brother who cherished him more than anything or anyone else. He had nothing and then he had more than he'd ever had in his entire life - he had a family that adored him. Most of all, though, Jeremy had someone he could love, someone he didn't have to share with his brother.
Brad had left on previous occasions, but Jeremy always knew when he was coming back home. He still missed Brad, of course, but at least he knew Brad would be coming home. I suppose that's why I didn't find his behaviour all that unusual. This time, however, he didn't know. No-one would give him a definite answer - not even Brad. It began with "a few days" and then became "I don't know". After a week, I'm sure he must have felt that Brad abandoned him.
I don't know what kind of relationship he had with his biological father, but I'm sure he must have felt abandoned those two days following the murder with his father lying within arm's reach of the crib and not being able to wake him up. Perhaps Jeremy had convinced himself that something similar had happened to his Daddy Brad. We may never know.
All I know is that, at the moment that Jeremy recoiled from me and let out that scream, I suddenly realised that I was at fault, that I alone was totally responsible for his condition and for the disruption of my entire family. I don't know whether or not Jeremy knew that I was responsible for Brad going away, but that's how his scream made me feel. It made me feel as though he hated me for doing it. I could no-longer ignore it, nor could I rationalise it. I had screwed up and I had screwed up royally, and there was no-one else to blame except for myself..
Thinking back on it now, I suppose the first inkling of Brad replacing me as a father occurred when he began talking about adopting the boys. I had though he might, so that hadn't really bothered me. . . but the seed had been planted when he spoke the words. The seed sprouted over time and took root the first time Jeremy called him ‘Daddy Brad' after the wedding. I thought it was cute at first and a clever way of distinguishing between the two of us, but, deep inside, the thought was beginning to grow and spread, pushing rationality into smaller and smaller areas and eventually starving it of nourishment and sunlight. Instead of my obsession being destroyed by the fire, it thrived in the flames and grew with even more speed and determination until my mind was completely preoccupied with idea that Brad was trying to replace me as a father. It was no-longer a ‘perhaps'. It was a ‘definite'.
It would have been easy for Brad to do it. Replace me, that is. For one thing, he is so much younger and considerably more able than I. He can do things with the kids that I can't do, and the things I can do, Brad can do for as long as the kids need him to do them. Whereas I become exhausted and quit during the halftime show for a nap, Brad is gaining his second wind and is ready for the second half and can see the game through until the clock counts down to zero.
I was jealous of him, I suppose. I loved him, but I was jealous of his just the same - jealous of his youth and his strength and his boundless energy. I began to doubt my abilities as a capable father and, as suspicion grew inside me, I began to question Brad's motives for marrying me. I began to convince myself that he had married me just to get to the kids. The fact that he fell in love with me and agreed to marry me long before the courts told me I could adopt the twins was irrelevant. Brad could easily have anticipated a denial of my petition and, if the court's ruling went against me, it would have been simple for him simply to have ended our engagement and released himself from his commitment. As I said a moment ago, one rationalises such things. The idea of Brad replacing me as a father was very plausible and became very real to me. At least in my mind.
So, what would have happened had it not been for Warren's and Jeremy's actions on that day? I don't know. I suppose some other intervention may have brought me to my senses and around to the same proper thinking, but it's impossible to answer ‘what if' questions in circumstances such as this. I was lucky. . . this time.
As I mentioned a few moments ago, I could have avoided all the humiliation of relating this little episode in our lives. I could have skipped over it entirely, not mentioning it at all, as if it hadn't even happened, but there are lessons to be learnt for others in the telling of it. If I can save even one other person the anguish of almost tearing a family apart as I almost did, then including it in this story has been worth the effort and any amount of embarrassment I have suffered as a result of relating it to you.
Life is different for me now since I married Brad. I can't treat him the same as I could treat Connie when we were married. There are old rules that I must forget completely and there are new rules that we both must learn. Despite his age, Brad is a grown man and he is my equal in this relationship. He shares my duties as a parent - as a father. He isn't there to serve as a mother despite the fact that he is a far-better cook than I am. We must learn how to share the responsibilities and I must avoid thinking of our marriage as a competition.
It's going to be a learning experience for all of us.
* * * * *
With Jeremy firmly attached to him, Brad stood up and stepped out of the closet doorway, turning to face me and Justin as he did so. With his free arm, he drew me into a hug and kiss then did the same with Justin. He turned next to Lindsay and squatted for her hug and kiss, then stood up once more to greet Mom and Dad in a warm embrace.
"It is good to have you home again, Son," Dad said to him.
"Good to be home, Dad," Brad replied with a bright, chipped-tooth grin on his handsome, young face, making me wonder even more how I could have allowed myself to let him go away.
We took Lindsay back to bed and joined Mom and Dad downstairs for a final and refreshing cup of tea. There was no putting the twins back to bed in their own room. I don't think anything or anyone could have removed Jeremy from Brad's person. He had his hands on his Daddy Brad and he wasn't about to let him go again, and if Brad was going away again, Jeremy was going with him this time. That was abundantly clear. And so they came downstairs with us, quickly falling asleep in our arms as we sat back and chatted and sipped our tea.
Brad made a quick call to Nathan and thanked him profusely for all his help and the use of his sofa and said he'd be over the next day, Saturday, to pick up his stuff.
"Why did you stay at Nathan's?" I asked him after his phone call. "I thought you were at your parents' house."
"He invited me to stay. I phoned him last Friday before I left to tell him what had happened and that I needed to talk to him about the landscaping and he invited me to stay with him and Barry. It was a bit cramped, but we managed, and it was good to be able to talk with someone who could understand a bit of what I was going through. They really helped me feel like I was making the right decisions."
"Such as?" I asked.
"Well, I'm not going back to school, for one thing," Brad announced firmly. "At least not at Ryerson. That's on hold right now." He looked at me as if searching for a reaction.
I held up my free hand in resignation, palm out, and said, "It's your decision to make, Brad. I'll support you in whatever you decide to do."
Brad smiled at me then, and it was good to see. "Thanks, Pops," he said softly. "Anyways, I did a lot of thinking this past week and I did a lot of research on the net, and I made a lot of decisions. I like working at the store and I'm going to stay there so I can start helping to pay some bills around here." He beamed proudly when he added, "I've found a course I can take online and get my degree in landscaping. I've already talked to Mom and Dad and they're paying for it for me. I should be able to get my degree within a year or so, depending on how much time I can put into it. They only allow two years to complete it, so it can't be that tough a course."
"Is it an official degree?" I asked. "I mean, it's not one of those fly-by-night colleges that just sells you phoney degrees, is it?"
"No, Ted. It's an accredited university. Right here in Ontario. Everything is done at home and online. I've already enrolled and Dad has sent in the tuition already. It includes all the books and supplies and stuff. Everything I need for the course. And everything's being sent to Dad's place. I wasn't sure what was going on or where I'd be living, so I thought that was the safest place to send it."
"So," Dad interrupted gently, "it is still your intention to form Baie Dankie Landscaping?"
"Sure is," Brad replied proudly. "I've already been talking to Bill about it, and Nathan and Barry, too. Bill's going to look around for a few more investors and Nathan said he would help me run the place and get it off the ground. Who knows what might happen after that. We're still figuring out a plan, but Bill and Warren suggested that we scrounge up a few jobs and make deals with the people to give them huge discounts as long as we can use their properties for promotion and recommendation. Warren suggested for us to use real landscape designers and temporary workers for awhile until things pick up and we can start hiring permanent staff. I talked to David, too. He said he'd love to work for me once he gets settled here and can go to work legally."
"What about your engineering degree, then?" That, of course, was my question.
"Like I said, Ted, it's on hold for now. I can always take the final year later on when I have more time. If I decide to. Right now, though, there are more important things for me to do." He paused a few moments, perhaps judging my reaction, than said, "I'm doing this, Ted. I've made my decision and I'm doing it. If you have a problem with it, tell me now or we'll. . ."
I shook my head ‘no' and stopped Brad in mid sentence. "I said I'd support you and I will. I might need you to remind me of that from time to time, though, in case I forget."
"Indeed he will," Dad said with a wink toward Brad. "And we shall remind him to do so at every opportunity. And now," he added as he rose to is feet, "I believe it is time for us to retire. The house is locked. You need only extinguish the lamps." And with that he bid us a ‘good night' and he and Mom left us alone.
* * * * *
We knew it would be a senseless battle to try and get the boys into their own bed so we resigned ourselves to having company in our bed that night.
"You don't mind, do you?" Brad asked.
"I think I owe him that much," I replied. "Don't you?"
"Well, I just thought. . . I mean, after a whole week. . ."
"Jeremy is more important to me than sex, Brad, and so are you. It's enough to have you back home."
"I thought you might have missed it, that's all."
"I missed a lot of other things a lot more," I told him firmly. "It can wait."
In our bedroom, Jeremy woke up the instant Brad set him down on our bed and began crying again. Justin, still asleep in my arms, woke up as well. Jeremy sat bolt-upright in the bed and stretched out his arms to Brad to be picked up again.
"It's okay, Jeremy," Brad hastened to assure him as he placed his hand gently on Jeremy's cheek and stroked it lightly with his thumb. "I'm just going to the bathroom, okay? I'll be right back."
"I want to go, too."
"Do you have to go pee?"
Jeremy shook his head ‘no'.
"Then I want you to stay here and wait for me," Brad said as I set Justin on the bed beside his brother. "I'll be right back, okay? I promise:" He leaned forward and kissed Jeremy's hair, promising once again that he would be right back.
Jeremy stopped crying but began to sob and sniffle as we headed out of the room and down the hall. We were as quick as could be in the bathroom and returned only minutes later where we found Jeremy still sitting up in bed precisely where Brad had left him, his eyes glued impatiently to the doorway. He wasn't sobbing any longer, but his eyes were still moist with tears and his face was full of anxiety and trepidation. His attention was locked on us as we began to undress and his taut and anxious features began to relax only when Brad pulled his T-shirt up and over his head and tossed it onto a chair. They relaxed even more as Brad undid his shorts and pulled them off. The socks coming off was the key which ultimately unlocked the tiny, relieved smile which settled on Jeremy's tear-moistened face. As he had promised, Daddy Brad wasn't going away.
We settled quickly and easily into bed and the boys settled happily on top of us in their accustomed positions whenever they slept with us, straddling our waists and using our shoulders as pillows. Despite his excitement, Jeremy was asleep within moments. His brother was asleep almost immediately afterward.
I must admit that I quite enjoyed having Brad share my bed again. My bed had felt so empty without him in it. His warmth and his scent comforted me and I was pleasantly surprised when his right hand found my left arm and travelled its length until it reached my hand where his fingers entwined in mine.
"I hated not being here, Pops," Brad said into the darkness which surrounded us.
"I hated it, too, but I hate myself more for what I did to you and everyone else."
"Don't. Let's just learn from it and move on, and we can start by you telling me why you didn't want me to get a job and help with the mortgage."
"Can't this wait until later?"
"No, Ted, it can't wait until later. Not this time. Not anymore. I've been where ‘later' gets us and I didn't like being there very much. We talk about it now."
I tried to remind him of the lateness of the hour in hopes of putting him off, but Brad wasn't about to be deterred. He was being just as stubborn as I was. With a stalemate called, I had little choice but to break it. I swallowed my pride and admitted to him my irrational thoughts of him trying to take over my role as father.
I thought he might get angry, and I wouldn't have blamed him if he did. I thought he might simply let go of my hand and take Jeremy into the twins' bedroom and sleep there, but he didn't. He didn't even sound angry when he asked, "How could you even think something like that, Ted?"
"I don't know, Brad. It just got into my head and I couldn't get it out. All I could see was that you were trying get into the family so you could try to take it all away from me."
"Gee-sus, Murphy," he said in a feather-light whisper. He was silent for an eternally long time and his grip on my hand increased. I could almost hear him thinking. Finally, his voice returned. "Wow. This is bigger than both of us. I don't think we can do this one alone, Ted."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I think we need help with it. This is too big for us to just pretend it's all over, like it never happened. I think maybe we should try and talk to that doctor friend you went to. You know, the one who helped you with the dreams. Or maybe a marriage counsellor or something."
"I don't know, Brad," I said. I didn't really relish the idea of forking out good money to humiliate myself even more than I already felt. "Do you really think it's necessary?"
"Do you think it's worth the risk not to?" he asked. "I mean. . ." He left his sentence dangling in the darkness.
I have to admit, though, that Brad made me think. I had admitted my fears first to Warren and then to myself and, ultimately, Brad. But, did that mean the end of it? Could we just put it behind us and forget it? Jeremy's scream returned to my inner ear.
No, I didn't think so either. I'd learnt my lesson enough to know that I had no desire to see a repeat of recent events. With Jeremy's scream sounding in my brain once more, I said, "We'll make an appointment first thing Monday morning."
An explanation of recent events in the story: As you know, this story wasn't supposed to go on for several hundred chapters. I realised I'd got myself into serious trouble right at the very beginning and it's catching up to me. You see, I needed Brad to be in university for the story and I needed it to be in Toronto. The only university I knew was Ryerson, and that's because my brother and his son attended there, and they both studied engineering. I didn't, though, and I really have no idea what to do with an engineer or even how they go about studying to be one.
You also probably know that Ted was supposed to have his breakdown after the house burnt down but I shifted it ahead when I brought Connie back into the story for her parole hearing. It had always been my intention to use the real storms which swept through Ontario to burn down the house, but I was now without Ted's breakdown. Still, though, I wanted to get rid of that notion of him being an engineer, especially since I wrote in a fear of heights. (That was one of my better D'uh moments, eh?)
So, with the house gone and with the discovery of the new house that everyone wanted to build, I decided to make Ted the bad guy and literally fuck himself so I could get Brad out of engineering school. It was never meant to happen, but it certainly succeeded in allowing me to get Brad going where I really wanted him to go. If I have to research anything, I'd rather research flowers than structural engineering.
Luv always.
Neil
I'm a little late in posting, but it was a quiet, relaxing Easter weekend and I got a little behind. Here you go, though. Enjoy.)
WATCHING BRAD
Part 193
Part 193
I'm not proud of what happened. Indeed, I hate myself for having allowed it to happen. But it happened and nothing can be done about it now except to try to repair the damage done. I could very easily have omitted this event in our lives from the story. In hindsight, the entire episode embarrasses and disgusts me, but simply omitting it from this story might have served me better but it would have been an injustice to everyone else, and especially to Brad and Jeremy. Their suffering far outweighs my humiliation, and their devotion to each other and to me most certainly deserves recognition.
I should have been able to prevent it. Sometimes, though, the seed of an idea lands in a man's brain and takes root where, like an invasive weed, it grows and propagates with the fertiliser of events going on around him until it overwhelms and preoccupies the mind. It causes him to ignore much of what is occurring, and those things that he cannot ignore he simply rationalises as insignificant or, at least, less significant than they actually are. He also finds a way to transfer all fault from himself to someone else.
I did that. . . and much, much more. I had noticed the changes in Jeremy's behaviours - or, at least, the changes I had witnessed first-hand - but I put them down to the idea that Jeremy was simply missing Brad. I had convinced myself that he would ‘get over it'. Even now, I wonder what might have happened that night had Warren not raked me over the coals, as it were. I'm not at all certain Jeremy's behaviour would have affected me as it did. I do know that Warren's behaviour surprised me and even shocked me, but I wasn't convinced that he was entirely correct. It wasn't until I reached out for Jeremy and touched him, and his blood-curling scream speared its way into my brain and slammed head-on with my obsession and shoved it aside long enough for Warren's words to fall into place. It made me understand that I was, in fact, the cause of everything which was happening to my family. Were it not for my actions, Brad would not have left home and my son would not have screamed in such terrifying defiance when I tried to separate him from his comfort spot tucked amidst Brad's clothes and clinging to a pair of shoes.
I couldn't ignore Jeremy's behaviour anymore. Nor could I rationalise it. Not after that scream. The sound of it stayed with me for a long time after that night reminding me over and over again of the life he had before I met him, the life he had after I met him, and then the life I had taken away from him. He had come into my life with the most meagre of possessions and a brother who cherished him more than anything or anyone else. He had nothing and then he had more than he'd ever had in his entire life - he had a family that adored him. Most of all, though, Jeremy had someone he could love, someone he didn't have to share with his brother.
Brad had left on previous occasions, but Jeremy always knew when he was coming back home. He still missed Brad, of course, but at least he knew Brad would be coming home. I suppose that's why I didn't find his behaviour all that unusual. This time, however, he didn't know. No-one would give him a definite answer - not even Brad. It began with "a few days" and then became "I don't know". After a week, I'm sure he must have felt that Brad abandoned him.
I don't know what kind of relationship he had with his biological father, but I'm sure he must have felt abandoned those two days following the murder with his father lying within arm's reach of the crib and not being able to wake him up. Perhaps Jeremy had convinced himself that something similar had happened to his Daddy Brad. We may never know.
All I know is that, at the moment that Jeremy recoiled from me and let out that scream, I suddenly realised that I was at fault, that I alone was totally responsible for his condition and for the disruption of my entire family. I don't know whether or not Jeremy knew that I was responsible for Brad going away, but that's how his scream made me feel. It made me feel as though he hated me for doing it. I could no-longer ignore it, nor could I rationalise it. I had screwed up and I had screwed up royally, and there was no-one else to blame except for myself..
Thinking back on it now, I suppose the first inkling of Brad replacing me as a father occurred when he began talking about adopting the boys. I had though he might, so that hadn't really bothered me. . . but the seed had been planted when he spoke the words. The seed sprouted over time and took root the first time Jeremy called him ‘Daddy Brad' after the wedding. I thought it was cute at first and a clever way of distinguishing between the two of us, but, deep inside, the thought was beginning to grow and spread, pushing rationality into smaller and smaller areas and eventually starving it of nourishment and sunlight. Instead of my obsession being destroyed by the fire, it thrived in the flames and grew with even more speed and determination until my mind was completely preoccupied with idea that Brad was trying to replace me as a father. It was no-longer a ‘perhaps'. It was a ‘definite'.
It would have been easy for Brad to do it. Replace me, that is. For one thing, he is so much younger and considerably more able than I. He can do things with the kids that I can't do, and the things I can do, Brad can do for as long as the kids need him to do them. Whereas I become exhausted and quit during the halftime show for a nap, Brad is gaining his second wind and is ready for the second half and can see the game through until the clock counts down to zero.
I was jealous of him, I suppose. I loved him, but I was jealous of his just the same - jealous of his youth and his strength and his boundless energy. I began to doubt my abilities as a capable father and, as suspicion grew inside me, I began to question Brad's motives for marrying me. I began to convince myself that he had married me just to get to the kids. The fact that he fell in love with me and agreed to marry me long before the courts told me I could adopt the twins was irrelevant. Brad could easily have anticipated a denial of my petition and, if the court's ruling went against me, it would have been simple for him simply to have ended our engagement and released himself from his commitment. As I said a moment ago, one rationalises such things. The idea of Brad replacing me as a father was very plausible and became very real to me. At least in my mind.
So, what would have happened had it not been for Warren's and Jeremy's actions on that day? I don't know. I suppose some other intervention may have brought me to my senses and around to the same proper thinking, but it's impossible to answer ‘what if' questions in circumstances such as this. I was lucky. . . this time.
As I mentioned a few moments ago, I could have avoided all the humiliation of relating this little episode in our lives. I could have skipped over it entirely, not mentioning it at all, as if it hadn't even happened, but there are lessons to be learnt for others in the telling of it. If I can save even one other person the anguish of almost tearing a family apart as I almost did, then including it in this story has been worth the effort and any amount of embarrassment I have suffered as a result of relating it to you.
Life is different for me now since I married Brad. I can't treat him the same as I could treat Connie when we were married. There are old rules that I must forget completely and there are new rules that we both must learn. Despite his age, Brad is a grown man and he is my equal in this relationship. He shares my duties as a parent - as a father. He isn't there to serve as a mother despite the fact that he is a far-better cook than I am. We must learn how to share the responsibilities and I must avoid thinking of our marriage as a competition.
It's going to be a learning experience for all of us.
* * * * *
With Jeremy firmly attached to him, Brad stood up and stepped out of the closet doorway, turning to face me and Justin as he did so. With his free arm, he drew me into a hug and kiss then did the same with Justin. He turned next to Lindsay and squatted for her hug and kiss, then stood up once more to greet Mom and Dad in a warm embrace.
"It is good to have you home again, Son," Dad said to him.
"Good to be home, Dad," Brad replied with a bright, chipped-tooth grin on his handsome, young face, making me wonder even more how I could have allowed myself to let him go away.
We took Lindsay back to bed and joined Mom and Dad downstairs for a final and refreshing cup of tea. There was no putting the twins back to bed in their own room. I don't think anything or anyone could have removed Jeremy from Brad's person. He had his hands on his Daddy Brad and he wasn't about to let him go again, and if Brad was going away again, Jeremy was going with him this time. That was abundantly clear. And so they came downstairs with us, quickly falling asleep in our arms as we sat back and chatted and sipped our tea.
Brad made a quick call to Nathan and thanked him profusely for all his help and the use of his sofa and said he'd be over the next day, Saturday, to pick up his stuff.
"Why did you stay at Nathan's?" I asked him after his phone call. "I thought you were at your parents' house."
"He invited me to stay. I phoned him last Friday before I left to tell him what had happened and that I needed to talk to him about the landscaping and he invited me to stay with him and Barry. It was a bit cramped, but we managed, and it was good to be able to talk with someone who could understand a bit of what I was going through. They really helped me feel like I was making the right decisions."
"Such as?" I asked.
"Well, I'm not going back to school, for one thing," Brad announced firmly. "At least not at Ryerson. That's on hold right now." He looked at me as if searching for a reaction.
I held up my free hand in resignation, palm out, and said, "It's your decision to make, Brad. I'll support you in whatever you decide to do."
Brad smiled at me then, and it was good to see. "Thanks, Pops," he said softly. "Anyways, I did a lot of thinking this past week and I did a lot of research on the net, and I made a lot of decisions. I like working at the store and I'm going to stay there so I can start helping to pay some bills around here." He beamed proudly when he added, "I've found a course I can take online and get my degree in landscaping. I've already talked to Mom and Dad and they're paying for it for me. I should be able to get my degree within a year or so, depending on how much time I can put into it. They only allow two years to complete it, so it can't be that tough a course."
"Is it an official degree?" I asked. "I mean, it's not one of those fly-by-night colleges that just sells you phoney degrees, is it?"
"No, Ted. It's an accredited university. Right here in Ontario. Everything is done at home and online. I've already enrolled and Dad has sent in the tuition already. It includes all the books and supplies and stuff. Everything I need for the course. And everything's being sent to Dad's place. I wasn't sure what was going on or where I'd be living, so I thought that was the safest place to send it."
"So," Dad interrupted gently, "it is still your intention to form Baie Dankie Landscaping?"
"Sure is," Brad replied proudly. "I've already been talking to Bill about it, and Nathan and Barry, too. Bill's going to look around for a few more investors and Nathan said he would help me run the place and get it off the ground. Who knows what might happen after that. We're still figuring out a plan, but Bill and Warren suggested that we scrounge up a few jobs and make deals with the people to give them huge discounts as long as we can use their properties for promotion and recommendation. Warren suggested for us to use real landscape designers and temporary workers for awhile until things pick up and we can start hiring permanent staff. I talked to David, too. He said he'd love to work for me once he gets settled here and can go to work legally."
"What about your engineering degree, then?" That, of course, was my question.
"Like I said, Ted, it's on hold for now. I can always take the final year later on when I have more time. If I decide to. Right now, though, there are more important things for me to do." He paused a few moments, perhaps judging my reaction, than said, "I'm doing this, Ted. I've made my decision and I'm doing it. If you have a problem with it, tell me now or we'll. . ."
I shook my head ‘no' and stopped Brad in mid sentence. "I said I'd support you and I will. I might need you to remind me of that from time to time, though, in case I forget."
"Indeed he will," Dad said with a wink toward Brad. "And we shall remind him to do so at every opportunity. And now," he added as he rose to is feet, "I believe it is time for us to retire. The house is locked. You need only extinguish the lamps." And with that he bid us a ‘good night' and he and Mom left us alone.
* * * * *
We knew it would be a senseless battle to try and get the boys into their own bed so we resigned ourselves to having company in our bed that night.
"You don't mind, do you?" Brad asked.
"I think I owe him that much," I replied. "Don't you?"
"Well, I just thought. . . I mean, after a whole week. . ."
"Jeremy is more important to me than sex, Brad, and so are you. It's enough to have you back home."
"I thought you might have missed it, that's all."
"I missed a lot of other things a lot more," I told him firmly. "It can wait."
In our bedroom, Jeremy woke up the instant Brad set him down on our bed and began crying again. Justin, still asleep in my arms, woke up as well. Jeremy sat bolt-upright in the bed and stretched out his arms to Brad to be picked up again.
"It's okay, Jeremy," Brad hastened to assure him as he placed his hand gently on Jeremy's cheek and stroked it lightly with his thumb. "I'm just going to the bathroom, okay? I'll be right back."
"I want to go, too."
"Do you have to go pee?"
Jeremy shook his head ‘no'.
"Then I want you to stay here and wait for me," Brad said as I set Justin on the bed beside his brother. "I'll be right back, okay? I promise:" He leaned forward and kissed Jeremy's hair, promising once again that he would be right back.
Jeremy stopped crying but began to sob and sniffle as we headed out of the room and down the hall. We were as quick as could be in the bathroom and returned only minutes later where we found Jeremy still sitting up in bed precisely where Brad had left him, his eyes glued impatiently to the doorway. He wasn't sobbing any longer, but his eyes were still moist with tears and his face was full of anxiety and trepidation. His attention was locked on us as we began to undress and his taut and anxious features began to relax only when Brad pulled his T-shirt up and over his head and tossed it onto a chair. They relaxed even more as Brad undid his shorts and pulled them off. The socks coming off was the key which ultimately unlocked the tiny, relieved smile which settled on Jeremy's tear-moistened face. As he had promised, Daddy Brad wasn't going away.
We settled quickly and easily into bed and the boys settled happily on top of us in their accustomed positions whenever they slept with us, straddling our waists and using our shoulders as pillows. Despite his excitement, Jeremy was asleep within moments. His brother was asleep almost immediately afterward.
I must admit that I quite enjoyed having Brad share my bed again. My bed had felt so empty without him in it. His warmth and his scent comforted me and I was pleasantly surprised when his right hand found my left arm and travelled its length until it reached my hand where his fingers entwined in mine.
"I hated not being here, Pops," Brad said into the darkness which surrounded us.
"I hated it, too, but I hate myself more for what I did to you and everyone else."
"Don't. Let's just learn from it and move on, and we can start by you telling me why you didn't want me to get a job and help with the mortgage."
"Can't this wait until later?"
"No, Ted, it can't wait until later. Not this time. Not anymore. I've been where ‘later' gets us and I didn't like being there very much. We talk about it now."
I tried to remind him of the lateness of the hour in hopes of putting him off, but Brad wasn't about to be deterred. He was being just as stubborn as I was. With a stalemate called, I had little choice but to break it. I swallowed my pride and admitted to him my irrational thoughts of him trying to take over my role as father.
I thought he might get angry, and I wouldn't have blamed him if he did. I thought he might simply let go of my hand and take Jeremy into the twins' bedroom and sleep there, but he didn't. He didn't even sound angry when he asked, "How could you even think something like that, Ted?"
"I don't know, Brad. It just got into my head and I couldn't get it out. All I could see was that you were trying get into the family so you could try to take it all away from me."
"Gee-sus, Murphy," he said in a feather-light whisper. He was silent for an eternally long time and his grip on my hand increased. I could almost hear him thinking. Finally, his voice returned. "Wow. This is bigger than both of us. I don't think we can do this one alone, Ted."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I think we need help with it. This is too big for us to just pretend it's all over, like it never happened. I think maybe we should try and talk to that doctor friend you went to. You know, the one who helped you with the dreams. Or maybe a marriage counsellor or something."
"I don't know, Brad," I said. I didn't really relish the idea of forking out good money to humiliate myself even more than I already felt. "Do you really think it's necessary?"
"Do you think it's worth the risk not to?" he asked. "I mean. . ." He left his sentence dangling in the darkness.
I have to admit, though, that Brad made me think. I had admitted my fears first to Warren and then to myself and, ultimately, Brad. But, did that mean the end of it? Could we just put it behind us and forget it? Jeremy's scream returned to my inner ear.
No, I didn't think so either. I'd learnt my lesson enough to know that I had no desire to see a repeat of recent events. With Jeremy's scream sounding in my brain once more, I said, "We'll make an appointment first thing Monday morning."
To Be Continued
An explanation of recent events in the story: As you know, this story wasn't supposed to go on for several hundred chapters. I realised I'd got myself into serious trouble right at the very beginning and it's catching up to me. You see, I needed Brad to be in university for the story and I needed it to be in Toronto. The only university I knew was Ryerson, and that's because my brother and his son attended there, and they both studied engineering. I didn't, though, and I really have no idea what to do with an engineer or even how they go about studying to be one.
You also probably know that Ted was supposed to have his breakdown after the house burnt down but I shifted it ahead when I brought Connie back into the story for her parole hearing. It had always been my intention to use the real storms which swept through Ontario to burn down the house, but I was now without Ted's breakdown. Still, though, I wanted to get rid of that notion of him being an engineer, especially since I wrote in a fear of heights. (That was one of my better D'uh moments, eh?
) So, with the house gone and with the discovery of the new house that everyone wanted to build, I decided to make Ted the bad guy and literally fuck himself so I could get Brad out of engineering school. It was never meant to happen, but it certainly succeeded in allowing me to get Brad going where I really wanted him to go. If I have to research anything, I'd rather research flowers than structural engineering.
Luv always.
Neil
consult28
On the Prowl
Neil,
I havent read the latest chapter yet, only your note at the end. How you are able to consentrate on the story and live a life also is beyond my ability. Thank you for all the enjoyment you have given me over the last two years or so. I hope you can bring the story to an end before the doctors put me iiiiin a grave.
Good luck.
I havent read the latest chapter yet, only your note at the end. How you are able to consentrate on the story and live a life also is beyond my ability. Thank you for all the enjoyment you have given me over the last two years or so. I hope you can bring the story to an end before the doctors put me iiiiin a grave.
Good luck.
Who ever said I have a life?
I don't. That's why I'm writing this story.
Will it end? I haven't really decided yet. I will admit to story lines becoming more difficult, so who knows?
Neil, from one writer to another (although I am nowhere near as brave as you to publish my stories), when you are ready to come to conclusion, it will happen. You've gone for 193 installments already. While I love this story as much as everyone else, (for 12 years, I was very much a "Ted" to Dave's "Brad"), I will completely understand when you wrap it up.
Neil thanks again, the work you have put into the story to be as believable as it can, has got to be one of the reasons it has gone on for as long as it has. I am sure there is no small amount of your time in that research. Isn't remarkable that when children are allowed to be themselves how many things work out. Kinda makes one wonder where all that"smart" goes when adults get a hold on things. Take care and hope your research on flowers at least smells better than Engineering. Andy
upyrkilt469
Sex God
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Neil thanks for a great chapter. It looks like Ted and Brad on the right course.
Vic
Vic
harry113
JUB Addict
Once again, Thank you Neil for a fantastic story, so true to life, with all the ups & downs of family life.
The explanation in this chapter, showing Ted's growing but irrational fears that became an obsession, could be a warning and, hopefully a help, to many others facing that cliff edge.
I hope that, with help, Ted can work things out with Brad & the family & realise that his relationship with Brad is the future & is totally different from his previous marriage.
Wonderfully written Neil, once again Thank you
Harry
The explanation in this chapter, showing Ted's growing but irrational fears that became an obsession, could be a warning and, hopefully a help, to many others facing that cliff edge.
I hope that, with help, Ted can work things out with Brad & the family & realise that his relationship with Brad is the future & is totally different from his previous marriage.
Wonderfully written Neil, once again Thank you
Harry
thermodynamics
Resident Enginerd
Another great chapter. I'm glad for all involved that relations between Brad and Ted are on the mend.
And the next time they have
, I think Brad needs to top. Perhaps some juicy details? It's been a while!
And the next time they have
, I think Brad needs to top. Perhaps some juicy details? It's been a while!
shaff2525
On the Prowl
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You are an amazing writer! you have transported me into this story and now I wanna more to canada, it sounds so woderful! You have made the characters soo real. You are a very very amazing writer. Thank you soo much for this story!!!
Sorry. No update this week.
I have no excuses. Just a lot of little reasons - the least of which is not having seen green grass or leaves on trees since last October - which have combined their energies to drain mine. I've tried, but I would sit at the keyboard and stare at the screen and there would be nothing appearing there. No words were coming.
It's raining today and we're in for a warm spell. With a little luck, I'll be able to turn down the furnace and open all the windows and doors and flood this place with some fresh air. Maybe that will shoo away the melancholy which has been my companion lately.
Again, I apologise, but a new chapter just ain't gonna happen this week.
Take care, always.
Neil
I have no excuses. Just a lot of little reasons - the least of which is not having seen green grass or leaves on trees since last October - which have combined their energies to drain mine. I've tried, but I would sit at the keyboard and stare at the screen and there would be nothing appearing there. No words were coming.
It's raining today and we're in for a warm spell. With a little luck, I'll be able to turn down the furnace and open all the windows and doors and flood this place with some fresh air. Maybe that will shoo away the melancholy which has been my companion lately.
Again, I apologise, but a new chapter just ain't gonna happen this week.
Take care, always.
Neil
No need for apologies Neil! You work so hard on this story, and it is so good. Creativity and continuity like you've shown here doesn't come easy.
Relax....enjoy.....recharge.........when you are ready to tell us more, we'll still be here!
Relax....enjoy.....recharge.........when you are ready to tell us more, we'll still be here!
What a wonderful story. I echo the thoughts and opinions of many others here when I say you are a gifted writer. Watching Brad is a magnificent story the world should
read.
Neil you are nearing chapter 200.
What do you have in store for us?
A double wedding?
A long lost relative for Brad (he is adopted)?
A phone call from CAS “Ted, Brad we need your help”?
A death (Warren)?
or worse THE END
I can’t wait.
In the mean time I think I’ll have to check out some of your other stories. If they are half as good as this they will still be a worthy read.
From the other side of the planet I reach out to you and
Neil you are are legend.
Thankyou :thewave:
Thank you for your kind words.
I have no plans for Chapter 200 except for whatever happens in it, although I have been considering a call from CAS but I'm still not certain where I would want to take that storyline. I haven't even considered the other thoughts, though.
But. . . who knows, eh?