We need to rob a bank

[fabulouslyghetto]

This recession is killin' me boo.

So....we'll need a cover. I'm going to dress in drag and walk into the bank as "Bernadette Waters", the sassy single mom whose tough exterior masks a heart of gold. Now Bernie is a career-oriented woman but she knows how to let her hair down on the weekends and get loose. Anywho, Bernie will be there to open a new account.

Now, we're going to need someone to fake an asthma attack in the lobby, any thespians in this motherfucker? I'll also need two people to play my children, any of you look good in blackface?

 

[Fucker29]

Rob a bank? What do I need to do and where to I sign up?

I could fake a heart attack.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

That woman is terrifying, by the way.

Terrifying? What's terrifying is 32 hours of labor after the man you loved with all your heart ran off with his tennis instructor, Frederico. What's terrifying is working two jobs to give my children the best, all the things I never had. What's terrifying is a boss who doesn't seem to understand that my ass doesn't say "Rest hand here."

Just practicing. Bernie don't take no lip.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

I could fake a heart attack.

This is brilliant. You AND swiffer can both fake heart attacks. It doesn't get any more distracting than that.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Alright Queen Latifah, you and Thelma & Louise over here can go rob a bank, if you're all that.

Maybe we will bitch. I'll send you a post card from the Islands. Oh, and a two-for-one coupon at the Sizzler. I done lived broke I ain't tryna die broke, hoe! Moe Moe, don't you have dreams of getting off the stroll? I can't spend the rest of my life turnin' tricks in the back seat of Crown Vics that don't even have air conditioning. I'M IN CHARGE!

I just wanna blow it the fuck up!

Uhh, Moe Moe, these men in the long white coats have come to take you away to a happy place where there's all-you-can-eat Jello and you'll no longer be a threat to yourself or others.

 

[Fucker29]

This is brilliant. You AND swiffer can both fake heart attacks. It doesn't get any more distracting than that.

OR...maybe we could pretend we had a deadly, highly contagious desease and randomly inform people about our condition. I can already imagine those supermarket moms who are there to pick their social security checks grabbing their kids, pointing towards us, and storm away out of the bank.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

My tranny schizophrenic ass, that's who.

We ARE going to need someone to drive the getaway Hummer H2. Come on Moe Moe, for old time's sake? We're your friends, Swiffer, Fucker, FabG, and I may not know much, but I swear this much is true; I was blessed because I was..... loved by youuuuuuu! You were my something something something.......

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Okay, we do this one more time and we do it right.

Swiffer and Fucker are going to need custom-made Italian suits. I'm thinking Baroni, maybe some Stacy Adams shoes, something that won't scuff the tile.

First off, no more funny looking underwear for you and your hubby Nik2.

Ugh bitch, why you still hatin' on our fundies?

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Trick please! Ya'll asses haven't robbed the damn bank yet. Where the hell do you think I'm supposed to come up with that kind of money for Italian suits and Stacy Adams? The three of you little shysty thiefs better settle for these blue jumpsuits and Doc Martins that I was able to lift from the Cook County Correctional Facility.

You stupid dyke, see this is why you're the driver. No one cares if guys in blue jumpsuits have a heart attack. The emergency responders will assume that they don't have insurance and the whole scene will last less than 5 minutes. If they look like CEOs the e.r's won't leave until Fucker and Swiffer are back in tip-top shape and relaxing with a cup of Brandy in their hands.

Your job is to get a rental Hummer H2, preferrably black, and switch the liscence plate with Kevin Federline's. Let's kill two birds with one stone.

As for those hideous Fundies, I stand by my original statement. You know damn well you're not far enough in your Slim Fast-Trimspa diet for YOU to fit in those damn things by yourself, let alone share with someone else. Just spare us all the horror and stick to the big-girls lingerie at K-Mart for your sexy nights with Nik.

You don't know what you're talking about.

*pulls a chilli dog out of left pocket*

 

[Jersey Domino]

This recession is killin' me boo.

So....we'll need a cover. I'm going to dress in drag and walk into the bank as "Bernadette Waters", the sassy single mom whose tough exterior masks a heart of gold. Now Bernie is a career-oriented woman but she knows how to let her hair down on the weekends and get loose. Anywho, Bernie will be there to open a new account.

Now, we're going to need someone to fake an asthma attack in the lobby, any thespians in this motherfucker? I'll also need two people to play my children, any of you look good in blackface?

What the hell is wrong with you?

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Hmmm, I wonder if I can break into a funeral parlor and steal a couple of suits off the corpses laid up in there. It's not like they're gonna be needing them to go out any time soon.

You are the queen of improvising.

What the hell is wrong with you?

 

[Jersey Domino]

I understand that but still though Robbing a Bank?

Can't you do something else for money?

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

I understand that but still though Robbing a Bank?

Hell fuckin' yeah!

Can't you do something else for money?

Depends, you lookin' for a good time?

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

LOL, thank you girl! My character Bernadette allows me to embrace the beautiful woman within.

*Disclaimer, that isn't really me. The hounds of hell couldn't scare me into putting on make-up let alone women's clothing.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

You caught me girl, but remember, that's not me. It's Bernadaette Shontessa Waters.

Now, let's discuss pay cuts. I think I should get 80% and you guys can split the rest however you decide.

 

[Jersey Domino]

Depends, you lookin' for a good time?

What do mean a "good time"?

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Well, I'm the manager of this operation so automatically I'm entitled to 20% upfront./QUOTE]

20% Gil you musta been huffin' paint in Amy Crackhouse's basement again. This was my thread, my idea, you get what I say you get, stupid bitch. Did you get that rental yet?

What do mean a "good time"?

I dunno, you tell me big boy.

 

[Fucker29]

What do mean a "good time"?

Do you have a fanny uncanny or a joe the plummer between your legs?

 

[Fucker29]

Swiffer and Fucker are going to need custom-made Italian suits. I'm thinking Baroni, maybe some Stacy Adams shoes, something that won't scuff the tile.

No problem. I can just blow my italian flatmates and they'll arrange for those...yeah, that's how they work, it's a mafia...you gotta get down on your knees and "beg".

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

We already discussed percentages, I get 95% and you guys split the rest, m'kay?