A few years ago, I had a Joey Stefano obsession and tried to locate and buy every video he'd ever been in, tried to find more and more photos (jpgs) of him online, bought all the magazine spreads I could find, etc... I bought and read the biography "Joey Stefano: Wonderbread and Ecstasy" by Charles Isherwood, and I was struck by a few paragraphs which stated how loney and alone he had felt, how he had been abandoned by several different lovers, and I've always wondered if he had had a stable relationship with someone, could things have turned out differently for him, and I began to wish I had had the opportunity to be a friend for him...
Like I said, it was an obsession and it eventually died down, and then I was fine again.
Then many months later, I had a dream about him - he had somehow heard about me and learned of my feelings toward him, and he had decided to visit me. He sent a letter stating that he would arrive such-and-such day, and as I read the letter, I realized it was THAT day.
I walked outside just as a car drove off from the end of my driveway. It was late afternoon, that golden hour of the evening just before the sun goes down, and everything was blue and gold. The sun was setting low and I saw a figure standing at the end of the driveway, silhouetted against an orange sky. As I walked towards him, he turned to face me, and I realized it was him. He was dressed in a white T-shirt and blue cut-offs and wore sandals. As I came closer to him, I was surprised at how tall he was, as I had always imagined him being a short fellow. He didn't say anything to me, but gave me a shy grin, then a broad smile. He turned his head to the side, and I kissed him on the cheek. We embraced like old friends, and in my dream, I could actually feel his arms around me, and I could feel the curve of his back under my palms. I could also smell a faint clean "man scent" as we hugged . He kissed me quickly on the lips, looked at me with a shy grin, and I was struck with how beautiful his blue eyes were. After a moment, I finally said, "Let's go inside," and just as we turned and began walking toward the house, with our arms over each other's shoulders, my alarm clock went off and woke me up...
I've never been able to have that dream again...
, we were talking casually, then, at a pause in the conversation, he looked at me a little sheepishly and said, "You know I'm not really your...." and before he could finish, I said, "yeah, I know." We smiled, accepted it and went back to being father and son.
