Well, here it goes...

[bigbear13201]

I am gay.

There. I said it. Sometimes the anonymity of the internet can be good

Although I foresee that going out the window rather quickly.

Never said that before. Although one of my New Years resolutions (besides the usual crap of losing weight, etc.) is to work on building relationships with those I know (I don't know any gay men, though) and work on slowly finding the right one.

I've known for 25 years, have gone out with a few chicks, but never could get beyond the strong relationship part. Just never felt it. and although I've never been with a guy, I just know it would feel right. I am also making the presumption that no one I know knows (another resolution to take of), because I am far, far, far from the thin and neat generalization they have of what a gay man would look like or act. (i.e., I will do almost any type of construction, love working on cars and getting dirty, am not afraid of manual labor and am 6'8" and roughly 300 pounds.)

Unfortunately, most of personal time has been dedicated for the past 15 years to helping take of my disabled father - which is also going to change through more time for myself.

Sorry for the longish rant = my fingers just started typing at 90 miles per hour.

Anyone in Jersey want to grab coffee, let me know.

Happy New Year!

Chris

I did copy this over form another forums I visit, if it should look familiar to anyone! And yes, it was about a very similar subject, actually. I changed over a few words to reflect this forum.

I did actually have the talk with a very good friend of mine - she was the first to hear it from me. What a fantastic response from her, and some humorous commentary as well as we have a very good friend in common. So we laughed for over an hour on the phone. Now I feel like I want to traverse the state and tell everyone I know since I don't really like the phone thing.

Anyway, as you can see by my join date, I've been around here a while - and this is my first post

Let's see how the rest of week unfolds...
​

 

[TX-Beau]

Congratulations! It's not the easiest thing to come to terms with - obviously, but you're on the right track. Life gets so much better.

 

[Smitho]

Congratulations and keep it up. You sound like you know what you want and are going to get it. I hope it all works out and your positive attitude will certainly help.

Good luck!

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome to the forum and congratulations on your determination to be your true self. Best wishes to you.

 

[ThreeCrows]

Heya Chris/bigbear13201,
Good job and well done.
Good luck and best wishes.

 

[Racer Dave]

Hi and welcome out!
You're just starting the journey I started in November, self acceptance is the key. With that and the confidence you'll gain from it the sky's the limit.

All the best going forward, you won't regret it

 

[bigbear13201]

Thanks again for all of the well wishes.

And the week has unfolded...

My mother was the second to know. She was more upset that I didn't tell her 25 years ago and just get it over with!

I did stop over a friends house to chat him up. (I'd rather discuss these things face to face). Unfortunately, he had a few other guys over - we almost always work on cars together - but this friend is like my brother out of all of them. So we made some small talk and I never had those few moments. I left bummed, but OK.

Last night I went up to tile another buddies backsplash. The timing worked out great, as I already intended to talk to him last night. Long story short, the project ran long. We wound up at the diner at 1 am for coffee. At 2 am we walked out the door when he stopped for a smoke before we departed ways. I just flat out told him that I'm gay. I got a handshake, then the two of us stood leaning against the building for an hour about life and happiness. We discussed our next rip (we just did Germany, drove the Nurburgring, and went to most of the manufacturers museums.) As we departed, I gave him one of those big hugs, could not believe what a friend I had, and absolutely bawled my fucking eyes out on the 90 minute ride home. Also had a sore throat because of belching out Depeche Mode with the sunroof open on a cold night between the tears.

On the other front, my renewed self confidence has me standing another 1" taller, I've lost ten pounds in a week - only 30 more to go by Valentines Day (I have no plans yet, if anyone is around ), walking 6 miles a day and it it gave me the sense to go talk to my broker about being our new office manager!

Its been a great 2012 so far!

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Bigbear13201,

Great you have decided to come out the closet and that you have started to with posting over here. Definately, its never too late to start with telling to yourself that you are gay, and letting the world around you that you will not marry a lady.

"My renewed self confidence has me standing another 1" taller."

Great to read that you feel yourself very comfortable after you have outed yourself to some of the people around you.

I would also like to wish you a prosperous 2012.

Best wishes & good luck.

 

[Racer Dave]

Hey man, thats excelllent!
Glad to hear it's going so well for you.

 

[eleven]

great stuff.
sounds like it all went very well for you.. all ended up pretty amazing that you waited so long!

as for this:

and am 6'8" and roughly 300 pounds

you're a big fella! impressive..!

 

[bigbear13201]

Another one down... fortunately, I have a small circle of friends

I did interior design work for 18 years, and was a sales rep to many folks. The funny thing is, looking back, nobody ever even mentioned or hinted at my sexuality. I mean c'mon - 18 years doing kitchen and interior design work? My best buddy's wife (I intend to tell him tomorrow night) asking me over for decorating ideas and color matching? Everyone I know always has to consult with me before doing any decorating?

So my friend who I told today was silent for a moment - I could tell she was formulating a response - answered with "Do you realize we could travel anywhere together with no sexual tension? Where are we going?" She hinted at a long weekend in Napa

 

[bigbear13201]

Well, I don't mean to discuss every person important in my life to come out to, but..

Today was a very close friend who I have known for 12 years and consider my "brother" (I am an only child). We went out for a few drinks, bitched about the shitty music the bar had (hey, its South Jersey) and got back in the car to drive him home.

"By the way you wrote your text, I figured you wanted to tell me something. And I had in the back of my mind this was it." Talk about wired together!

So I parked in his driveway, and we talked. He was very supportive of me, and we discussed the fact that we are both still "young" at 37. He was not surprised - even discussing it with his wife at length (I help her pick out colors for the house) over the past few years! He offered to listen whenever I needed someone - although he admitted he couldn't offer much relationship advice. We laughed, and I reminded him this doesn't mean free handies . His only concern, and I'm so glad he brought it up - was his 8 year old twins. To whit I responded I would most definitely discuss it with him beforehand and should I ever even find a partner that partner would have to tone it down a bit around the kids. Thats fine with me, really, as he said he was never knowingly knew anyone else gay and didn't know how else to handle it. He also asked if it was okay for him to mention it to his wife. Of course, I told him.

He was the most difficult person I had to tell.

Thanks, Jake (I know you'll never read this) for being a truly, truly, great friend.

 

[voodoosama]

congrats! =]