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Well, I came out today...

L

loganlover18

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Today, I jumped over one of the biggest hurdles in my life as a gay man. I told my parents that I was gay. It was probably one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Let me say, it was nothing like I thought it would be like. I figured it would be a flowing conversation that would end in them accepting it and us going about our routines like nothing happened. I mean, all of the coming out stories are like, "I told them, we cried and it's all done. We're happy as can be." Let me just say, that's the fairy tale version. No one says anything about how awkward it is. After I finally got the "I like boys" out, there was a silence so deep I thought I had gone deaf. It kept going and going. Finally the silence was broken by the questions that follow. "How do you know? Do you have a boyfriend? Who else knows?" After the questions were answered, the silence continued. So I did what I thought was best...I went to school so they could talk it over. Mom seems alright with it. I haven't seen dad, but I'm sure he'll come around. I'm sorry this post is so long, I just thought someone should mention how awkward the whole "coming out" thing is. Maybe it was just mine that was awkward...
 
Coming out to parents is different for everyone and a lot depends on the personality and openmindedness of the parents, but, even then, some parents who may be ok with homosexuality in general behave differently when it comes to their own children. Most parents are supportive or neutral.
 
To add to this point, some parents who are NOT OK with homosexuality all of a sudden behave differently when it's their own child. I thought that I had my folks figured out, and that it was going to be a huge issue with my mom - and it wasn't. Surprisingly, it was my dad who had the issue, but I think that we're pretty much over that now and everything's good.

Great job on coming out!
 
Always difficult and never ending coming out it goes on. I have one saying and it has proved true. If someone loves you they will love you regardless.
 
Well done ! At least it's behind you ad you won't have to hide it any longer !!! Congratulations !!!!!!!

Speaking of awkward, I will always remember my coming out as it was so dramatic and awkward that I could have written a book out of it ! My mum crying asking me: "What did I messed up in Your life ?! What have I done to God for such a gift" Blablablabla... My dad told me that I was too young to know about it (I was 16) and that I was doing this out of pure provocation and just stop talking to me for about two years and even now he is uncomfortable with it. We've had plenty of issues about it during my late teens early twenties (one of the only thing my dad did tell me during those two years of silence was: "I wish we were in the 40's as I could bring you to a psychiatric hospital without your consent and put you back in the right way blablabla. Well all that just to show you that even if it was awkward it's not that bad, and also to make you know that it's been eleven years now I've done mine and even if my dad is still a bit confused with the fact that "I like boys" they both got over it and are ok with me now, so just give them some time...
 
Congratulations! Stay strong but be gentle with them and with yourself.
 
Congratulations! (!)

My parents were very different from each other. I knew my father would be okay with it and told him separately. He said he "liked girls too". He also told me that my mother had found out by reading my mail and had made me an appointment with a psychiatrist. I'm glad I told him before they approached me.

(BTW, many years later I realized I was bi, not gay.)
 
First of all - well done. Coming out doesn't ever really stop, but it does get a little bit easier each time and obviously the more important the person in your life, the harder it is. I have offered this advice to people before but remember you have had 21 years to come to terms and think about what this means to you - and then we expect other people to figure it all out in a single conversation. Always remember that life changes for them at the same time. Not change in a bad way - but change nonetheless. Give people time to ask their questions and think it through. I am sure it will turn out fine.

My Mum passed away 3 years after I told her and I will never regret the fact that she was allowed to know the real me and watch me build relationships before she died. She loved the fact that she had a gay son and there was never an issue, but talking to her later about my coming out she confessed that it took her awhile to adjust to the fact that I probably wouldn't give her grandchildren etc. Not an issue but it does take some getting used to and not just for you. Hope that is of some help.
 
Thanks guys! Your support really means a lot. :) They seem to be surprisingly alright with it. I expected it to be a little weird for a while. They are really Christian, so I know it's a big issue with them. I gently remind them that I am the same as I was before, but now I'm not constantly lying to them. I knew they would be the hardest to come out too, so everyone else is (hopefully) going to be easy.
 
jds2001 said:
To add to this point, some parents who are NOT OK with homosexuality all of a sudden behave differently when it's their own child. I thought that I had my folks figured out, and that it was going to be a huge issue with my mom - and it wasn't. Surprisingly, it was my dad who had the issue, but I think that we're pretty much over that now and everything's good.

Great job on coming out!
Click to expand...

I thought it was going to be an issue with my mother as well. I expected tears and "please change your mind." They didn't happen though, which was very nice. I'm glad to hear everything is well :)
 
I came back to this thread to add something that should have been in my post. We come out for ourselves and while it's great to get support it's really about, as you mentioned, not lying and relieving ourselves of the burden of having a secret and the constant fear of being found out.

Best wishes to you.
 
You're a brave fellow! Give your family time to adjust. Remember this was a big thing for them as well as for you.

Congratulations and I hope everything works out for you as I'm sure it will.
 
The more time passes the better it gets. it is a little awkward at times, my parents pelted me with questions for weeks to wrap their heads around it. My mom even straight up asked me if i was a top or a bottom. I also had to explain the dynamics of gay relationships, dispel misconceptions, among other stuff. It's been almost six months now.

Just remember that God doesn't hate you, you we're born the way you we're born and nothing you out your parents could have done would have changed anything. You should also remind your parents about that.
 
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