Well...It's Written, Advice Wanted

[Moi10]

ok, some of you prolly remember my post a while back about me decided to come out to my rents by letter..well I wrote it tonight. Thanks to http://www.acepryhill.com/archives/000548.html for a general template (because i sat here for about 3 hours not sure what to write) i have a first draft. (yes if you read mine youll notice somethings are the same - at the end she said its ok to take some pieces becuase the feelings of coming out are universal, not individual.)

so if you guys don't mind, here is my letter i plan on sending my parents, if you have any comments on it, i'd greatly appreciate it. also, im letting my best friend read it too so i can get the opinion of somone who has known me for a long time.

here it is..(its kinda long)

Dear Mom and Dad,
I don't know if this is the best way, but I have to tell you something that I've wanted you to know for a while. I intended to talk to you for sometime about this, especially in the weeks leading up to college, but each chance that I have come across where the opportunity arose I began thinking too much about what I wanted to say and ended up chickening out. What I want to say may come as a surprise to you, or it may not, but whatever your reaction, I hope that this will not change your love for me. I wish for you to know me completely but to do so I must say this one thing that could change the way you see me. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to tell you and probably will remain so throughout my life, but I feel you deserve to know. I want to tell you that I’m gay.
For a long time, especially when I was younger, I myself questioned myself and thought for a while that it would be easier to act straight so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I asked myself often if coming out was worth it, worth jeopardizing family and friends. I could only answer that one way. The pros of coming out greatly outweighed the cons; it is far better to live openly about yourself than to live pretending to love a person you have no feelings for. Each time I tell someone who I care about, I feel a little weight being lifted off my shoulders, and I am honestly the happiest I have been…ever. And I believe that no matter how people react, the people that truly care for me will eventually come around and accept me for who I am. I need you to understand that being gay was not a choice; I was born gay, but took a while to realize it. It’s not a phase – it is something that has always been a part of me, and I have always understood it.
My biggest regret most is not being able to tell you both sooner. I hope you can understand why it is hard to do this. I feel that you may interpret my silence up to this point as deceit, as one giant 18 year lie. In fact, I’m sure you are feeling a range of emotions at this time. If you feel as if I have lied to you, I offer my most sincere apology. Let me assure you that that has not been my intention, as coming out is a very delicate process that has taken me years. I had to do it at my own pace and overcome many fears and obstacles along the way. It has taken a tremendous amount of courage to write you this and I hope you can appreciate that.
So why now? What finally pushed me to write this letter after chickening out for so long? Quite a few factors, actually.
First, I want more than anything to be honest and open with you. Likewise, I’m tired of hiding it, I want you to know who I am. While I understand that this may upset you, I want you to share in my happiness. Secondly, being here at UB, even though it has been a short amount of time, allowed me to be open about myself and it has made me happier than I’ve ever been. Finally, I’ve worried for two years, since I told Bridget (she along with a select few of my closest friends know) about the proper time, when there’s a calm in our lives; it’s quiet funny actually, the other day I mentioned to Mom that for once nothing big seems to be happening with our family…I hope that this ‘event’, if you will, will be a happy one in your minds.
Right now, you might be feeling a boiling pot of emotions – grief, anger, loss, but I hope that within you there is also relief, hope, and happiness. I have felt all these during my coming to terms and coming out to myself.. I’m sorry if you feel you have been lied to. I am not sorry for being who I am. I am not sorry for telling you the truth. I feel it was the right thing to do. I am happier than I have ever been in my life and it’s because I accepted this truth about myself and have handled it with grace.
I want this to be as easy as it can be for you; I will give you time, and respect your feelings. What I can’t do is pretend like this does not exist. I want to be accepted for who I am, and I know this will take time. Above all, my biggest hope and wish is that you do not love me any less than you do due to this. I have read stories where a kid’s parents accept it immediately like its no big deal, and others who disown their children for it. My uncertainty over your reaction to this revelation has been one of my biggest fears. Today, I stood up and faced that fear in the eye.
This is a massive amount of information to absorb. I always thought that the “right time” would pop up for me to tell you, and maybe it did, and I just overlooked it. I was never good with dealing with awkward situations, or controversy, which is one reason I felt a letter would be best, and I think it's probably best for you to have some time to think about things and let them sink in. When you are ready, I would like you to call me to discuss this, because I know that you will have questions, concerns, issues, and I hope that I will be able to answer them
I just want to say that I hope you take this revelation as an insult to your parenting, I am proud of the person that I am, I feel that I am a very good, caring person that has a lot to offer to this world thanks to you two. I love you both and I thank you for the wonderful upbringing you gave me. I am truly fortunate. I did not make the decision to be gay, but I am now making the choice to be out to people that are important to me. I am the same person you knew yesterday, and I’m the same son you raised, you just know more about me.
With Hope, and Love,
Patrick



And for some reason seeing the words Mom, Dad, and Gay so close together don't seem all that frightening anymore...

 

[confusedboy23]

Yeah, Goula's right! I must have missed it but I was really impressed with the letter. Well written indeed!

I might have to borrow it off you one day, just as a template if and when I am ready for the revelation!

As for now, all the best and I wish you peace!

 

[Lube]

Excellent letter. I never thought a letter would convey things very well, but that's a really, really good one.

I'm coming out, too, but 25 years later than you. Be glad you're doing it when you're so young! Congratulations.

 

[gabriel1]

Great letter, but heed Goulas advice about changing that sentence to DON'T take it as an insult......

 

[jockboy01]

Excellent letter. The typo of Goulas and maybe breaking it into paragraphs are my only suggestions. And make sure you let us know how they take it.... then maybe I'll steal your letter at some point haha.

 

[Moi10]

Goulas...THANK YOU...that would be bad if i left it like that.

and for anyone that wants to use it as a template for their own letters, go ahead , its like i said, this letter was wrttien using another letter from The Phryllis as a template and using bits and parts (she said that anyone was allowed to use it)

i dont plan on mailing it JUST yet...but def. sometime this week.

my thing is that shouldi tell them that i mailed them something, to ease the possible shell shock, and if they ask what, what should i tell them.

and yes i will inform you how it goes.

 

[mexamor]

Well, If you were my son, I would be crying like I am now, I would feel all of my parental love boiling up within me like I feel now and I would call you to tell you how much I love you and how I hope that now you can talk to me about everything in your life, because that is what I live for.

Good luck, you sweet and loving son.

 

[Lucein5002]

You know something, you have inspired me to come out to my family. I have it all planned out, once my mom goes back to bed from getting my little brother off to school, im going to tape the letter i wrote to her computer screen (because it is the first place she goes to when see wakes up), once the step is down im taking a book i have been wanting to read for a while, and going out to my secret spotin the woods, while she reads this letter and collects her thoughts and calms down. To you guys think this is a good plan?

 

[trawler69]

That is a brilliant letter, once you have corrected the typo in the last paragraph. The original writer needs praise indeed

this letter was wrttien using another letter from The Phryllis as a template and using bits and parts (she said that anyone was allowed to use it)

It sums up all the important parts about feelings and love for parents and bought a tear to my eye. I never came out to mine but if I had this is the way I would have liked to do it. Feelings are expressed so much better in a letter because they can't be hijacked by the emotions of a conversation. Good lick mate I hope it is received well, my thoughts are with you at this emotional time.

 

[tommyj]

Good luck Moi! It is indeed a great letter. When are u coming out Jockboi?

 

[Soilwork]

maybe not a bad idea to edit about half the first paragraph out. you seem to say "I wanted to tell you this" about 8 ways, and I skipped to the end and missed the "This is so hard to tell you" part.

I'd also print it out twice so they can read it at the same time.

 

[jockboy01]

When are u coming out Jockboi?

Uh... well... who knows. I'm out to the closest few. Don't feel the need to go up and tell all of the friends. Only one left that I need to tell, and then the rest will probably figure it out one way or another.

The family... yeah, not sure about that one. There's never going to be a good time for that conversation. Maybe once I have a bf, so in like ten years haha. Seriously though, who knows... we haven't lived near each other in nearly a decade and who I am now is totally different from who I was back then but their image of me has never changed. So being gay is just part of a much bigger problem that I don't think will ever be solved.

 

[Moi10]

ok well I mailed it. my friends (who came with me cuz i said that if i go alone i woudlnt be able to do it) almost had to pry it from my hands when it was 1/2 in the mailbox.

i feel some relief knowing that they are gunna know now but at the same time im kinda like "WTF did i just doo???" like that feeling you have immeidately after telling the first person, ya know, you wanan reach out and grab the words and stick em back in.


they'll get it about fri (im in Buffalo and it takes like 2 days to get there from the school) soooooo as i said to my roommate before, itll be either the best week ever or the worst train wreck.

we're praying for the best week ever.

THANK YOU GUYS FOR ALL YOUR ADVICE!!!! Soil- i rmemeber reading a post of your once where you said something to the effect of "Just grow some and do it." and that was what was going through my mind when i dropped it into the outbox.


and so it is done..(*U*) thats basically me today.

 

[Roland00]

Good Luck Moi10

I am going to use your effort you put into writting your letter as in inspiration of writting my letter of a different sort (no comming out to parents to me ) but still yeah I don't want to do it.

 

[Soilwork]

Soil- i rmemeber reading a post of your once where you said something to the effect of "Just grow some and do it." and that was what was going through my mind when i dropped it into the outbox.

I could cry with pride.

I know how tough it is to do, and I KNOW that I'm a total obnoxious bully at times, but only when I see that people realy need it.

Good for you.. and welcome to the outside.

 

[Riverrick]

Well, I'm coming into this thread late but its a wonderful letter and I'll hold a vigil with the others while we wait.

Good Luck!

 

[halubtsi]

I've been woefully absent from this section for a month. But, I just wanted to say congratulations Moi. Let us know what happens in the next couple of days. When I told my parents, I spent the whole Easter weekend, discussing the issue with them. A lot of stereotypes were dispelled that weekend, and they took the news much better than I had anticipated. They still make comments about me marrying a woman, but it's definitely "tongue in cheek" these days.

Oh, and if you expect your letter to arrive on Friday, then it'll probably arrive on Monday. It's that whole Murphy's Law thing. I hope that the outcome will be better than you expect, Moi.

 

[Moi10]

i hope its better than i expect too.

i guess its the type of situation where you just brace for the worst and when it doesnt happen your kinda dumbfounded

even my roommate who read my letter said, "id be shocked if they dont at least respect you after reading that"

uggggggggh i dont like waiting. wah.

 

[dkonfrost]

hey moi10! that's a great letter, and i'm TONS happy for you that you sent it out.

here's to hoping for the best week evaaaaaar!!

:thewave:

 

[tommyj]

Did they get it??