Well shit...

[Artisticboy89]

Well shit... these are the words that come to mind when I think about where I am in my life... I'm gay, the youngest of three boys, one of which is also gay (the other, I have my suspicions). I am completely in the closet, I've only ever came out to one person in my life and that was because he really wanted to have sex with me (he only wanted sex, I wanted a relationship, it ended before anything interesting happened). I've had friends which I have come close to coming out to, but one of three things keeps happening

A) They immediately ask if I am gay, which not knowing if they are serious, or how they would respond I freeze for a second, and by then they have already continued on with the conversation...

B) They never ask, they assume I am strait, then say something that makes me think they are homophobic and then I'm afraid to tell them...

C) They get to know me long enough that they notice the breadcrumbs I leave everywhere... or I screw up my charade and say something stupid.

Now "A" happens way too often and is annoying as fuck, "B" is equally annoying but not compared to when it progresses to "C". "C" isn't bad, I'm a subtle person so I'm fine with people getting to know me at a slow pace, but some people I would rather not want asking questions.


Now I am at the point in my life where I just cant stand it anymore, I want a boyfriend, I want people to know who I am and not have to question it behind my back, but I have no idea where to start....

First off I am planning to tell my gay brother that I'm also gay, but I don't think I can tell the rest of my family, at least not yet... the rest of my family brings complications...

I was going to tell one of my best friends that I was gay, but right before I went to do that he ended up treating me like shit and after that I didn't want to tell him till it was under better circumstances. Hes one of those guys who seems obviously gay, and likes to mention how not obviously gay he is (I think hes gay)... anyway, admittedly I am attracted to him, but hes also fairly immature, talented and smart... but personality wise, a bit childish...

Anyway, that's all well and good, but here I am, gay, and clueless on how to date. Along the fact that every single one of my college classes is dominated by women I feel like I'm a bit screwed, which, if out of context, is kind of what I was looking for, but it's not quite the same!



Now if you survived the onslaught of crazy punctuation and the argument of a late night rant, I would like to hear some comments and suggestions on things I can do with any of these problems... Thanks goodnight

 

[G-Lexington]

You've thought about coming out to your friends, but they all either:

* guess you're gay
* don't guess you're gay
* don't guess you're gay but start suspecting later

...seriously, what other option is there?

You're not in high school anymore. It's time to move on from the "he's cute but idk" games, and start living like an adult. Pick a couple friends you feel most comfortable with, and come out to them first. You'll probably get several "duh" responses, but at least that'll put it behind you, and you won't have to do the dance anymore.

Lex

 

[justusboysfan_1234]

Yeah, "rant" is a pretty good word for it. But then again, we all need to vent once in a while. I totally understand the frustrations. I'm sure every gay man does. Gay brother, narrow minded family, been there done that. Even the college classes dominated by women, been there done that too! LOL.
On the other hand, there's no magic formula to all this. Just get out there, get to know people, and be yourself, so to speak. You seem to be a well-educated guy who somewhat knows what you want out of life, despite the ranting and raving. Just take it easy and you'll figure it out.
In the meanwhile, this forum's available if you need to vent some more. Good luck and try to have fun!

 

[KaraBulut]

Of course you can't find a boyfriend. Guys need to know they have a shot with you before they ask you out.

Bottom line:

Stop with the deception with your friends.

Come out to them.

It's easy as A-B-C.

 

[Artisticboy89]

hmmm, didn't mean that to come out as a rant. The A,B,C choices were meant to cover every possible outcome, I was really just talking, maybe looking for some reassurance rather then answers... I kind of realized that everything I was writing was a bit rhetorical when I edited it, oh well...

 

[Artisticboy89]

Why in the world haven't you come out to your gay brother?

He's out of the closet I assume given your statement about him. Also, why not tell your family? Did they disown your brother for being gay or something?

My brother likes to talk and would easily out me to all my friends without thinking about it... at this point I'm realizing I don't quite care if he tells my friends I can trust him enough to let me tell the rest of my family on my own time...

And my parents are very understanding, and intelligent enough to find scientific evidence that proves that its all their fault *sigh*. I've talked to them a lot about it, and they still haven't quite gotten over it, though they accept hes gay they still find it 'unfortunate'

its the other brother I'm worried about... hes a vicious asshole, he will use it as a weapon against me like he used it against my brother... hes one of those people who cares for people so they depend on him, so he can then be in control...

so basically just the norm when it comes to family drama

 

[Artisticboy89]

Relationships with your brothers gets easier as you get older.

I assume "the asshole" is the oldest, and the middle son is the gay, open one?

Also, if your brother is just very open with his life and doesn't hide a lie very well, I can understand that. But your sexuality is probably a bit more of a different matter. It's not like blabbing about you going out one night and drinking too much beer. I would hope and think he would know what coming out is like, and appreciate the turmoil you're going thru and came out to others that he relied on to keep his "secret". He might just be a little more tight lipped and understanding than you think.

Then again, I could be wrong. LOL. Gotta love family dynamics.

lol, the asshole is actually the middle child, the gay one is the oldest, and ya I totally agree family dynamics are what make a family interesting, without drama life is boring.

 

[KaraBulut]

... without drama life is boring.

Embrace boring. Boring is your friend in this case.

 

[G-Lexington]

Boring kicks ass.

Lex

 

[Artisticboy89]

Embrace boring. Boring is your friend in this case.

lol, great catch there. I had a friend who told me about how one of her friends told her he was gay and it was so prepared it was nausiating even to hear about it.

Anyway when it comes to my brother (the gay one) I'm sure I'm going to be fine but nervous as hell, but it should end well and hey we might even go to a club or something... btw is that a good idea? going to a gay club with your brother as a wingman?

and yes I know I'm thinking about this way too much, but I'm excited!