Went on my first date and feel super confused

[ChcgoCuban]

A couple weeks ago I went out on a date with an older guy I have been talking to for a couple years on and off online (LOVE older men). He's always seemed like a wonderful guy but as I have discussed before, I can be a flake. But we decided to finally meet.
He invited me to a gay strip club. Never been to one before. We hugged, said hi and sat by the bar looking at the strippers. He had his arm around me and would rub his hand against my chest or through my arm. It was nice, but at the same time, I didn't feel in my element. I guess I was somewhat uncomfortable.
We then went to one of the back bars were it was darker. We started grinding face-to-face. It was funny, he called it dancing. Eventually it got to giving each other hands, reaching under our pants. And there was a kind of back handed compliment ("You're penis may be a little small but your balls are amazing!"). Eventually I told him I had to go (church the following day). He walked me out.
I felt uncomfortable for much of it, though part of me thinks that it could be that I was out of my element. I've been identifying as bisexual for a couple years now, only to a couple people, but have extremely limited experience with men.
Not sure where to go from here.
I will say, I LOVED giving him a hand job. Hopefully, if we do hang out again, I'll eventually feel comfortable enough to kiss.
Any help?
(I'm 22, he's 61)

 

[aaggii]

Did you tell him you were uncomfortable doing these things? How did he respond?

If you didn´t tell him right then, then let him know now that you didn´t feel as secure as you have wanted and suggest to tone it down a bit, have an actual date, coffee, movie etc. Also you need to ask him what his intentions are, if he´s just fooling around or not. When we´re young we think things really are how we imagine them and then we get disappointed. Beware of older guys, even if their experience is a plus, they are also the best liars, I´ll tell you that from experience. Don´t be afraid of letting him know how you think and feel about anything and also don´t be afraid to scare him with your questions whenever you are in doubt. He knows your age and if his mind matches his age, he´ll understand.

 

[checkinthingsout]

A couple weeks ago I went out on a date with an older guy I have been talking to for a couple years on and off online (LOVE older men). He's always seemed like a wonderful guy but as I have discussed before, I can be a flake. But we decided to finally meet.
He invited me to a gay strip club. Never been to one before. We hugged, said hi and sat by the bar looking at the strippers. He had his arm around me and would rub his hand against my chest or through my arm. It was nice, but at the same time, I didn't feel in my element. I guess I was somewhat uncomfortable.
We then went to one of the back bars were it was darker. We started grinding face-to-face. It was funny, he called it dancing. Eventually it got to giving each other hands, reaching under our pants. And there was a kind of back handed compliment ("You're penis may be a little small but your balls are amazing!"). Eventually I told him I had to go (church the following day). He walked me out.
I felt uncomfortable for much of it, though part of me thinks that it could be that I was out of my element. I've been identifying as bisexual for a couple years now, only to a couple people, but have extremely limited experience with men.
Not sure where to go from here.
I will say, I LOVED giving him a hand job. Hopefully, if we do hang out again, I'll eventually feel comfortable enough to kiss.
Any help?
(I'm 22, he's 61)

Age aside, I think from what you have described, he may not be the best choice for you at this time. I would suggest continuing to see other people on and offline.

Also I agree with aaggii, you should go on dates where you feel comfortable and you can communicate and get a feel for that individual. Who's idea was the strip club?

Even if you are out of your element, you should feel excited and thrilled vs. "uncomfortable". And not just when your hand is around his dick, but the whole date.

 

[KaraBulut]

The question that is unanswered is, "What did you want to happen?".

If you had come to the forum earlier with the question, "What should I do on my date?", it's unlikely that anyone would have suggested, "The two of you should go to a strip club and give each other handjobs in a dark backroom." That experience sounds like something that gay men would have done 30 years ago when the options were limited.

Were you looking for some safe experimentation with someone you felt comfortable with? Were you looking for romance? Did you not know what you were looking for?

 

[Newmercedes]

A couple weeks ago I went out on a date with an older guy I have been talking to for a couple years on and off online (LOVE older men). He's always seemed like a wonderful guy but as I have discussed before, I can be a flake. But we decided to finally meet.
He invited me to a gay strip club. Never been to one before. We hugged, said hi and sat by the bar looking at the strippers. He had his arm around me and would rub his hand against my chest or through my arm. It was nice, but at the same time, I didn't feel in my element. I guess I was somewhat uncomfortable.
We then went to one of the back bars were it was darker. We started grinding face-to-face. It was funny, he called it dancing. Eventually it got to giving each other hands, reaching under our pants. And there was a kind of back handed compliment ("You're penis may be a little small but your balls are amazing!"). Eventually I told him I had to go (church the following day). He walked me out.
I felt uncomfortable for much of it, though part of me thinks that it could be that I was out of my element. I've been identifying as bisexual for a couple years now, only to a couple people, but have extremely limited experience with men.
Not sure where to go from here.
I will say, I LOVED giving him a hand job. Hopefully, if we do hang out again, I'll eventually feel comfortable enough to kiss.
Any help?
(I'm 22, he's 61)

61 and 22 ??? Damn sounds hot. He was a Lucky Man

 

[Rolyo85]

He wanted a hook up, that wasn't a date. Nobody takes a much younger guy on a date at a strip club and then goes for handjobs in the back room. Sounds like he wanted to fuck you and you left him with blue balls. Which, unless that was your goal too, and it was clearly established, makes him seem like a creep and a predator.

 

[checkinthingsout]

He wanted a hook up, that wasn't a date. Nobody takes a much younger guy on a date at a strip club and then goes for handjobs in the back room. Sounds like he wanted to fuck you and you left him with blue balls. Which, unless that was your goal too, and it was clearly established, makes him seem like a creep and a predator.

Ok, this is what I was really thinking but I didn't want to put it into the universe. I think you need a guy closer to your age, and probably closer to your experience level with men.

 

[hylas]

so, you were mostly uncomfortable with it all, but you want to meet him again?

are you sure you want to meet him again because there was enough about him and this date that you liked, despite the discomfort?

or do you just want to meet him again because you just want to meet somebody, anybody, and he happens to have shown an interest and was available?

Honestly, that guy sounds like a creeper to me. I'd say move on and meet some people who don't make you so uncomfortable. Maybe don't spend so much time online before meeting somebody irl. And be a bit more assertive about what you do and don't want on your dates. You don't have to do anything, and you can change the locale or leave at any time, you know.

 

[carguy11]

From what you described, I would have been extremely creeped out and uncomfortable as well. Hell, I think most guys would be. He just sounds like a dirty old man, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but it sounds like it was in this situation.

I myself am a younger guy who is into older guys so I understand your situation. I have found that my more meaningful and successful relationships started off in a much more mild way, meaning no strip club and semi-public handy's in a back room. If you do like him that's cool see him again, whatever floats your boat. However, I can say that as someone who is into men much older than myself that older men will line up to meet you and the good ones will stand out. Find a guy who would want to take you to Panera Bread or a Starbucks to get to know each other over a harmless cup of coffee. I would have told a guy who invited me to a strip club for a "first date" to take a hike.

 

[bruce379]

A couple weeks ago I went out on a date with an older guy I have been talking to for a couple years on and off online (LOVE older men). He's always seemed like a wonderful guy but as I have discussed before, I can be a flake. But we decided to finally meet.
He invited me to a gay strip club. Never been to one before. We hugged, said hi and sat by the bar looking at the strippers. He had his arm around me and would rub his hand against my chest or through my arm. It was nice, but at the same time, I didn't feel in my element. I guess I was somewhat uncomfortable.
We then went to one of the back bars were it was darker. We started grinding face-to-face. It was funny, he called it dancing. Eventually it got to giving each other hands, reaching under our pants. And there was a kind of back handed compliment ("You're penis may be a little small but your balls are amazing!"). Eventually I told him I had to go (church the following day). He walked me out.
I felt uncomfortable for much of it, though part of me thinks that it could be that I was out of my element. I've been identifying as bisexual for a couple years now, only to a couple people, but have extremely limited experience with men.
Not sure where to go from here.
I will say, I LOVED giving him a hand job. Hopefully, if we do hang out again, I'll eventually feel comfortable enough to kiss.
Any help?
(I'm 22, he's 61)

That's why it's called dating. Date another guy who's not as creepy. What do you look for in a guy? If you liked him, go on a second date. If not, stop; look for another. Simple.