Went to my first gay bar last night & sorta met a guy...

[Lawnmowerman]

I apologize if this is a long read, but I'd have to re-write it 20 times to keep it shorter. It's still kind of fuzzy and spinning in my head.

As a few may know due to a thread I posted a few weeks ago, I finally came out of the closet to a few friends. Due to job/living/financial reasons during my life, but truthfully most likely due to me not having a pair, I've stayed hidden in the closet. Unfortunately, this even includes never having been with a guy, even though that's what I am attracted to.

I was also self conscious about my looks, but began to realize apparently I'm not as bad as I thought, judging by comments and pm's from other Jubbers .

Anyway, I stayed at my friend's home in Chicago last night as we plan on bike riding all day today, and she took me to a small gay bar just a block or so away. It was a Thursday, so I didn't know if there'd be anything going on, and wasn't sure what to even expect. There were about 10-15 guys around the bar, and we played a round of Bingo, and then my friend wanted to go upstairs as they had strippers that night.

There was a guy sitting next to me at the bar, and he started chatting me up & I did the same. We ended up all going upstairs, and then he wanted to talk more. Why we didn't do that downstairs where it was QUIET I don't know . Now as I said, I'm pretty much new at all this, but I did notice his eyes going all over me, and especially on the lower regions (I was wearing shorts). He eventually got around to asking if I was a top or bottom or what, and some other things, and surprisingly (to ME anyway) I took the questions in stride and didn't get uncomfortable.

He eventually got a bit more "friendly", but nothing overt like just grabbing my crotch, so that was ok for me too. My friend then left, as she'd had quite a few drinks and wanted to get home so it was just him and myself upstairs. As we headed to the stairs, he pulled me closer and wanted to kiss. I feel like a complete idiot saying this, but I really had no idea what the right way to go about this was, so I let him take the lead and tried to go along. We did this for 5 minutes maybe, and then headed downstairs. By this time, he had gotten to the point numerous times of saying I had an awesome body and he'd love to spend more time with me, which was flattering I guess. We ended up walking back to my friend's, at which point he called a cab to take him home. I will say he won brownie points for the fact that he told me early on he took a cab so if he got a bit tipsy (which he was) he wasn't driving home. Anyway, we exchanged phone numbers, kissed goodnight, and he left. Then he texted me a few times before I got to bed.

I know I'll be visiting my friend more this summer, so I have no idea if he'll want to get together for anything other than just sex. I have to say I really was impressed with myself that I didn't freak out or pull away or say anthing nasty to him. He appeared to be a nice guy, and it would be cool to have someone to chat with. If he only wants sex, well I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet *facepalm*.

Well ok, that's my book. For those that actually read it through, thoughts ?

 

[treanir]

Thoughts:
1) It's not that long a post.
2) Well done! I think you handled yourself admirably in every respect. I would've freaked out if a guy had approached me my first time in a gay bar.
3) If he is only into sex and you're not ready for that, tell him. There's no need for you to do anything you don't want to do.

 

[giorgiobaby]

You did great! Congrats on you first trip to a gay bar, I'm glad it was a pleasant experience for you your first time. Much success on your endeavors and good luck.

 

[Lawnmowerman]

Thanks for the replies and words guys!

An update; we texted a few times and then talked on the phone yesterday. He had company in from out of town and was visiting with them, and my friend and I rode our bikes 44 miles into and around Chicago and back to her place.

When I left her place and headed to another friends for the weeken, I called him and we talked for maybe an hour. He apologized for being so tipsy, and for maybe getting too friendly, and he wondered if he DID feel me up or grope me, as he couldn't remember. I told him he was fine, and I wasn't uncomfortable with what he did. We chatted about a few different things, and he said he'd like to see me again. At this point I told him that I know he was really hot for my body, (which he himself said again) and I said that if he was looking for just a one-night-stand, that wasn't going to happen. (I'm sure others here would say get out there and experience it, but I'll do it at my own pace). I don't remember exactly everything that was said, but I think he gets the gist that I haven't been with a guy before.

I said that I'll be in the area more this year at my friend's, and if he wants to get together to hang out, I'd be up for it. He mentioned the architectural river boat tours in Chicago, which would be very cool, and I said I'd take him sailing with my friends on her boat, if he's interested. Which he did say sounds like fun.

So who knows where this might lead; MY thought was if he only wanted to shag me, we wouldn't be discussing other things. I wouldn't THINK he would bother to go through all this other "trouble" just to get me in bed, but I could be wrong. After all, if he just wants a one-nighter, I'm sure he can get that any time.

 

[Corny]

It does sound good indeed. Keep in touch with him

 

[cardshark]

So who knows where this might lead; MY thought was if he only wanted to shag me, we wouldn't be discussing other things. I wouldn't THINK he would bother to go through all this other "trouble" just to get me in bed, but I could be wrong. After all, if he just wants a one-nighter, I'm sure he can get that any time.

You'd be surprised the length some guys will go for sex. I say proceed with caution.

 

[alley]

T

So who knows where this might lead; MY thought was if he only wanted to shag me, we wouldn't be discussing other things. I wouldn't THINK he would bother to go through all this other "trouble" just to get me in bed, but I could be wrong. After all, if he just wants a one-nighter, I'm sure he can get that any time.

What are you wanting from this experience??? Are you wanting to take it slow--or jump in the deep end??? Were you attracted to him???

 

[treanir]

(I'm sure others here would say get out there and experience it, but I'll do it at my own pace)

That's the best way of going about it. Don't do things you because you feel you 'must', but because you want to.

So who knows where this might lead; MY thought was if he only wanted to shag me, we wouldn't be discussing other things. I wouldn't THINK he would bother to go through all this other "trouble" just to get me in bed, but I could be wrong. After all, if he just wants a one-nighter, I'm sure he can get that any time.

I think it's a good sign, at the very least. He knows you're not up for a quick shag and he didn't run away, so celebrate that. And pursue this, dammit!

 

[sdmister4]

sorry to run off topic.. but i've never been to a gay bar myself, are they all like that? bingo and strippers?

again sorry lawnmowerman for stealing your thread..especially since i cant even pretend to be helpful

 

[treanir]

^ No, not all bars are like that. Different bars have different angles, or cater to a different public. A good general advice is therefore: if you don't like one bar, check out another. Your experience may vary wildly.

 

[alley]

^ No, not all bars are like that. Different bars have different angles, or cater to a different public. A good general advice is therefore: if you don't like one bar, check out another. Your experience may vary wildly.

This is very true--the first one I went to seemed to be very clicky and I was very intimidated to talk to anyone at all--the next one I went to the guys were (a bit older) much more welcoming.

 

[Lawnmowerman]

You'd be surprised the length some guys will go for sex. I say proceed with caution.

I do agree on this point that some guys would go to those lengths, but if he was willing to go to these lengths, he must've really thought I was something. He knows I don't live close by & wouldn't be around very often. He mentioned other bars he's been to besides this one so I would THINK he'd have plenty of opportunities for one-nighters.

What are you wanting from this experience??? Are you wanting to take it slow--or jump in the deep end??? Were you attracted to him???

What do I want? Good question. I think I'd prefer to take it slow atm. This is all new, and I haven't had a "slut" phase (nor know if I will). Don't get me wrong, I'm damn horny all the time. When I DO find someone, I hope they have the same drive as I do. I'll need a bit more time to sort myself out. As for the attraction, I'd say he was "average" like me; he was a bit taller and I'd say our builds were similar, and he was cute. If things worked out personality-wise, I could see dating him. I would've figured him to be in his low to mid 30's, but it turns out he was the same age as me; he looked good for his age.

^ No, not all bars are like that. Different bars have different angles, or cater to a different public. A good general advice is therefore: if you don't like one bar, check out another. Your experience may vary wildly.

I didn't know what to expect with this bar; I think I was assuming it was nothing but a big dance club. Hell, the 1st floor was subdued & the 2nd was where the strippers were. But honestly I thought the place was tiny.

This is very true--the first one I went to seemed to be very clicky and I was very intimidated to talk to anyone at all--the next one I went to the guys were (a bit older) much more welcoming.

This one had a mix of guys; I'd say the ratio of older and younger guys was an even split. We were all cracking jokes at the bar during the bingo game and everyone seemed to get along fine.

 

[slickery]

Yeah sorry, I don't mean to burst your bubble, but I can go out to a gay any night fo the week and find guys to "connect" with. He may not have anything going on and liked flirting, or he may really like you, but it was one night, really.

I wouldn't read too much into it, and just let it be a positive experience for the gay bars. See they aren't that scary.