what a mess i've made.....

[Darkflower]

Jesus, what a horrible situation.

I'm not going to pass judgement on you, OP, as it's not my place. I like to think that if the misdeeds of each of our lives were laid bare for everyone to see, there isn't a person among us who wouldn't be mortified.

However, we do tend to reap what we sew. Just seems to be a law of the universe. And when that happens, as it does to each of us, we can only do our best to stand and face it, and hopefully use it as an opportunity for self-improvement. I hope you will do that, rather than simply seek a way to wriggle free of the mess your choices have made without having to deal with any consequences.

I agree with those who suggest you look into possible legal protection or recourse of some kind, but more importantly in this situation I advocate for coming clean with your wife, as it sounds like you plan to do tomorrow. She deserves to know the truth.

Good luck.

 

[rareboy]

This whole thing just has an odour about it.

 

[tommyj]

Look go to he police - they can handle this. They can set up a sting and arrest him. Your wife need not to know.

 

[bankside]

This whole thing just has an odour about it.

Well, when someone makes his own shitstorm, you don't want to smell the rain.

By the way I've read some of our OP's posting history and there is every suggestion this is not the first adventure. His wife has a lot of catching up to do on all his news.

 

[Darkflower]

^Oh my god, dude (Tommy). Don't encourage the guy to act with even less character than he already has! Why would you do that? Wriggling his way out of the blackmailing thing isn't going to change the fact that he's betrayed the woman he purports to love. Even if he gets clear of this guy, he's always going to be looking over his shoulder, wondering if somehow someone's going to appear and bring it all down around his head. And putting on the face of being the man his family thinks they know, love, and respect is going to kill his own spirit with the poison of the hypocrisy of it all. Why not encourage him to be a better man, and not just a better con artist?

 

[aijalon18]

Maybe you should call Mel Gibson. Unless you're a Jew then that might be a bad idea. I cant believe so many normally rational people are even entertaining this nonsense.

 

[TX-Beau]

It's been a slow, rainy afternoon.

 

[justsimon]

The only solution to this is to tell your wife.

 

[rareboy]

By the way I've read some of our OP's posting history and there is every suggestion this is not the first adventure. His wife has a lot of catching up to do on all his news.

Hopefully she'll be really understanding.

 

[Georgiadude]

why even consider paying the guy if your going to tell her anyway? Unless I missed something, why would you pay if your going to tell her the truth. "pay me or I'll tell her." Tell him you saved him the trouble and told her yourself. It doesn't make any sense to me.


Come clean to your wife and then go to the police. I wouldn't give someone like him any money. none. I'd reward him with some jail time. He'll be very popular in jail. apparently he likes having sex with men. Send him there.

I'm not usually one to question threads but I gotta tell ya. This one is even pushing my buttons.

 

[bankside]

houtx, by now it's obvious I'm quite happy to lay this at your feet. I think you have it coming. But it is a little too easy to lay you out and take shots, with a harsh word and a smug judgement. That is not my intent.

You've made this mess, but I do think you can pay your dues and move past it. You have to face your wife though, and give her a chance at freedom. Tell her there is a part of your life that isn't going to go away, and that you will let her go with a full heart if that is her wish.

It will be the most important thing you can ever do for her, more important than "I do..." While your vows may have been honest, at least you now have greater wisdom about who you are.

Your kids will know the whole story one day, and what they don't know, what you might be able to hide from them, they will guess anyway, fairly accurately. One day when they are old enough they are going to understand the situation you are in, and you will not be able to hide from their judgement. They will forgive you for not being perfect, but cowardice is harder to overlook. Give them the chance to think of you as a man who cleans up after his messes. It will mean a lot to them if they can think of you that way.

Life's going to suck for a while. But that is the cost of rebuilding the integrity you have squandered. I say suck it up. It is worth it.

By the way, save your money. You might need it for child support. Put your kids before your pride. This blackmailer thinks he is a hero, but he's really just taking money from your kids.

 

[nautiboyjeff]

Dude - tell him you are going to the cops if he tells your wife. He could have copies, this will never stop. He is a conman - he's going to keep working you. If you can find anyway to get proof that he's blackmailing you, that would help and then flip the table on him.

 

[Willie Boy]

met this guy in a bar - went to hotel and had sex - he video taped the event without me knowing - left and then called telling me a few hours later to send $10,000 or he would send to my wife and call her as he somehow managed to get a look at my ID and suspect the internet gave him the rest. I told him i can't do the money thing and not sure where things stand right now. (his father cheated on his mother and after she died married within 3 months he indicated on the ransom call)

i'm such a fool - how stupid am i to screw up the innocdent life of my family. what do i say when my wife confronts me - i've always struggled to surpress the desire to want to mess around with a guy and now this pretty much is going to exlpode and i'm just sad, really sad. my stomach in notes and near physical sickness. ok i've lived a lie in not being open about those feelings but i do love my wife, she is my best friend, and i just ache at how much I just hurt her. its just awful.

what do i say ....

You say you love your wife, yet you cheated on her with a complete stranger? What you have is not love. You have no respect for your wife.

Now you are afraid of your wife confronting you? At least at the end you started thinking about what you did to her by cheating.

At this point, the best you can do is apologize and tell her everything. Also go and get yourself tested for STDs and the like. You should also report the attempted blackmail to the police, I doubt this is the first time this guy has done this.

 

[getborn05]

If the blackmailer weren't demanding money then this would make for an entertaining late-night TV show. The host of the show would lure closeted cheaters and secretly film the sex. Then the cheater would be given the option to either tell his wife he is gay and cheated on her or the host would do it for him. Justice.

 

[houtx20s]

"Stand and face it." I did not seek a way to wiggle free of the mess my choices have made as one post reads. I asked my wife to stay home from work on Monday and after the kids were off to school pulled her aside, sat down and started talking. A long and very emotional day but let me tell you how it ended…..I am shocked by the power of love. I lived through her review back to when we were dating, the 100's of questions all of which I figured now is the time to just lay it out and be painfully truthful. She knows I fucked a guy, sucked dick and have been with guys for sometime and not this "one time".

After emotional talks she just left for awhile to be alone. The longest time it seemed and when she returned she hugged me, told me I'm a complete ass, that she was mad at me for doing this to her and the kids, reminded me again I was a complete ass, and told me we would figure it out together but I made her feel empty and that I took so much away from her. She said she's not sure she's doing the right thing by staying with me. Watching her in pain sucks and yes, I know, its my fault she is in pain.

I did later in the day yesterday talk about the situation with the blackmail, possible video and that situation. She just shook her head and said we are calling the police, filing a report and if a video exists ensure it doesn't surface.

She is struggling with making sense of how I could actually do this, how I could get naked with a guy and masturbate it, how I could intellectually know its wrong but still do it, let another guy hold my dick, how I could put a dick in my mouth and suck on it.

So here we are some 24 + hours after I first sat down with her and I have a lot of work to do. I did get to sleep in bed with her last night and we hugged. We talked and she asked lots of questions. I didn’t work this morning to stay with her. She didn’t feel like getting out of bed so I took care of the kids and returned to lay there and hold her, and show her I do love her. She's taking a nap right now.

While it is awful to have her look at me the way she does now, and the pain in seeing her cry because of me being a failure so hurts but so much stress has been lifted, I feel like a new person and oddly, as sad as things are right now I am happy she knows and we are talking about it, we are going to go to counseling, I am going to get tested for every disease known to mankind for us and while she is mad and hurt like never before she said she doesn’t hate me, does love me but reminded me I’m such an ass.

This is going to be a long road. I guess the next few days as it begins to fester we will have to see how things go. Need to find a sex addict and marriage counseler and get on phone with the police.

Keep you posted. Thanks for replying to post.

 

[TX-Beau]

Yeah, now I'm 99% sure this is fiction.

 

[bankside]

You are only shocked by the power of love because, wrapped up in your own denial, you haven't been offering it with a full heart.

Now. Ease up. It is too much to fix in one week. You will both have good days and bad days in how you can handle all this and you need time to let things settle. That went well though. You don't earn the right to ask for forgiveness by continuing a lie. You've told her what is going on. Even if you don't have a future as a couple, it will mean something to her that the father of her children is worthy of maybe being forgiven one day. In the mean time, one day at a time.

 

[Drebin]

That's a wild series of events if it isn't fiction and I wish you and your family the best. If it is fiction, well, job well done from fooling everybody .

 

[nautiboyjeff]

Guys - where's the compassion - he follows the advice to 'fess up and then you beat him up. Where's the support? This sounds like a very plausible scenario because I know another guy who went through this. He didn't get blackmailed, but was told if he didn't tell his wife, this person would.......

Hou - this is going to be a long road. Women don't immediately lash out because they have to have a place to go. Make no mistake, she's shell-shocked. She won't make a quick move because she's not found a safe place (either to tell someone or go). She will find one in a day or two and then she will come at you with all guns blazing. She may or may not leave you - that's a whole other thing.....but trust me vengeance will be had up on you.

I am glad you didn't pay the blackmailer, that would have compounded your problems when you ended up telling her and the sting of $3k (or more after subsequent payments) could have been the death-nail.

Good luck - keep us updated, but get ready - she's coming after you.

I had sex with my wife after I told her I was gay and didn't want to be married anymore (no other history was discussed) and we lived together for about a week (the plan was for a "few months"). It didn't last a week.

Jeff

 

[aijalon18]

Yeah, now I'm 99% sure this is fiction.

Only 99%? This whole thing is so ludicrous I wouldnt be surprised if the OP is 12.

Guys - where's the compassion - he follows the advice to 'fess up and then you beat him up. Where's the support? This sounds like a very plausible scenario because I know another guy who went through this. He didn't get blackmailed, but was told if he didn't tell his wife, this person would.......

Hou - this is going to be a long road. Women don't immediately lash out because they have to have a place to go. Make no mistake, she's shell-shocked. She won't make a quick move because she's not found a safe place (either to tell someone or go). She will find one in a day or two and then she will come at you with all guns blazing. She may or may not leave you - that's a whole other thing.....but trust me vengeance will be had up on you.

I am glad you didn't pay the blackmailer, that would have compounded your problems when you ended up telling her and the sting of $3k (or more after subsequent payments) could have been the death-nail.

Good luck - keep us updated, but get ready - she's coming after you.

I had sex with my wife after I told her I was gay and didn't want to be married anymore (no other history was discussed) and we lived together for about a week (the plan was for a "few months"). It didn't last a week.

Jeff

This fairy tale is possible yes. But there's way too many holes and things that just make no fucking sense. And who in their right mind would be going through something like this and come to gay message board with blow by blow updates and advice?