What age did you come out?

[Seasoned]

I came out completely at age 37, beginning the process at age 31. I was married with two children. My life would have been totally different, so it's hard for me to wish I had come out soon.

 

[wastedtime]

I don't think I came out. I never said the words, "I'm gay" to anyone in my family. My mom said she had some ideas, when I entered my teens, because I wasn't obsessed with girls like my brothers had been. I didn't have the chicks in bikini posters on my walls like they did, didn't hide porn in my room, didn't trip overmyself checking out girls when we were out.

When I was almost 18 she figured out "Mark" the guy I hung out with a lot, wasn't just another friend. She said she could see I was different with him than I was with other friends who I hung out, played videogames, etc.

I guess the moment it was out on the table was when my oldest brother was having a party, and my Mom asked if I planned on bringing a date. I said I was thinking about it. She very casually asked "Mark?" and I said I think so. That was our big conversation. We've talked about it now as an adult, but there was never a big moment. After that it was pretty much just a fact in our family. My brothers have had issues with it, but as they are much older than me, we were never close, and other than holidays I don't have to deal with their issues.

That's pretty much how I have always been, I am myself, and if people figure it out then fine, and if they don't then they probably don't need to know.

If you need someone to talk to, to help with your confusion, then your family is probably not going to be the best ones, if you are leary of thier reaction, they are not going to have the understanding and resources to help you deal with your confusion.

 

[Anders123]

I came out a few months ago, I'm 20.

It wouldn't have been possible for me to come out any sooner, because honestly I never really let myself accept the fact that I was gay before then.

I'm glad it took me that long to come to terms with it though, because by this stage in my life, I've filtered out the people who were never really my friends, and have surrounded myself with people who like me for who I really am; people who love and support me no matter what.

The only person out of everyone I've told who reacted negatively was my father (you definitely can't choose your parents ), but that's an entirely different story.

You don't seem quite so sure yet; so take the time to really think about it, try to be honest and recognize when you're feeding yourself lies (that was the hardest part for me).

Good Luck

 

[chris2k]

This is my first post, i didnt even fill out my profile yet!
.... I came out late, just a few years ago. im 36 now. And i do regret waiting so long. It got to a point where i felt because i wasnt with anybody, that nobody needed to know what orientation i was. But because i took so long my family had already assumed i was gay, which made it a little easier to come out, it was like they were all just waiting for me to tell them.
I have a younger gay friend who is 18 and is coming out now and i really admire his courage to do so at such a young age. Everyone is different though, if you need to take time, take all the time you need, however i must tell you that i feel so much closer and more comfortable with everyone ive told. I was so insecure about myself, whenever i would talk to anyone, in the back of my head i was thinking to myself "do they know im gay? they can tell im gay i bet" and now thats gone!

 

[saymyname]

I came out to my best friend at the time when I was 15, some other friends and my parents around 16, and then completely open about it (to the point where the whole high school knew because of myspace and things like that) at 17.

I felt better because of it because I could be myself, but sometimes I wonder if I would have gotten approached more by guys by staying in the closet in that small town - by coming out, hardly any guys would even associate me or even talk to me. It sucked. I was cute back then, too. Messed with my self confidence a lot. Hmm. I also wonder if maybe I would have come out even earlier, like when I was 12 or 13.

But even though I came out pretty young, it wasn't until I moved to a big city at 19 that I really got a taste of gay life. It was like I came out but there was nothing to come out to, I had to move away for there to be something worth being out about, besides my own mental health.

 

[Audio Tech]

I came out at 45. Feel better now?

I'm not ashamed about it. Truth is that I WAS the fucked up, emotionally scarred product of a Catholic upbringing. It simply took me this long to break this conditioning despite those around me wanting to re enforce it.

Do I regret not coming out much earlier? Yes, of course.

But keep in mind that it's 2011 now, and much easier than it was in my youth. I had NO ONE to talk to, no support, no gay friends, NO INTERNET to discover that there are MANY, MANY people like me. (Hi JUB )

Today things are different. Embrace who you are.

 

[tipmyscales86]

Thank you to everyone who has posted so far. It is really helping me.

I'd like to get your take on something. One of my biggest problems with being gay revolves around the fact that I am the only boy in the family to carry on the family name. I know that that may seem like a small thing, but it's actually a lot of pressure. I guess I'm afraid of letting my family down, you know?

I am also the only guy in my family able to carry on the family name. That was another burden that was weighing on me during my coming out phase. My family is Catholic. I told my dad and he was fine with it, as my sister had already come out, which made things a hell of a lot easier for me. We didn't tell the grandparents, only see them once or twice a year, so it's not even worth it.

But there are options for you to carry on the family name. Adoption would end the blood line, but could still keep the "name" going. You could go the route of in-vitro fertilization. Or, as I joked with one of my lesbian friends who wants a kid, we could just do it the cheap way and have sex just for the purpose of having a kid. I'm not turned on at all by the idea of having sex with her, but I could probably use my imagination to maintain a hard on. lol

 

[saymyname]

Uhh, I'm in that same boat too and it's never bothered me. Who cares. It's so insignificant. It's not like your family is some big important aristocracy. It's not like anyone cares besides them. It's not as if that really matters in the long run, what matters is your own life and what you do with it.

 

[Audio Tech]

Thank you to everyone who has posted so far. It is really helping me.

I'd like to get your take on something. One of my biggest problems with being gay revolves around the fact that I am the only boy in the family to carry on the family name. I know that that may seem like a small thing, but it's actually a lot of pressure. I guess I'm afraid of letting my family down, you know?

And THAT thinking is part of the reason I came out so late...

Basically all I can offer to you is: GET OVER IT. You may want to continue the "family name" but you are by no means OBLIGATED to do so. Your parents and grandparents aren't the ones that will be raising your kids, either.

The best thing you can do for your own mental and physical health is to be who you are and not worry about letting your family down. You can always cross that bridge when you get to it later. There are always options.

 

[chris2k]

Same for me! But I now look at it as there must be a reason for my family name to be ending....in the grand scheme of things I have an important job to do on this earth...to end this family line before its too late! Lol

 

[SteveyBoyLA]

I guess when it comes right down to it, carrying on the family bloodline isn't all that important. It's more important for me to be who I am. I guess right now I just need to get comfortable with who I am.

It's your last sentence that is the key in my view. You have a right to live your life without compromising your true identify, just as your family and friends have the same right to their own identity. Who you are attracted to is your business, just as our heterosexual friends and family have a right to chose their own partners. Did they check in with you for approval? Probably not, nor should they.

The journey towards being comfortable with who you are is very personal, just as the timetable for coming out is a very personal. Best of luck my friend! Hugs and kisses.

 

[kooman]

21, mother took it well, she was proud of me. Perfect time to come out in my life.

 

[Scottyboi]

when I was 20 to my friends and when i was 22 to everyone
...by the time I was 22 I'd talk about how hot guys were at the top of my voice in the college quad with friends so this was more of an "over time" thing than a "I just decided at 22 to tell everyone"

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

I came out to my friends at 18, Freshmen year of college. It was really fitting. Coming out meant more than revealing my sexuality, but myself as well. Then I came out to my big sister 4th of July (19) and my mother a month later.

My mom hates it. We get into fights every time we talk about it. I plan on telling everyone else in the family soon too as I pretty much out to everyone. People get mad, but I'm going to be sorry for being born. Family is important to me and my family is really close, but during the next 10 years I will be making steps that will say a lot aboout a possible new family. Whether that's just me or what, I don't want to be 30 something living the life of someone who isn't me just to make others happy**

**No offense to those who have come out later in life. Everyone moves differently and all that matters is you came out!

Good luck to those struggling with coming out. I wouldn't do it unless you're sure about yourself. If I had came out at 14, then it would have been tragic. Now there's no confusion or guilt about my sexuality.

 

[foxylina]

i was forced out when i was 16

 

[Comtemplation]

Came out to myself at about 12 or so. Held it in for 9 years before I came out to someone else at 21. T'was the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

[LFDaddy]

Came out September 2009' and it was probably the best decision I've made..

 

[Sylar1984]

I came out 3 months ago at the age of 26 (I've since turned 27).

My dad took it really well, in fact it's a non-issue between us. My mum has been ok with it, but I can tell she hasn't fully accepted it yet.

She keeps saying things like she just wants me to be happy, and if I'm absolutely sure I like men (having not been in a serious relationship before).

Do I wish I came out earlier? No, I wasn't ready. But I do wonder if I might have started dating guys earlier if I had...

 

[nialltt]

I came out when I was 19. 2 years ago . Coming out, my dad had said that being gays a choice. To which I replied, if it was a choice then why would I choose to live in a world where being straight is favoured over being gay. They have never spoken to me about the issue of homosexuality since I came out. I even watch shows that talk about homosexuality so that they might want to ask questions but nothing.

 

[HellTwink]

the question is, how do you know? How do you know when you're ready? hehe And by this I'm saying that I didn't come out yet, but I'm flipping :c