What am I in for

[mcdaddy]

Thanks for all the help, guys.

She'll get over it in her own time, I suppose. I don't know...I guess there really isn't anything else I can do about it. I heard the PFLAG suggestion, but I don't really see my mom being up for that.

It just sucks because she continually says fucked up hateful shit around me. After our fight, she just kept saying under her breathe "why can't I have normal children..."

When I told them the first time, I was very quiet, understanding, and even a bit apoligetic for having to kind of mess them up. But now my Mom has tried to talk me out of it 3 times. The last fight ended with her telling me "well then for god's sake I wouldn't tell anyone." I don't plan on broadcasting it. But I don't plan on hding it, either. I'm done being sorry.

Ugh...I thought the hard part of coming out to your parents was getting the balls to do it. I didn't know about the long fucking aftermath...

 

[G-Lexington]

You handled the hard part. This is HER hard part.

Lex

 

[Just_Believe18]

You'll do fine, Mcdaddy. This is a fight with herself. She has to get over her problems. There's nothing wrong with you. Life will have it's tough moments but you will be happy because you will be yourself. Imagine all the other gay men out there who marry and pretend. They're miserable and sick of themselves. But you are courageous and true.

 

[luminum]

Thanks for all the help, guys.

She'll get over it in her own time, I suppose. I don't know...I guess there really isn't anything else I can do about it. I heard the PFLAG suggestion, but I don't really see my mom being up for that.

It just sucks because she continually says fucked up hateful shit around me. After our fight, she just kept saying under her breathe "why can't I have normal children..."

When I told them the first time, I was very quiet, understanding, and even a bit apoligetic for having to kind of mess them up. But now my Mom has tried to talk me out of it 3 times. The last fight ended with her telling me "well then for god's sake I wouldn't tell anyone." I don't plan on broadcasting it. But I don't plan on hding it, either. I'm done being sorry.

Ugh...I thought the hard part of coming out to your parents was getting the balls to do it. I didn't know about the long fucking aftermath...

It's about having the strength to handle all that comes with it. The aftermath is part of that, and it sucks.

Here's why I think you should give her information about PFLAG: If you give her this information, you are giving her a way to be okay. You are doing the mot that you can. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. Whether or not she chooses to go is all about how she wants to live the rest of her life.

By giving your mother that information, you're giving her a chance to reach serenity within herself about your sexuality. I would never give up on my parents before I had done everything that I could without forcing them. Give her that information and then just leave her alone. Live your life unapologetically and just give her time. If she never takes it up and never has a change of heart, then you've done all you could. If one day she decides to end living a life of self-pity, baseless fear and shame (and let's hope she chooses that soon, instead of holding onto it for five years like my mother) then she can pick up the brochure, read it, and decide to go, maybe with you.

 

[mcdaddy]

Blah....
it's so wierd. life is completely normal here. we get along just fine. we are laughing and joking around. everything's great.

except for occasionally she'll bring up the gay thing and we'll have a fight about it.

the thing is, i like the time we have where we aren't fighting. so i never bring it up. i guess the next time she tries to un-gay me, i'll tell her about the PFLAG idea, but otherwise, i'd just as well leave it alone. i'm going to college in 3 days and i'm excited to finally be with people who know i'm gay and accept me anyway. i've told all my friends in college and did not recieve any bad reactions. the only bad reaction i've gotten was from my parents.

another thing messing her up is the fact that i dated a lot of girls. A LOT of girls. from her perspective, this is coming out of nowhere. i hope that the time i'm in college will give her enough time to get over this. i'm not used to being the blacksheep of the family.

 

[luminum]

Blah....
it's so wierd. life is completely normal here. we get along just fine. we are laughing and joking around. everything's great.

except for occasionally she'll bring up the gay thing and we'll have a fight about it.

the thing is, i like the time we have where we aren't fighting. so i never bring it up. i guess the next time she tries to un-gay me, i'll tell her about the PFLAG idea, but otherwise, i'd just as well leave it alone. i'm going to college in 3 days and i'm excited to finally be with people who know i'm gay and accept me anyway. i've told all my friends in college and did not recieve any bad reactions. the only bad reaction i've gotten was from my parents.

another thing messing her up is the fact that i dated a lot of girls. A LOT of girls. from her perspective, this is coming out of nowhere. i hope that the time i'm in college will give her enough time to get over this. i'm not used to being the blacksheep of the family.

I know exactly how you feel! My relationship with my folks is the same way. Everything's great when it's not about my sexuality and they're not breathing fire about it. It makes it hard to introduce the subject matter because you feel like you're destroying the "peace" you guys have. But it's important to the reality of your relationship together.

The next time it gets brought up, bring up PFLAG.

Ironically, the difference between you and me is that I never dated any girls and my mom thinks I just haven't had the experience yet. How funny. She feels that if I had dated a few girls and then told her I was gay that she'd be more inclined to believe it because then I could say that i tried and it and I knew wasn't working for me.

 

[mcdaddy]

luminum...
it's good to hear I'm not the only one. Interestingly, my mom, like your mom, doesn't believe I've dated enough girls to know what I'm talking about, either. I disagree, considering among my friends, I've dated the most.

That aside, I don't think dating experience has anything to do with it. I'm not gay by default. I'm gay because men turn me on. And women don't.

On the off chance that she's right (which she's not), that would still leave me as bi. I fail to see her logic as this fixing the whole gay issue.