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What are some wise sayings that you've come across or you yourself invented from life experience

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you."

Oscar Wilde
"I'll tell you, but then I'll have to kill you."

Not really any kind of profound "words to live by" or anything, but my Dad's way of saying "No way in hell!!" was

NOT ON YOUR TINTYPE.

An obvious hand-me-down phrase from previous generations, because photography evolved from that even before he was born.
 
"My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor." - Elayne Boosler
 
"In college I experimented with heterosexuality...I slept with a straight guy. (He was really drunk.)" - Paraphrased from someone
 
Always bring in the washing before sundown.

You can drink wine OR beer OR spirits but don't mix them

It's OK to listen to but it'll always tell you more about the gossiper than the person they're gossiping about.
 
'It is never too late to make a fresh start, even with your final breath.'
- Bertolt Brecht (probably quoting a Taoist text)

'Man says time passes. Time says man passes.'
- Sundial motto

'There is no detail too small to be worth your full attention.'
- The man who taught me to draw used to say this

'Never cut paper when you can tear it.'
- He said that as well

What is that mean?
 
If it's not one thing it's another (I think from Roseanne Roseannadana SNL)
 
This one from Brad Pitt in a early movie " Lefty loosey, Righty tighty".

Many things are threaded: screws, bolts, garden hoses, and they are all designed to be loosened conter clockwise BUT that is not so easy when you need it.
 
It is OK to go out on a limb, that is where the fruit is.

You can do anything you want, if you want it bad enough.

No sex in the bedroom means there are problems in the relationship.
 
FAO Telstra:
He meant it literally. A torn edge gives a more human, hand-finished look. Who doesn't like being finished by hand?
 
Better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt

Usually attributed to Mark Twain
 
Good tearing is better than bad cutting and vice versa. It's in the wrist action!
 
FAO Telstra:
He meant it literally. A torn edge gives a more human, hand-finished look. Who doesn't like being finished by hand?
A good example of this, in real life: A hamburger, with "ragged, irregular edges" will probably be better than one with perfect round edges. The "ragged-edge" hamburger probably IS hand-finished...from fresh bulk meat which hasn't been frozen, etc.\

Then, after eating the homemade hamburger, I'll get a massage...with a Happy Ending, haha.
 
"Very interesting, if true."

"There’s less to this than meets the eye." Tallulah Bankhead

"The party is where I’m at." Tallulah Bankhead

"You always pay for sex in one way or the other, and money is one of the cheapest forms of payment."

"Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence."

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics." Mark Twain
 
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