What can I do really?

[WyvernLord]

I'm gonna kinda go against everyone else and offer a different approach--one that worked for me when I was in a similar situation. Spend more time with him.

I developed feelings for this one friend that I saw maybe once a week and talked with online frequently. I started to like him because I wasn't totally sure about his sexuality, so I allowed myself to entertain the thought that he could possibly be gay.

This led me to go out of my way to take a class with him. So I started seeing him ~6 days out of the week. And very frequently hanging out with him. My feelings at first got stronger. But, funny thing is, they quickly hit a peak. I'd spent enough time with him that I got a very good reading on him, and I learned all his little quirks and flaws. Any doubt I had about his sexuality evaporated. That was the first step. Stop entertaining any notions that he'll ever reciprocate the romantic feelings.

Next, after more time, I kinda just got sick of him, to be honest. He had a few gross little habits, and I devoted a lot of my attention to those, telling myself "No way. I'm going to find someone much better than this." That's step two. Knock him off the pedestal in your mind. No one's perfect. You can ALWAYS do better.

It took a couple months, but eventually I was 99% over him. The last step: come out to him. Coming out to him (the first person at college for me) really cemented our friendship (I never had to give that up throughout this). Any lingering romantic/sexual thoughts about him just seemed dirty and wrong at this point. He was totally supportive of me and I felt like even thinking of him in such a way was a violation of that mutual trust we established.

Now, about 6 months later, he's my best friend, confidant, and roommate. (I made sure I was totally over him before we moved in together, and I'd probably recommend the same for you.) I agree with everyone else about the coming out part though. Regardless of what you think his reaction might be, it has to happen eventually, especially if you're gonna live together. And if he has a problem with it, then he really isn't as good a friend as you thought, and you needn't waste any more time with him.

I think distancing yourself from someone can be counter-productive. It's clear you already idealize him. If you don't see him you're just going to cling to those thoughts of perfection. You need to see him in his full, flaw-ridden glory. As an added benefit, less loneliness on your part and you get to keep a friend. Do work on meeting gay ones too though. That helps to divert attention as well.

 

[Icarus92]

I'm gonna kinda go against everyone else and offer a different approach--one that worked for me when I was in a similar situation. Spend more time with him.

I developed feelings for this one friend that I saw maybe once a week and talked with online frequently. I started to like him because I wasn't totally sure about his sexuality, so I allowed myself to entertain the thought that he could possibly be gay.

This led me to go out of my way to take a class with him. So I started seeing him ~6 days out of the week. And very frequently hanging out with him. My feelings at first got stronger. But, funny thing is, they quickly hit a peak. I'd spent enough time with him that I got a very good reading on him, and I learned all his little quirks and flaws. Any doubt I had about his sexuality evaporated. That was the first step. Stop entertaining any notions that he'll ever reciprocate the romantic feelings.

Next, after more time, I kinda just got sick of him, to be honest. He had a few gross little habits, and I devoted a lot of my attention to those, telling myself "No way. I'm going to find someone much better than this." That's step two. Knock him off the pedestal in your mind. No one's perfect. You can ALWAYS do better.

It took a couple months, but eventually I was 99% over him. The last step: come out to him. Coming out to him (the first person at college for me) really cemented our friendship (I never had to give that up throughout this). Any lingering romantic/sexual thoughts about him just seemed dirty and wrong at this point. He was totally supportive of me and I felt like even thinking of him in such a way was a violation of that mutual trust we established.

Now, about 6 months later, he's my best friend, confidant, and roommate. (I made sure I was totally over him before we moved in together, and I'd probably recommend the same for you.) I agree with everyone else about the coming out part though. Regardless of what you think his reaction might be, it has to happen eventually, especially if you're gonna live together. And if he has a problem with it, then he really isn't as good a friend as you thought, and you needn't waste any more time with him.

I think distancing yourself from someone can be counter-productive. It's clear you already idealize him. If you don't see him you're just going to cling to those thoughts of perfection. You need to see him in his full, flaw-ridden glory. As an added benefit, less loneliness on your part and you get to keep a friend. Do work on meeting gay ones too though. That helps to divert attention as well.

Hi. When you said "they[your feelings] quickly hit a peak", how quickly is quickly? Because throughout the 3 months of a lot of time with this person, my feelings have only gotten stronger. The more I learn of his past, his personality, and even his flaws, the more I like him.

How long have you known him when you actually came out to him? I'm pretty curious. Like I said above, I'm secure that he would still be my friend after I come out to him, but I'm still very hesitant to tell him, and I think it's because I'm afraid of the inevitable changes it may bring, even though they may be very small ones. This would definitely take more preparation than when I came out to my family members! Oh and, even now, it already seem very wrong to me when I have sexual thoughts about him.

Hmm, spending more time huh? Man... to spend time or to cut time, to distract myself, to come out, to have him move in or not... lots to think about. Really can't help but think: "If only he was gay and shared the same feelings".

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Icarus92,

So you told me

he is uncomfortable and kinda afraid of gays; (...). I can accept that.

And:

I care for his safety, his health. I also know that even if he wasn't as good-looking as he is now, I would still have feelings for him. When I see him hurt, I genuinely hurt inside too.

And you told us

I have many siblings; I had to come out so many times in different ways to different members. Mom was hardest. Dad was easy. (...). my father indirectly implied that I should do the gay bar thing.

And:

I'm feeling very very down. (...). Like I said, I know all these but my emotions always pushes me to do the opposite.

Others in this posting have told you:

"You aren't being his friend right now". "Are you not feeling ok to be gay?" "Let me be blunt in saying I do NOT respect your decision." "Next semester tell everyone you are gay from the beginning because being closeted is an everyday torture for me."

So you are gay and you are deep in love with a straight guy with whom you spend alot of time together with and who has told you that he is uncomfortable around gays.

My dear Icarus92, these both things are 2 sides of a coin. You feel sad and depressed, and you need to cry every day because you want to join both sides of a coin. My dear Icarus92, I feel very sorry for you, but you want to do something which is impossible.

I would like to offer you 2 reliable options to get further:

(1): stop being his friend, so cut the friendship, and stay as deep as possible in the closet. Just tell your friend that you have 'reasons' (which cannot be explained because they are 'private') that you cannot continue the friendship with him, and that you have decided that both of you will not become room-mates. No need to explain why, just tell him. And go on with your life as a closet case.

(2): tell him tomorrow (or at any next meeting) that you need to tell him something very important about yourself. And do what many others over here have advised you to do. So tell him that you are gay (100%), and that your family is OK with it, etc.
I cannot predict what will happen. I tend to think that the guy might need to time to get used to the idea that you are gay. Maybe the 'friendship' needs a serious 'reshuffle'. I don't know, but you are honest to him, and also to yourself.


And now about that uni. You told us that its a 'small'.
How many male students are on the uni?
* 50-100? [there might be a small chance that you are the only gay]
* 100s? there will be several other gay students.
* c 1000? there will be many other gay students (50 or so?).

So do you realize yourself that you are hiding yourself for the other gay students? I mean, maybe one or more of your fellow queer students is interested in 'that sweet Asian student called Icarus92'. But man, you are hiding yourself, so mr X cannot find you. And why did you dad told you that you needed to visit a gay bar? To drink beer? Or to dance with girls?

Excuse me very much for asking an impolite question, but what are those reasons' not telling people around you that you are gay? You told us: "I do have my reasons not to come out to my friends and other people yet."

Excuse me very much, but I don't understand this. Your family is fine that you are gay, your dad told you to go to a gay bar, so what's the problem?

Is your uni some sort of reli-fundi uni? Is is full with reli-fundi homophobes? Where is that uni located? Within the US? Or at another country? Is there some sort of queer group at your uni? Are you aware of other gay guys at your uni?

Anyway, I can understand very well that you feel sad & depressed & that you need to cry alot. I would advise you to set some steps to get out of the misery. I tend to think that I am around the age of your dad (I am 55). And I tend to think that your dad gave you a very wise advise. Likely, he was thinking back in time when he was 20, and that -likely?- he had a nice time with girls? I don't know if that was the case. However, he just advised you to get experience with gay guys, can be a boyfriend, or just friends, or sport friends, or whatever. So why not follow his advice?

So I still don't see the point of your 'reasons' you don't want to let people around you that you are 'not into girls'.

No need to tell us any details about your 'reasons' (or any other private matter) if you feel uncomfortable about this.

Best wishes and good luck.

 

[Rolyo85]

There are always reasons to not come out. They are always very important. But unless they have to do with your immediate family disowning you when you're financially dependent on them, or with you losing a job, you know what else they are? Irrelevant.

The closet is a place of darkness, and one where you shouldn't be to begin with. You shouldn't have to be coaxed out of it, you should strive to burst out.

 

[Ganoderma]

There are always reasons to not come out. They are always very important. But unless they have to do with your immediate family disowning you when you're financially dependent on them, or with you losing a job, you know what else they are? Irrelevant.

Rolyo85, you are totally right. Besides that, it seems likely to me that several of the siblings of 'Icarus92' will be curious about any future boyfriend? Towards my humble opinion, Icarus92 will always be able to travel back home together with his boyfriend.

'Dad, you told me I had to visit a gay bar. Well, and I met XX over there, he is also a student at the uni, and I think you and mom will like it to meet him at my next visit, bla bla'.

 

[Icarus92]

I'll reply to all the newer posts when I wake up tomorrow, it's getting really late here. Thanks for the feedback.

 

[Soilwork]

If getting a life of your own "takes away your time with him," it's pretty clear that you're not interested in moving on and instead are more interested in being "that guy."

Too bad, but we all make our choices. Your choice is to dedicate your life to chasing something you can never have.

Pity.

 

[Greenherbz]

Coming out is a personal decision, and I don't think most people have room to criticize him for not being out (regardless of wether his family knows or not). I'm willing to bet some of you hadn't even come out at his age so stop giving him crap for something you were probably just as guilty of.

You can get over your infatuation without coming out, if you so choose. Obviously coming out can be healthy, and is probably a step in the right direction, but you dictate your life.

Don't tell him you have feelings for him, it will probably not end well. You can hang out with 'homophobic' people if you'd like to, just because people online b*** at you doesnt mean you need to stop.

A lot of my friends from HS/ in college have been 'homophobic' not in the sense that i fear my life or getting beat up, but they are not the type of people used to hanging out with LGBT people. They usually don't look up at us either if you catch what I mean, but as I've been coming out to them, everyone has taken it well so far and it has made a lot of them think and reevaluate their thoughts on the subject

For what its worth

 

[Rolyo85]

Nobody here is giving him crap. But kids come out younger these days. And the younger the better. And college is the best time to do it. AND being in lust with a straight guy is simply NOT a good reason to keep being in. Especially considering all the people with actual potential you are NOT meeting due to staying in...

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Icarus92,

Thanks for your quick reply and I hope you have a sound sleep. I would like to add that I don't want to force you to come out of the closet.

Please understand that opening yourself is a personal decision which you have to take for yourself.

I also would like to add that, at least towards my own opinion, you are as well totally free to stay friends with all kind of straight guys, as well as making new friends amongst the group of straight guys.

So no need to built up a new social network consisting solely from gay guys.

But I think that you win alot when it is just clear to the straight guys / aquiantances that you are gay (so not anymore a 'straight guy who is single and is still looking around for a girlfriend'). So then they know who you really are.

And when it turns out that some of them are really homophobe / bigots? Well, such guys weren't real friends of you, and therefore no need to continue with being friends with them. Op top of that, they will / must also 'walk away' as they don't feel comfortable when there is a gay guy around.

However, I am quite sure that it does not matter anything at all for a lot of straight guys of around your age (uni students) that some of their fellow-students (& including Icarus92) are gay.

Well, take your time, think about it. There are over here at JUB alot of guys who really want to help you in a friendly and a positive way.

Best wishes & good luck.

 

[Icarus92]

(1): stop being his friend, so cut the friendship, and stay as deep as possible in the closet. Just tell your friend that you have 'reasons' (which cannot be explained because they are 'private') that you cannot continue the friendship with him, and that you have decided that both of you will not become room-mates. No need to explain why, just tell him. And go on with your life as a closet case.

(2): tell him tomorrow (or at any next meeting) that you need to tell him something very important about yourself. And do what many others over here have advised you to do. So tell him that you are gay (100%), and that your family is OK with it, etc.
I cannot predict what will happen. I tend to think that the guy might need to time to get used to the idea that you are gay. Maybe the 'friendship' needs a serious 'reshuffle'. I don't know, but you are honest to him, and also to yourself.


And now about that uni. You told us that its a 'small'.
How many male students are on the uni?
* 50-100? [there might be a small chance that you are the only gay]
* 100s? there will be several other gay students.
* c 1000? there will be many other gay students (50 or so?).

So do you realize yourself that you are hiding yourself for the other gay students? I mean, maybe one or more of your fellow queer students is interested in 'that sweet Asian student called Icarus92'. But man, you are hiding yourself, so mr X cannot find you. And why did you dad told you that you needed to visit a gay bar? To drink beer? Or to dance with girls?

Excuse me very much for asking an impolite question, but what are those reasons' not telling people around you that you are gay? You told us: "I do have my reasons not to come out to my friends and other people yet."

Excuse me very much, but I don't understand this. Your family is fine that you are gay, your dad told you to go to a gay bar, so what's the problem?

Is your uni some sort of reli-fundi uni? Is is full with reli-fundi homophobes? Where is that uni located? Within the US? Or at another country? Is there some sort of queer group at your uni? Are you aware of other gay guys at your uni?

Anyway, I can understand very well that you feel sad & depressed & that you need to cry alot. I would advise you to set some steps to get out of the misery. I tend to think that I am around the age of your dad (I am 55). And I tend to think that your dad gave you a very wise advise. Likely, he was thinking back in time when he was 20, and that -likely?- he had a nice time with girls? I don't know if that was the case. However, he just advised you to get experience with gay guys, can be a boyfriend, or just friends, or sport friends, or whatever. So why not follow his advice?

So I still don't see the point of your 'reasons' you don't want to let people around you that you are 'not into girls'.

No need to tell us any details about your 'reasons' (or any other private matter) if you feel uncomfortable about this.

Best wishes and good luck.

If anything, I'd definitely pick #2. About my uni, it's probably around 1000 guys, plus/minus a hundred or so. And my dad implied that I should(when I'm ready) put myself out there so that I can get a chance to meet someone similar(to the guy that I like) but gay as well.

One of the major reasons I'm not coming out YET, is because the Uni I'm in is a Christian uni. It is located in US. For me, this makes it harder to come out openly. Yeah, I'm sure there are many people who would still accept me, including that guy.. but as a Freshmen and as a person of a different ethnicity from the other 2000 students, I'm simply not ready to come out. I know that I'm not strong enough yet to handle the stares, whispers, insults, etc(not at all saying that it would be any different if my Uni wasn't Christian). Another reason relates to my future job and business. It's a private-school where I'm confirmed a relatively very high salary; it involves a lot of kids/teens and in Asia, I'm sure many parents would not send their kids to that school knowing there is a gay teacher there. I have a few other reasons.

I'm not sure if there are any "queer groups" in my Uni but I do know of a few other gay guys. They are not the kind of people I can mix with though. There are of course other gays but they are probably hiding it like what I'm doing right now.

Thanks for your post.

Rolyo85, you are totally right. Besides that, it seems likely to me that several of the siblings of 'Icarus92' will be curious about any future boyfriend? Towards my humble opinion, Icarus92 will always be able to travel back home together with his boyfriend.

'Dad, you told me I had to visit a gay bar. Well, and I met XX over there, he is also a student at the uni, and I think you and mom will like it to meet him at my next visit, bla bla'.

My siblings hopes I get a boyfriend because they said they only care about my happiness. And yes, my parents wouldn't mind me bringing home a boyfriend. I'm glad my family is open minded like that.

If getting a life of your own "takes away your time with him," it's pretty clear that you're not interested in moving on and instead are more interested in being "that guy."

Too bad, but we all make our choices. Your choice is to dedicate your life to chasing something you can never have.

Pity.

I'm not "not interested in moving on" or I wouldn't have posted here. I'm just having a hard time doing so. I really like that person so losing time with him is really not something I can just decide on the spot even though I know it is good for me.

hi Icarus92,

Thanks for your quick reply and I hope you have a sound sleep. I would like to add that I don't want to force you to come out of the closet.

Please understand that opening yourself is a personal decision which you have to take for yourself.

I also would like to add that, at least towards my own opinion, you are as well totally free to stay friends with all kind of straight guys, as well as making new friends amongst the group of straight guys.

So no need to built up a new social network consisting solely from gay guys.

But I think that you win alot when it is just clear to the straight guys / aquiantances that you are gay (so not anymore a 'straight guy who is single and is still looking around for a girlfriend'). So then they know who you really are.

And when it turns out that some of them are really homophobe / bigots? Well, such guys weren't real friends of you, and therefore no need to continue with being friends with them. Op top of that, they will / must also 'walk away' as they don't feel comfortable when there is a gay guy around.

However, I am quite sure that it does not matter anything at all for a lot of straight guys of around your age (uni students) that some of their fellow-students (& including Icarus92) are gay.

Well, take your time, think about it. There are over here at JUB alot of guys who really want to help you in a friendly and a positive way.

Best wishes & good luck.

Thanks. I think it helps that some of my not-so-close friends/hi-bye friends are comfortably mixing with the gay guys(whom I mentioned earlier). It is SO different when I think about coming out to my friends at the Uni though, especially to those that I've known years before we came to college together. I'm sure you all know how difficult it can be, initially, to come out to close friends/new friends.

I appreciate every reply. Thank you! So now the big question is when to come out, and to whom...and these have been answered by majority with "As soon as possible" and "to everyone". I also haven't totally thrown away the idea of getting over him without coming out at all.

 

[Telstra]

So after your study, you will go to work in Asia teaching kids in a Christian school.
I guess that is a hard one.

 

[Rolyo85]

Not to be Captain Obvious, but maybe this is not the best place and profession for a gay guy?

 

[KaraBulut]

If getting a life of your own "takes away your time with him," it's pretty clear that you're not interested in moving on and instead are more interested in being "that guy."

I'm not "not interested in moving on" or I wouldn't have posted here. I'm just having a hard time doing so. I really like that person so losing time with him is really not something I can just decide on the spot even though I know it is good for me.

While sexuality shouldn't be a limiting factor for anyone- in terms of education, vocation, relationships- there's a problem here and it has to do with deceptions.

If you're at what passes for a "Christian school" in the US, it's limiting a lot of your choices in friends, relationships and sexuality. That's not going to get better and it is probably what is at the root of many of these issues.

When we use the term "coming out", for some reason this seems to conjure up the most extreme level of "outness"- T-shirts, flashing neon signs, cartwheels, spangley-sparking-fabulousness. That's exhibitionism, not coming out. The kind of coming out that we talk about in this forum has to do with ending lies and ending deception. The kind of coming out that we suggest just means living honestly- being honest with yourself and being honest the people who are important in your life.

If you're at a Christian university with a best friend who is a homophobe that you cannot be honest with... well, it's not your homosexuality that is the issue. It's the fact that the environment you are in is requiring you to be less than honest and live less than honestly. And that's not a good place for anyone to be.

 

[Icarus92]

A few gays in my school have "come out" in the exhibitionism way you described and they set a bad impression. In fact, that guy that I like is a "homophobe" because they came out like that. This is why I do want to come out to him and give him a better perspective on this matter.

I'm glad to hear that the environment plays that big part on the situation too. And at the same time, I know it's not impossible to be honest with everyone, especially with him.

So much on my mind right now! One sibling suggested that I just change schools. Another suggested that I be closeted for now. Another one is simply helping with the getting over part. And the playful one brings up "Telstra-like" comments. xD

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Icarus92,

Thanks for the various replies you have given, and I hope you have slept well. Thanks as well for providing us with some back-ground information, so we get a better picture of the whole situation.

Somehow, I always have to think on the advice which your dad has given to you. Maybe your dad has friends / work-mates / business partners / relatives / aquaintances who are also gay, and is he already aware that there is nothing wrong when a guy (=his son) is gay?

So he more or less told you not to hide at the uni that you are gay, but in stead look around at the uni for a boyfriend. I assume your study is -largely- financed by your family.

"So son, how is life, have you already made some gay friends?"
Daddy, I am very scared (....).

I would like to suggest you that this period at the uni is THE perfect period not only for learning skills to become a teacher (or any other intellectual subject), but also experience how it is when you don't care what others think about your sexual orientation. Meaning you don't hide that you are gay, and meaning you are looking around for a nice boyfriend. So another gay guy who might very well become your life-time partner. Same like your straight class-mates. Most of them will still be single (am I right?), but all of them are looking around for a nice girlfriend. And, likely, quite a few of these straight guys will find their future long-term partner at or around that uni.

Well, and your dad is advising you to do the same. So try and make contact with those 50 or so other fellow students who are also gay. Hey man, your dad and also your siblings are backing you, and all of them are ofcourse very, very curious about that future boyfriend (or want to hear stories about the 'gay life' on that uni). So what will you tell them?

KaraBulut tells you the core: "The kind of coming out that we talk about in this forum has to do with ending lies and ending deception. The kind of coming out that we suggest just means living honestly- being honest with yourself and being honest the people who are important in your life."

So there are no rules you must start to wear pink clothes, walk around with a cap with 'I am gay' on it, chance your hairstyle, your general behaviour. No way, and such rules don't exist.

Open gays like me, Karabulut and many other over here, don't care what other people about our sexual orientation. Does also not mean you need to tell anyone within 5 minutes that you are gay, but you also don't pretend you are straight.

So there are no rules you must chance anything in relation to your behaviour, your clothes, or whatever when you are living as an open gay.

There is, however, one important thing which will definately change. Open gays don't need to ly, and they don't need to suffer from fear, tortue, feelings of depression, deep misery, down etc. [so the kind of feelings you need to cope with right now].

Once again, I want to go back to the advice of your dad. I tend to think that he would like to see you lateron as a happy (and relaxed) mature son who is doing his job well, and that he is realizing himself that you should try to find a nice male partner in order to reach this goal (and meaning you are just living your life as an open gay, and with a partner you don't need to hide).

Living as mature and open gay who is partnered often does not mean more then that you don't hide at your work that you have a partner and that the partner is called HE (=the name of a male). Well, that's all what is needed to let people know you are gay.

Opening yourself right now and soon at the uni will make that much more nice gays will be aware that 'that nice guy calles Icarus92' is gay.

Don't forget that quite a few of those 950 (or so) straight fellow guys at the uni will have a brother / cousin / aquiantance / highschoolfriend etc. who is also gay. So opening yourself at the uni will also mean that your circle will become wider.

I would not bother at all about the ideas of those other reli-fundi homophobic students / staff at that uni. Definately, those other open gays also don't bother, and as yet you have not told us that they have been send away (or something like that). So where are the other 45 gay guys? Those few flamboyant gays are no cowards, no way. They don't hide, and don't ly. They are very brave guys, and apparently don't bother about those reli-fundi christians. Be aware that there are a huge amount of christian denotions, and several christian churches are very welcoming gay people.

Well, think about it, but please realized yourself that you are right now in a very ideal moment of your life to set some very important steps towards becoming a happy and relaxed guy. Even your siblings would like that. The peiod at the uni is a perfect moment in your life to open yourself, and get used how it is when you don't need to hide / ly etc. anymore.

Best wishes, and take care.

 

[Rolyo85]

I disagree with KaraBulut to an extent. Yes, the flashy coming out is often perceived as exhibitionism, and some times it is. Other times it's just a violent pendulum reaction to the repression before. We all feel in different ways, and the way we come out is a comment not on us, but on the environment that forced us to be in the closet in the first place.

For the record, I'm with the relative that says change schools.

 

[Icarus92]

Hey Ganoderma, thanks for your post! Hmm, I was thinking so much last night that I did not get any sleep, but I did have a good talk with one of my siblings on this matter and life in general.

Hahaha your dialog thing made me smile. Yeah, I am fully financed by my family. After all the replies, coming out seems like the 'best' thing I can do right now in my life. It is also definitely the 'hardest'(1000x harder than assignments/exams!) thing to do. Say I decide to come out next semester, I should tell my best friend(the person I like) first right?

Is it weird that I find it easier to come out to people I'm closest to and that matters the most to me? Like, I think it's gonna be harder to tell not-so-close friends and newer friends than telling that guy.

Oh I have another question. 50/1000 is 5% and I've read that the number of homosexuals in the world is around 5% of the population? I know no statistics are 100% accurate but is this a good estimate?

 

[Rolyo85]

I've heard anywhere between 2% and 10% actually. Nobody knows, and nobody will, as long as so many of us are closeted or confused.

Also, being unable to tell new people is confusing to me. What I'd suggest is that you need a better support base - people who know that you are confident you can go to for comfort. Then you wouldn't care who knows.

 

[Icarus92]

Ahh okay. 10% seems a bit too high to be true because that would mean there are close to a billion of us, but I guess that number is not impossible either.

Not being able to tell new people is a result of the whole "Christian" environment thing I think. Majority of the people are so "clueless" in this area that they are afraid/judgmental.. including that guy. And you're right; obviously, I haven't reach the stage where I've fully accepted myself.

edit: Recently, my mom has been very curious about homosexuals so she asks a ton of questions, but I don't mind them. She likes to think it is related to genes/DNA or something of the sort that determines a person's orientation. There haven't been any proven findings of whether homosexuality is biological or not, right?