What constitutes Bisexuality

[dynk]

Simply put and repeated. WHen a person has feelings and sex with either or both sexes. Plain and simple.

 

[blueto21]

Hi, Robert that was an interesting story. Good read. Maybe I should have explained what I meant by sexual fulfillment. What I mean by being sexually fulfilled is having the ability to have sex through a mutual attraction and enjoyment of it on a satisfactory basis that fulfills an sexual urge. In other words, it's like you could have sex with a woman and through a mutual sexual attraction to her you can be sexually satisfied with her to fulfill an sexual urge.

If there is an attraction then there is a possibility for sexual fulfillment. If there is an attraction then there is a possibility for true intimacy to occur. If there is an attraction then there is a possibility for love making to occur. If there is an attraction then there is a possibility for wholeness to occur. Sexual fulfillment encompasses all of this. Having a sexual attraction to the opposite sex opens up the possibility for sexual fulfillment with the opposite sex. I hope you can understand this.

So when I say sexual fulfillment I am referring to the possibilities for one's sexuality to be expressed in a complete way within a sense that holds sexual satisfaction. If you have a attraction then it is possible for this to occur. You Robert, have expressed your attraction to some women. So, there is a possibility for sexual fulfillment to occur for you with those few women.

Robert I am not talking about allowing your penis to be your sexual guide. I am talking about having a sexual attraction that opens up the possibility for sexual fulfillment in the opposite sex. In another scenario, I am sure I could get a hard if a woman touched me in the right spots and with (male sexuality) elaborate fantasies.

I'm sure if I was blinded folded I could enjoy a blow job from anyone male or female that does it right. But would that mean I am sexually attracted them? NO. I get hard in the shower from a cold water rinse after a hot shower. Does that mean I am sexually attracted to the shower? NO.

I can get a hard on listening to a good erotic story and have masturbation sessions from it that result in ejaculation. But does that mean I am sexually attracted to the physical story itself? NO. So I identify myself on the basis of whom I am attracted to sexually that allows a possibility for me to be sexually fulfilled with.

I don't have sex with people I am not in love with but I also don't have sex with people I am not sexually attracted to. I can't be sexually fulfilled with someone I am not sexually attracted to. It will always result in having to come up with some elaborate (male sexuality) fantasy.

Robert, it is quite admirable for you to say love is the main factor in your sexual identity but we are talking about sexuality here. We are not talking about loving relationships. Your penis does play a role in you choosing your sexual identity and sexual behavior. Are you sexually attracted to dogs? Would you have sex with a dog just because you love him/her? I hope not.

So for me it is not completely about letting my cock decide who I am to be sexually involved with but it is also about having a sexual attraction that results in the possibility for sexual fulfillment. I can in no way ever be sexually fulfilled with women. I am not sexually attracted to women in anyway.

My sexual orientation and sexual nature won't allow that to happen. So that is why I give you the bisexual label because you are capable of being sexually fulfilled with women but you choose not to explore these type of relations. Which your sexual expression is completely up to you.

So I identify myself with my sexual orientation.

Well, since you gave the invitation for me to tell my story I will gladly accept. So in the spirit of honesty and truth here is an outline of my story on how I came about identifying myself.

I grew up in a very conservative Christian home. My father was extremely conservative and my mother was a liberal in heart. I know awkward combination, but I always knew from an early age (as young as 5) that there was something different about me.

I would always feel this woozy feeling of admiration for other young boys in on the playground. When I was six years old and I entered the first grade I remember having my first crush. It was another little boy in my first grade class who to me was cute as a button.

One night I woke up and felt thrust and decided to go to the kitchen to get a class of water. I remember going to the kitchen through the hall way and hearing heavy breathing sounds. I decided to a peak in what we called the video room and there was my father and a group of his friends watching some straight porno on tv. I stared at the tv for a while and the and began to notice the male in the porno. I began to get aroused by the guy in the porno. At the time I didn't know what an erection was and I was afraid of it so I quietly walked back to my room. I remember asking myself "what was that?" I don't know.

From then on I notice my continue admiration for other little boys in my classes and never girls. At the time I didn't even know or understood the feelings I was having. The feelings of homosexuality came before the actual realization of what it was.

This continued to go on throughout my schooling experience. All through elementary I continued to have crushes on other little boys and the girls never seemed to appealed to me. All through middle school I experienced the same thing. All through high school as well.

The funny thing about it all was the girls seemed to be interested me but I was whole heartily not interested in them. I had a couple girl friends or so, but it was always a result of friends fixing us up. I never went out of my way to make girl think I was interested in her. My friends were the ones who always fixed me.

I was never the type of teenager to give into peer pressure. I didn't act quote unquote "sissy" for anyone to notice me as gay. Everyone thought I was straight. I always felt like I knew who I was and what I wanted in my life. I knew girls where not on list. When high school came around I began to realize that even more.

In fact, in high school I had a huge crush on one guy particularly in my junior class. I remember the exact words he said when he first spoke to me. "May I barrow a pencil?" My heart was pounding and beating fast "sure" I replied handing him a barely sharpen pencil. I had a sharpen pencil to give but I wanted to see him walk to the pencil sharpener to sharpen the dull pencil. "Those legs" I said to myself. He was the most cutest guy to me and I would literally get a hard on just by being in his presences. All through my years of school up to that point that never happened to me with girls. In fact, I was never turned on by any girl.

My high school crush and I also took a Spanish class together and he was assigned a seat right in the front of me. My heart would beat fast everyday in class when he was there. I would always find myself staring at him and daydreaming about him. He and I would talk on a regular basis in class and a little after and even though it seemed our relationship was turning into a friendship I couldn't get within 2 ft of him without getting an erection.


By this time I had an understanding of the terms gay, straight, bisexual. I had done extensive research on the on my own of sexuality. This of course was during the time of the internet. I like you at first was trouble what I had heard and "learned" about homosexuality. The idea of anal sex wasn't appealing to me in the beginning neither was oral. I was also trouble by the understanding of the tremendous effect the HIV/AIDS virus was having on the homosexual community. A rumored got out that if you were engaging in homosexual sex you were 10 times more likely to catch the disease. So for a long time I stayed celibate and just masturbated to porn and images of men. Most of my information about sexuality came from what books, and family, and friends, and chatting with others on message boards and just being engage in society in general on these definitions of sexuality.

Fast forward to my junior year in college. I meet my now prince charming who I am still with today. We dated 1 year before we were sexually active and I wanted him to meet my parents before any sexual activity was to go on. We both had gotten tested as well. He is my first and ONLY LOVE of mind's. We have been together 4 years now after. I have never fallen in love with a woman nor have ever had such as strong connection that I have with boy friend. None of my pass girlfriends up to that point could even compare to our relationship.

Whenever, I was with them I always felt the relationship was being forced on me by friends and family. I was never interested in girls and the just never appeal to me. In fact, a few of my girlfriends broke up with me because they thought I so unaffectionate.

So, I guess I came about I identifying myself on who I knew was to appeal to me sexually. Women never seemed to do that.

 

[Swellegant]

Well, Blue, that was interesting (as were the other contributions above)... and I have a much greater understanding of where you're coming from. I didn't realize from your writing that you were so much younger than I. Math isn't my strong suit, but I'm going to guess... twenty-three? Twenty-five?

Not that this makes a difference in the validity of your views, but it gives me an insight into the simple and straightforward clarity of your ideals. Clarity was a hallmark of my youth, but that kind of broke down as I aged and was exposed to ever more information that didn't fit what I believed.

Nothing is ever really simple to my mind... they may look simple, they may be certainly be dealt with simply, but there is always a complexity underneath. Something as simple as a drop of water contains a universe of tiny interconnecting and often unexpected parts.

I see from your story that conflicts with the feminine were not such a big part of your growing-up as they were with mine (incidentally, I was not a sissy in order to draw attention to my gayness, I was a sissy because it came naturally to me, and I couldn't understand why it upset people so). You didn't hate boys the way I did and found very troublesome when my same-sex attraction surfaced. And you've never, I think, been forced to separate sex and love in your heart and mind as I have had to do. Experience is a harsh teacher, and I think you will agree that I have had a more varied experience than you have. Certainly a longer one.

I expect I could have sex with a dog under the right circumstances, and have a perfectly good orgasm. I'd have to be horny as hell, and stoned out of my mind; and though I don't get that horny anymore and never use drugs, the possibility remains. I don't suppose the dog would care for it, and I think I'd feel guilty about it afterward, but that wouldn't stop my body from having been sexually satisfied by the act. But I wouldn't do so because I loved the dog... I would do so for entirely different reasons from love. Curiosity, perversity, dementia, sheer unquenchable horniness. But sex does not have to be an act of love to be satisfying.

The same as if I decided to have sex with a woman. I doubt it would be because I loved her, and I know from much bitter experience that having sex with people does not lead to love. Sex with love is fulfilling; sex without love can be quite satisfying, but it does not fulfill the soul's need for love. There is physical intimacy, and there is emotional intimacy, and you can have one without the other... but when you get them together, it's divine.

No two words in the English language mean exactly the same thing... if they did, we wouldn't need both words. There are shadings to every word, connotations as well as denotations. That's why I use different words here: satisfaction vs. fulfillment, identity vs. orientation, desire vs. attraction... these may be considered synonyms, some people use them interchangeably, but on closer inspection they mean different things; and that's why I use them all differently, and I suppose confusingly. I was an English major and have always been addicted to words, and I forget that not everybody walks around with the entire OED tucked under their arms.

You seem to know how lucky you are to have found love when you did and to have your sexuality develop so clearly and without deep internal conflict. If you don't, let me point it out to you: you are one lucky mofo, a one-in-a-million success story. I wish I could see things and experience things as purely as you have. But c'est la vie, that's not the hand I was dealt, those weren't the cards I put down.

Maybe from the vantage point of your great fortune, you can have a little patience and understanding for those of us who don't now and never have had it so good.

Finally, aside from letting you know that I did read your post (carefully) and appreciate it immensely, as well as share what I learned from it, I wanted to bring up one tiny little thing that I neglected to mention in my previous post:

I think I discovered what the irreconcilable difference between your viewpoint and mine is: I rely on the other guy for my understanding of his identity, I take him at face value and adopt his statements as true whether they are or not (for how can I know what's true in another man's heart?) You prefer to define things for yourself on your own terms, based on Absolute Truth rather than Perceived Truth. There's nothing wrong with either approach, but I think it's where our different understandings come from.

Thanks, as always, for listening! I'm enjoying this, are you-all?

 

[blankslate]

when I first entered this thread, I thought the topic was "what constitutes beastiality".... glad I read a bit first

 

[blueto21]

Hi Robert, I agree with you the other contributors above do have interesting points of view. However, I still feel mind's is correct. I'm twenty-three Robert. How old are you? I assume your like fifty? Forty-five? I guess in that sense you do have more experience than me. But I hope my age isn't fallaciously received by you.

I have been confronted numerous times with information that contradicts my beliefs, but I always try to look at things from different perspectives before making the final decision on whether or not the information being given to me is valid for me.

I guess I in that sense I am full of clarity. I like to be straight forward and up front with people. I also like to see that in others.

I believe there are some things in life that you learn as you go, but each through each lesson you become more wiser and more fulfilled in life. Not all things are simple. And I will admit that sexuality can have its complications. But for the most part the concept is simple. Robert gay, straight, bi, are just labels. That's all they are. Just labels. And there is nothing wrong with claiming a label or wanting things to have a label. In fact, to me personally I don't see it as a label if it describes who I am. A label to me is more like a falsely proven stereotype like saying all blondes are stupid. That's a label to me because we know all blondes are not stupid but in fact some are very intelligent. It's all in how you perceive the label to be.


Robert, I agree you do have more experienced than me if your the age I think you are. But we are both products living in todays moderate society. I wasn't the feminine type of guy so, yeah my quote unquote "gayness" wasn't that easily apparent. Which I'm thankful it wasn't. (Please don't take this as an insult to feminine gay men, I have no problem with feminine gay men, in fact my boy friend is a little bit on the feminine side.) So I have no problem with you being feminine and I could imagine growing up you had hard time and probably got a lot of backlash for your peculiarity. I'm sorry that you had to go through that horrible experience. So, yes Robert I do feel you have had more experience than me but I don't feel that makes my points any less genuine than yours.

I agree sex does not have to be an act of love to be satisfying. I received the impression from you though that love did play a big part in your sexual behavior. I also agree that sex does not lead to love. However, when there is a physical attraction there is a possibility for physical intimacy to occur. You may never be emotionally connected to women in a way that fulfills you emotionally. But you do have the ability to be with women to fulfill your sexual needs. When there is a physical attraction there is always the possibility for sexual fulfillment to occur. Which later on if explored with right person could lead to the possibility of life lasting love. This could lead up to the possibility of emotional fulfillment.

Satisfaction isn't the same thing as fulfillment. BUT having satisfaction can lead up to fulfillment if explored on different levels. Identity isn't the same thing as orientation. I believe we both understand the obvious with these terms. No need to explain. Desire and attraction isn't the same thing. BUT an attraction can cause and lead to a deep desire. So yes these words have different meanings when you look closely at them but the all relate to one another in some shape or form.

Ok, Robert your post was a good read until I got to like the lower half. The tone of the lower half of post sounds kind of angry. I hope I have the wrong impression. I know my story is a quote unquote "one in a million" but what does that that have to do with anything? I was taught to love myself. I was taught to embrace who I am as a human being and to love myself no matter what.

Those who have deep internal conflict with sexuality haven't come to the realization yet of who they are. I have to say I do feel for those in such situations. I don't get that impression from you Robert that your struggling with your sexuality. Are you struggling with your sexuality? What patience are you asking of me? I'm not understanding. Sorry.

And to your last comment I slightly disagree with your observation. I do rely on the other guy for my understanding of his identity. Without him I have no understanding of his identity. I take in all the information that he gives me as his truth. And I expect for it to be the truth. And then from there I will make my assertions.

If a guy says he's gay I will understand that to mean he's 100% homosexual.

If a guy says he's straight I will understand that to mean he's 100% heterosexual.

If a guy says he's bisexual I will understand that to mean he's anywhere in between the two extremes and that he's sexually attracted to both male and female.

So only after I have received his information will I make my assertion. I think there is nothing wrong with that.

 

[Swellegant]

I'll PM you, Blue... I think perhaps we've monopolized this thread long enough.

Anybody else have something to share? Any opinion on whether an occasional attraction to a female constitutes bisexuality? Any observations on the opinions and information offered so far?

 

[mattA1980]

I have to say that the amount of professed homosexuals (gay) here who admit sexual attraction and sexual encounters with women confuses me to no end.

Does a guy who says he's gay yet sleeps with women, even if it's rarely, have the same sexual orientation as a guy who can't physically have sex with a woman because he's only sexually attracted to men? I going to say no.

 

[jluva05]

amen...thats how i constitute my sexuality

 

[Piquechampion]

^^ Vaya, vaya, Culetito.... pero si eres todo un Casanova

 

[XLeatherX]

I have to say that the amount of professed homosexuals (gay) here who admit sexual attraction and sexual encounters with women confuses me to no end.

Does a guy who says he's gay yet sleeps with women, even if it's rarely, have the same sexual orientation as a guy who can't physically have sex with a woman because he's only sexually attracted to men? I going to say no.

I agree.

Men who say that they're "gay" but ocassionally have sex with women or date/have sex with women on a regular basis are just lying to themselves and using the label of "gay" as a security blanket.

It's like those men who have sex with men rare or all the time, or who just watch gay porn and think about having sex with men who call themselves "straight".

Like it or not straight men don't have sex with other men and don't want to not even on rare ocassions like once a year or a decade. It's like how if you're a gay man you don't want sex with women.

In both cases these people who call themselves "gay" and "straight" when they're sexually attracted to both genders are neither gay or straight but are bisexual since they're attracted to both genders sexually.

They just don't have the balls to come out as something other than gay or straight since society tells everyone that you have to be one or the other and IMO bisexuality is not a rare thing at all.

You don't have to have had sex with both genders actively or at the same time to be bisexual and you don't have to fall in love with both either. You can be a virgin and be bi just like you can be gay and be a virgin.

If a man is closeted and gay and he's forcing himself to have sex with women and he's seriously not into women at all and he's only into men he's just lying to himself and he's really gay and not bisexual.