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What constitutes "closeted" behavior?

alley

alley

I loves me kitty!!!
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I was just asked by someone at work if I had a girlfriend and I just said " you know I am gay??? Apparently no one really cares because I have had to do it repeatedly. :D

As to your question about doing that in front of a group of people, it really depends how comfortable you are.
 
Guys, I have moved this thread from Hot Topics to Coming Out & Relationships
 
great album (in reference to your username) anyway, no i don't think you were being so closeted.
 
I've been mostly closed for years, and the key for me is not lying without telling the "full truth" Answering the question honestly is just that, answering a question honestly. It isn't lying. When my parents asked me if I liked girls, I said yes (i am bi, just more interested in guys). There is no reason why I should have had to be way more specific with my answer by saying "yes, but I also like a stiff cock in my ass".
 
I had the same dilemma. My sister got married last weekend, and my missing girlfriend and distant wedding was the question of the evening and the next few days by every guest/distant relative. Everyone else in my family knew, and I consider myself out and proud...

In my opinion, it's walking that non-existent line, but for me it was closeted. I was purposefully deflecting their heterosexist questioning. Do I think it's the worst thing for an out guy to do? Not particularly, but it still left a bad taste in my mouth at the end of the day.
 
I'd say that's borderline. To me, if you do any twists and turns to prevent people from finding out, then that's closeted behavior. If saying "no" answers the question and doesn't reveal your sexuality, I can't really consider it "twisting and turning". :)

Lex
 
I'm trying to think of a good analogy but failing cause of my tiredness ...here's a shot though.

Let's say that you're lactose intolerant and someone asked you if you liked ice cream. Saying no isn't exactly the right answer....the answer is "i'm lactose intolerant I can't eat ice cream". You have to address the assumption first. If you just said "no.", then you're accepting the assumption that you can at least have ice cream and that you do not like it.

Therefore, the appropriate answer to "do you have a girlfriend?" is some variation of, "no I'm gay...I don't have girlfriends."
 
If they cannot ask the question specifically, then the answer you gave was totally honest and you should not feel bad about it.

I got asked a similar question the other day whilst I was at the doctors. I was talking to the receptionist, and one of the patients came into the conversation and asked was it a hot girl I was talking about, and I said no as it was not a girl I was talking about.

So, if someone cannot be specific in their question, then no need to be specific in your answer.

That's my opinion. Others may be different, but it's all good. :-)
 
Most folks do not discuss their sex life with persons other than their partners. That, in my view, is proper. I had long term relationshps with men and at other times with a woman. I always introduced them to others, including my parents and family, as my friends. They were free to draw their own conclusions as the the depth and extent of the friendships; in all cases, I am sure that they knew that these "friends" were very dear to me. And, also fortunately for all, they did not probe and I did not "come out" to them. I always thought I was being properly respectful of the social conventions of the time. I did not embrace or kiss my '"friends" in public. To that extent, I kept myself in the closet.

I agree that one can deflect even impolite and probing questions. To anyone who might ask,"Do you have a girlfriend? I would probably answer: "I have a lot of friends and some of them are girls." Except for your partner whom you don't have to enlighten (!), the public is entitled to only what they can observe.

 
Depends on the surrounds and the situation. If you feel threatened or uncomfortable or in hostile territory and lying or telling half truths will save your ass from something then go for it. Who cares. It's a survival situation. Stop feeling so bad. The gay mafia isn't going to come to your door and give you 40 lashes for not admitting that your gay. Use your own judgment and don't let others tell you what you should or should not do.
 
>>>The gay mafia isn't going to come to your door and give you 40 lashes for not admitting that your gay.

Boy, you don't know us very well, do you? :)

Lex
 
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