What do you consider cheating

[altlover85]

Thanks for clarifying, justjuice.

So the action is not cheating now, but could get to be cheating tomorrow, when your partner finds out? Kinda ridiculous. Ok, forget stab. What about stealing - someone takes your money. But you didn't find out, so you haven't been robbed?

Anyway, I think that asking yourself if it's cheating is just kind of argueing with your conscience, i.e. you know it's not right but you want to find an excuse. I always listen to the "not right" voice.

I don't think it's not cheating. What I think is that to some people it doesn't have any consequences unless his or her partner finds out. I don't agree with this line of thought, but it is out there.

I think comparing it to stealing is a poor analogy too, but closer than stabbing. Stealing is something you are bound to find out about because there's physical evidence that something is missing.

When you cheat, while there may be evidence, there isn't always evidence every time that the cheating occurs that could be easily found by the one being cheated on.

 

[Deandbn]

It's not cheating unless you get caught.

I know that this is a somewhat controversial statement, but there are some of us (myself included) who feel, and act this way. It's not for everybody though.

It is cheating whether you get caught or not, because your act is still a breach of the bond of trust and respect you should have for your partner.

It is morally incorrect, and if you want to test for validity, just think how you would feel if your partner behaved the same way behind your back.

 

[JustJuice]

It is cheating whether you get caught or not, because your act is still a breach of the bond of trust and respect you should have for your partner.

It is morally incorrect, and if you want to test for validity, just think how you would feel if your partner behaved the same way behind your back.

People get to choose their own set of morals.

 

[TX-Beau]

It is morally incorrect...

Actually, I'd say it was ethically incorrect because the act of sleeping with someone other than your partner is not immoral in all situations.

Now you can certainly be morally opposed to cheating, but the definition of what cheating is will vary. So long as both parties are aware of where the line is, I say no cheating occurs.

For instance I know guys who call my relationship sanctioned cheating, but no violation of trust ever happens. He knows what I'm up to, I know what he's up to.

I agree that if your partner would think it's cheating, it is.

I'm not sure that anyone was actually arguing that it's not cheating if your partner never finds out - but that, I would say is a pretty self serving justification.

I would know if I was cheating, and then I'd have to ask myself why I was with a guy I had to cheat on. You'd have to be a pretty selfish motherfucker to routinely cheat on the guy who gave you his trust. Whether he knew or not.

 

[Mellored]

Before you can cheat there have to be rules to break, I guess you need to talk out in advance what those rules are. I personally would consider BJ's cheating. I told my "much" younger partner that he should be free to do what he wants outside the relationship as long as I didn't find out. He in turn told me I was free to do what I wanted outside our relationship as long as I didn't mind my friends seeing me on a mortuary slab. So the rules were in place.

 

[number42]

One of my friends puts it this way:

It's okay to watch, It's okay to get hungry, but you eat at home!

I agree with him. For the record; i would consider a BJ as much sex as anal or anything, but i dont think i'd leave my boyfriend for it.

 

[hotatlboi]

It depends on the relationship of course. If it's an open relationship, no. If monogamy is expected, yes.

 

[bankside]

Cheating has a standard meaning and a private meaning.

Privately, you and your guy can work out whatever boundaries you want:

• We both touch only each other, and we live by that - not cheating.
• We can both sleep with other people but only at the same time - not cheating.
• I want to sleep with other people but you don't, and you don't want it going on in our bedroom, and we're both cool with that - not cheating.
• We can only sleep with others at the same time, but you did anyway when I was out of town - cheating.
• We're both really really really old fashioned and agree not to even look at other people in porn, but I spent all weekend jacking off with some guy on web cam - cheating!

You should know what is cheating based on having a conversation with your man about what it takes for a relationship. However before that conversation happens, cheating also has a standard default definition that applies automatically unless you both agree to some exceptions.
Unless you and he agree to something else, this is cheating:

• Anything you do with someone else on purpose that could lead either one of you to have an orgasm is cheating.
• Anything you do with someone else that could lead either one of you to falling in love with each other is cheating.
• Anything you do with someone else that could bring home an STD to your guy, when you haven't warned him what you've been up to is definitely cheating.

And I have to say, it sounds like you are cheating because a) you're breaking the default rule of cheating, which might be okay, except b) you haven't talked about your own definition with your guy. You can't assume he's okay with this based on one remark he made about blow jobs. So stop it unless you have the talk and agree that it is sexy and fun for both of you.

Basically hiding an emotional connection you're made with another. That's cheating.

As for the physical stuff, it's what one friend once said to me, "heck, it was just a blowjob, that's like shaking hands".

LOL if anyone thinks a blowjob is just like shaking hands, they're doing it wrong.

 

[cliffdweller]

If your bf knows & is okay with it, then it's not cheating, no matter what you do.

I personally would not be okay w/ my partner engaging in any physical, sexual contact w/ someone else. But I'm not one of these weirdos who thinks watching porn is cheating.

 

[miyakko]

can't define cheating for YOUR relationship by my standards.

if you were my partner, then yes, it's cheating; however, to someone else, a BJ isn't a big deal.

you need to sit down and actually discuss the rules of your relationship. he may be fine with you giving BJs, may turn him on. He may say that he doesn't want you to. no one knows but him.

talk to him. don't go behind his back. if you aren't serious and he is, he has a right to know. be a decent person and talk with him.

 

[igamenir]

given that relationships involve two people, I'd say it's cheating if your partner thinks it's cheating, no matter what the cheater himself may think.

That's the best definition
You should know what your partner expects from you, what he requires and what he allows. Arguing with your boyfriend about if it was cheating or not is useless, because it's HIS feeling what matter in question of cheating. Actually, if you screw up, the best thing to do is confess and beg for forgiveness. If you start arguing, you more likely hear "Ok, it's not cheating for you but I'm still hurt and want to break up.".
Which brings me to thought that asking your boyfriend what is cheating could lead him to thougths like "Why does he want to sleep with someone other? Does he not want me any more?". You should know your man good enough to know what he would forgive and what would hurt him.

 

[GiacomoPisani]

it all depends on personal situations.i don't think that a bi married man having a sexual affair with another men necessarily means that he is cheating on his wife.if he has an extramarital affair with a woman ,i think he is blatantly cheating on her.
i have been in a three year relationship with a guy.he has cheated on me with several girls coz he is bisexual.Fine,now is my turn.
The thing is that i don't feel that i'm cheating on him, but i know that i'm lying to him.he thinks that i'm not seeing anyone.But i'm. In fact,i'm waiting until my lover gets to buy his own house coz he leaves with his parents and i live with my partner.Very soon my partner will get to see who my lover is. it is his gay cousin,he is in the closet now.Only me and my partner know about it.
so i don't think that cheating is necessarily somehting wrong.i'm unemployed at this time so it is not convenient for me to tell my partner now.In a matter of weeks i will tell him for sure.
but you know what? i've never judged anyone.i have straight girlfriends that have cheated on their husbands and i don't judge them because almost always there is a reason behind.Like in my own case,i don't enjoy my situation at all.My life and its circumstances have taken me(and my lover) to my actual situation.Hopefully everything is gonna be normal in the future again.

 

[Aguy666]

Depends on the relationship. With my boyfriend, we have kind of a look don't touch clause- go ahead and check guys out if you want, talk about them with others if you want, but don't approach a guy just because you think they are good looking. Obviously, this means sex in any form is outlawed as well.

But it varies. For some couples, it may be no emotional attachments to those you have sex with, or just making sure you're back in bed each night. Whatever works for the couple...

 

[BritMum2002]

As for the physical stuff, it's what one friend once said to me, "heck, it was just a blowjob, that's like shaking hands".

I wish shaking hands felt like an orgasm!