What do you consider "gay"?

[rickycub87]

First off, I know I'm gay. Or at least I know I'm what I consider gay... and that is: a man that likes sex with men and NOT with women. I mean a man who (when presented) with the offer of sex with a women is unable to perform, and who always knew since he was 10 years old he preferred men sexually over women. To me, that is the definition of being "gay"...

What sort of makes me wonder lately is that a lot of people who are openly accepting of "gay" that I know seem to be accepting of only one kind of "gay". I'm talking about the Queer eye, Adam Lambert, Bravo channel super-fem gays that are into "glam" and "fashion". The gays who put on a woman's dress at the drop of a dime and that love Cher and Madonna... basically, the ones you see 90% of the time on TV.

Then there's me... I've always been masculine, always preferred hard rock and horror movies... I don't care about fashion and I sure don't have an interest in putting on a dress or any kind of female apparel (unless it was for a goof).

Now I have nothing against any kind of gay man, as I am one myself... but I feel ike the discrimination of gays in society continues by just labeling every one of us as "that kind of gay". Some people even say to me when they hear I'm gay "you don't sound gay" or "you don't dress gay" or "gays don't like Metallica!" (I swear that was a direct quote from someone I met at a party). What is it going on lately that has people classifying all gays as one type? That's like classifying all black people as thugs or something crazy like that.

My main question is : what do you consider "gay"? Is it a way of acting, or the simple fact of who you're genetically attracted to?

 

[SilverWolf]

Gay=being attracted to the same sex and wanting to build a life with a person or persons of the same sex.

Gay does not equate to certain feminine behavior that one must follow as straight does not equate to certain masculine behavior one must follow. One can be straight and not be into football. One can be gay without having a sense of fashion. One can be gay and be into football. One can be straight and actually care about his fashion style.

 

[rickycub87]

OK I'm sure this thread will get the same responses... but why do you think people would say that to me? "You don't sound gay", "you don't look gay" , etc.? Because this has happened a few times in my life and I'm wondering if others have had similar (annoying) experiences?

 

[SilverWolf]

OK I'm sure this thread will get the same responses... but why do you think people would say that to me? "You don't sound gay", "you don't look gay" , etc.? Because this has happened a few times in my life and I'm wondering if others have had similar (annoying) experiences?

I personally think its because a large number of a group can exhibit certain traits, behaviors, mannerisms, etc. Those behaviors that people individual exhibit becomes the standard behavior that members of that group are expected to naturally show. Especially if its stereotyped in the media. And double especially if those are the only people you've ever encountered.

In this case, gays are stereotypically known for being fans of female pop stars, so its assumed all gays are fans of female pop stars. Anybody who is not a fan of female pop stars can't possible be gay since so many gays like them. Since you break the stereotype, people question if you are really gay or not.

In my opinion.

 

[rickycub87]

I personally think its because a large number of a group can exhibit certain traits, behaviors, mannerisms, etc. Those behaviors that people individual exhibit becomes the standard behavior that members of that group are expected to naturally show. Especially if its stereotyped in the media. And double especially if those are the only people you've ever encountered.

In this case, gays are stereotypically known for being fans of female pop stars, so its assumed all gays are fans of female pop stars. Anybody who is not a fan of female pop stars can't possible be gay since so many gays like them. Since you break the stereotype, people question if you are really gay or not.

In my opinion.

I just think it's funny that people say that to me... because I like every kind of music. I love some Madonna, some Lady GaGa and some Cher... but I also love some Metallica and some Aerosmith. I listen to everything...

 

[Marco Sensual]

Stereotypes thread # 10 307

 

[electrickcastle]

Whatever choices you make makes up who you are. I didn't choose to be gay, so that doesn't define who I am.

I got that quite a bit though.
"Really? But he doesn't seem gay at all?"
Not all of us wear eye-liner and sound like the people off Queer-Eye lol

 

[sixthson]

My dick might work so that I can have sex with a woman. It doesn't make me straight. No matter what I do, I couldn't make my heart love a woman, however. This is why I am gay. It's a heart issue. My dick, fortunately, comes along for the ride.

 

[Lube]

The OP is making this a black and white issue, and it's really a shades-of-gray issue.

Let me use ethnicity as an example of what I mean.

Look at an Englishman. Look at an African. Is an African just an Englishman with darker skin? Or, on average, is his hair darker, his hair kinkier, his lips larger?

Does that mean all Africans have large lips and kinky black hair? No!

But an African differs from an Englishman by more than just skin color.

Now, you could argue that a gay son and a straight son of the same parents have much more in common genetically than an Englishman and a African. And you'd be right, of course. But molecular biology has taught us that genes don't really have a single manifestation. A gene that controls one thing often controls another thing. Genes that control the expression of other genes are often expressed at multiple times during development, and in different places in the fetus, so they could very well have effects on appearance, sexuality, psychology, creativity, etc. And if there are multiple genes involved in being gay, that just multiplies their effects.

So I believe that, as a gay man, it is very unlikely that I am "exactly as I would be if I were straight, except for liking cock". I believe that there are many differences, some obvious, some more subtle, that distinguish me from my straight brethren. And I believe that other gay men have similar difference from straight guys, but those precise differences vary from one gay man to another.

So, no, we are not clones of each other in terms of preferences, but we generally share more similarities amongst each other than we do with straight guys. (See my blog entry)

So your friends are ignorant for lumping us all together as if we're clones. At the same time, I believe that gays who insist we are "just straight guys who love cock" are living with their head in the sand.

 

[Seasoned]

There are straight guys that are assumed to be gay. I would get stopped at the door if gay bars. "Do you know what type of bar this is?" It's great that straights see a variety of gays. Come on sports figures. Step out if the closet. You'll never know what good you'll cause.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

defo not da piss sold by cultures no fuckin clue their own feet

thankyou



ans nows rediscover da moon again
( Coor dat da moon?! )
Yeah

 

[FunFunk]

rickycub87, I'm gay and I completely agree with you that the definition of "gay" should mean simply one who enjoys and prefers having sex with other people of the same sex, irrespective of any other personality traits. Being gay has nothing to do with how feminine or masculine one acts or whether or not he prefers to go to a Broadway show as opposed to a game of basketball or how in tune with fashion he is or what his profession is or whether he's rich, middle-class or poor or whether he speaks with a certain affectation, none of that.

The media and popular culture have long promoted stereotypes of many social groups: African Americans, women, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Arabs and Middle Easterners, Asians, Indians, the elderly, the young, Latinos, Italians, Irish, British, the rich, the poor, etc., etc., etc. Gays are just another such case in a long list.

Apparently, people who stereotype in this way find it easiest to "comprehend" certain groups using the "tribe" mentality, in which humanity is broken up into groups, labeled and assigned behavioral characteristics like animals in the jungle. Yes, it's easier than trying to view each person as unique with his very own set of characteristics, particular only to him. It would be too hard to categorize.

BTW, the word "gay" should not be used to express disapproval of something or someone (e.g., "That's so gay."), as has become so popular in recent times. I've always found that insulting.

 

[Lube]

"Everybody is completely unique irrespective of ethnicity, sexuality, etc."

So how come we have magazines, newspapers, and cable channels dedicated to blacks or Latinos or gays?

Why are blacks or Jews or <fill in favorite ethnicity> more susceptible to some diseases than others?

Why do Asians or Italians or gays tend to prefer certain car models over others? Why are VWs consistently different from Hondas?

Please, let's dispense with the politically correct, feel-good pablum.

No, we're not all flamers just as we're not all sports-loving fans. But on average, clearly we are not the same as straight guys.

 

[tonyboy]

First off, I know I'm gay. Or at least I know I'm what I consider gay... and that is: a man that likes sex with men and NOT with women. I mean a man who (when presented) with the offer of sex with a women is unable to perform, and who always knew since he was 10 years old he preferred men sexually over women. To me, that is the definition of being "gay"...

Your defination works for me.. Sounds just right..
No one would know I was gay by talking to me or seeing how I dress.
Hell, I'm the worst when it comes to fashion of any sense.. And I'd certainly not want to wear any womanly garb.
I just like guys... and I like to watch some sports... though I've always been horrible at playing at them.
Hell, first time I was with guys I did not know how to even kiss properly... fact is I hated it... but then I learned.

 

[Nomenclature]

Gay = those who are exclusively attracted to members of the same gender as they are.

But if you're asking what society considers "gay", watch the guys on Bravo and HGTV, especially the fashion shows.

 

[bankside]

I'd tell them I sound more gay when there's a penis stuck in my mouth.

What does gay sound like? I dunno. I think people are confusing gayness/straightness with masculinity/femininity. What I find more annoying than classifying gays as one type is the idea that we get to pick for ourselves what we'd like to be. It doesn't work that way.

• If you like women for a sexual relationship, and are with one, or plan to be, or hope to be, you're straight.
• If you like men for a sexual relationship, and are with one, or plan to be, or hope to be, you're gay.
• If you like men or women, etc....you're bi.

But people have got it into their heads that they get to "define their own identities." Well, no; we get to decide how we feel about people of whatever sex. But we don't get to pick the word for what that feeling is.

 

[BRIOHAZARD]

Gay = those who are exclusively attracted to members of the same gender as they are.

But if you're asking what society considers "gay", watch the guys on Bravo and HGTV, especially the fashion shows.

Exactly. Society deems any man/male that has female/feminine qualities to be gay.

 

[andy12]

OK I'm sure this thread will get the same responses... but why do you think people would say that to me? "You don't sound gay", "you don't look gay" , etc.? Because this has happened a few times in my life and I'm wondering if others have had similar (annoying) experiences?

Because gay is effeminate. The research shows that gay men are shifted toward the feminine side of things. This obvious trait is not lost of the rest of population.

If gay was merely about who you want to sleep with (you could only tell in a bedroom), there wouldn't be any stereotypes about how gays act.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

this easy one

gay is

 

[CowboyBob]

Being emotionally and physically attracted to members of the same sex.

andy12 : no, not all gay men are shifted toward the feminine side of things. The gay men I am friends with like all the stereotypical masculine traits. Hunting, fishing, sports, cars, etc. I don't know any hairdressers or interior decorators.