What do you do when your friend flurts and you really have good reason to....

[heritic33]

Ok where to start there's alot to say actually. Before I go into the sitiuation I just want to make it clear that I already know this topic has been posted plenty of times, well anyways I'm not asking about suducing my friend or anything of that sort. What I want to know is what do you guys out there think I should do.
Well alright Ill just give the basic jist of the situation. Well my firend is giving my a lot of problems for one: I have tried to stay away from developing feelings for the guy but over time I just have and well I try my hardest to just keep my mind from thinking anything more then friends but now Im starting to lose it...
My friend is suposibaly (Sp) "straight". Anyways the things he does over the few months that I have noticed have really made me start to wonder. At first I thought that he was straight until well stuff like: He always flirts with me, One time I was at our firends house and our friend fell asleep then he looks at our friend and then looks at me and then pushes me I push back we're sitting on the couch, he then bits me and then I bit him and then after awhile I lost control and well he luckly stood up too fast (other wise I would have kissed him but I didn't) and well he was all ok this is getting gay when the whole thing kept going on and on, The next day I guess he told my friend and made it sound like I was the one who started the whole thing and that he was the victim, he always does shit like hugs other guys and thats not that bad but considering the other part it starts to make you wonder, hes sensitive but not like to the point its a queen or a flamboient gay guy he's just not the most masculine guy Ive meet, he's also very homiphobic, says that something is gay quite often more then everyone else I know like by a hell of alot more, one time I stayed over at his house with our other firend, our firend passes out again and then its like he put his arm around me and well then another time I stayed over I tickled him to see what he would do and he was after awhile like wait this is pretty gay, and well lets see: he only does alot of the touchy shit with me and none of my other straight friends so its hard to say, oh one time he got a broom and was all touching my friend and me with on the croch and well it freaked my friend out because he was molested as a child, he wasn't like jerking us with the broom though more like just brushing it up agaisnt for a sec. lets see, one time he randomly picked me up and started to hold me which made me start to think about this, he's not the hotest guy in the world far from it very smart has a good heart and is cute but not really hot has a great personality and well hes so picky when it comes to girls even our friend who benches 300 lbs and has an 8 pack isnt as picky as him and Im not as picky its just he wants a model and isnt a model himself then on top of that hes even told me that hes never had a girl friend. Another point I forgot to make the guy has an average body well more like a little chub but I like him for him I just dont know I think its just me wishing he was gay but then again none of my staright friends ever in my life have touched me physically the way he does and well if I touched them the way he does they would call me gay and what not I know this is alot to read and sorry Im posting this its just I dont know what to do anymore. Btw Im sorry about all the grammatical errors well let me know what you guys think thanks.Oh yea I forgot to add one more point one time my friend the one that has the 8 pack and bench 300 pounds got hit on my some gay guy at a store and my friend that I like made fun of him he told me about it later that night and I asked well what would you do if a gay guy said you were hot and stuff and he said I would be happy, because I finally got a compliment. one other thing Im 19 and he's 18 not like that will change much anyways what do you guys think? If I wanted to suduce him how what would be the best way without screwing everything up? but the problem Im also having isnt I dont just want to hook up with him I like him sooo much! I want him bad and it sucks because at times he acts like he could be and then other times he makes it almost tooo difficult for me to think did he really do that? I dont know anymore, Im having to hold back btw niether of my firends know about me.

 

[heritic33]

Hey guys I need some advice please help what should I do??

 

[heritic33]

that confused me just a bit just now... exactly what you tried to say.

 

[heritic33]

what do you mean you guys would have fun?

 

[heritic33]

I dont know, it just sucks because if he ant it would mean Ill never find a guy who is my type and someone that I could get close to he does talk about girls but so do I but he also is extreamly picky and I mean even girls who are fucken 10's out of 10's he'll say start picking them apart.... for someone who isnt even like no where near perfect it kinda dose tick me off not that I am but hes like he wants a model and he cant even get one the only way is if he lost wieght because the guy is 220 and hes mainly fat never works out I just like everything about the guy hes perfect to me but I never want to tell him

 

[G-Lexington]

It looks like you have three options.

1. Next time he "plays" with you, grabs you, holds you, grab back. Not tentative-like, but like you mean it. Chances are he'll push you away, though.

2. Let him keep fucking with you.

3. Tell him you don't like him fucking with you, and stop hanging out with him so much.

Which one should you choose? I'd suggest three, but you may not like that.

Lex

 

[heritic33]

Well I actually just like him and for the first time hes exactly what I want in a guy the problem is I dont think he's gay, I dont know I dont want him to stop touching me and crap but I dont want him to keep touching me either because its fucking with my emotions and I hate that shit, basically in other words I need to let him go. But the problem is I havent found any guys that are close to my type which consists of looks and personality put together, he's geeky and I love that about him and hes sensitive I love that about him, theres like not that much I can sya that I dont thats why its so hard to be like um thats ok, all this I guess is making me realize is that theres no guys out there for me thats what its doing, either there toooooo superfical or thier not smart, or thier not what Im looking for because our interests are way too different and the problem is girls dont achnollege my existence at least here at the college I go to, so I guess that means maybe it would be wise to just ignore all people for while, though thats what I did through out highschool.

 

[G-Lexington]

That's what I thought. Choice 3 is the obvious one, but I didn't think you'd think it was such a good idea. As long as you stick around him, there's still a chance - as miniscule as it is - that something might happen. If you walk away, that chance disappears.

He doesn't sound like much of a friend, if you ask me. None of my straight friends had any trouble with my sexuality, but none of them "teased" me or "baited" me, either. They just stayed friends.

Oh, and I know this isn't really why you're posting here, but a little punctuation and capitalization wouldn't hurt.

Lex

 

[heritic33]

Well he dosen't even know Im gay thats the thing did you read the whole entire first post of mine. The other problem man is that I live in New Mexico, and the scene here sucks, most the guys fuck eachother and then leave eachother it's one big game and see I dont believe in the whole going to clubs and all that I'm an easy going guy. My other problem is all the masculine guys I meet are too dense and I want a guy who's smart and well it's just pissing me off because everyone I meets either way too old or we don't have anything in common. It makes me feel hopeless and I understand life is about possitivity I'm a very optimistic person, but damn when you have as many let downs for the past few years you start to think fuck maybe there is no one in this town. I have to be honest too though I am a bit picky but my problem is if I'm not then the relationship will end anyways because the two of us will just be together for the hell of it and that's not at all what Im after. I want someone I can be with and really be with my other problem is how do you let someone go the feelings I have for my friend are the strongest I've ever had for any man dude and it's making me sick to my stomich. BTW the reason I did'nt put alot of punctuation or spelling is mainly for one this is just a message board not an acidemic paper. Sorry its just a pet peve of mine when people get on my case about shit like that but it's all good.

 

[G-Lexington]

I know this isn't an academic forum. I don't get on people's cases for spelling words wrong, or for improper punctuation, or for using "lay" when they should've used "lie". The problem is that when confronted with a huge page full of type, with hardly any capital letters or punctuation, it's REALLY hard to read. Not just for me, but for a lot of people. You'll get a lot more people to read, and thus a lot more help, if you toss in some punctuation. imeniftheholecapznperiodnspellinthang aintnuttinbutabunchorandombs
weallmayzwellritehoweverwelikerite
nifucantreadititaintmyprobnowutimean

But back to your problem.

Maybe you're right. Maybe there IS nobody for you in your town. Dude, I lived in FARMINGTON NM for two years, so you don't have to tell me about the lack of gay scene. So I did the smart thing - I got the hell out of town. This isn't to bemoan the city, but it's far better to join an established gay scene than to try to build one from scratch. Your friend might be your best bet for a relationship, but just because a 10000-1 longshot is your best bet doesn't make it a good bet. It'd be better to pick up your chips and find another table to play at.

How do you get over your feelings for him? Well, you don't let him keep biting you, for one thing. You increase distance. You give yourself space to get over it. It's a lot easier to get over a guy when he's not standing right there sending you more mixed signals.

Lex

 

[heritic33]

My other problem is I dont want to stop liking the guy. I like the attension from him it's more like well if that's what I'm getting from him that's what I'm getting from him. Basically Im also confused because what straight guy does the shit he does dude I have tones of straight friends and its like none have ever done anything like this but one and guess what that one turned out to be gay.

 

[heritic33]

so are you saying that I should edit the story and place in more punctuation?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>My other problem is I dont want to stop liking the guy. I like the attension from him it's more like well if that's what I'm getting from him that's what I'm getting from him.

Well, your second problem negates your first. If you don't want to get over him, then fine - let him keep playing with you, teasing you, biting you, or whatever else that he's doing. There's a chance it'll lead somewhere, but most likely it won't. If your content to feed on the scraps that he throws you, rather than searching out something more complete and substantial, then by all means, let it continue. But don't be surprised if nothing happens, or if it ends poorly.

Lex

 

[heritic33]

I get what youre saying its just I like his personality and eveyrhting about him its not like you can find alot of people with a personality or the same one. If I can some how find a guy identical to him i wouldn't care so much but i want him and only him. But I know its gonna end bad. Youd be the same way I think anyone would if they found a guy so close to what they were looking for and the only problem is they ant gay. Ive been told soo many different things on what I should do so I really dont know a few of the only gay friends I do have say I should just wait and see what happens and be paitent but the problem is I dont want to wait anymore but I really have no choice. Then you and a few others have told me that I should just move on basically so that way I can find someone else in other words but the problem with that like you already know is theres really nothing out here and well lets see on top of that me moving away wont happen for at least another five to seven years because dude I'm only 19 Im a second year in college I don't have a steady enough job yet and I dont ahve a degree yet so its pretty much impossible to move meaning looks like I'm stuck.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Youd be the same way I think anyone would if they found a guy so close to what they were looking for and the only problem is they ant gay.

Lots of my friends in college would've made amazing boyfriends, but I never had a problem with them because I was well aware of their sexuality. I realized they'd make great friends, nothing more, and I set my sights elsewhere. When I was in Farmington, I didn't latch onto my straight friends, hoping there was a slight chance one of them would jump the fence for me. I knew I was a gay guy in a straight town, I knew I'd probably be celibate the whole time I was there (and I was), and I just concentrated on doing well so I could get out of there when I could.

I jerked off a lot, too.

Lex

 

[heritic33]

Imagine the possiblity of being stuck here though for the rest of your life and its not like I tried to fall for my friend it just happened thise has only happened honestly twice ever the first time I did accept he was straight so it wasn't that bad, but the second one is making it hard. I mainly started really liking him when he was doing the whole biting thing because it was almost like what the fuck, he freaks out alot which is wierd he'll have a ton of "gay" molments and then go wait what the fuck am I doing? I'm not trying to over analyze either because for one I have plenty of straight friends actually I dont have any gay friends I mainly have like three. Out of like a couple hundred people that are "friends". I'm not trying to argue and I know the best thing to do would be to move on the only real problem is we have become best friends well I have two real friends he's one and my other friend is one. Were always hanging out the three of us and well I do keep my distance but its almost like he wants me to notice him. What Ive also noticed with the man is he changes around other people he puts on this act around his other "friends" and then around me and the other guy he always hangs out with he is alot more sensative and I should say acts a little gay just around us... it just wierd because I've never met someone that does what he does accept that one guy that turned out to be gay. I also played Football in highschool and so I know guys joke around alot about the whole being gay and touchy feely but the way he is, isnt like that.... I know love can cloud everything thats why I analyze eveyrthing and make sure I know whats going on alot of times I'm like did he really do that to me last night or earlier. BTW thanks for the incite it does make me think more and like I said I'm not trying to argue because you do have very good points.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Imagine the possiblity of being stuck here though for the rest of your life...

Yes, a very scary proposition. Except for one thing - you're NOT stuck there. Once you're out of school, you can leave any time you want. You may want to stay there until you finish school - that's understandable. Or you can transfer to a different school in a different city/state, get a job to help support yourself, and go there. And no, lack of money is not an unsurmountable obstacle. One guy I know was offered a gig 1000 miles away, and he had no money. He didn't decline the job - he worked daylabor two days straight, bought a bus ticket, and came out with one change of clothes, his box of harmonicas, and $15 left in his pocket. I'm not saying you should do the same - I'm just saying it's an option.

As for your friend, look, I can't tell you what he's thinking. You can give me ten, twenty, fifty examples, but I won't know. If you really want to know, ask. Sit him down and TALK to him. "I'm starting to get these weird mixed signals from you. Stuff you say, the way you touch me, play with me. And I want you to know I really don't mind it, but I want to know - are you interested in me? I think that'd be cool if you were, but I don't want to get the wrong idea if you're not."

Of course, doing so may (again) put an end to it all, and I don't think you want that.

Lex

 

[heritic33]

yea youre very right on that one man, I dont want to stop being the guys friend see I'm pretty much willing to try and push it but I know I dont want to lose his friend hsip either plus it would change how my other friend views me as well, but yea dude I think what Ill do is keep on looking and try and move on but I know I wont I havent felt this way fro a person in like years and so I dont want to stop feeling this wya either its the first time I actually feel alive and that Im still a person and not just insaine. anyways again thanks dude its good to know that at least I do have somewhere to talk about this crap and I know its very annoying to hear about the same problem from a hundred different fucken people but everyone has a hard time anyways thanks.