What do you miss?

[NotHardUp1]

I still try to remember all of them and I freak out or feel like I am abandoning them when I can't remember some of them.

Perhaps there is some method you can adopt to celebrate them and feel positive about the ritual instead of feeling negative about the posibility that you are doing it inadequately.

Maybe just the practice of giving thanks through something you love, whether eating, gardening, listening to music, viewing art, creating. If you formalize your plan to give it a schedule, on a set day each week, or doing a certain thing, or at a certain time, like people plan their yoga or meditation.

I mention it because I don't feel sad when I miss my loved ones. I feel glad for the good times. And I enjoy revisiting the memory of them. Instead of feeling like I betray them for the times I don't, I feel good about re-vivifying them as they live in my joy.

My mom(2010)cancer, My sister(2013)cancer, My friend Tom(1992)AIDS, My friend Mary(2020)cancer, My friend Clifton(2021)Covid.

What did you enjoy most about each of them?

A sense of wonder.

Are you SURE you do not have that any longer, or it is just less frequent? I still find so much in the natural world that is awing, marvelous, and engenders questions and teh thirst to learn.

Really good plays with insightful or provocative character studies do that to me, too. There are SO many variations of personality. It still is incredible, even at my age.

 

[NotHardUp1]

Fudge Town cookies.

Bookstores.

Peace and quiet. My neighborhood is becoming predominantly Latino.

Trees. grass, wildlife.

All the things that technology has either done away with or fucked up.

All the racists and nazis hiding under a rock and shutting the fuck up.

This guy. Still not over losing him.

View attachment 1929341

Is Fudge Town where those Keebler elves live?

When I lived in Albuquerque for a decade, I did notice that Latino culture there is a good deal noisier than the people I had lived among before.

How are you removed from grass and trees and wildlife? Are you confined?

Your cat looks like a handful. I'm glad you had such a charmer.

Where to begin...

Are you taking requests? What surprises you to learn you miss it?

All the obvious ones (deaths, lost youth, opportunities evaporated and so on). To answer the question though, manual transmissions. I bought a used Honda in
September with one and could not be happier.

As I told the salesman, I started driving with a manual while young, have had nothing but automatics in the interim which was a buzzkill all those years and wanted to "close out" my driving with a manual. (I know...we're on a gay site where no one cares about cars.)

As I shared recently about my first crush, he drove a little Honda and ran through the gears like a 14-year-old discovering his dick. I can really understand how much you love it, as he did, even if I don't share that love for manuals.

 

[NotHardUp1]

I miss Cormac

What specifically?

Myself

What of YOU remains now that your life and health changed? What is the part of you that you recognize as the same?

Simpler times (less technology).

What about them do you mean? Was it life on a farm? Less decisions? Less dependence on other things to do work? Less praise for computer-saturated living? More people who were better read?

 

[NotHardUp1]

This one. Being old & worn-out sucks.

Although I'm not fond of pain, or loss, I have to view the scales on balance. Inexperience and fear, which shapes a lot of our younger years, is the other side of the equation. And, I still say there is a beauty in old skin, in old faces, in old remembrances.

There are other car guys here. Dick around.

Honestly! Sex isn't the answer to EVERYTHING! It's not. I keep telling myself that, even if I'm losing the poker face.

Off the top of my head:

Not worrying about war with Russia and China
The days pre-Woke
The days pre-Trump
Traveling to Russia
Bookstores in Los Angeles
Casual sex
Hustling

I don't think its practical to worry about the superpowers. Great nations have always had great enemies, and it has always posed a threat. Just because we live in a nuclear age, we are not the first to face potential disaster from our nation's rivalry with other great powers. Once a threat rises so far above our control, maybe that's the time to let it go and become philosophic.

The woke thing will burn itself out, just like the hippies before them.

Trump's advent came home afresh yesterday as I listened to Margaret Brennan interview Speaker McCarthy. To be fair, she did grill him and attack, and the interview WAS slanted in a way that ABC/NBC/CBS/PBS would never treat the Democrats, but on the other side of the table sat a man devoid of any moral compass, who was allied with an anti-Constitutionalist president who tried to subvert democracy, and who tirelessly tried to push the line that somehow Democrats were fiscally irresponsible in some significant way that Republicans had not been during Trump's term. As if. The one thing that freaked me out though was the focus that he was now 2nd in line to succeed the president were the VP not able. That chilled me to the bone, far more than a know-nothing like Sarah Palin or Dan Quayle.

Hustling is alien to me, if not hustlers, but I've enjoyed your candid posts here about it, as my main reason to frequent JUB remains to learn about how OTHER gay men have lived and what the many walks of gay life are. Thank you for being authentic.

 

[ChristianGianni]

Me .. sometimes when I'm in front of the mirror brushing my teeth or shaving I look into my eyes and I don't see the happy carefree guy I thought I was, maybe work, covid, day to day life has just worn me down a bit, I'm not sure, but I do know I want to find that ME again, I miss him.

 

[NotHardUp1]

Me .. sometimes when I'm in front of the mirror brushing my teeth or shaving I look into my eyes and I don't see the happy carefree guy I thought I was, maybe work, covid, day to day life has just worn me down a bit, I'm not sure, but I do know I want to find that ME again, I miss him.

Not to be intentionally daft, but what does "carefree" mean? What does a carefree life look like to you, if there were not COVID? Nursing has gotten better paid as shortages have developed. Are you able to just go on Sabbatical for a year and see if you want to return?

When I think of carefree, I only think of pets or children. They are sustained without having to work, be concerned about where their next meal will come from, how to cooperate and compromise with a partner/coworker/relative/neighbor, and are the objects of affection by their nature.

This topic is near and dear to me, as my time in Alaska was shortened not because I could not have stayed, even at the same job, but because the state was so full of end-of-the-roaders. That's a catch-all term for persons fleeing from a) a criminal past, b) an ex, c) failure, d) the modern world, e) society, f) the government, g) whatever else could not be coped with.

There was also a high percentage of Alaskans who hated working and pursued the economy of the summer and tourism, and tried hard to limit real work to those three months. Understandably, this overlapped significantly with the love of nature and the desire to just live instead of having to work to eat.

I have to confess I've shared that desire to just do that in retirement, which is one of the reasons I have been afraid to say with certainty that I will ever make it to retirement. Presuming it is deserved or my entitlement would be the best way to ensure bitterness and disappointment if that is never to be for me.

 

[MusicMan321]

Forgive me for not having noticed, but have you shared any of your art here on JUB, or told us the genre? We have so many art lovers here.

A former friend here was an avid artist. He drew REALLY dreadful, morose, open-wound kind of anime gore art. It was a very eclectic sub-genre, which I hated more than almost any other thing, but I was proud he loved art and was passionate about it, even if we had little overlap in taste. I love that people create, and I love it separately from the creations.

Neil, I'm sorry to learn of it. I have been around the elderly all my life, so I have seen the tremors you refer to.

Is there no help from Canada's health system?

Would using voice recognition software be a possibility on your computer, to help you replace typing? It would seem likely that there are adaptive mice that would be less responsive so as to perhaps minimize the erratic movements of tremors. Would reducing the mouse response speed help?

If I were dealing with your issue, I think the not knowing what comes next would be my great concern, more than the specific loss of function. I know it must be very frustrating, all the more when you are single, as I am.



If they were yet alive, what would you be doing with them? Do you still do any of those things? What do you do for fun now?

If my dad and grandma were still here they would still be living with me in my house I grew up. I don't remember my mom cause I was a baby when she died. I remember playing a Sega game but now I have a PS2 that I've had for so long now.

 

[gsdx]

Would reducing the mouse response speed help?

Been there. Done that. Bought the T-Shirt.

Thanks.

At least with this forum, it's easier to click on an entire line than it was to click on that little blue thing in the old forum.

 

[pigface]

I care passionately about cars, but I don't miss my stick shift VW and Honda. Two much effort.

My partner is a man after your own heart. He'd be ashamed to admit he moved to the automatic side. He went to great effort for a number of years to only drive manual transmission BMWs. Can you imagine how difficult it became to find a manual BMW 5 series in California? I think he had to factory order his last one. He's now driving a Mercedes SUV automatic.

When he finally decided to make life easy and drive an automatic, he worried about what "the guys" in his office would think, as they were all manual transmission men and took pride in being so.

There are other car guys here. Stick around.

"old" automatics - 3 ratios only, operated by hydraulic pressure and vacuum are nice. Modern ones with 6+ ratios and software to decide when to shift are a crappy driving experience.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

My late lover Jack.

Although I have a new lover now.

 

[Vannie]

Are you taking requests? What surprises you to learn you miss it?

I'll start with a simple one. My Mom's Dutch Butter Letters. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Dutch Butter Letters. They are a homemade flaky buttery pastry with a thick layer of almond paste filling inside.

I guess the Dutch people shaped them into letters? But my Mom would just make a straight log if you will.

I miss baking with her in General.

 

[Vannie]

Having a huge Garage Sale. Great fun.

 

[phungay2019]

Is it the drug culture of the 60's?

Your youth?

Sledding down a slope?

Your grandmother's cooking?

Naivete?

Pagers?

A deceased friend or relative?

A favorite but no longer available product or food?

I miss card games, a lot. When I was a child, they were a constant. When I was in college, they were a thing. When I began teaching, in a new town, we gathered for board games and to play cards. My landlady loved to play Rook. When I moved to Albuquerque, I loved hosting Texas Holdem Tournaments in my home.

Now, I have no friends here who play. My neighbors are as boring as dirt. My gay friends here only like going out, or doting on pets, or just dining. The gaming group I joined only enjoyed ridiculous board games with incredibly overcomplicated rules and fantasy systems of reality that seemed like two-dimensional alternatives to software gaming.

When I visit my siblings, they tend to play idiot games, like Uno, that a hamster could play. No strategy, no plan, not ruthlessness, and no joy in winning.

I miss the good, old-fashioned cutthroat games where you could laugh, play for hours, and garrote your mother or best friend cheerfully as they fell at your feet, . . . so to speak.

I miss Gay sex

 

[ShadowCat]

Being a kid
Afterschool Saturday & Sunday morning cartoons
Shopping at malls
Shopping via catalog
Woolworths
Going on vacation
The WDW Christmas Parade
What my local theme park used to look like
Having friends & family
Not having Seb Derm
Being happy

 

[NotHardUp1]

Being a kid
Afterschool Saturday & Sunday morning cartoons
Shopping at malls
Shopping via catalog
Woolworths
Going on vacation
The WDW Christmas Parade
What my local theme park used to look like
Having friends & family
Not having Seb Derm
Being happy

 

[NotHardUp1]

I miss Gay sex

So, how is straight sex working out?

 

[TickTockMan]

What of YOU remains now that your life and health changed? What is the part of you that you recognize as the same?

Everything I dislike or am indifferent to. If you made me answer your second question it would be my curiosity, but is is mostly a reminder of what was.

The best I have now is to think about the things I want or to do, knowing I will probably never get them or to do them.

 

[NotHardUp1]

It is your life, but it sounds like your assessment is too harsh, on yourself. There are bound to be inward traits you have, and outward expressions and activities that remain, else why would you be here?

I agree that your life is more difficult than most in many ways, but there have been too many others with health woes who found purpose, happiness, and even joy, in spite of privation and pain.

Not telling you about you, but hope you look again and find encouragement somehow, and maybe inspiration from within yourself to reach.

 

[peeonme]

I miss a few of my aunts that have passed away.

 

[Kahaih]

I missed the shiny little red squirrel in the spruce tree until I realized I had bumped the sights on my rifle.