On Topic Discussion What do you think about bisexuals?

[bankside]

That's my thing too. I am, in fact, 100% gay. But being 90% gay is the same for all intents and purposes. Being 80% gay is the same for all intents and purposes. Hell, if I COULD get it up for a girl, I'd totally have sex with one, just to say I'd done it, and it still wouldn't occur to me to call myself bisexual.

In the reality I inhabit, bisexuality is a term that describes people who are if not 50/50, then at most 40/60 in one direction. People who can build an emotionally and sexually satisfying relationship with either gender, even if they might have a slight leaning towards one of them. A straight dude who made out with or gave/was given a bj by his frat brother isn't bi if that's all he ever did, and neither is a gay dude who had a gf in school that he actually liked before he came out, but hasn't even thought of women since.

Come on.

Okkay, you could always go down on a woman without getting up for one.

 

[Kulindahr]

That's my thing too. I am, in fact, 100% gay. But being 90% gay is the same for all intents and purposes. Being 80% gay is the same for all intents and purposes. Hell, if I COULD get it up for a girl, I'd totally have sex with one, just to say I'd done it, and it still wouldn't occur to me to call myself bisexual.

In the reality I inhabit, bisexuality is a term that describes people who are if not 50/50, then at most 40/60 in one direction. People who can build an emotionally and sexually satisfying relationship with either gender, even if they might have a slight leaning towards one of them. A straight dude who made out with or gave/was given a bj by his frat brother isn't bi if that's all he ever did, and neither is a gay dude who had a gf in school that he actually liked before he came out, but hasn't even thought of women since.

Come on.

So someone who is 80/20 should call himself gay, but then have to explain repeatedly why he's always checking out chicks?

I'm glad you're not writing the rules.

 

[dereperez]

I think it needs to be said that there is a difference between bisexual lifestyle versus bisexual orientation. And I think that is pretty self explanatory. And the percentage breakdown of straight versus gay tendencies is almost an issue of semantics.

 

[xbuzzerx]

So someone who is 80/20 should call himself gay, but then have to explain repeatedly why he's always checking out chicks?

I'm glad you're not writing the rules.

Plenty of gay guys check out or comment on women's looks, many even enjoy actively playful flirtation with straight women and vice-versa.

This "oh my god, wtf are you doing?!" reaction to that just doesn't exist really, it just doesn't raise that big of an eyebrow. (Did anyone wig out "accusing" Will on Will & Grace of being straight/bi instead of gay? If so, I don't recall ever hearing it.) A guy checking out a GUY, however? Big eyebrows doing big movements.

I have a hard time believing that an 80% geared towards men bisexual "needs" the label because otherwise he'll be somehow "harassed" for looking at women. That he "needs" the label because he doesn't like all the baggage with being tagged as a gay guy makes a whole lot more sense to me.

 

[LiberoK]

Bisexuality, much like gaygaygay, is an identity. Who are y'all to tell anyone what they are and aren't? You guys can spew your opinions and attempt to change people's opinions that obviously won't budge, but in the end, how they identify themselves won't affect you. And Derek is bisexual, and Derek is cool. Therefore, bisexual people are cool.

Bi. I mean bye.

 

[bankside]

Plenty of gay guys check out or comment on women's looks, many even enjoy actively playful flirtation with straight women and vice-versa.

This "oh my god, wtf are you doing?!" reaction to that just doesn't exist really, it just doesn't raise that big of an eyebrow. (Did anyone wig out "accusing" Will on Will & Grace of being straight/bi instead of gay? If so, I don't recall ever hearing it.) A guy checking out a GUY, however? Big eyebrows doing big movements.

I have a hard time believing that an 80% geared towards men bisexual "needs" the label because otherwise he'll be somehow "harassed" for looking at women. That he "needs" the label because he doesn't like all the baggage with being tagged as a gay guy makes a whole lot more sense to me.

okay the point is not about people flirting for kicks. what about people who flirt with men or women, with intent...they'd follow through.

It's normal that someone might date 10 people before settling down. If 8 are women and 2 are men, I don't think you can round down. I don't think you can default to the gender of the last person they settled down with - especially if, after a 5 year relationship, the person says "yeah, nothing's changed, I still find men and women attractive."

I don't understand why we wouldn't call that "bi." I think that's the definition of bi.

 

[xbuzzerx]

Bisexuality, much like gaygaygay, is an identity. Who are y'all to tell anyone what they are and aren't?

I don't think, excluding the resident trolls, that anyone has "told" someone else what their sexuality is.

You guys can spew your opinions and attempt to change people's opinions that obviously won't budge, but in the end, how they identify themselves won't affect you. And Derek is bisexual, and Derek is cool. Therefore, bisexual people are cool.

Bi. I mean bye.

I think people who are actually bisexual should have no more "issue" with the discussion of people falsely claiming the title because they apparently share negative views of a homosexual identity (and its social connotations) than gay men have with someone saying it's b.s. that someone who sleeps with men all the time identifies as "straight." At least, one would think.

Somehow it's a LOT stickier and more defensive when you mention that, though.

 

[xbuzzerx]

okay the point is not about people flirting for kicks. what about people who flirt with men or women, with intent...they'd follow through.

*Shrugs* they're bi I guess? They wouldn't count in the crowd of people who seem indistinguishable from homosexual people other than a discomfort with the ID, which has more or less been the discussion on this page.

 

[dereperez]

Bisexuality, much like gaygaygay, is an identity. Who are y'all to tell anyone what they are and aren't? You guys can spew your opinions and attempt to change people's opinions that obviously won't budge, but in the end, how they identify themselves won't affect you. And Derek is bisexual, and Derek is cool. Therefore, bisexual people are cool.

Bi. I mean bye.

Exactly. Just because I would sleep with you doesn't mean I'm gay.

Good bi.

 

[Kulindahr]

It's normal that someone might date 10 people before settling down. If 8 are women and 2 are men, I don't think you can round down. I don't think you can default to the gender of the last person they settled down with - especially if, after a 5 year relationship, the person says "yeah, nothing's changed, I still find men and women attractive."

I don't understand why we wouldn't call that "bi." I think that's the definition of bi.

Sounds reasonable.

 

[xbuzzerx]

Exactly. Just because I would sleep with you doesn't mean I'm gay.

Good bi.

Sleeping with Kien makes you something far sleazier.

 

[cgymike]

then you must me straight perez...

 

[Rolyo85]

Okkay, you could always go down on a woman without getting up for one.

Totally. Except, I don't wanna. So if I don't wanna, and I can't get it up at the thought, does the fact that I can go down on her make me bi?

So someone who is 80/20 should call himself gay, but then have to explain repeatedly why he's always checking out chicks?

I'm glad you're not writing the rules.

Most gays I know are 80/20. They barely ever check out chicks. They check out dudes. Because EIGHTY, yunno. And in today's gay culture it's almost expected of us to notice pretty girls anyway, for different reasons. It is a bizarre world, in which all your friends are constantly monitoring whether you check out chicks, and then questioning you about it

Bisexuality, much like gaygaygay, is an identity. Who are y'all to tell anyone what they are and aren't? You guys can spew your opinions and attempt to change people's opinions that obviously won't budge, but in the end, how they identify themselves won't affect you. And Derek is bisexual, and Derek is cool. Therefore, bisexual people are cool.

Bi. I mean bye.

Right. Like I said, I am 100% into men. I crush on men, date men, have hot sweaty sex with men.

But who's anyone to tell me how to identify? I'm straight

 

[Rolyo85]

okay the point is not about people flirting for kicks. what about people who flirt with men or women, with intent...they'd follow through.

It's normal that someone might date 10 people before settling down. If 8 are women and 2 are men, I don't think you can round down. I don't think you can default to the gender of the last person they settled down with - especially if, after a 5 year relationship, the person says "yeah, nothing's changed, I still find men and women attractive."

I don't understand why we wouldn't call that "bi." I think that's the definition of bi.

There are multiple factors in your post.

First, you talk about "dating". Dating is not the same as attraction or sexuality. Dating is a social construct. The capacity to build emotional romantic connections with people and have sexual attraction to them is what defines sexuality and the following identity. Not dating per se.

Second, in the example you give, it could be some very well rounded and open-eyed bisexual who has just happened to date more women then men (maybe he has more attraction to women, or maybe gay/bi men were not part of his surroundings, and as such were harder to meet). Then again, he could just be a pure homosexual who either came to terms with it slowly and with difficulty, or spent years being totally clueless until he figured out why this whole dating women thing didn't work for him.

Either way, if you told me a guy dated 8 dudes and 2 chicks, and in that order, I'd have no trouble assuming he was legitimately bi. But guys who switch from women to men and never switch back, whether in dating or - especially - in sex... Sorry, I vote "he finally figured out what he actually liked" rather than "oh, he's totes bi, brah!"

 

[Rolyo85]

I don't think, excluding the resident trolls, that anyone has "told" someone else what their sexuality is.



I think people who are actually bisexual should have no more "issue" with the discussion of people falsely claiming the title because they apparently share negative views of a homosexual identity (and its social connotations) than gay men have with someone saying it's b.s. that someone who sleeps with men all the time identifies as "straight." At least, one would think.

Somehow it's a LOT stickier and more defensive when you mention that, though.

I've also had that confusion.

Men who sleep around with men and claim to be "straight" are mostly considered self-loathing and in denial. Men who claim to have been "cured" of teh gay, and are living sad and pathetic hetero lives, are even lower in our opinions.

Yet somehow bisexuals never fault anyone for claiming bisexuality, even when it's patently obvious that some cases are pure mo's afraid of being associated with gayness.

It's not even double standards, it's... weirdly zealous theorizing

 

[JohnnyAnger]

There are multiple factors in your post.

First, you talk about "dating". Dating is not the same as attraction or sexuality. Dating is a social construct. The capacity to build emotional romantic connections with people and have sexual attraction to them is what defines sexuality and the following identity. Not dating per se.

Second, in the example you give, it could be some very well rounded and open-eyed bisexual who has just happened to date more women then men (maybe he has more attraction to women, or maybe gay/bi men were not part of his surroundings, and as such were harder to meet). Then again, he could just be a pure homosexual who either came to terms with it slowly and with difficulty, or spent years being totally clueless until he figured out why this whole dating women thing didn't work for him.

Either way, if you told me a guy dated 8 dudes and 2 chicks, and in that order, I'd have no trouble assuming he was legitimately bi. But guys who switch from women to men and never switch back, whether in dating or - especially - in sex... Sorry, I vote "he finally figured out what he actually liked" rather than "oh, he's totes bi, brah!"

What happens for bi guys that get lucky first time and find partners they want to spend their life with? I take they become straight/gay straight away.

I don't really think we can say that people use the bi tag to stay free of abuse or to get away from being linked with being gay - I would say bi men (women are different here as bisexuality is fetishized) have it much worse than gay men. They are not understood and suffer from erasure, to the point where we are saying that you have to organise your relationships into a neat little order to still claim to be bi.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

What happens for bi guys that get lucky first time and find partners they want to spend their life with? I take they become straight/gay straight away.

I don't really think we can say that people use the bi tag to stay free of abuse or to get away from being linked with being gay - I would say bi men (women are different here as bisexuality is fetishized) have it much worse than gay men. They are not understood and suffer from erasure, to the point where we are saying that you have to organise your relationships into a neat little order to still claim to be bi.

Bi guys have it worse? That is hilarious. What suffering to bi guys go through that gays do not?
And once you are in a committed monogamous relationship, what is the point of publicly proclaiming that bi title?

 

[JohnnyAnger]

Bi guys have it worse? That is hilarious. What suffering to bi guys go through that gays do not?
And once you are in a committed monogamous relationship, what is the point of publicly proclaiming that bi title?

There is no shit gay men get that out bi guys don't - homophobic people hate them the same. But it's quite clear that a lot of guys on this thread hate the concept of someone being bisexual and want to complete destroy of the idea - that is massive erasure. There are enough studies showing that bisexual people suffer from much greater rates of mental health problems than gay or lesbian people. This is because they face this weird double discrimination.

What's the point in proclaiming you are gay if you are a virgin or if you are single and you ain't getting none? At that point you should tell everyone your asexual? Bi men are just that - bisexual. Their relationship status has nothing to do with it, they are gaining nothing by still saying they are bi when they are with a partner other than being honest about their desires.

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

I don't really think we can say that people use the bi tag to stay free of abuse or to get away from being linked with being gay - I would say bi men (women are different here as bisexuality is fetishized) have it much worse than gay men. They are not understood and suffer from erasure, to the point where we are saying that you have to organise your relationships into a neat little order to still claim to be bi.

Why? I wouldn't name names for the sake of drama but I have seen posts from bisexuals on here that use either straight or gay to get out of certain social situations. Such as claiming gay to avoid unwanted advances from a woman. Of course that is not all bisexuals, but clearly that wouldn't be the only individual who has done it.

There is a lot of confusion when one is coming to terms with their sexuality. I can't speak for anyone elses sexuality but it would be hard for me to believe that some people claimed they were bisexual when they were not or people had used the bisexuality label to test the waters of the people around them when the person is actually gay. It isn't to mask a link to being gay, it is used as a half way point to coming out.

The confusion or doubt of bisexuality didn't come out of nowhere, it came out because these things actually happen.

 

[JohnnyAnger]

Yeah but this means we have to discredit honest people, ones who are happy and confident in their sexuality, because some people lied. We don't do the same to gay people, when we lie about our sexuality around the world, yet we do doubt all bisexual people. Is it just we doubt all people that are not the same as us? It is starting to feel like that.