What do you think?

[tallguy297]

Hey Lucas,

Matt is leading you to the point of no return....have you noticed he puts you in numerous positions for you to make the next step? He brings you to the brink of something happening...and waits. He's trying to find out what you'll do. And when you do nothing he gets angry....

Lucas, this guy is confused and scared...my guess is he could be posting this same thread if he wanted to. Hes trying to feel you out.

For your own good....for his...and even the sake of your friendship mate...you have to get on with it. Its OK to be worried and coming out to anyone can be hard but mate this is doing your head in...and his. Be honest open and up front. Short of him stripping you naked and going down, I'm sure he feels that hes given you multiple opportunities....now hes as scared as you is my guess.

This is a classic case of a severe lack of communication mate...and its holding you back from a world of possibilities and opportunities. Dont look back and regret not taking a chance mate. Dont try and plan it....next time you 2 are alone...just tell him!

 

[Lucas07]

I'm really tired guys.. I mean... You know how it feels. I'm so lost and confused thank god for this forum and you guys specially. I don't have anyone I can tell these things, I feel so bad and lonely. This is the only place and is the first time I have ever talked about my sexuality and feelings. So I love you guys! lol I know I can come home and know I have some people to talk to and confide things about.

Hey Lucas,

Matt is leading you to the point of no return....have you noticed he puts you in numerous positions for you to make the next step? He brings you to the brink of something happening...and waits. He's trying to find out what you'll do. And when you do nothing he gets angry....

Lucas, this guy is confused and scared...my guess is he could be posting this same thread if he wanted to. Hes trying to feel you out.

This is a classic case of a severe lack of communication mate...and its holding you back from a world of possibilities and opportunities. Dont look back and regret not taking a chance mate. Dont try and plan it....next time you 2 are alone...just tell him!

He gets angry? Is he angry at me? I mean, I've been trying to be near him. I've been texting him trying to talk to him. I text him just saying "Matt!" and he replies with my name. I tell him "good night" and "good morning". I make the connection. Is he not sensing that? That I'm actually doing something. but then I don't feel like he's getting it, so I get this sense that he's not interested. I don't know! I hope he feels me out or something... or maybe not thus this whole thing.. were both whimps.

Today this is what happened :
I woke up from a dream about him and me. more like a fantasy. Too bad it was just a dream. I don't know a sign maybe or just the result of me thinking about him too much. I greeted him good morning I sent it to his phone. Twice. I don't get any reply.
At school, we bump into each other (at last) because I've been searching for him the whole day... So we bump into each other.. I asked him "Do you still have class?" he said "no".. Then I go "I'm trying to accomplish some stuff I'm going to my professor right now" he goes "Oh okay.." then slowly walks away from me. When he was like a few feet away already, I called out "Matt!" I still wanted a conversation... so I asked him how to go about some school stuff or if he knows.. I felt like he just shrugged it like he doesn't know.. so he passes my query to one of his friends while him just standing there while his friend and I talk. And we said our goodbyes. argh.

**
enough of that..

well okay.. Taking tallguy's advice.. I'm just going through this day by day. I just have to wait for another time we could be alone again or another party where most stuff happens. I'm not planning or anything. But I'm going to do it the next time the opportunity presents itself. I'm going to wait. Is that good?

Thanks again guys for being there. This is the only place I can express myself. I'm so happy I found this output.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Lucas...mate I hope you didnt misunderstand what i meant...I didnt mean he gets angry AT you....I mean he just gets angry...shitty...with the whole deal...like you sort of thing. So he gets sulky and quiet and resentful...doesnt know what to do with it and pulls away from you.

Mate...you are the strong one here you know. Or maybe you dont know, but you are. You've made up you're mind about who you are and what you want. OK...you're having a bit of a struggle working out how best to go forward but thats natural and normal...no one in their right minds wants to get hurt so you are evaluating the situation. Matt on the other hand is just struggling full stop. Thats my bet. Thats the reason why it seems to me that its gotta be you who sorts it Lucas...he doesn't seem able.

And I know that you can.

 

[Lucas07]

I know I can...
I'm just waiting for the right time again... It all comes down to waiting..

Should I continue making contact with him or just take a breather and just look forward to another right time?

Okay, I have a question just out of curiosity... If you would message someone with this "Matt..." how would straight people respond? I message him with just that "Matt..." and he responds with my name "Lucas..." Is that gay or what? I dunno, but if a guy or a girl I didn't like would send me that.. I wouldn't exactly reply with their name I mean.. you get it do you? What do you have in mind...

I keep on messaging him. I just wanted to know if this is an affirmation that he likes it.. and I'm not getting irritating or anything.. I'm so paranoid, I want to do this right.

Thanks guys

 

[Roland00]

Lucas calm down, stop being so nervous. Being nervous is natural, but you are letting it feed and feed to the point it will paralyze you.

Lucas when you just message his name and nothing else, of course he is going to respond with the same thing. You didn't start a conversation, you just said hi, that is all. Now other people may take the oppurtunity to start a conversation after being said hi to, but not all people are like that only some. Next time message him with a longer tidbit, saying something about you, you asking a question, or you making a long statement "Man I am hungry, and class doesn't get out till X. Want to grab a pizza?"

If Matt didn't like you sending that he would have probally told you by now. If something is constantly annoying, eventually someone would say it is.

------------------------------

Lucas, Matt isn't angry at you though he may be frustrated at the whole situation and the fact that he is scared. He knows what he wants he just doesn't have the guts to make it happen.

As for the exchange today/yesterday it is obvious that Matt isn't annoyed by you, and he likes helping you. He just feels nervous so he retreats, yet at the same taking care of your wants (in this case finding a friend who could help you.)

------------------------------

Lucas you are going to have to make a move eventually. If you don't have the guts yet its okay, you will get them eventually. Its just going to happen sooner or later. Alot of us are older or we have had similar experiences in the past. We remember how much we agonize over something and how the agonizing part just felt like lost time. Of course this agonizing part was part of the neccessary process of growth. But just because its neccessary doesn't mean we want to like it, and given a choice we would skip to the destination.

So what are your plans Lucas?

 

[Lucas07]

Maybe take a breather... Wait for the "next time"
Just take it day by day.. I'm not going searching for him or putting myself where he could be... That's too much torture. I'll just live my life how I should. if we bump into each other then great. And I think it's better that way. Well, as of now that's my plan. When that opporunity comes again, well, I'd have to wait, then I'd make sure I'd make a move. I won't let it pass. Man, I could just imagine. I'd be doing everything to make him know!

 

[Roland00]

Maybe take a breather... Wait for the "next time"
Just take it day by day.. I'm not going searching for him or putting myself where he could be... That's too much torture. I'll just live my life how I should. if we bump into each other then great. And I think it's better that way. Well, as of now that's my plan. When that opporunity comes again, well, I'd have to wait, then I'd make sure I'd make a move. I won't let it pass. Man, I could just imagine. I'd be doing everything to make him know!

Except flat out telling him

Men are wierd we don't notice flirting unless we do. It is either completely on or completely off. If flirting fails you are going to have to go the more direct route for he won't get it till you tell him.

----------------------------------------

As for your plan, sounds good

 

[Kyanimal]

At school, we bump into each other (at last) because I've been searching for him the whole day... So we bump into each other.. I asked him "Do you still have class?" he said "no".. Then I go "I'm trying to accomplish some stuff I'm going to my professor right now" he goes "Oh okay.." then slowly walks away from me. When he was like a few feet away already, I called out "Matt!" I still wanted a conversation... so I asked him how to go about some school stuff or if he knows.. I felt like he just shrugged it like he doesn't know.. so he passes my query to one of his friends while him just standing there while his friend and I talk. And we said our goodbyes. argh.

Uh, oh! I don't mean this to be a "buzz kill", but this sounds like you may have missed your "point of opportunity" with "Matt". Seems like this guy was definitely "scouting" you, but didn't get the strength of response he may have been hoping for. So ... maybe he's decided to just give up and move on with his life? I mean, did he seem excited to see you, or was he acting more "annoyed"? He did defer you to his friend, afterall.

I think he may have been looking for some "spark", from you, at that party. But, since you kept yourself "in check", he didn't sense what was truly there. And, now, instead of having you in his "prospect" column, you may be on his "nice, but probably not" list. You need to look at this from both sides, afterall.

But what do I know? I don't know you, or anyone else involved. I can only go on what I'm getting from your words. So, there's a high chance I'm totally off base!

However, if I'm even a little close, and you're still interested in getting closer to "Matt", your odds of success have just gotten 10X more difficult. There is a very big chance of your being moved from "nice, but probably not" to "nice, but annoying". And it could spiral down from there if you're not careful.

I'm GUESSING you were definitely in his sights, but, now, he is no longer aiming in your direction. So ... how to get his "attention" again? If I knew more about him, perhaps I might have some ideas for you. But, at this point, it might, just might, already be too late.

No matter what, though, DO NOT become a "pest"! Slack off on your texting, and DO NOT start stalking him! However, when you guys do run into each other, act enthused to see him! "Assume" the stance of already being very tight with him. (But, "casually", if that makes sense.) And be prepared to give him some space. "Pretend" you're already the best of friends, but DO NOT push yourself on him.

This can become very frustrating. It can take a long time. But if you treat him right, and he becomes comfortable with you, perhaps his Interest may peak again. Don't become a shadow, but don't entirely disappear, either! There could still be a "chance" there! And, if that should happen, and you'll know when it does, drop your shields, and just be You!

I'm really hoping you all the Very Best with this!

But ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Kyanimal]

Duh! I don't type fast enough!!

Seems you, and everyone else, already have "gotten" everything I posted!

You're going to be O.K.!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Lucas07]

Development today :

I'm back in the game
We met up. Signs flying everywhere. Made body contact eye contact bla bla
Things are going well... I'm really happy right now.

 

[Lucas07]

Ok so today we met.. It all started this morning

"Hey are you around campus?" I ask him
he goes "Oh maybe around noon. I have practice this morning"
some conversation about the practice...
Then I go "Okay. Maybe I'll see you later?"
He hoes "Yeah. I'll see you if ever"
bla bla
He messages me that he was on his way to school
I ask him about his practice
So he updates me on where he is / his status...

So he arrives.. He tells me he's in this place were suppossed to meet. But I'm in a class. So i tell him about the class and how I hate the subject. Finally I get off. around an hour later. He tells me he's in his friends' dorm. I got pretty jealous because he always goes there (he tells me though). So I ask him what he's doing there and who's there. His two female friends. Maybe they're close I don't know I'll ask him. But I'm not threatened by them. I think they're just friends really. And if he went to school just for me (because he didn't have class) I mean, he would get bored waiting. So I guess that's understandable. I do feel he went for me.

So he's with his two friends. I was pretty pissed off at this point because when I tell him I'm already at the place we're metting, he just tells me "I'm still here at the dorm". I wanted him to leave already and meet up with me. So He doesn't let me know call or message for some time, then I got a message "We're here already, I'm beside your car". I was relieved he was still there. But I was put down because he actually brought his friends. And I hope their lesbian... And I got a feeling too. So He gets out of the car upon seeing me, you know, we talk, he makes that look again. We talk outside with hisi friends inside the car. I mean, he just left them there.

I remember the post saying maybe he brought friends to be more confident so I guess that's why he had them there.

He asked me if I smoked or if i still smoke.. I tell him no.. not anymore.. Mainly it's because I know he hates smoke.. He does. But I didn't tell him that's the reason...maybe in the future.. So he tells me with a smile that's really good. Wow.. He's concerned! A sign? I think so!

So we go on talking... So he asks me if I got some of my work with me.. he was curious about my work... He wanted to see them! I was so happy. He was interested?? Wow...

Okay you get the picture.
I'm kinda pulled back though by the presence of his friends. Because I don't know if they know something about Matt that I don't know. I wasn't just sure enough if it was "safe' to go full throttle around their presence. But I have this feeling that Matt's really close to them and knows something about him and me. But then again we weren't completely alone and also to protect him and me just in case those girls didn't know a thing.

But we had a good time. There was this long period of time that the part around his crotch was touching my hip. It was so hot I had a hard on. I kept moving closer to him, I didn't rearrange myself. It was so hot. So I think and I'm pretty sure It's mutual. I can feel it guys.

I can feel something between us! Wow this feeling is great!

We were making plans about eating out, but it didn't happen. his friends had plans. They were going over to one of the girl's house. I was pissed he didn't even care to invite me. I don't know. I'm thinking about these possible cases : 1. It isn't his house 2. They're really close friends and the girls know something about him that I don't know (like he's gay) and maybe they're going there to talk... Well if that's the case, they know about me and the deal with the whole afternoon. I guess it's some "close" time.

So time to say our goodbyes... Well, that didn't happen though. I don't know maybe we were just too shy and whimped out the last minute. So I follow him since we were going the same way.. the girl's house is along the way to my house so they turn on this street.. I was directly in front of the street so I could see them. He could see me. He went out of the car, and his hands we waving "Goodbye" at me high up in the air. I open up the window to wave back. Okay.

This is the start of torment. I can't wait for next time.
It has been just a few hours and it already feels like days!

So here are my questions :

What do you think about Matt's friends?
Do they know something?
Or did we just look gay in front of them?
(cause if they do, then that signals I should go full throttle)
What should be my next move?

As you may have felt I'm feeling great.
I so want to see him again!!!!!!!
I hope next time he's alone!

 

[trawler69]

Your next move should be to get your act together and actually tell him before he finds another boy friend which, believe me, he will, how do you think you will feel then? What have you got to lose? You won't lose his friendship even if he were straight. Being honest with him can only bring you closer together.

Do it NOW!

 

[Lucas07]

Okay guys. I need some more tips..

When is the point that I could possibly be "overloading" him?
To what extent should I be communicating with him?

Because I have this urge to be always be in contact with him, and I know that's not good even though the thought of it I really like. I think I'm overloading him. I rarely get him to ask me back questions I message him. It ask. He answers. That's it. But I have to create boundaries I guess. This is pretty new since It's such a different case with girls.

I hope you got my point.

 

[trawler69]

I don't know how often you message him but it is possible to over do it. We all need our private time and space, allow him his. If he has cooled at all towards you it may be that he has given up on your ever coming out to him and is trying to move on. He might be just as scared about making the first move as you. I sugestion I recently made was you could just make a casual remark when you are together and you see a hot guy such as "Wow I fancy him!" that way you come out without having to confront him with "I've got something I want to tell you."

 

[Roland00]

Lucas, tell him and use your own words. He is going to be happy you did, for christ's sake he was rubbing his crotch against you for an extended period of time. THAT ISN"T SOMETHING STRAIGHT BOYS DO!

Tell him!

 

[Kyanimal]

But we had a good time. There was this long period of time that the part around his crotch was touching my hip. It was so hot I had a hard on. I kept moving closer to him, I didn't rearrange myself. It was so hot. So I think and I'm pretty sure It's mutual. I can feel it guys.

I can feel something between us! Wow this feeling is great!

Lucas ...

The next time THAT happens, pivot toward him, so you're touching crotch to crotch, and just smile into his eyes! No words necessary!! And if you're alone with him at the time ... put your hands on his hips, pull him into you, and stick your tongue in his mouth! Then ... neither of you will be able to say anything!!

This is looking quite good, right now! Just go for it, already, Man!!

And ... of course ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Christopher123]

I'm gonna second Kyanimal's suggestion. And yes, you can overload him. Don't make him tired of you before this thing even has a chance to go anywhere.

I don't know what's up with him and always bringing friends around, but maybe he's just a very social person and has always been that way, with people hanging around him all the time.

When are you going to ask him back to your place? Hmmmmmm????

 

[3nipples]

I'll be the dissenting voice here. Don't tell him. You can communicate in more subtle ways with less stress to yourself.

Don't strap on balls. There's no point; you need to grow your own. It takes time and a bit of experience, but you will, just like we did. It won't happen overnight.

Telling him may not be the best option for you at this time and you shouldn't do it unless you really feel ready. He may not be ready to hear it. We don't know to what extent he may be conflicted about his feelings. He could take flight if you blurt out: "I'm gay and I love you".

Assaulting him with your tongue is some of the worst advice I have heard here in a bit. Sounds more like someone projecting their porno fantasies onto your reality.

When you were walking away from him the other day and then turned and called him. You were disappointed by his reaction, passing you off to a friend. From his perspective, all you wanted was a favour from him, when maybe he was hoping for something more. Do you ever put yourself in his place?

Why doesn't he initiate messaging? Maybe it's because he is afraid to, because he's trying to get his feelings for you under control. Why doesn't he respond to yours with more enthusiasm? Could be that he compartamentalizes (I do this). When he's with you, he's with you, but when he's working then he wants to focus on work. I don't really know, but there could be tons of reasons that aren't about you.

I think you did well today. When he leaned into you and you returned the pressure, you were giving him some feedback. That way he knows that you're ok with it instead of being afraid that you were just allowing it to happen, maybe out of embarrassment, but in reality find it weird.

In my opinion, you need to do more of that and perhaps escalate it. It wouldn't hurt for him to get the idea that maybe you had a hard on.

Do you ever initiate physical contact? Stand closer to him than you normally would, like inside his personal space (like he does to you)? If you need help, I can suggest tons of ways of doing it, even when others are around.

Do you ever say something nice to him, like pay him a compliment? Maybe you do, but you haven't mentioned it. When he's standing right next to you, like today, turn to him and say something positive. It can be totally out of context. "That smells nice. Is that a new cologne?" "Did you just take a shower. I can smell your soap. I like it" "You have blue eyes. I never noticed before" Chances are you'll both be looking into each other's eyes and smiling at this point. Chances are also that he will escalate his approach towards you.

Here I'm in line with everyone else. Try to get him by himself. "Are you going to the party?" "Naw, I don't feel up to a lot of people... why don't we just do something together?" If it doesn't work, you can always change your mind and go to the party anyways. If that doesn't work, then when you go someplace together, suggest using only one car (save the planet). That way you'll leave together and have some private time at the end.

Whatever I'm telling you or others are telling you, no matter how well meaning, we don't know the situation the way you do. In the end you'll have to trust yourself to do what you think is right.

 

[trawler69]

^ I've read this thread from beginning to end and, to me, it seems obvious that someone has to make the first move. I think they both want to do it but are understandably scared. we only have one side of it here, but I can empathize with the other and I truely believe that Lucas has nothing to loose and every thing to gain by taking the initiative and outing himself to his friend using a non confontational method to do it.

Go for it Lucas! for the reasons I said before.

 

[Lucas07]

3 nipples, okay suggest your ways (even when people are around)
Thanks guys! thanks for your encouragement..

Well he went online in IM for a while and we talked. He messaged me first "Lucas!" with a huge smiley so that kind of made me smile since he was like all excited and initated it this time. So yeah. we talked. Those two girls are his closest friends in school. They had "bonding" time, I asked. He said yeah, it's like a "break" for him. I asked him what he meant by "break". He told me "Like what you said... I needed a break" because he has been telling me about how tired he is of stuff and he just needed a break. I affirmed that. He asked me all my class breaks and free time (how sweet). So I guess we would be seeing each other more often now. So we got to talk about him and his friends, then he brought up about me and my friends. Because he knows that (as you know from the first post) that I have chosen the wrong friends. So I'm distancing myself. He asks me if I was still like "alone"... I tell him.. Well, I do have friends, just not the one's I'd consider "true" as of now. So he invited me to join him and his group of friends told me they were "open" and I could hang out with them. And he told me his friends know me... He was so kind. I was melting.. He opened his arms or something like that. Well at least that's how i saw it.

Well I'll see what happens today. I hope we get to see each other again.
And yeah, the next time, I mean the perfect time, I'm going to do it.

Thanks