What do you think?

[Lambo25]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and before we committed to each other he made it clear that he wants to have a child and among other things which to me is fine. He also talked about how a relationship can’t work without trust and to him that’s very important. Fast forward to the issue at hand which is every so often he would asked me about him having a baby and how he wants to have a child so bad and how it would make his family so happy and it would clear any doubt in their minds that he is gay. The biggest thing to him is that he feels that having a baby would make our relationship stronger. Only problem is he wouldn’t be happy about my reaction and I will admit that my reaction wasn’t so supportive only because I think that he wants to have baby to cover the fact that he is gay and I felt that it was the wrong reason to have a baby. He is not out and there is this girl who basically loves him and my boyfriend basically uses her to pimp his rid and buy him whatever he wanted. All of that I knew about but what he didn’t tell me was that she offered to have his baby not knowing he is gay. So he jumped at the opportunity to get what he wanted which is a baby so he went to the doctor for testing and to do the procedure to get her pregnant without have sex.

Almost nine months later he decides to tell me because he couldn’t keep it a secret anymore and his reasoning for not telling me was because I wasn’t supportive which in my mind is a cop out. The baby is due in 2 weeks and he wants me to be at the hospital with him and he wants me to be the God Father which I’m glad to be but what hurts is the fact that he didn’t tell me straight up this is the situation and I’m going to do this. I’m upset that he didn’t give me the chance show him that I would have been very supportive and what hurts even more everybody else knew he was going to have a baby. He basically did a good job of keeping me away from people who knew so I wouldn’t find out.

Now I talked about trust in the beginning and I did two things that hurt his trust in me but he forgave me and I’m basically doing the same and forgive him for not telling me. Overall I think him not telling me about something like this which is important thing in his life leads me to believe that there is more going on that he is not telling me but he says it’s the truth.

And I just found out 3 days ago.

What I’m really looking for is just feedback.

 

[TX-Beau]

Just to clarify, neither the mother nor the family know this guy is gay?

If so, how does he explain you?

If they don't know about you, the situations is very different than if they do know about you.

 

[Lambo25]

no one knows they just thought he was gay and they know me everyone thinks were best friends. Only two people in his family knows the truth about him.

 

[TX-Beau]

But not the mother of the child?

 

[Lambo25]

she doesn't know the truth about him

 

[TX-Beau]

OK. I assume he has no intention of telling her he's a gay man already in a committed relationship.

In which case she's got to be pretty clueless. The turkey baster approach should have been a huge clue he's a big old homo. But then she wouldn't be the first woman to refuse to see the pink in front of her eyes.

I'm trying to find something useful to say to you, but really, the only thing that's coming across is that the train wreck is coming.

She probably thinks this will draw him closer to her, he probably thinks that his cover is safe, you're going to get pushed aside, or she's going to resent you "pushing," into their little thing, which is no place for a best friend.

After all, who are you anyway. Just some buddy with no rights to him or his time, she's the mother of his child. This baby isn't going to make you and him stronger, how could it, the mother doesn't know who you are. It's not yours and his, it's hers and his. It's going to put a strain on the two of you.

Man the drama the lies create. The saddest thing is the child involved. He doesn't come across as stable, neither does she, and when she finds out he's already in a committed relationship with you - and she will find out - the child is going to be the lever she pulls.

He needs to come clean now, the longer he waits the worse she's going to react.


Now, about you. I don't know what you did to break his trust, but that doesn't give him a free lie. He chose to forgive you, that should have been it.

I can't think of may things larger or more serious in the breaking of the trust department than running off with someone else and deliberately having a child - without telling your partner. Infidelity really can't even compare to that. He basically introduced two other people into your life permanently without even bothering to ask for your input.

Especially under these circumstances.

The only thing I can say here is someone needs to start telling the truth. This tangle you're in is going to hurt a whole lot of people anyway. So you might as well get it over with.

Of course, he'll never do that will he?

You need to decide what you're going to be willing to put up with. I personally would be out the door.

 

[KaraBulut]

This is as about dysfunctional as it gets.

He fathers a child out of his own selfish neediness.

He lies to the woman who is bearing his child (and for the sake of argument, we'll assume it was artificial insemination and the woman just "volunteered" to have his baby). Don't be surprised if he tells you that three wise men showed up for the delivery.

He lies to you until 2 weeks before the baby is due.

And he has no inkling of what it will take to raise a child. He just made an 18+ year commitment to something without even discussing it with you.

You don't mention how old the two of you are but at this point, it sounds like his priorities have more to do with his own needs- not yours, not the child's, not the mother of the child.

It's time for you to get off the merry-go-round of his self-centeredness and it's time to move on with your own life... unfortunately, without him, without the mother and child and without this dysfunctional situation...

 

[Lube]

Wow, can't say I disagree with the great advice you've been given.

And what's so silly for him is that having a baby will not, in any way, convince anyone that he's straight.

 

[rareboy]

So he jumped at the opportunity to get what he wanted which is a baby so he went to the doctor for testing and to do the procedure to get her pregnant without have sex.

I'm calling bullshit on this one.

He either fucked her and got her pregnant....or she's got to be the stupidest cunt in the world not to realize he was gay. Or........

Sorry bud. Not adding up at all.

So let's say, for the sake of argument that all this has happened as you say.

You'd have to be fucking nutz to continue this relationship.

 

[bankside]

Say "good luck, have a nice life" and get out.

 

[sixthson]

While I agree with everything said here, this is not about the bf, this is about you, Lambo.
This is about your desperation. You are desperate to hold onto someone who claimed to value trust above everything else but has proved himself untrustworthy. This is about your desperation to hang onto someone you knew was using a naive (maybe stupid) girl to buy him things.
You are so desperate, you are willing to live a secret, deceitful life with him while he hides his sexuality from his family and friends.
He is using you, too, but you are too desperate to see it.
Why?

Now, worst of all, an innocent child is coming into the world to people who are clueless about how lifechanging this is.

I hope this doesn't sound unkind, but you need to stop analyzing the so-called bf and look within yourself. How long are you willing to be someone's dirty little secret?
You have a miserable life ahead if you don't find a way to answer that question.