What does "I'm not ready for a relationship" usually mean?

[LosAngelesKings]

I've been talking to an incredibly hot guy for a month now, and he recently gave me the usual "I'm not ready yet blah blah blah and if that's what you're looking for we shouldn't be talking". This definitely isn't the first time this has happened to me...so what does it mean? Do these guys meet someone better, or are they honestly not ready? Or am I just such a good catch I scare guys off, because they're not ready to settle down and give up their freedom?

You guys' thoughts and opinions?

 

[youngnihilist]

they aren't interested in a relationship with you. sometimes it really does mean they like you and just aren't ready, but usually its the former. a polite way to decline.

 

[LosAngelesKings]

I guess that's what I don't understand. I don't want to brag, but I'm a very attractive guy, a college graduate, and I make a decent living. I don't feel like I come on too strong or anything, but somehow I still end up scaring guys off.

 

[youngnihilist]

Guys are scared easily. It's a game.

 

[LosAngelesKings]

they aren't interested in a relationship with you. sometimes it really does mean they like you and just aren't ready, but usually its the former. a polite way to decline.

Also, how is it "polite" to lead someone on for a month? It would be more polite just to say to me "I've met someone else" or "I'm not ready to give up being a slut".

We've had sex, we're obviously both attracted to one another, and we had great chemistry. I'm so tired of the fakeness and ambiguity that comes with gay dating.

 

[LosAngelesKings]

Guys are scared easily. It's a game.

Why does it have to be? Are gay men just naturally more immature?

 

[youngnihilist]

true, but it's less confrontational tahn just saying they dont wanna be with you

maybe they are into you but they don't see you as relationship material, or they just dont want one at this time

young gay guys often have trouble dating. not more immature, more baggage.

 

[LosAngelesKings]

So I'm just a rare exception then?

 

[altlover85]

Why does it have to be? Are gay men just naturally more immature?

Some (most?) gay guys also don't have the dating experience that some of their straight counterparts get, so they may not be as clear on how to treat someone.

There will be other guys out there for you.

So I'm just a rare exception then?

I don't know about rare, but yes, you are an exception to those types of guys.

 

[LosAngelesKings]

I really only go for hot guys though, and those are usually the hardest ones to hold onto.

 

[nialltt]

Take it for face value and stop thinking about it.

 

[saymyname]

Wow dude, I have the same fucking problem as you and am similar in terms of description.

Sometimes I wonder if it's something to do with the type of guy (usually very hot) so we're a hard bunch to pin down. Lots of options.

One thing I've considered is that I might give up on casual sex. It seems like it always just makes shit confusing. I can't remember the last time I hung out with a potential love interest for more than 2 times without having sex or fooling around. I always start with sex then go into the other stuff. I might try just not having sex. Just dating, traditional dating, and if after hanging out 4 or 5 times there's still tension and attraction, and we get along, then try sex.

 

[Cardenio]

If all you want to do is get off, then keep doing what you're doing. As long as the acts are consensual and you take reasonable precautions to safeguard your health and that of your partner(s), there is absolutely nothing wrong (morally, ethically, legally, etc.) with having nsa sex.

If you are, indeed, serious about being in a committed relationship, monogamous or otherwise, then you should perhaps expand your dating pool since going only after "hot guys" (yours words) seems to not be working for you, or at least let these guys knows that you're looking for something more serious before you get too emotionally attached.

Like the saying goes, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.

We've had sex, we're obviously both attracted to one another, and we had great chemistry. I'm so tired of the fakeness and ambiguity that comes with gay dating.

I'm probably over-analyzing what you wrote, but you don't mention anything other than the physical component that would indicate that you two were ready for a committed relationship. Are you sure you're ready for one?

 

[HunterM]

It means he's not ready for an exclusive committed relationship. He still wants to see other people and don't want to be tied down with one person. He's looking for friends with benefits for now.

 

[LosAngelesKings]

If all you want to do is get off, then keep doing what you're doing. As long as the acts are consensual and you take reasonable precautions to safeguard your health and that of your partner(s), there is absolutely nothing wrong (morally, ethically, legally, etc.) with having nsa sex.

If you are, indeed, serious about being in a committed relationship, monogamous or otherwise, then you should perhaps expand your dating pool since going only after "hot guys" (yours words) seems to not be working for you, or at least let these guys knows that you're looking for something more serious before you get too emotionally attached.

Like the saying goes, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.



I'm probably over-analyzing what you wrote, but you don't mention anything other than the physical component that would indicate that you two were ready for a committed relationship. Are you sure you're ready for one?

When I say we had great chemistry, I mean we had a lot in common...neither of us were into the "scene", in fact we both hate the idea of clubbing and gay culture in general. We loved cuddling together, we could talk about literally ANYTHING, and we're both incredibly romantic.

And casual sex is the LAST thing I want. I've had enough casual sex to last a lifetime. I just want sex with one person for the rest of my life, as long as it's the right person. And of course he should fulfill what I'm looking for in a guy: someone motivated, educated, who shares similar ideas and beliefs, and who I am instantly attracted to.

 

[LosAngelesKings]

It means he's not ready for an exclusive committed relationship. He still wants to see other people and don't want to be tied down with one person. He's looking for friends with benefits for now.

Then he can keep looking. I'm not going to waste my time on someone willing to disrespect me like that.

 

[LosAngelesKings]

Wow dude, I have the same fucking problem as you and am similar in terms of description.

Sometimes I wonder if it's something to do with the type of guy (usually very hot) so we're a hard bunch to pin down. Lots of options.

One thing I've considered is that I might give up on casual sex. It seems like it always just makes shit confusing. I can't remember the last time I hung out with a potential love interest for more than 2 times without having sex or fooling around. I always start with sex then go into the other stuff. I might try just not having sex. Just dating, traditional dating, and if after hanging out 4 or 5 times there's still tension and attraction, and we get along, then try sex.

I've tried this before too, but making sure you have sexual chemistry with someone is one of the things you need to be able to build off of. I don't have any problem with sex on the first date...in fact, all of my most successful relationships have included it. I think holding back on sex too long puts too much pressure on things, both figuratively and literally haha.

 

[benners]

He's just not that into you.

It's a line. I would move on.

 

[DeadRussianSpaceMonkey]

- Why, hello there- I'm Justin. You are?
Anyways,

"I'm a very attractive guy, a college graduate, and I make a decent living. I don't feel like I come on too strong or anything, but somehow I still end up scaring guys off."
Stop with the self pity, just be who you are- Embrace it, the rest will follow. If you are actually a catch someone will recognize it. You should never have to tell someone your qualities because they should see who you are over time. Desire someone with those qualities. & Want you to see them for what they are and what they may have to offer.

"I'm so tired of the fakeness and ambiguity that comes with gay dating."
It boils down to immaturity, be clear on what you want and don't settle for less- If they aren't willing to offer it. Then move on. This doesn't mean there isn't give and take.

"I really only go for hot guys though, and those are usually the hardest ones to hold onto."
What you have to understand is that love becomes a selfless act over time, if it was meant to be it will last. There would be a desire on both ends to keep it going.

"We loved cuddling together, we could talk about literally ANYTHING, and we're both incredibly romantic."
So, what's the problem? Is he motivated, educated, and does he share similar ideas and beliefs? What are you really unhappy about?- His unwillingness to commit?

 

[LosAngelesKings]

- Why, hello there- I'm Justin. You are?
Anyways,

"I'm a very attractive guy, a college graduate, and I make a decent living. I don't feel like I come on too strong or anything, but somehow I still end up scaring guys off."
Stop with the self pity, just be who you are- Embrace it, the rest will follow. If you are actually a catch someone will recognize it. You should never have to tell someone your qualities because they should see who you are over time. Desire someone with those qualities. & Want you to see them for what they are and what they may have to offer.

"I'm so tired of the fakeness and ambiguity that comes with gay dating."
It boils down to immaturity, be clear on what you want and don't settle for less- If they aren't willing to offer it. Then move on. This doesn't mean there isn't give and take.

"I really only go for hot guys though, and those are usually the hardest ones to hold onto."
What you have to understand is that love becomes a selfless act over time, if it was meant to be it will last. There would be a desire on both ends to keep it going.

"We loved cuddling together, we could talk about literally ANYTHING, and we're both incredibly romantic."
So, what's the problem? Is he motivated, educated, and does he share similar ideas and beliefs? What are you really unhappy about?- His unwillingness to commit?

Yes, that's EXACTLY what I'm unhappy about.