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What does it mean to be "out"?

jJoEd77

jJoEd77

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:help: So I've just recently been out (or so I think so) to my friends and pretty much to everyone I meet. I don't just blatantly say "I'm gay" but I don't hide it like I used to.
The only people I havent come out to is my parents. And I'm not so concerned about how I'm going to come out to them, more concerned that they'll find out. I'm not close to my family so I dont feel like I need to come out to them.
I just wanted to know if I'm cheating. Is it ok if my family never knows? Anyone else not tell their parents and don't ever plan to? Are there consequences to not being out to them that I haven't realized?

Thanks,
Joe
 
"Out", to me, mainly means not hiding anything. If you're not close to your family, there's no reason to call up Aunt Sarah to tell her. I certainly didn't call all my aunts, uncles and cousins to let them know. (Since my father was one of nine children, and I have something like thirty cousins, it's just as well.) But I'm not hiding it from them, either. On the rare occasions I talk to them, I mention my partner as such, or perhaps something I did with a gay group.

Lex
 
My own "coming out" was a very gradual process, over many, many, years. There never was a singular "Eureka" moment.

I'm a P.K. (Preacher's Kid), and grew up under a small spotlight. My entire, extended, family are also ministers, and, therefore, my Name was quite "Public"! (And, something I had to be very careful about!) There are good reasons that I live 500mi. away from "Home"! ](*,)

I'm sure my immediate family always had their "suspicions", despite the fact I was being the "all around GUY guy", dating (numerous) girls, etc. I think the time they actually came to "know" the "Truth", was when my Dad went to bat for his Gay Associate Minister! (Jim did end up leaving the Methodist Church, but was later installed as the Senior Minister of the UCC Church of Broadway ... with my parents in attendance!) (group)

And, they Adore my partner, perhaps even more than, perhaps, they do Me!! (See my gallery.)

I'm still not sure, to this day, if my Extended family has any "clues", though!

My point is ... despite what you might think, it's very possible that your family may very well "surprise" you, when they might catch "the drift"! But ... it certainly isn't "mandatory" to "come out" to Everyone, until YOU feel it might be comfortable for YOU! Coming "OUT", as far as I'm concerned, should only be undertaken on a strictly "need to know" basis!

Your "Gay Card" is not going to be Revoked if You decide not to Come OUT to ANYONE who does not "Need" to Know!! :cool:

Discrepancy IS the better part of Valor!! ..|

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
To me, being "out" also means knowing who you are and being okay with letting others know, though not necessarily everyone.

I came out to one of my closest friends my sophomore year of high school and then it led on to another friend, then to another friend, and so on. Later on that year, I felt comfortable telling people but only if they asked; I'm not the type of guy to make reference to my sexuality but not because I'm gay, but because sexuality is just something I find hard to discuss with other people, especially if I'm not too close with them. That same year, I came out to my sister and brother also.

I'm not out to my parents but I plan on it. My parents aren't super religious (Roman Catholic) but to them, God>Everything else. I once mentioned to them that I didn't believe in God and it did not go well...AT ALL. They cried and I felt super bad so I kinda..."took it back". So that sort of prolonged me coming out to them. I plan on it, but when it really matters. Like when I get a (great) boyfriend and it becomes serious. I want to pull off one of those scenarios where I walk in with a guy and say "This is *INSERT NAME HERE*, he's my boyfriend".
 
^^ EXCELLENT, Kev!! :=D: ..|

^ And, Jo ... We're glad you "found" Us!! (group) (!w!)

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
To me, being out means not hiding anymore. I don't introduce myself as gay, but don't hide the fact either. I am who I am. To quote a Bobby Pinson song, "I'm one of those guys, you either love or oyu hate...and I'm fine either way"
 
When I meet people I say 'Hi my name is Shaun and I'm a homosexual, I'm so very fond of dick that I just needed to share that with you' :P

Just kidding. Wouldn't that be a fun conversation killer with people you don't like :D.

Seriously though, coming out to me is no more hiding. You're not close with your family, so you're not hiding. Some potential consequences of never coming out to your parents though include stuff like meeting the man of your dreams and taking him home for xmas dinner and introducing him as your friend, which has been know to cause great schisms in relationships. Other than that, only other possibly consequence I could see would be them finding out through a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend and calling you at 2am screaming about why did they have to find out through sheila's mom's friend's cousin's brother. If you think they'd be ashamed of a gay son this could be a consideration for you. If however they have a good reaction to it, you should expect a call around noon from your mom or dad with that disappointed tone parents always use when they're not 'mad' they're disappointed because you didn't trust them enough to tell them. Which could lead to several guilt trips.

In any event, coming out is your business, and should be done in your own time, don't be bullied or worried into doing it before your ready even if your out to everyone else you still may not be ready to take that family step.

When I came out I told my friends at school, (came out last year of middle school, because my sister wasn't around to report back to my mother, she's a year ahead) but when I came out again and more widely during my Freshmen year, I felt the need to tell my parents before my sister got to them or one of her @#$%^# friends. So I came out to them and they did my outing to the whole of my family for me. Well... actually my grandmother did, she's a gossip :D
 
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