What has happened to manners and civility?

[cgymike]

^Any spare change?

 

[cgymike]

^Whataburger? ewwwww...no

 

[xbuzzerx]

The customer service drop is not a direct correlation of price. A common street vendor who barely broke even in past times and present still greets his customer with courtesy and is gracious at the exchange. Shoppers have choices, bet it for a $1 hotdog or for fashion. The merchant who gets it gets somewhere. Corporate America may not have any path upward for a clerk who doesn't learn a skill, but customer courtesy is indeed a mark of a good employee and I don't think anyone has statistics that would disprove that a good cashier or clerk goes further than one who sulks.

That a rude employee proceeds higher than a polite one is a straw man to the discussion. Your post talked about shifting onuses of blame between customers and serviceperson but did not recognize any factors beyond a notion of "you just can't find good help anymore" to explain why we might negatively compare customer service today to an ideal of it from yesteryear until this response, where you acknowledged low pay and rare chances for any improvement in one's position in many retail and service environments. And as I pointed out the American customer en masse has contributed towards this state as well. The way American customers do business has changed, in fact it's even shifting out of the retail environment entirely and into the realm of online orders, which is why big box retailers are hurting so badly. But in addition to that, the way businesses conduct business has changed. The mom and pop places where good rapport with the local community was essential to business are disappearing and people talk wistfully all the time about all the good restaurants or small shops that have closed up shop, but those places didn't just go away for the fun of it. They went away because everyone ate at McDonald's and everyone shopped at Wal*Mart or Amazon. The mere presence of a Wal*Mart in a given neighborhood or town is often the death knell of precisely the sorts of local businesses that people would usually connotate with personalized and personable good service or even direct attention from an owner when you walk in. And the same can be said for nationally scaled restaurant chains vs. local family-run restaurants which attract customer loyalty on the basis of their food and service, and not on the uniform consistency of their mass produced uniform menu items and lower prices.

So if we're going to talk about how the service ethos has crapped out, let's be honest about all the reasons that happened. It's not simply because attitudes have changed and people have bad ones today. And even when a change in attitude is examined it's not honest to examine that change in a vaccuum without comparing the employment situation of a customer service based small business 20 years ago who had a personal relationship with the business owner (who was likely also their boss) with a mass hired and minimally trained minimum wage MegaStore or MegaBurger employee today with almost no real prospect of climbing a ladder through loyalty and good work.

 

[Luciant]

I get paid on Thursday, when handed my paycheck I always say 'thank you' my supervisor
just looks at me and walks away.

I have told myself to stop it with the thank you, I can't, it's part of me, it's how I was raised. It may seem like no big deal I would suppose, but, we live in an era where people are being shot for having loud music playing.

Road rage is not a rare thing either, in the past month I have had 2 people nearly run me off of the road because I obey the speed limit, I know that they were pissed, I was in "their" way.

Does it seem like we have an abundance of ass holes?

I hope your idea of "obeying the speed limit" does not include driving 20 miles per hour below it, or driving slowly in the passing lane, or slowing down too much/stopping completely just to turn, or not using your blinkers! That shit drives me crazy!

But yeah, I do think manners and civility have gone away. I think xbuzzerx's analysis of American corporate/consumer culture is good partial explanation.

 

[peeonme]

I hope your idea of "obeying the speed limit" does not include driving 20 miles per hour below it, or driving slowly in the passing lane, or slowing down too much/stopping completely just to turn, or not using your blinkers! That shit drives me crazy!

But yeah, I do think manners and civility have gone away. I think xbuzzerx's analysis of American corporate/consumer culture is good partial explanation.

My ride to and from work consists of surface streets, the speed limit ranges from 35 to 50 miles per hour, most time I am in the "slow" lane. To drive 20 mph under would have me going at 15 mph on the slower road. I am sure that the me first drivers who would like to travel at 50 plus in a 35 "see" me as doing 15 mph.

The solution is quite simple, if you must be a head of me, leave 5 minutes earlier, we won't meet. The crazed fools who must pass others only to meet with them again at the next red light are, well, crazed fools!

The lack of manors, etiquette and civility in our world today speak loudly of a world where inter-action with our fellow man is the exception and not the norm.

E-mails and texting have replaced phone calls where the words "may I" "please" and "thank you" were used. Do we see people as people or as "contacts"?

As for the service workers, I find that they seem surprised at kind words, I always thank the cashier who rings my groceries and then the person who bagged my food. I go so far as to look at their name tag and use it, suck as "Thank you, Eric, have a good day"

I would hope that my effort helps them get through a day where they get little pay and less respect. It takes little effort to be decent, I would have to put considerable effort in to thinking that I own the road.

 

[ronboy]

Manners are just a part of being a good and responsible person in contributing to a society.

Every fifth grader that I teach understands this.

When you are in my benevolent dictatorship. (I do what's good for my kids...it's not a democracy), manners and civility are not only taught, but they are practiced on a daily basis, with me as the primary model.

Do kids slip up sometimes? Of course, they do. Is there a penalty? No, just a gentle reminder from their teacher. We stumble. We realize our mistake. We make amends if needed. We continue on, striving to improve.

Do I guarantee that they will continue to be civil and polite? No. They are mine for a year. I plant the seeds and follow through. Just like for any good farmer, some seeds do pollinate, and some don't.

 

[pat grimshaw]

...I've noted in the past couple of decades a progressive tendency of cashiers to reply with "no problem," ...

It's the customers, not the staff, who should be deciding if there's a problem.

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

To Kahaih's point, I've noted in the past couple of decades a progressive tendency of cashiers to reply with "no problem," which conveys a different message than the traditional "you're welcome." It suggests that the buyer is a potential source of trouble, disruption, or annoyance to the cashier, and it seems to overturn the onus of obligation. The same cashier rarely speaks a "thank you" at the sale and seems to view the transaction as being a service to the buyer. The old paradigm was that the buyer was selecting the seller and the thank you was for doing so.

There are times when I say "No problem" to customers because they're being apologetic about something like they think they are being annoying to me for counting out change, or they think they're taking too long and holding up a line. Which yes could present a problem, but sometimes people are off their shit that day and I recognize that. In that situation the problem isn't the person taking too long, it is that people are just impatient. They also might think they are bothering me when they need my help while I'm doing something else. Which is of course not an actual problem because helping customers is a part of my job.

My company has really been pushing us to talk to customers more often. Unfortunately I really haven't noticed this practice outside of my store much. And it feels like they are pushing it to the point where there is no personality in the way we approach it because they want things to be said in a specific way. I personally have refused to do it the exact way they want it because I don't think it serves a purpose outside of making us sound like robots.

 

[frankfrank]

I always thank the cashier who rings my groceries and then the person who bagged my food. I go so far as to look at their name tag and use it, suck as "Thank you, Eric, have a good day"

That actually sounds like a good idea. Something I hadn't thought about before.

 

[palbert]

Too many people use the "pace of modern life" as an excuse to be brusque.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

modern life
_crap_
dat up or down?
_ ooh?_

thankyou

 

[mikey3000]

Haha!!! Sloppy, good Sir, you are right again. Bravo.
I love your honesty.

 

[peeonme]

It's the customers, not the staff, who should be deciding if there's a problem.

At 16 I was taught at McDonald's that the customer was the purpose of our work, not an interruption of it.
How many times do we get treated as though we ruined a good day by "bothering" someone?
However, in like fashion do we treat that clerk or worker as though they are below us because they waited on us or served us?
My philosophy is pretty simple, all people are important, thank god for garbage men.

 

[mikey3000]

I alwsys observe how my date treats service staff. They may be nice to me, but if they are rude to our server, they are not worth persuing.

 

[Gentleheart]

My partner and I were in a crafts store the other day, and I stopped and asked one of the clerks a question about the location of a product. At first he acted as if he didn't hear me...and when he finally turned to answer my question, the look on his face said bitch, why are you bothering me?

I started to read his ass--but decided he's probably just miserable with his job (which I can understand), so I just went about my way.

Also: assholes can be found everywhere when it comes to "customer service". Some of the nicest, friendliest customer service workers I've ever encountered have been at Walmart.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

weave da crap inta all makeretins ans shit neva mind eons a awsum turds most kind wot suck da holes out a days etc so on

anyway

world leaduers shakes hands
_ ans wash um afta _

dat secret

thankyou

 

[zoltanspawn]

I just want to take a moment to say thank you to peeonme for such a lovely thread.And to all of you,thank you so much for participating with such wonderful replies.Have a great day everyone.

No problem.

 

[eastofeden]

I noticed the other day that one couple and one family of three walked through a door I held open as though I was their servant and they expected me to do so.

I always hold the door for anyone if closing it would risk hitting them in the face...I still will...and I told myself that the number of courteous versus rude people is huge...maybe 95% courteous to 5% not...so why waste any time thinking about the jerks as they already take up too much time in other people's lives that could be better spent...then I let it go.

 

[eastofeden]

I just want to take a moment to say thank you to peeonme for such a lovely thread.And to all of you,thank you so much for participating with such wonderful replies.Have a great day everyone.

Where's your banjo?

 

[JPGhost]

Courtesy is contagious- you can start everything from yourself, even an ice cold person could smiles- over time.