What if I just don't like having anal sex?

[StakeMe]

So, my boyfriend and I have been together for around 6 months now...This is my first relationship, he has been my first for everything. He has had 3 boyfriends before me and a couple other random sexual partners. I love him more than I can even put into words...it scares me sometimes, I can't picture not being with him. We can just sit and lay with each other and the world melts away, we often say to each other how we wish we could freeze time while in each others arms. Anyway...the love is there, and the sex is great..correction...everything but the anal sex is great.
It has somehow worked out that I am the bottom, I have never really figured out what I like...and I have definetly never really expressed any great desire to be done up the ass. We've tried once or twice with me being the top but I get nervous because i've never done it before and find it difficult to stay hard... after 5 min of me trying he will say "want to flip?" not really even giving me a chance.
When he is the top he is very kind and careing and lubes me up really good and takes his time...He just loves it sooo much, he tells me how good it feels and that i feel amazing to him and he moans and yells while i am sitting there winsing trying to look like i'm having a good time. We've done it 4 times, one of those times I was able to get in the moment and really enjoy it for about 5 min before he came...I told him to hold it off but he can never help himself and cums very quickly. He can tell that i'm usualy not having a good time and asks me how i'm doing...i kinda just shrug and say "ok" and he just keeps ramming it up there.
What has really bothered me lately is the last time we did it...I told him I had one rule and that was that i came first because I feel like it's all about him when we do this and then i'm just to finish up once hes done. So i thought making this rule may help.
I could tell something was wrong, we got over the initial pain (which sucks by the way) and my stomach was just making noises and I could tell I needed to shit. I was sweating a lot and kinda just wanted to get it over with. I wasn't enjoying it and stopped him during to tell him it wasn't working for me. His first comment back to me was "can I finish first?"....I didn't know what to say and felt like a piece of meat he was screwing, how could he enjoy it when he knew I wasn't? I feel like that is wrong...Anyway I didn't answer him and he pulled out and assured me it was ok and that he loved me...which was appreciated but doesn't make up for the fact...
He then asked me if it was ok if he jacked off because his balls hurt....(ooo poor him!, well my ass hurt!) This competely abolishing my rule which wasn't even mentioned.....I feel like it's all about him.
So, I don't know what to do, this series of events has kinda made me question our compatibility as a couple sexually. Would he still wanna be with me if I told him I didn't want to bottom anymore.
I'm also begining to resent his penis. It's nice to look at, really big and thick, but it's just not practical! My but hurts like all day after anal sex and I can barely fit it my mouth. How do I tell someone their penis is to big?
I'm also feeling constantly reminded that this is my first boyfriend and he has had so much more experience than me and it bothers me sometimes hearing about his past experiences, when I have nothing to share with him or have had nothing to learn from. Can you end up with your first boyfriend? Will this resentment end up plagging me for our entire relationship? I can see an awesome future with this man, we are almost made for each other, just not in the bedroom....
Any comments or adive would be amazing, thanks for your help!!!

 

[Fiorino]

Evidently the sex is the great problem you two are having, and the lack of communication on both parts is not at all healthy for a good relationship. I think the two of you, outside of the bedroom, have to have a good sit down talk about this situation, let him know how inadequate you feel because of your inexperience and his have it, also be very open and honest about your not enjoying being a bottom. Sex to be a good and important part of a relationship has to be equaly enjoyed, it is not healthy if one partner feels he is just being used. Have the talk, maybe even consider going to a couples counselor. Goos luck, hope it works for both of you.

 

[puka-pride]

um he sounds kinda like a jerk... you guys need to sit and talk about it

 

[sawr0004]

I was in the exact same situation about three months ago. Don't worry, I'm still with my guy, so there is hope. I had to sit down and explain my feelings to him. He is a total top and I don't mind that, we talked about it and we have found new positions that make it comfortable for me. After I explained my feelings to him he has been alot more caring about how he acts in the bedroom. The best thing to do has got to be just to sit down and talk with him. Telling him that his penis is too big might hurt his feelings though, so try to think of a way that doesnt make it seem like its his fault. Example dont say "Your penis is too big." instead say something like "Your penis is so big that it hurts me."

 

[G-Lexington]

Look, you can't be passive aggressive about this sort of thing. If you say things are OK when they're not, you can't then blame him for not realizing that they weren't. Yeah, his "can I finish first?" was the wrong thing to say at the wrong time, but at least he realized it afterwards. (I'm the king of the "whoops - THAT was the wrong thing to say" moment.)

So be honest with him. As saw pointed out, you can do that without being brutal or mean. Tell him that you're stoked that he finds fucking you so hot, but honestly, you haven't really enjoyed it much at all. So ask if you can put a hold on that for now, and try other things in bed. (Did you know roughly half of gay couples "rarely" or "never" have anal sex? True.) Take the time to try out this and that in bed with him, and I'm confident you'll find something you'll both enjoy.

Lex

 

[nightmale]

dont say "Your penis is too big." instead say something like "Your penis is so big that it hurts me."

OMG, its never too bog for my ass. my tight ass can hold a 12 inch cock and now any cock smaller than 7 cannot satisfy me!!!

 

[nightmale]

Did you know roughly half of gay couples "rarely" or "never" have anal sex? True

Lex

are you sure???

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>are you sure???

More sure than you.

Lex

 

[Eternaldarkness]

Honestly, aside from him breaking your rule..I was amaze he didn't continue to ram it into you but rather pull out and to jerk himself off.

Tell him what you told us here. It hurts you very badly and he's too big.

What you need to do is to loosen up your anus more for sex. Buy a Dildo of his size and practice on it.

If he's willing to be a bottom too, then you must learn to trade and be less anxious so you too can fuck him. I'm sure with time and more sex, you will be fine.

Honesty is the best policy. Tell him how you truly feel. Thats the key to a better relationship. If you're in tremendous pain, tell him you are. Don't reply with "OK." and expect him to know how you're feeling inside.

 

[rareboy]

OMG, its never too bog for my ass. my tight ass can hold a 12 inch cock and now any cock smaller than 7 cannot satisfy me!!!

Uh. I'm trying to figure out how this thread is about you, Nightmale. Although I'm not surprised, given your other threads, that you could take the largest thing imaginable up your ass by now.

However, Stakeme, I think there are some problems that you need to deal with in your relationship or it is doomed.

I have to agreee that you need to approach this from a positive standpoint, because I get the feeling that you may be a little negative in your dealings with your guy. Tell him what you really like to do while having sex and show him you appreciate it. And has been suggested, try other positions where you might also be more relaxed as a top too.

You thought that him asking if he could finish off was selfish, which it was, but pretty harmless. More telling is:

He then asked me if it was ok if he jacked off because his balls hurt....(ooo poor him!, well my ass hurt!) This competely abolishing my rule which wasn't even mentioned.....I feel like it's all about him.

This is just about control. I think you should have helped him finish off when he was so close to orgasm, but you could only think about your stupid rule. So it is all okay if it is always about you, but not about him?

Sex is about sharing and fun and intimacy and fun. It isn't supposed to be about who comes first.

I think this relationship is likely doomed if it is running by a book of rules in the boudoir.

 

[StakeMe]

Thanks everyone!
I love posting on here and hearing everyones opinions, it really does help.
I know I have to talk to him about it and I am defenitly going to do that, I think probly today.
I especially agree with Lex, I really think it would be best if we just put anal sex on hold for now and really explored other things. I can think of a few things i'd enjoy...
Rareboy...the rule I tried to make was meant to make him focus some of his attention on my needs while having sex instead of always fullfilling his. I do agree with you though, a bedroom with rules probably isn't the greatest idea and I think i'm going to scratch that whole concept. Thank you for making me look at it in a different light though, i appreciate it.

I'll try and keep you posted

Thanks again!

 

[KaraBulut]

Three problems here:


1. It's nice to look at, really big and thick, but it's just not practical! You've conveniently left out the other issue- your ass is too small. It's like that huge couch that you buy in the store because it looks great but then you get home and realize there's no way you can fit it in the small living room. One of two things would have to change for this to work- either his dick would need to shrink or your ass will need to learn to take a big one. Otherwise, time to start shopping for another couch.

2. can I finish first? Your boyfriend is not very sensitive to your needs. You're making a lot of excuses for his behavior. Granted in the heat of the moment everyone does and says some stupid things. But if you're saying "Stop" and he's saying, "After I cum" that's not exactly an empathetic lover. You might as well be a Fleshlight.

3. i kinda just shrug and say "ok" and he just keeps ramming it up there.
Rareboy's has some painful truths- your story is really all about control issues and communication issues. If you are in a love and this relationship is going to survive, the two of you are going to have to talk and come up with some compromises. Love ain't enough.

 

[rareboy]

^ I am never going to be able to furniture shop with a straight face again.

 

[G-Lexington]

"Sir, why are you smearing KY Jelly on the sectionals?"

Lex

 

[bluedragon4]

I actually don't see any problem here except you are way to sensitive. Your answer about 1st relationship lasting is no. But there is always that 1% chance it will. You lack the experience to deal with this small issue. You will learn from this and by 3 or 4 boyfriends down the road you will get it right. I don't think he's doing a thing wrong. This sounds like drama queen stuff to me.

 

[LushPuppy]

Stakeme,

My BF and I are going through something similar and all I have to say is to talk about it and everything will work out.

My BF gets frustrated with positions that he feels are not satisfying me, or himself and he loses "the moment". It has happened several times and finally it ended in an argument in the middle of the night where we are blaming each other for the problem's we are having in the sack.

The next day we talked it over now and each of us expressed our concern/feelings and how we can improve things. Were both "new" to this and are learning by error but it you keep communicating everything will work out. Sometimes it takes awhile to find what works, and what doesn't.

 

[KaraBulut]

I agree with everything you said, except...the above.

How can his ass be 'too small'? Maybe it was just wording- but I found that hard to take seriously. Maybe it was sarcasm.

It was sarcasm.

Some guys are born to be good bottoms.... fingers, fists, the contents of the produce drawer, 2 liter Coke bottles.... there's no challenge too big.

Everybody else has to learn to be a good bottom.

It's work.

So, the boyfriend's big ole dick is only part of the problem. The inexperience of the poster is the other part. If the boyfriend can't learn the art of patience, the poster is going to get really turned off by the pain after a while.

 

[KaraBulut]

^ I am never going to be able to furniture shop with a straight face again.

Why would anyone ever go furniture shopping with anything straight?

</hijack>

 

[StakeMe]

Thanks again for your opinions, I obviously know that i'm not going to agree or respect everyones comments but I appreciate the constructive ones.

We had our chat tonight and I told him everything, I made it clear that his desire and pleasure he experiences during sex is really what turns me on and is what puts me in the moment but that it stops there and that anal isn't really doing anything for me. I defenitly kept it open to future possibilities because it IS something I want to try again and maybe get more experienced at. For now though we are closing that chapter and will potentialy re visit it in the future. He was so nice about it and said he agreed with everything and apologized for his behaviour. He told me we never had to do it again if I didn't want to, but I made it clear I was still open to it. I told him we could try other things and I think i'm gonna try and see how many places on campus we can get each other off in before the year is over I've always liked the idea of sex in public places...

Maybe I am naive to think I could spend the rest of my life with this man but then again maybe i'm not....I suppose I will just have to wait and see. For now I am totaly and entirely in Love and am going to enjoy it for what it is. He makes me so incredibly happy.

Thanks All!

 

[KaraBulut]

Thanks again for your opinions, I obviously know that i'm not going to agree or respect everyones comments but I appreciate the constructive ones.

We had our chat tonight and I told him everything, I made it clear that his desire and pleasure he experiences during sex is really what turns me on and is what puts me in the moment but that it stops there and that anal isn't really doing anything for me. I defenitly kept it open to future possibilities because it IS something I want to try again and maybe get more experienced at. For now though we are closing that chapter and will potentialy re visit it in the future. He was so nice about it and said he agreed with everything and apologized for his behaviour. He told me we never had to do it again if I didn't want to, but I made it clear I was still open to it. I told him we could try other things and I think i'm gonna try and see how many places on campus we can get each other off in before the year is over I've always liked the idea of sex in public places...

Maybe I am naive to think I could spend the rest of my life with this man but then again maybe i'm not....I suppose I will just have to wait and see. For now I am totaly and entirely in Love and am going to enjoy it for what it is. He makes me so incredibly happy.

Thanks All!

Well, this is the way it is supposed to work.

Good for you and I'm glad it went so well.