What is going on...

[darklide634]

I met my boyfriend 1.5 years ago. We both lived in the same city. He has a job which required him to move 2 hours away which I started last Frburary. Hr worked their for 11 months 10 hours a day 7 days a week with no days off on night shift. We would very rarely see each other. He moved away 6 months into our relationship. I was in school then started working for the summer.

I eventually took a job in he same city as him so I could more often. I work 12 hours days or nights (swiches everh two weeks) 7 days a week with one day off for shift change. I would see him every night for an hour or two before he went to bed. Now he has been laid off and is back home. I am stuck in this city still working so now once again he is gone. I spend a week with him during Christmas, but I have not a en him since. He will not back out her working the same shift for another 6 months starting in Feburary again.

This weekend he has decided to party with all of his friends instead of visiting me. So he texted me all night telling me about how much fun he is having getting drunk with all of his friends, knowing I am working 12 hours with no days off. I got jealous and gave him the silent treatment. He texted me to make sure I was fine I eventually said yes. He returned with a text saying his phone is going off all weekend and he will talk to me Monday.

For the last few months he has become distant, and would not be romantic, or lovey dovey. His text messages got shorter and fewer. I asked him about this and he said its the stress from work. We would fight because of this.

Now that he is laid off he is no different. He is even more distant and doesn't want to spend time with me. He would rather be drunk every chance he gets with his friends.

I know he has not seen his friends in a while but to not want to visit me hurts. I ask if he could visit me, but he has excuses such as:

-There is nothing for him to do while I am at work.

-He has no way to get into my apartment (u derstandable as the apartment uses high security locks).

What rely is bothering me is he knows I am working 7 days a week 12 hours though he makes sure to non stop text me everything he is doing with his friends and how much fun he is having doing it. Why would a loving boyfriend not want to see me and rubs it in my face when he is with his friends?

When I say we need to see each other more. I feel like he doesn't care / love me he calls me clingy.

Anyways this is just a bunch of thoughts. I typed it out from my cell phone so there might be some mistakes.

- Do you think he doesn't love me anymore. Is he moving on?

 

[darklide634]

He does not iniate hugs or kisses. I always have too. He says he loves me and needs me, but it doesn't seem like it. He even says he would die without me (yeah okay). Some people in my life think he is just strining me around. Others think maybe he just wants a friends with benefits relationship.

I am 25 and he is 22.

I told him I would leave or cheat on him if he didn't smarten up the other night. So I wake up to a text from him asking me who I cheated on him with!!!! He wants to know. I asked him what is going on and he said in a dream I told him I cheated on him. And he said his dreams are always accurate.

I never cheated on him and I know he never would cheat on me either.

He says he is happy in the relationship, but I am not. He thinks he doesn't have to change anything to benefit our relationship

When ever we have an argument he will just laugh and that makes me angrier. He didn't try to communicate during arguments, but instead will just laugh at me. I don't know if this just his way of dealing with arguments or what is going on.

 

[darklide634]

My boyfriend grew up with a bi polar mother. Who is codependent on her boyfriend and always has been for the last 9 years. My boyfriend wants to do the exact opposite of his mother. His mom has no friends, and keeps her boyfriend around 24/7 he is not allowed to do anything without her. So maybe he pushes me away and doesn't want to spend time with me so he doesn't end up like his mom.

If he loves me wouldn't he do anything to spend time with me. He has over a month left to spend everyday with his friends. Friends will always be around. You neglect me and I will find someone else. The time we spent together during Christmas was not relationship / couple building he would always invite his friend over so we never has quality time then either.

 

[KaraBulut]

Ask yourself what outcome are you looking for here?

Do you want to work less?
Do you want him to get a job?
Do you want him to focus on you?

At the core of this is that both of you are not putting the relationship first. Your work schedule is consuming your time and making it difficult to have a normal life of any type. It's a bit unfair to focus solely upon your boyfriend's neglect of the relationship when it's both of you that need to make changes.

You won't be able to control your boyfriend's behavior. And he doesn't seem to be willing to change. From his perspective, you're neglecting him.

Within your control is the ability to change your own behavior. Are you willing to change jobs and get a more normal work schedule for this relationship? If you're not willing to change and he's not going to change, then is there really any hope for the relationship to survive?

 

[darklide634]

Ask yourself what outcome are you looking for here?

Do you want to work less?
Do you want him to get a job?
Do you want him to focus on you?

At the core of this is that both of you are not putting the relationship first. Your work schedule is consuming your time and making it difficult to have a normal life of any type. It's a bit unfair to focus solely upon your boyfriend's neglect of the relationship when it's both of you that need to make changes.

You won't be able to control your boyfriend's behavior. And he doesn't seem to be willing to change.

Are you willing to change jobs and get a more normal work schedule for this relationship? If you're not willing to change and he's not going to change, then is there really any hope for the relationship to survive?

We both plan to get normal jobs in July and move in together. Neither of us have a normal job. He works 7 days a week 10 hours on nights while I work 12 hours a day 7 days a week switching between nighs and days every 2 weeks.

I am willing to make changes. I don't know about him.

I know he cares about me as we.hen we do sleep together (very rare) he would cuddle me. Or when I would get drunk and pass out on his bed he would take my clothes off for me.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

Are you sure moving together is a good idea???

 

[Georgiadude]

I wouldn't plan on moving in together. Your relationship has way too many problems to even think of moving in together. I think he's pulling away and just doesn't have the guts, balls nerve or whatever it is to tell you. Is it over? that's between the two of you. Right now he's obviously backing away. Why did he move home when he got laid off? Why didn't he move in with you or stay with you for a while and try to find another job? You need to stop communicating via text and actually talk with him. preferably in person or skype if thats not an option. you need to have an open, honest discussion about the state of your relationship and what it would take to make both of you happy. If you can't come to an agreement and both of you stick to it, then you need to end it and move on.

Steven.

 

[maxpowr9]

This reads like a relationship ending in a whimper instead of a bang.

You shouldn't be uprooting your entire life to cater to his needs/whims as a relationship is all about compromise. He's unwilling to compromise so I'd say walk away. An intelligent person knows when to cut their losses and move on.